Post by Handsome Barney on Aug 4, 2020 14:11:23 GMT -5
The scene opens to reveal the same run-down brick rowhome that was in Barney’s first character development promo. It is mid-day on a sunny day. The front door of the rowhome opens and Barney emerges. He closes the door behind him then stands at top of the porch steps, stretching his arms high in the sky as if stretching for the first time in ages.
Barney is wearing stained white New Balance shoes, stained gray sweatpants, and his wrestling mask. His pale flabby chest reflects the sun’s bright rays into the camera. He skips down the porch, nearly falling over and impaling himself on the fence gate at the bottom of the steps, however he recomposes himself and jumps over the gate and onto the sidewalk on the other side. He looks at the camera as he continues to stretch awkwardly.
Barney: You don’t get a finely tuned body like this just sitting around. No-sir-ee, you got to earn this sexiness.
Barney begins to jog down the sidewalk towards the end of the block. About 20 feet into his jog he doubles over panting loudly. He leans against a neighbor’s trashcan, but he tips it over and falls on top of it. Random pieces of half eaten food and used feminine hygiene products spill out of the trash can. Barney sits up next to the trash.
Barney: That’s enough cardio. Time for a snack.
Barney sifts through the spilt trash and finds a half-eaten Hot Pocket. He shoves it in his mouth and begins to loudly smack his teeth and lips, mashing up the stale snack. Suddenly, a voice calls out from off-camera.
Voice that called out from off camera: Barney?!? What the hell are you doing?
Barney looks up and grimaces.
Barney: Hey Uncle Otis!
The camera pans out to reveal a tall thin, middle-age man in a cheap brown suit. His few head hairs are combed over for effect. He reaches down to offer Barney a hand.
Uncle Otis: Here, get up you big goon!
Uncle Otis tries to pull Barney up, but he nearly gets pulled down into the pile of trash. Eventually both men get to their feet. Barney brushes off his sweatpants.
Barney: I guess its laundry day after all!
Uncle Otis: You never answered my question. What are you doing in the Newman’s trash? Looking for treasure?
Barney: Nah, I was doing some cardio, and after 5 miles or so my legs gave out.
Uncle Otis looks at Barney. He then shifts his gaze to Barney’s house some 20 feet away. Then he looks back at Barney.
Uncle Otis: Whatever ya say kid! But listen, your Mom called me last night and told me that you weren’t going to be wrestling at the middle school anymore. What gives?
Barney: Well, I may or may not have stolen the promoter’s credit card and ordered a shitload of pizza on it for the roster.
Uncle Otis: That’s not what your Mom told me…. erhm, nevermind! So I see you’re wearing your mask, and you’re out here, erhm training. Are you doing what I think you’re doing?
Barney: You damn right I am! I’M GOING TO OPW!
Uncle Otis: OPW….as in Outlaw Pro Wrestling? Are you kidding me?
Barney: No joke. Ima be an OUTLAW!
Uncle Otis looks upon his nephew in sheer disbelief.
Uncle Otis: You don’t go from wrestling in a school gym in front of 50 people to Outlaw Pro Wrestling without paying some serious dues along the way. Do you think Norris Ford hired me as a salesman overnight? Hell no! I started out in the lot. Washing cars. Filling gas, refilling the coffee, shit like that.
Barney: I have no idea what you’re talking about Uncle Otis. All I know is that I’m a fantastic wrestler and would bring a bit of an…. alternative style to a federation that already has some of the biggest names in the business.
Uncle Otis begins to laugh.
Uncle Otis: I’m sorry, did you say….”style”? Look at you. You’re outside in sweatpants with your man-titties flopping in the breeze.
Barney: Ima let that slide cause you’re family. But trust me on this. Those “gym body” wrestlers are a dime a dozen. I could do pretty well for myself being the exception to the norm. And OPW might benefit from a bit of variety!
Uncle Otis: Well, let’s go back to your house and talk business.
Barney: Business?
The scene shifts to inside of Barney’s house. Barney stumbles into the living room with Uncle Otis following closely behind. Barney’s inflatable doll is on the couch. Barney quickly grabs it and throws it behind the couch and motions for Uncle Otis to sit. Barney then sits across from him in a folding chair. Uncle Otis leans in towards his nephew and speaks low and serious.
Uncle Otis: So, you gonna let me see it?
Barney looks shocked. He then shrugs his shoulders and starts to pull down his pants.
Uncle Otis: OH DEAR GOD! NOT THAT! Your OPW contract!
