Post by Deceiver on Jun 3, 2021 12:27:38 GMT -5
CHAPTER 2.5
repeating yesterday
do you believe in love after loss?
the walls scream
as they breathe
the memories tell the tale of broken promises and misgivings. the hypocrisy within these walls speak the narrative of the epic. before you forget, please remember the good times. the times when I ceased to exist and you were center stage. a carefully crafted design that formulates into jack shit. the salt and water wasted as I was just sold further down the line.
"Jason Ryan.. a lost and floating maggot. a man with no direction, and constantly falling to his back and that is that. monday will be your lucky day. salvation awaits, so have no fear little one. within your head lays a foundation that was built up by your surroundings, and this has left you weak and miniscule. your might never truly melded over the flames of heartache and belt whips. your flesh never caressed by the Everblack, guiding you into a subserviently cocoon. your true beauty still hidden beneath the façade you constantly leave on display. as if you were somebody. as if you will ever be somebody. on your own that is."
where is your head?
where is your heart?
I could only hold your hand so far. but as you gave in to temptation, bewildered by the bright lights and all the vice they offered, you fell into failure by design. relapsing on your upbringing to further drive the wedge in-between. and it is all my fault. lost in the static of my own demise, now I know the drugs won't fix it all.. but they sure as fuck cushion the fall. all the death and decay made me truly believe that everything would be okay one day. and as we sat and watched the future eclipse, it all deteriorates till the point of no return. this is my gift now, my lovely curse. if there were any heroes, I would kill them all. one.. by.. one.. by.. one.. until they all lay before my dirty feet. and then the villains, and I repeat, if there were any other than me, they too would be slain and laid about in an intricate pretzel. body parts dangling from earlobes and wardrobes, as if anything ever made any lick of sense before anyway. i'm broken people, broken. my heart ripped from my chest, clenched in a fist, and every last drop of blood let.
now I am a mess..
so what are you?
"the burden. nobody ever understands the burden that was bestowed upon me by the powers that be. changes are coming, and my children, they move swiftly. the altered path that now lays before us, spells only disaster for any whom do not fall under my liege. no more prosperity, no growth. soon it all comes off the rails, and my past will come creeping up again. Jason, this is your moment. your one opportunity to truly let it all go and shine as you should have always shined. you are not like the rest, as you are still a lump of unused clay to be molded into a man. a feared man, a fierce warrior sounding the trumpet of their destruction. you could become total and whole, the sum of your better parts. all you have to do is disbelieve in the narrative already laid out before you, and accept that you truly are nothing. nothing important. and then, and only then, can you be set free of the binds that drag you from behind, against your will."
believe me when I say, I am sorry. take your hand and guide it through the dirt pile. push the earth on top and maybe leave behind one last kiss. one final thrill. take charge of your own convictions, falling spiral and misguided to a land foreign in it's signature. a ruse to commit you for further abuse. I never lied.. because I never said everything was going to be alright. I only lie for you. and I lie well.
HALLELUJAH!
disaster spills into our sacrament, the heresy driving one another to madness, the inevitable sadness. knees scrape and elbows snap, our course correction. stifled tryst that will be surely missed, missing you the new infatuation. never give up. never surrender. till death do we part, but we have not yet reached that part. and so now the story must unfold, the way that it was supposed to. where we have nowhere to run, but everywhere to hide. time slowly ticks down to the final hour. the pressure builds and builds into an eruption of ego, blurring the lines between security and a false reality. bleeding truths between a rock and a hard place, the weight and friction denying the desire to rebuild upon the foundation set up beneath the massacre. a diluted self preservation tactic to dismiss the notion of forever, spitting directly into the face of eternity. she never cared anyway. they never care at all so now they have purchased the front row to my very own pathetic downfall. blissed and dissed until there just isn't anything left to fight for. the urge to maim and tame, cut the cord, and just let the shit die. withered and weathered until it's eroded and worn to a nub. fighting disfigured and I would still drop you all to your hands and knees. as all little unsavory maggots should and would be. and this is the harrowing truth of my rising tide.
strike first
strike hard
NO MERCY
"lie in the comfort of sweet calamity Jason, for you have nothing left to lose. i will slowly drown you into sleep, and none would shed a tear for you. none would take up your cross and carry it upon their backs. you are truly, truly, all alone. a man against a world he doesn't and has never understood. embrace the carnage that dwells inside the deepest regions of your mind, and kill the ego that drives you right into the ground. like a dog. like the dead cattle i dismember and discard of driving down the highway. can you conceive that which now lies in waiting in your path? the serpent, offering you immortality and riches of your highest dreams, will not wait patiently. you must choose.."
LIFE?
OR..
DEATH?
cuz Cobra Kai never dies, and poor Brandon Moore has finally shed the dead skin and learned how to fly. I HAVE ARRIVED. soaring above all the others as it was always intended to be. destiny waited as an impatient bitch, the constant pull drove me into a flaccid lull. barely adjusting to every foe, the bare minimum to insure I too did not end up in the same vicious cycle of spouting gospel and leaving much to be desired. like a faint distant rumble, it grows within me. this lust, propel me onward. deliver me from the temptation to beg and plead, make you finally see. but it's quaint, silly, nothing more than wasted words as they crash against your covered ears. eyes closed and dreaming of the blame i must now shoulder, and soldier, until the end of the line. the fine line i drag my feet across, disrupting the natural flow and order of our conscience. so keep the blood in your head, and your feet on the ground, before i put you beneath it.
Oh, and Ricky, don't bark to the big dog when you're scrounging for his leftover scraps. all you'll find is roast beef and the spoiled taste of defeat.
REPEATING YESTERDAY
PLAYLIST
Whitechapel "This is Exile"
Deftones "Hole in the Earth"
Octopus Montage "Now i'm Gone"
Slaughter to Prevail "Baba Yaga"
VISCERA "Immersed in Ire"
AmeriKan OverDose "Letting Go"
Brand New "The Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows"