Saving Silverman (well P mont)
Jun 18, 2021 12:30:47 GMT -5
via mobile
somethingwicked, Miss Michelle, and 1 more like this
Post by coolrifletk47 on Jun 18, 2021 12:30:47 GMT -5
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???
P: Yes, my friend, Thomas is gone for at least a few hours.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???
P: Yes, yes, I realize that we need to talk about our future plans. It would appear that between your lascivious jaunts with every female of any species and my new-found love for electronic gaming we have seemingly forgotten about our goals of world domination.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
P: Perhaps you are right old friend. Perhaps we are evolving. Perhaps we had spent so long focused on one, solitary goal that we were letting everything else this mortal coil has to offer pass us by. I have not spent time developing a new bio-weapon or designing plans for a new weather manipulation machine in months.
And quite honestly, I don’t know if I miss it very much. Traveling the globe with Thomas, footloose, fancy free, with less than a care in the world seems to suit us better than we ever dreamt it could.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?
P: Of course there may be more to it than that. By the way, Thomas isn’t here, why are you still using that GOAT vernacular?
G: I, I don’t know, I had gotten so used to it that often times I forget that I have the power of actual speech. That I could be fluent in multiple languages if I so choose. Pierre, it appears that we have come to a crossroads in our existence. On this day, right here and right now we our being faced with an opportunity. A chance to expand, to grow as individuals. To forge a new path for ourselves.
We can choose to embrace these new lives we are building. We can leave behind all of our former machinations and allow Thomas to be our drunken pied piper and spend the remainder of our existence seeking carnal knowledge of as many of the female species as possible, playing every video game imaginable. Perhaps making financial gains with one of those Twitch streams.
Or we can take back our focus. We can make a decision right here and now to avoid any more distraction and become what we have always been meant to become. To take what is rightfully ours, to control our own destinies and rule this planet.
P: Why not both?
G: Pierre, whatever do you mean.
P: Allow me to elaborate. We have spent a great deal of time and energy in research and development. Analysis and application of the Earth’s population and ways to manipulate said population to our whims and desires. To allow all that labor to become fruitless feels as if it would be a recipe for personal disaster.
But what about synthesis. What if we could combine our old paths, our old lives, with our new? What if that was the actual key to unlock our true purpose, our true happiness? What if you could rule the world and live in almost perpetual post coital bliss? What if I could rule the landscape and also become the number one Twitch streamer in not just the world but the entire galaxy, assuming our estimations of life on other planets besides Earth are as accurate as I believe them to be?
G: Pierre, is that even possible, can it even be done?
P: GOAT, my dearest friend, I have ran the numbers, I have analyzed the simulations and I have come to the conclusion that………………….
Yes, not only can it be done, it is imperative to both goals that we combine our efforts to achieve them.
G: And Thomas, Thomas is the key isn’t he?
P: Yes old friend, I believe he is. He is a force that can lead us as we guide him simultaneously. Truth be told, Thomas has a certain charisma about him. For some reason when he speaks it appears that people are drawn to his words. Even when it is complete nonsense, for some reason people feel compelled to hang on his every drunken word.
Now while we can definitely use that to improve our social status and possibly acquire more twitch followers and acquire you more female companionship, we can also use it for its original intentions as well. So we must continue to build Thomas up to heights even he cannot imagine. With his success will come fame, with fame will come exposure, and with that exposure our plans can reach a fever pitch and become foolproof.
G: All the while we can feel rewarded by helping a dear friend. Pierre you truly are a genius.
P: Well I will make a call to Henchman number 37 and have him make the appropriate preparations.
G: I thought Henchman 27 was in charge of planning and delegation.
P: No, if you recall we did some organizational restructuring after that laboratory mishap. 37 is now in charge of planning and delegation and 27 has security detail and all Henchman birthday party responsibilities.
G: Yes, yes, I almost forgot about that laboratory mishap. We lost Henchmen 36 to 52 that day. They will be hard to replace and may they rest comfortably in peace. Well, several pieces actually but you understand my intent.
TK: FELLAS, HOLY CATS, WHITEBOARD MEETING IN THE PARKING LOT IN FIVE MENUDOS, THIS IS URGENT!
(When Pierre and GOAT make it out to the parking lot just outside of the reserved WANNABANGOHHHHHH area they find two school desks and a large whiteboard. On this whiteboard are several pictures and scenes featuring stick figures performing in a concert, having dinner, getting married, and other actions that are not so much obscene as they are just a bit strange. One includes what looks to be a bathtub and an army of rubber ducks.)
P: Thomas, what Is the emergency. You know whiteboard meetings are reserved for only Def-Con 3 and below level events. Being out of Zima, being out of “good” peanut butter, Global Thermal Nuclear catastrophe.
TK: P-Nut, this is wayyyyyyyy bigger than any of those things combined. With that TK flips the Whiteboard around to the other side and SAVING P-MONT-MEN!!!!!!! Is written in bold, red, block lettering.
