+ Iron Walls : The Godless +
Apr 28, 2021 18:36:17 GMT -5
☠ VooDoo ☠, fellalibby, and 1 more like this
Post by codeapathy on Apr 28, 2021 18:36:17 GMT -5
I'm into the darkness
That you feel a worse divine
'Cause I felt the power when I laid down by your side
I felt the rhythm, I felt the fever in your mind
I couldn't save you, but at least I say I tried
Banks - Godless
++This position is not new to me. A female in a leadership role. Back in a time when it was taken even less seriously. Back when the assumption was that I was sleeping with every single one of my male members and any females who made it into the ranks would be short lived as they would be seen as competition. The truth is...some of that hasn’t changed. More truth? Some of their accusations were honest. Why did the stable fail back then? I put a man on a pedestal he didn’t deserve to be on. I betrayed my own self and abandoned my own causes for the sake of a flawed concept of infatuation. It wasn’t love when I found him hiding his drug addiction and his battle of faith and it wasn’t love when I manipulated him into choosing drugs over Jesus. It wasn’t love when I wove my words and fingers deep into his mind and heavily suggested he do awful things to other people, satisfy his urges to torture and harm others. It wasn’t love when I got caught up in the bullshit I myself created. In the end, head full of thoughts of paranoia, grandiose and madness, I couldn’t save myself...from myself. Because when you are manic, the only real enemy is...you. I created a monster that in the end became my Judas and walked away when I needed him most. Because love never existed. It was a convenient lie. I used him and he used me and I was left alone burning in my own ashes of my own empire. Just as I left Ramsus burning on his own. I see fires everywhere these days. Small kindlings ready to become infernos. They won’t all make it out unscathed. Few rarely do. But such is life. We go until the fire consumes. If you survive you’re stronger for it. If you burn up in it, it is your fate. The flicker of the flame was no stranger to me. As I sat on a makeshift throne of animal skulls, welded metal and velvet, a bonfire burning fierce in front of me, my body was shifted, legs dangling over the edge of the throne, feet bare with leather wraps criss crossing up my legs. My hair was braided and up in an intricate knot. My face is painted in animal blood and white dots. Bloody hand prints covered my exposed breasts and an amazonian like skirt fell from my hips secured by a brass belt and open on both sides. Torches lined the ceremonial site. The smell of fuel and ashes filled the air. Eoin stood on one side of the throne, Eric the other, a collar and leash around his neck, the ending of which sat wrapped in my fingers. I tugged at it and he knelt down++
Apathy: That was the best you could do? A dated overused comparison using my ring name and how you yourself have had apathy in your life? I knew years ago I should have put it in my contract that anytime someone couldn’t come up with something original and had to pull that classic out of the hat of “I have nothing better to say”, I got a premium. Rage? You act like your position and situation is unique and let me be the first to tell you that honey? It isn’t. In fact the situation you are in right now is all your own doing. You fucked with family and friends that left you down. We’ve all been in that position. Meanwhile the other talking head warned me that I’m going to feel what it means to lose? Save it. Spare me. Because you are a little late to the party. I know what loss feels like. I’m well acquainted with it. Everything there is to lose? I’ve lost it.
Friends? Check. Family? Ditto. Respect? Professional standing? Jobs? TITLES?! Children? How many of you can say you lost that last one? Don’t come at me about loss. I’m standing here in the semi-finals where not a single fucking ONE of any of you thught I would be. Half of you don’t even fucking think I deserve to be here anyways. You fein shock and disbelief that I am. Laugh it up. You can cite dumb luck because your own bullshit drama got in the way and helped me get here but you know what? That’s on you! You’re mad I’m here and your friends aren’t and maybe you should have handled your business. Now The Cure, who wasn't a threat, suddenly is a very real threat. Because here I am, non-pressed, watching all these little individual fires burning bright all around you three fuckers and I feel very comfortable.
I’m in my element. Since the day all three of you set foot in this company you have assumed a position that you were better than everyone else. You postulated amongst yourself your own superiority. Now two of you are fighting a war between yourselves in a revolving pissing contest to prove who is the most dominant and the true best of them all. Hey Johnny? Wherever you are right now, snorting that premium sweet Columbian like I know you are, listen real close, because I want you to hear this too. To you two fuckwits, while you two go back and forth, slapping each other in the face with your two inch dicks in a battle of whose better than who? Look up my credentials, peep my achievements and know that before I ever knew you even existed? I was #BETTERTHANU!!! I ran with CRU and was BTU while you and your whole group of flea riddled Wolves, wife swapping swingers and high heel wearing, winged eyeliner wearing freakshow were in some bingo hall in bumfuck nowhere fighting for SCRAPS!!!
All the Syndicate is now is a cheap dollar store knock off of a grander better group that once existed and mother fuckers I have the Ribera jacket at home to prove it. You will NEVER compare to the power, prestige and talent that Johnny USED to have assembled. You are KNOCKOFFS! The B team. The fact that Syndicate is in the state that it is, is zero surprise. Johnny has been slipping for years. He’s LESS than HALF the leader he is now then when I was by his side. You guys got the bum deal. The burned out, paranoid, dope addicted version of a lesser leader. But then again knowing you as well as I do, you got what you deserved. Ya’ll got pissy because you caught us in a little meeting of the minds? I’m the enemy? You took getting attacked by a supposed lesser faction personally? FUCK OUTTA HERE with that whiny snowflake bullshit! In the name of the game you’re the big fish and fair targets.
Fury. The first time I crossed paths with you, you were a snobby, rude, arrogant cunt that thought she was better than me. You lost. At least it didn’t break your spirits. Have you started asking yourself how strong your marriage is? Your love? If it comes down to you and your husband? That’s the nature of the things when you mix pleasure and business. Have you sat with him? Talk out the scenario? I’ve been in your position. Mind you I am in no way trying to relate to you or sympathize. I’ve had a man whom I shared a bed with, lose early in a tournament we were both in, only to ask me to throw it, thinking that because his pal was running the company he would just put him in my place. I was going to win it mind you. The measure of our “love” was whether or not I was willing to lie down for him.
My husband wanted the world title. The title I held for over a year. I gave it to him. The measure of our love was if I was willing to terminate my own record, to make him a champion. If he gets through me, what happens if he lays down for you? Will you accept that? Is that a win for you? Judging by the amount of pride you have as a woman, I don’t think it would pass. There would be an asterisk next to your win. That wasn’t acceptable for me, would it be for you a woman who deems herself so much more important than myself? In your eyes I’m a common whore. A pretender. I’m not on your level. So then should I do you a favor? Eliminate your husband? Would you hold that against me? Truth be told if I were in your position, the role reversed and you eliminated Eoin, there would be no resentment. Not because I would not enjoy facing my lover but because business is business and that is an understanding he and I have. I made it very clear to him that laying down for me, handing me a win out of guilt and weakness is unacceptable. I have no qualms of fighting with and bleeding from a man I love and respect. Now ask yourself, does your husband feel the same or is he WEAK?
++I slowly stood from the makeshift throne and tugged the leash, Eric following behind me on all fours as I passed the raging fire. The embers swirled into the air, crackling. A candy ball gag was fixated in his mouth. Once past the fire I stopped and turned, setting the leash end on a fixed hook stand and reached, picking up a branding iron which sat flat on a wooden table, and weighing it in my hands. Through the flames I made eye contact with Eoin, no emotion on my face. He stayed fixed at the side of the throne++
“Do you know what happens to the weak, Eric? They define whether or not a plan is a success or not. Weakness dictates whether a venture will result in prosperity or failure. Weakness is the merit in which decides whether war will end in victory or defeat. You have been weak your whole life Eric. Meek and mild. You cowhered under your own brothers might. Subservient to your own flesh and blood. Where is your voice Eric? Where is your strength? Are you not a man? Did I not make you a man? Did we not lie together as man and woman? Did I not let you explore the inside of my body? Did we not become one? I gave you freedom and family and behind my back you questioned me. I did not take Liselles life. She chose to take her own and yet you...vilify me as if I pulled the trigger. Liselles death was a long time coming. Interpol was looking for her. War crimes, trafficking, drugs the list went on and on. What I did was merciful. Just like Scotty. Poor, pathetic, Scotty. He didn’t deserve a ten bell salute. He barely deserved a shitty microsoft paint graphic on the screen made by a five year old. He was nothing more than a statistic. One more “don’t try this at home” number in the column, Another name that will pop up during expos and conventions of how what we do isn’t actually fake. What a sad fucking legacy.”
