Post by ☠ VooDoo ☠ on Nov 11, 2020 12:52:06 GMT -5
As I sit around this bonfire and look at these women who surround me, I can’t help but think to myself, I wish I was as strong as they were as we laugh and reminisce about old times. I keep the masquerade of being the strong woman up just for them. Because it’s how they need to see me. It's how they want to see me. But it's no longer how I feel about myself. I am not the woman I once was. And the woman now in her place, is someone that I don't even know. And that saddens me... that scares me. I've had plenty of time to reflect and think things over. A lot of time... too much time even.
Eve, wife of Jackson. After his first wife died leaving him with twin boys, we didn’t think he would ever find a woman. He wasn’t even looking for a woman really when a friend of mine, Eve, stepped back in my life. It happened so quick, I am not even sure Jack realized it happened; I think he was just happy to have a woman around the house to help with his sons. Or at least, he looks happy? I’ve been known to be wrong.
Le’Andra, wife of Xavier Wolf. Leave it to the prince charming of the group to actually find a princess to marry. A princess who’s just as bad as he is in their business life as their personal life. Seriously, he goes and marries a god damned viking. Of course, a viking woman might be the only woman strong enough to deal with this shit; lord knows every other woman has not been able to. Who knows, maybe the charmings will find their “Happily ever after”?
Jenna, wife of Damon Riggs. Trophy wife, mother of a wrestler and soon to be two more wrestlers, once DJ and JJ get of age. She’s going to have her hands full as soon as the girls around town start noticing them. But I think she will do just fine if she remembers all the wrestling moves that I’ve taught her over the years. She could have had a pretty good career, too, but she was in love. Or was she? Maybe she was just looking for a man who was able to provide her that perfect life for her and Damon Riggs’ did just that? Maybe that’s what happened? Vincent wanted that perfect life, I gave it to him, and then he found out it wasn’t what he wanted, or at least he no longer wanted it with me.
Alllison, wife of Dane Preston. Boy, if she isn’t her father’s daughter inside and outside of the ring. Her and Jason are going to make their father’s legacy come alive. They will be helping him lay the foundation for those to come. I can feel it in my bones. They are destined for greatness, just like Damon was. And for Dane’s sake, I really hope he loves her, because boy… I’m so glad I am not going to be around for that “Riggs Rage”; there might not be enough left of him to be put in a ziploc bag after she’s done with him.
Anicka Swan, wife of… let’s face it, her god-damned self. That’s the only way to say that. There will be no man or woman in this world that Ani will ever find to be the person that she needs them to be. Roger, bless his heart, he tried. He did really try. I honestly think the man really did love her. Maybe she’s damned like me? Maybe I damned her to be the woman she is? I hope not, everyone deserves to have that one person who loves them above all others.
But then again, what do I know about love? I thought I did. Spent all this time loving a man and thinking that he loved me; that would make a woman think that she had found love and then this… this happens? Maybe he did love me, maybe I did love him and we really did, at times, love each other? Which brings us to me, I am nothing. Right now… I just feel hollow and empty inside; like my life has lost it’s reason and it’s meaning. A hollow shell; the living Dead girl.
There's another world inside of me that you may never see
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away, maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away, maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind
Maybe Tony was right? I don’t know what love is? To me it’s just a word. My father didn’t know the meaning of the word, maybe that’s one of his traits he passed down on me? Maybe because I don’t know the meaning of the word, I will be destined to destroy the lives of those around me; just as Tony said I would. If I had been in love with Tony, would I have gone on to have an affair with Damon all those years ago, that got him fired from EWF?
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
Maybe Oss was right? The only thing I was good for was a play thing? A toy, a pet? Something to be led around with on a leash in hopes of boosting his worth in the eyes that he thought mattered? Much like Xavier, Oss, liked pretty muscle around him, too and I was the one everyone was looking at and he wanted everyone to know that I was his. If I had remotely loved Oss, would I have even glanced in Vincent’s way when Damon introduced us?
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
I thought I knew what love was with Vincent. Maybe it was just all an illusion this whole time? A dream. I maybe should have never forced myself on him the way I did. Once I got my bearings, I should have thanked him for his hospitality and moved on. But…. when I woke up and looked into those blue eyes of his, I felt safe. For one time in my life I felt safe and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. And because of that, I destroyed his life and the life he could have had. Why didn’t he ask me to leave when he felt I had worn out my welcome?
I destroy
everything
I touch.
[VooDoo can fill the tears as they try to form and put on that perfect masquerade face that she let the world see and stood up and looked around at them. These are good strong women.]
Well ladies… [She makes her way around the women giving them hugs] with a final adieu… I am tired… and I am just ready for it… the day… [She corrected herself.] ...to come to an end. [Everyone said their good nights and watched as she walked back up the path towards the houses]
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
And roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
And roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
[Each of them were caught up in their own conversations except for Angelique. She was probably the closest of the women with her. She kept staring where she had last seen Voo and started thinking about the words that she had been saying and how she said them.]
Did Voo seem alright to you? [The women all looked at each other for a moment and then they realized.... They all moved at once.] ANI RUN!!!!!
[Ang didn’t even have to say the words, she was already gone. If there was going to be anyone to catch her, it would be Ani.]
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
[Ani ran fast and she ran hard. She knew this path like the back of her hand. She had to get there, she had to stop this. There was no way she could let her closest friend down, not now, now when she has so many times in the past. When she exited the path to the clearing, she looked up and VooDoo was standing on the edge of the rooftop. She ran for the building, snatched open the door as she heard the rest of the women yelling her name and saying all those things that you say to a person who’s about to take that final leap in life.]
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
[VooDoo looked down at everyone below, she had wished that they had stayed where they were just long enough for her to do it. She didn’t want them to actually see her do it. She didn’t want any of them to have to witness it happen. What happens when what everything thought was the glue and held them together, disintegrates before your very eyes? I’ve been too strong for so long, for too many people… I am worn down, I just want to rest.]
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Don’t do this, Candice! [Kal ran his fingers through his long hair as he looked up, unable to fathom what he was seeing with his own eyes.] This has changed nothing between us, you are still family. You’re still a god-damned Wolf.
Think about what it’s going to do to the family. [Jack yelled.] Think of your kids.
Call 9-11
Maybe I'm just blind.
My kids will be fine. They have the Wolfpack to surround them with enough love to get them through this. I know of all people, Kal, will make sure that my children are fine. My children are strong. They will get through this. They are going to cry and they are going to scream and they are going to rage. But eventually they will come to terms with it. They will realize that the woman they thought they knew, wasn’t the real woman I was. What woman leaves their children behind, to have to lead a life without them. Maybe Vhodka Marie will step in and be the woman I couldn't be for them as well?
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
[Ani’s taking the stairs three and four at a time; the burning in her thighs long gone a thought and making it to the top of the roof was her main concern. She had to get there, she had to talk sense into VooDoo. Maybe if VooDoo saw and knew what it was going to do to Ani if she stepped off she wouldn’t do it. Maybe if VooDoo had to look one of them in the eyes, she wouldn’t do it.
I’ve got to make it to the top. I’ve just got to.
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
[Everyone by now is looking up, their eyes and mouth open wide as they see what the women have been seeing, not believing it when they called them on the phone and telling them to get to The Tower. Ang ran to Kal’s side.
What the fuck is Red doing?
We… I.. [Ang’s eyes filled with tears.] I haven't been paying attention to the signs.
Red! Don’t you dare do this! [Kal yelled back up again.] We love you, we have always loved you; always will. Please, Candice… don’t do this to us, to your family, to your children.
[VooDoo turned around and the voices below her grew louder and more urgent in their messages to her. She faced the garden that Vincent and Kal had built for her because she had missed her rose garden so much. When he showed her the garden, it was the very first night they had kissed. Seeing it and the joy her brought her one last time, made her heart ache for what she assumed was that feeling called love.]
[She smiled and she crossed her right ankle over her left and held both her arms straight out from her side and tilted her head in her classic crucifixion pose she did when she would come out for matches.]
What the fuck is Red doing?
We… I.. [Ang’s eyes filled with tears.] I haven't been paying attention to the signs.
Red! Don’t you dare do this! [Kal yelled back up again.] We love you, we have always loved you; always will. Please, Candice… don’t do this to us, to your family, to your children.
[VooDoo turned around and the voices below her grew louder and more urgent in their messages to her. She faced the garden that Vincent and Kal had built for her because she had missed her rose garden so much. When he showed her the garden, it was the very first night they had kissed. Seeing it and the joy her brought her one last time, made her heart ache for what she assumed was that feeling called love.]
[She smiled and she crossed her right ankle over her left and held both her arms straight out from her side and tilted her head in her classic crucifixion pose she did when she would come out for matches.]
[She closes her eyes.]
[Anicka snatched open the door with enough time to see the final flutter of red has as VooDoo simply fell backwards.]
[The most inhumane sound of something in pain came from Anicka’s mouth as she ran over to the ledge where she had just seen VooDoo disappeared. She looked over the side to find VooDoo laying in a broken heap as everyone gathered around her. Anicka turned and threw up. She had been too late. She couldn’t save her. But the way she was smiling…. Ani wasn’t sure she wanted to be saved.
[Anicka saw the handwritten note on the ledge with a rock holding it in place, she grabbed it and headed back to the stairwell. Instead of taking the steps 3 and 4 at a time, she was simply jumping over the rails to the next set of stairs until she made it to the ground floor in 13 jumps. She tore out of the building to where everyone was; half were crying, half were still in shock.]
Don’t touch her, Ani. She’s still alive. [Jack told her when she was close enough. He had given her a shot for pain from his bag, but he didn’t know what she could see or hear or even understand at this time with the bloody grey matter leaking from her ears.]