P: Thomas, we have already discussed this. If Paul wants to spend time with that FOCUS group he does not need us meddling in those affairs.
TK: No man, that ain’t it. Now we know I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how I am going to rescue Pauly Mont Mont from himself. And I figure out what is wrong and exactly what we need to do.
We have to save him from his Girlfriend.
P: Thomas, you are being dramatic. Does he even have a girlfriend? And if he did, why would we need to interfere in their relationship.
TK: Glad ya asked Pinochle, you see I was thinking about it and I have seen Saving Silvermen enough times to know that if a dude gets with the wrong girl it can literally ruin everything. He doesn’t hang out with his friends, he gives up on his dreams, he ends up having sex with an apple pie…..wait, right dude, different movie. Oh, but he does quit his awesome Neil Diamond Cover Band.
P: Thomas, slow down, breathe, now first thing is first. Who is this mystery girl you speak of?
TK: Well damn P, are you not keeping track of anything of the comings and goings of OPW, Paul is explicitly romantically linked to one Miss Michelle.
P: The Miss Michelle, your opponent for the last OPW show ever?
TK: One and the same old chap.
P: Thomas, those two are not a couple, an item, a thing so to speak. Now granted they do participate in and almost annoying amount of “Will they, won’t they” type of behaviors, they are not “together”.
TK: Pierre, I forgive you on this one. I know you don’t know nearly as much about relationships as good ol’ TK. I was engaged a whole one time. I know when two people are walking that blissful road of couple’s bliss.
G: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
P: Thomas I implore you to listen when I tell you those two are not…….
TK: Right for each other, that is what I am saying. She is a monster. She is crazy, she is hot, she is evil, she is hot and she is a giant See you next Tuesday. And that’s why we got to save him.
So I illustrated the plan here on the whiteboard. (Flips the whiteboard back to the stick figures)
So firstly, I buy a decent suit and a fake mustache. Probably one of those Gomez Addams deals. Then I get a fake ID that says my name is something romantic like Remington Steelballs or Darnell Throbbingjunk. Something that really grabs your attention.
Then I go buy a puppy or grab one of the blind kids down from that special needs school down the block. Then I take the puppy or the blind kid or both to Michelle and tell her I found them for her. She will be so thankful that she has something to kick again when she gets mad, which is probably all the time, that she will ask me inside.
Then I will hit her with the good ol’ TK charm.
P: Is that scene there, the figures with that appear to be holding each other upside down with the heart around it supposed to be your “TK Charm”.
G: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TK: No, gross, that is me piledriving that crazy lady if she gets out of hand. I love piledriving folks.
But anyway, I charm her, we get engaged, get married, take a honeymoon on a deserted island and I put some Nyquil in her wine, and when she falls asleep, you and GOAT fly by in a plane and I hitch to it like Batman did the Chinese dude in the Dark Knight and BAM.
We get back stateside, forge a breakup note, give it to Paul.
Paul is saved.
P: Thomas, I know this makes sense to you. I know In your mind this late 90’s to early 2000 rom com scenario works perfectly. But it totally ignores the most important fact which is….
Paul….. and…. Michelle…. Are…. Not…. together. (…. Represents clapping people do when they really want you to listen)
BAH…BAH…..BAH…BAH
TK: Pierre, GOAT, you two listen to me, I am telling you, Michelle is his main squeeze and I am not going to let her ruin our Neil Diamond Cover band. Paul is going to marry the right girl, and Neil is gonna sing at their wedding, Brother Love’s travelling Salvation Show, Coming to America, even trash ass Holy Holly. We are gonna be the ones who save him. If not now, when Pierre, and if not us, then who.
And you have to admit, my plan is pretty solid for a backup plan.
P: What do you mean backup plan?
TK: Oh yeah, the deserted island, marriage, Batman plan was just plan B. I stored plan A in the old noggin where nobody could steal it and Michelle would be none the wiser.
P: What is Plan A Thomas?
TK: Oh P, you are gonna love it. So you know how I am scheduled to fight Michelle at the last OPW hurrah right?
P: Yes Thomas, I am aware.
TK: Well I am gonna drink a ton of booze, wait for my music to play, wait for a little pyrotechnic display to rain down, then I am going to walk down to that ring and I am going to punch that broad in the back of her face so hard that she forgets Paul’s name, what he looks like, and that they were ever a couple at all.
P: Well, you seem to have this all figured out. We will leave you to it and we will be there if you need us. But I do have to inquire, if you had such a sure initial plan, why the need for the back up?
TK: Well Pierre, I like to be prepared. And if I am being honest, just walking in and kicking people’s asses has been a fifty good and fifty bad endeavor for me lately so I just wanted to cover all of my bases. See this Michelle isn’t just some fly by night talent. I mean I know she kicks and slaps and thrashes around kind of like a kid tying to bite the back of his own neck. But I will be damned if I let that fool me this time around.