++I casually thrusted the branding iron into the fire as I watched from the corner of my eye, Eoin moving from the side of the throne to the opposite of me of the bonfire. With my free hand I snapped my fingers and Eric moved closer on all fours, resting at my feet. I patted his head and locked eyes with Eoin++
“You know I care for you Eric. I hold you close, like family. You have grown on me, like a little brother. It hurt me very much when you said the things you did. You made me feel as if I had wronged you in some form. You made me feel as if I had hurt you. Your brother killed your father at point blank range. I was there and I saw it. Blood and brain matter flew into the air. The blow back sprayed blood on his face. Knowing this did not upset you at all. You understood it and accepted it. Is it because women, in your eyes, are meant to be feminine? Not at all capable of such brutality? Or is it because you also believed your father deserved death? If I had pulled the trigger instead, would you have felt differently? I feel you know my body intimately Eric, but not my soul.”
++As the branding iron heated, I nodded to Eoin calling him over. As he reached my side I handed him the metal rod and knelt down to Eric, lifting his head up by the chin and tilted my own head to the side, staring dead into his frightened eyes++
“Do I scare you Eric? Are you frightened? Good. Hold onto that feeling. I come from a very long line of women who have spilled blood in the name of what they believed in. Whose own blood was spilled in the name of religion, hysteria, politics and just for being women. The women of my lineage went to war with Germans who put their hands on their sisters and mothers, killed their brothers, sons and fathers. They slaughtered in the name of what was right. They bathed naked in the moonlight of the goddess asking for protection for those who were too weak, too small too, feeble to protect themselves. They burned for rejecting a religion that believed the more money you put in the collection plate the closer you could get to a God that came with conditions! My homeland was once wrought with the inspiration of the celts! The women of my ancestry are a patchwork of beauty warrior women who were never afraid to spill blood. It took me a very long time to realize I am them and they live on in me and that was why Scotty could NEvER have seen The Cure through because he LACKED THE SPIRIT! He had never had his BROKEN!!! NOT LIKE I HAD!!! He was a mere man full of nothing but EMPTY DREAMS and pretty words. If it is fear on which you wish to dwell Eric, if it is in the light of trepidation you wish to see me then I will give you cause….”
++I stood up quickly and reached out my hand for the brand, jerking my head around and demanding the branding iron. Eoin hesitated, even as I gave him a stern look. My eyes began to narrow and he handed it over. Eric began to try and get up to scurry away but I swiftly kicked him in the ribs and held him down by my foot, from the back of the head, pressing my heel into the back of his neck. His back was fully exposed++
“I will break your spirit in hopes that you will become a better man and serve me well. Let this scar forever remind you the dangers of biting the hand that feeds.”
++I plunged the iron against the skin and heard the flesh boil and burn. He screamed into the candy ball gag as the flesh was marked and I pulled it away, tossing it aside. I nodded to Eoin to begin treating the wound and returned to the makeshift throne sitting, legs spread out, leaning forward. The smell of burnt flesh in the air. It put me back in that place. Back on that day as I watched him burn. I dawned on me as I sat there that I he saw instability long before I ever knew what mental illnesses were. I just was well aware of what I was doing now. I knew what I had just done. I knew I was taking out an episode on Eric...I just didn’t care. It was his purpose and role. I did care for him. Just as I did for Eoin. I just wasn’t capable of love. Human connection was foreign to me. I burned bridges, set the fires and danced in them as they burned everything that I cared about around me. The only way I knew how to handle pain and hurt was to inflict it on others. I could hear Eric sobbing as Eoin treated the burns. Deep down inside my heart ached. That sudden rush of guilt and that sickness of feeling like a horrible human being washed over me but I had to bury it. I had to keep up appearances++
“Go. Take him and make sure it is properly cleaned and treated. Eric...never doubt my mercy. Remember this benevolence. Look at this token of care and know it is love. I hurt with you…”
++I watched as Eoin helped him up and they stepped away, before he did he looked back, giving a nod to which I returned. Which it seemed drastic it was tribalism in its purest form. Eric had stepped out of line. The order of things had to be maintained. It was something I never needed to worry about from someone like Jayson. He was a military man. He understood the idea of process and rank and file. Caleb was a Koresh Family member and the hierarchy there was not quite different. Alexander was the central unit and everyone answered to him. If you betrayed or stepped out of line, an example needed to be made. Eric was the forewarning to the rest. Scotty was soft and forgiving. I was not. I had to lead by example. The fact that I had made it this far in the tournament was also leading by example. It was more than that corpse ever did for any of us. I did all the heavy lifting. Alone in the silence, surrounded by fire and heat, I hung my head++
Apathy: There was one l last matter. Lisa Marie. It is a shame that you care so little for the tag titles that my hand picked men are coming for, that you must continue to focus on me. When will it dawn on you that there will be no revenge for you? We’re not even in the same league. You also seem to recall events in certain companies differently than others do. Are you sure you aren’t on psychedelic drugs sweetheart? The only way you will ever get a W over me is if I actually agree to face you again, and if I happen to have a massive heart attack in the ring and DIE right in front of you, so you can get the fucking pin. Does that make it clear? You can call me whatever you want to cupcake. I get paid either way. You think I’m a slut? Cute. At least I’m not a bottle blonde who can’t keep her white trash roots from showing. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about you. Your time as tag champion was underwhelming and uneventful. Your tag partner is the only upside to the whole team and she’s too fucking stupid to realize she doesn’t need you, you need her. You honestly deserve each other. You know I COULD have put myself in the tag spot but I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction. You don’t deserve it. You are the one who didn’t like the fact that I fucked your dearly departed Frank. You are the one who is taking it all a little too personal and that just isn’t my problem. I said what I said and I’m not sorry. My advice to you is to get off my dick because I owe you nothing. Not a win, not a match, not an apology not even my time but as a professional courtesy I am doing this just to let you know I’m done with you. You had a chance to get your big triumphant win over me and you fucking blew it. Just like you will when you are the one pinned when you lose those straps to The Cure.
As for your tag partner thinking I and my gentlemen associates are bullies, wake up and smell the coffee cuntcakes because you are in the wrong business if you are looking for rainbows, unicorns and everyone to sit around a campfire singing “Kumbaya”. It is a ruthless, cruel industry that takes happy shiny idiots like you and chews them up, spits them out and moves on like you were an appetizer. We’re not bullies. We’re realists. At least we have the courtesy to acknowledge you at least exist. Do you see the others doing that? Do you see them talking about your title run? Do you see them touting about how great you must be for winning the titles off of the team that you did? NOPE AND YOU FUCKING WON’T! Because you’re DOGFOOD to them bitchcakes! For all you know they DROPPED them to you because they were fucking BORED!!! They probably did it to make the low IQ demographic happy! I mean you both have about as much charisma as a wet cum rug. You aren’t marketable. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE FUCKING MERCH!!!! So Lisa...do yourself a favor, move on. Accept you are out of your depth, go back to having subpar AOL chatroom style sex with your spaghetti western boyfriend and maybe go to a professional next time you get your color done.
Unless that is...Lisa….you would like me to personally involve myself in turning you, your tag partner, your trailer park trash boyfriend and your manager into perfect examples of what The Cure are here to do.