Barney ceases his grip on his waistband and leans forward.
Barney: Oh, I don’t have a contract yet.
Uncle Otis: I see. Well, did Johnny Stylez tell you when to be expecting it?
Barney: It slipped our minds. We got sidetracked at our business meeting when his personal assistant asked if we wanted to snort some cocaine off her ass.
Uncle Otis frowns.
Uncle Otis: You never even met Stylez, have you?
Barney: No I haven’t. You remember that story about snorting cocaine off his personal assistant’s ass? I made it up.
Uncle Otis: You don’t say…
Barney: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HE HAS AN ASSISTANT!
Uncle Otis: I’m sure he does. But anyway, when you talked to him on the phone, did he….
Barney: I have never communicated with Johnny Stylez in any way, shape or form.
Uncle Otis: Then what makes you think that he will even give you a match?
Barney: It’s simple. Do you watch OPW?
Uncle Otis: Hell yeah! Showcase was awesome, well except for the end. That sucked!
Barney: Exactly. Great fed… well worth stealing my friend’s HBO login credentials to watch! But what stops it from being the best fed is the fact that it goes down the same old roads. Power groups…. Self-obsessed narcissists stabbing each other in the back and stacking up with like minded scumbags. blah blah… BORING!
Uncle Otis: That shit actually makes sense. The powerful want more power, and what better fortification than strength in numbers?
Barney: Meh, the crowd wants to be entertained. I think I can do that better than anybody.
Uncle Otis: And that, Barney is why Johnny Stylez is drowning in money and you live in this shitbox. I think he knows way more about the business than you do, just as the wrestlers in OPW know more than you do about entertaining fans since they are ALREADY DOING IT IN A MAINSTREAM FED, and in sold out stadiums no less! I don't think that criticizing how the last show ended is going to do you any favors either!
Barney: I’m a wrestler. That’s what I do. That’s what I know. I’m not interested in playing the game within the game. I’m just here to fight and entertain. Ima march my sexy ass down to that ring and give a handsome slam to whoever is standing across from me!
Uncle Otis: Listen this has been fun, and I’m willing to help you in any way that I can. But if you don’t have a valid contract how can I trust that you’re really in OPW?
Barney: I guess when you see me on TV, you’ll know the truth. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some training to get back to!
Barney stands up and crosses the room. He grabs the inflatable doll by a leg and drags it up the stairs as the scene fades to black.
Barney is wearing stained white New Balance shoes, stained gray sweatpants, and his wrestling mask. His pale flabby chest reflects the sun’s bright rays into the camera. He skips down the porch, nearly falling over and impaling himself on the fence gate at the bottom of the steps, however he recomposes himself and jumps over the gate and onto the sidewalk on the other side. He looks at the camera as he continues to stretch awkwardly.
Barney: You don’t get a finely tuned body like this just sitting around. No-sir-ee, you got to earn this sexiness.
Barney begins to jog down the sidewalk towards the end of the block. About 20 feet into his jog he doubles over panting loudly. He leans against a neighbor’s trashcan, but he tips it over and falls on top of it. Random pieces of half eaten food and used feminine hygiene products spill out of the trash can. Barney sits up next to the trash.
Barney: That’s enough cardio. Time for a snack.
Barney sifts through the spilt trash and finds a half-eaten Hot Pocket. He shoves it in his mouth and begins to loudly smack his teeth and lips, mashing up the stale snack. Suddenly, a voice calls out from off-camera.
Voice that called out from off camera: Barney?!? What the hell are you doing?
Barney looks up and grimaces.
Barney: Hey Uncle Otis!
The camera pans out to reveal a tall thin, middle-age man in a cheap brown suit. His few head hairs are combed over for effect. He reaches down to offer Barney a hand.
Uncle Otis: Here, get up you big goon!
Uncle Otis tries to pull Barney up, but he nearly gets pulled down into the pile of trash. Eventually both men get to their feet. Barney brushes off his sweatpants.
Barney: I guess its laundry day after all!
Uncle Otis: You never answered my question. What are you doing in the Newman’s trash? Looking for treasure?
Barney: Nah, I was doing some cardio, and after 5 miles or so my legs gave out.
Uncle Otis looks at Barney. He then shifts his gaze to Barney’s house some 20 feet away. Then he looks back at Barney.
Uncle Otis: Whatever ya say kid! But listen, your Mom called me last night and told me that you weren’t going to be wrestling at the middle school anymore. What gives?