What’s that, Ani? [Ani didn’t look at Kal but held the letter to him. He read the letter aloud for all to hear.]
[The most inhumane sound of something in pain came from Anicka’s mouth as she ran over to the ledge where she had just seen VooDoo disappeared. She looked over the side to find VooDoo laying in a broken heap as everyone gathered around her. Anicka turned and threw up. She had been too late. She couldn’t save her. But the way she was smiling…. Ani wasn’t sure she wanted to be saved.
[Anicka saw the handwritten note on the ledge with a rock holding it in place, she grabbed it and headed back to the stairwell. Instead of taking the steps 3 and 4 at a time, she was simply jumping over the rails to the next set of stairs until she made it to the ground floor in 13 jumps. She tore out of the building to where everyone was; half were crying, half were still in shock.]
Don’t touch her, Ani. She’s still alive. [Jack told her when she was close enough. He had given her a shot for pain from his bag, but he didn’t know what she could see or hear or even understand at this time with the bloody grey matter leaking from her ears.]
What’s that, Ani? [Ani didn’t look at Kal but held the letter to him. He read the letter aloud for all to hear.]
[The spark in VooDoo's emerald green eyes slowly started to fade as struggled with her last words and her last breath.]
We… are… all… f r e e.
Love me when I'm gone, whoa
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
Did you really think that I was going to do something stupid?
That I was just going to go crazy and fly off the handle and freak the fuck out?
That maybe I was just gonna pack up my bags and disappear and make everyone’s life a whole lot easier?
Over a man?
If you thought that, you thought mother fucking wrong, and you just don’t fucking know me.
I still have kids to raise.
I still have the Wolf name.
I still have an empire to run.
Over a man?
If you thought that, you thought mother fucking wrong, and you just don’t fucking know me.
I still have kids to raise.
I still have the Wolf name.
I still have an empire to run.
And truth be told, a Real Queen doesn't need a King by her side.
[One and Two step into view with the last two boxes that were to be taken down to the sixth floor. VooDoo will be staying at Shane’s place until her new house is built; Jack pulled Wolf Construction off all jobs and put them to work building Voo's new house; it would be done by the end of the week.]
Is that the last of it? [They both nodded.] Take downstairs. I will be down shortly.
Is that the last of it? [They both nodded.] Take downstairs. I will be down shortly.
[Once she was alone, VooDoo made one final walk through the apartment that she had Vincent had shared almost their whole entire relationship. It’s where they met and how they began.]
[She looked at the pictures of her and Vincent together, in all of them, they were both smiling. It crushed her heart to think that all this time, his smile... the whole time... wasn't. Why didn’t he say something all those years ago? Why didn’t he say something this whole entire time? Why did he let me keep believing in a lie?]
[Feeling kind of foolish with it all right now. The first man that I fall in love with, and I mean fall in love with, like no other. The first man I let that wall down and catch a case of the feelings for… and what happens? And now I get to listen to all the “Aw, so sorry to hear Voo.”... the “if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was going to be death, taxes and Vin and Voo.” She smirks a little, just as well as there will be those smirking and smiling and thinking that VooDoo got her just desserts.]
[She continued to walk around the apartment to the door, the only room still left in the apartment that had remained the same and she opened it. It was the one room apartment that Vincent had lived in before they met. It was the same one that Damon Riggs had dumped her into his bed, the same one where she had fallen in love. When they moved the room from New York, they left it in a full single piece to ensure it stayed intact. The bed, the table, everything was still the same; except of course the number of journals that Vincent had written in over the years had multiplied. She traced her finger along some of the binds of the composition notebooks; had she been a nosy woman and read them, would she have figured it out a long time ago?]
[Or maybe, deep down inside she knew, you don’t spend all this time with a man and not be able to read him; it has been a very long time since Vincent had called her Precious. He told her once that he called her that because he felt for her like the Gollum for had felt for the ring in Lord of the Rings. She had stayed faithful to him, until she found out that he was no longer faithful to her. Maybe she loved the fantasy that he gave her and she was willing to play her role, as long as he was willing to play his?]
Do. Not. Weep. Tears. For. Me.
Because I won’t be.
Because I won’t be.
[VooDoo walked over to the desk, where the only new item was, it had been sitting in the bedroom on the vanity table. It was the small wooden box that they kept their rings in while they were wrestling in the ring, it traveled to every show. She flipped the lip up and burned on the inside of the lid were the words “I promise.”]
[VooDoo reached up and slowly slipped the rings off her right finger; she closed her eyes and sighed heavily. When she opened them again, she slipped them into the box on the side where she always kept hers; she gave a final look before she closed the box and turned around and with her head held high walked away.]
[VooDoo reached up and slowly slipped the rings off her right finger; she closed her eyes and sighed heavily. When she opened them again, she slipped them into the box on the side where she always kept hers; she gave a final look before she closed the box and turned around and with her head held high walked away.]
[True to her word… No tears were to be found.]