Barney: Well, I may or may not have stolen the promoter’s credit card and ordered a shitload of pizza on it for the roster.
Uncle Otis: That’s not what your Mom told me…. erhm, nevermind! So I see you’re wearing your mask, and you’re out here, erhm training. Are you doing what I think you’re doing?
Barney: You damn right I am! I’M GOING TO OPW!
Uncle Otis: OPW….as in Outlaw Pro Wrestling? Are you kidding me?
Barney: No joke. Ima be an OUTLAW!
Uncle Otis looks upon his nephew in sheer disbelief.
Uncle Otis: You don’t go from wrestling in a school gym in front of 50 people to Outlaw Pro Wrestling without paying some serious dues along the way. Do you think Norris Ford hired me as a salesman overnight? Hell no! I started out in the lot. Washing cars. Filling gas, refilling the coffee, shit like that.
Barney: I have no idea what you’re talking about Uncle Otis. All I know is that I’m a fantastic wrestler and would bring a bit of an…. alternative style to a federation that already has some of the biggest names in the business.
Uncle Otis begins to laugh.
Uncle Otis: I’m sorry, did you say….”style”? Look at you. You’re outside in sweatpants with your man-titties flopping in the breeze.
Barney: Ima let that slide cause you’re family. But trust me on this. Those “gym body” wrestlers are a dime a dozen. I could do pretty well for myself being the exception to the norm. And OPW might benefit from a bit of variety!
Uncle Otis: Well, let’s go back to your house and talk business.
Barney: Business?
The scene shifts to inside of Barney’s house. Barney stumbles into the living room with Uncle Otis following closely behind. Barney’s inflatable doll is on the couch. Barney quickly grabs it and throws it behind the couch and motions for Uncle Otis to sit. Barney then sits across from him in a folding chair. Uncle Otis leans in towards his nephew and speaks low and serious.
Uncle Otis: So, you gonna let me see it?
Barney looks shocked. He then shrugs his shoulders and starts to pull down his pants.
Uncle Otis: OH DEAR GOD! NOT THAT! Your OPW contract!
Barney ceases his grip on his waistband and leans forward.
Barney: Oh, I don’t have a contract yet.
Uncle Otis: I see. Well, did Johnny Stylez tell you when to be expecting it?
Barney: It slipped our minds. We got sidetracked at our business meeting when his personal assistant asked if we wanted to snort some cocaine off her ass.
Uncle Otis frowns.
Uncle Otis: You never even met Stylez, have you?
Barney: No I haven’t. You remember that story about snorting cocaine off his personal assistant’s ass? I made it up.
Uncle Otis: You don’t say…
Barney: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HE HAS AN ASSISTANT!
Uncle Otis: I’m sure he does. But anyway, when you talked to him on the phone, did he….
Barney: I have never communicated with Johnny Stylez in any way, shape or form.
Uncle Otis: Then what makes you think that he will even give you a match?
Barney: It’s simple. Do you watch OPW?
Uncle Otis: Hell yeah! Showcase was awesome, well except for the end. That sucked!
Barney: Exactly. Great fed… well worth stealing my friend’s HBO login credentials to watch! But what stops it from being the best fed is the fact that it goes down the same old roads. Power groups…. Self-obsessed narcissists stabbing each other in the back and stacking up with like minded scumbags. blah blah… BORING!
Uncle Otis: That shit actually makes sense. The powerful want more power, and what better fortification than strength in numbers?
Barney: Meh, the crowd wants to be entertained. I think I can do that better than anybody.
Uncle Otis: And that, Barney is why Johnny Stylez is drowning in money and you live in this shitbox. I think he knows way more about the business than you do, just as the wrestlers in OPW know more than you do about entertaining fans since they are ALREADY DOING IT IN A MAINSTREAM FED, and in sold out stadiums no less! I don't think that criticizing how the last show ended is going to do you any favors either!
Barney: I’m a wrestler. That’s what I do. That’s what I know. I’m not interested in playing the game within the game. I’m just here to fight and entertain. Ima march my sexy ass down to that ring and give a handsome slam to whoever is standing across from me!
Uncle Otis: Listen this has been fun, and I’m willing to help you in any way that I can. But if you don’t have a valid contract how can I trust that you’re really in OPW?
Barney: I guess when you see me on TV, you’ll know the truth. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some training to get back to!
Barney stands up and crosses the room. He grabs the inflatable doll by a leg and drags it up the stairs as the scene fades to black.