I took my eye off the ball with Kane Dawson the Overcompensation sensation and I paid for it, can’t afford to do that again, not with Paul’s future happiness at stake.
I mean I know Michelle is another in the endless line of Riggs, Wolf, blah, blah, blah dynasty line whatevers. But she has got two arms, two legs, two hands, and two feet and she is climbing in that ring with me to fight. And I will give her all the props in the world for that. She does it week in and week out and she does it better than most.
But all that legacy, bloodline jive ain’t enough for me. I am gonna need her to show me a whole lot better than she can tell me. She walked in her day one and ran off at the mouth and shut down everybody who even thought about making eye contact with her.
She decided to make friends with the bottom of the barrel of folks. She was in on kidnapping GOAT, she was in on making my life hell for months, and probably send Kief a nudie pic or two to help get him to drop me on my melon.
So if we add all that together with the fact that now she has the nerve to try and ruin my Neil Diamond Cover Band and we come up with a recipe for me kicking that lady’s ass all over an arena.
And P, that is exactly what I intend to do.
And if it doesn’t work, I have already ordered three different mustache’s from Amazon and one Abraham Lincoln Beard. I am more than ready to introduce Michelle to her next ex husband, the one and only….
(TK stops, turns around, and turns back around to reveal a pencil thin Gomez Addams mustache and looks off into the distance like a cut rate Telenovella star.)
Juilio Teabags the Third.
P: Yes, my friend, Thomas is gone for at least a few hours.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???
P: Yes, yes, I realize that we need to talk about our future plans. It would appear that between your lascivious jaunts with every female of any species and my new-found love for electronic gaming we have seemingly forgotten about our goals of world domination.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
P: Perhaps you are right old friend. Perhaps we are evolving. Perhaps we had spent so long focused on one, solitary goal that we were letting everything else this mortal coil has to offer pass us by. I have not spent time developing a new bio-weapon or designing plans for a new weather manipulation machine in months.
And quite honestly, I don’t know if I miss it very much. Traveling the globe with Thomas, footloose, fancy free, with less than a care in the world seems to suit us better than we ever dreamt it could.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?
P: Of course there may be more to it than that. By the way, Thomas isn’t here, why are you still using that GOAT vernacular?
G: I, I don’t know, I had gotten so used to it that often times I forget that I have the power of actual speech. That I could be fluent in multiple languages if I so choose. Pierre, it appears that we have come to a crossroads in our existence. On this day, right here and right now we our being faced with an opportunity. A chance to expand, to grow as individuals. To forge a new path for ourselves.
We can choose to embrace these new lives we are building. We can leave behind all of our former machinations and allow Thomas to be our drunken pied piper and spend the remainder of our existence seeking carnal knowledge of as many of the female species as possible, playing every video game imaginable. Perhaps making financial gains with one of those Twitch streams.
Or we can take back our focus. We can make a decision right here and now to avoid any more distraction and become what we have always been meant to become. To take what is rightfully ours, to control our own destinies and rule this planet.
P: Why not both?
G: Pierre, whatever do you mean.
P: Allow me to elaborate. We have spent a great deal of time and energy in research and development. Analysis and application of the Earth’s population and ways to manipulate said population to our whims and desires. To allow all that labor to become fruitless feels as if it would be a recipe for personal disaster.
But what about synthesis. What if we could combine our old paths, our old lives, with our new? What if that was the actual key to unlock our true purpose, our true happiness? What if you could rule the world and live in almost perpetual post coital bliss? What if I could rule the landscape and also become the number one Twitch streamer in not just the world but the entire galaxy, assuming our estimations of life on other planets besides Earth are as accurate as I believe them to be?
G: Pierre, is that even possible, can it even be done?
P: GOAT, my dearest friend, I have ran the numbers, I have analyzed the simulations and I have come to the conclusion that………………….
Yes, not only can it be done, it is imperative to both goals that we combine our efforts to achieve them.
G: And Thomas, Thomas is the key isn’t he?
P: Yes old friend, I believe he is. He is a force that can lead us as we guide him simultaneously. Truth be told, Thomas has a certain charisma about him. For some reason when he speaks it appears that people are drawn to his words. Even when it is complete nonsense, for some reason people feel compelled to hang on his every drunken word.
Now while we can definitely use that to improve our social status and possibly acquire more twitch followers and acquire you more female companionship, we can also use it for its original intentions as well. So we must continue to build Thomas up to heights even he cannot imagine. With his success will come fame, with fame will come exposure, and with that exposure our plans can reach a fever pitch and become foolproof.
G: All the while we can feel rewarded by helping a dear friend. Pierre you truly are a genius.
P: Well I will make a call to Henchman number 37 and have him make the appropriate preparations.
G: I thought Henchman 27 was in charge of planning and delegation.
P: No, if you recall we did some organizational restructuring after that laboratory mishap. 37 is now in charge of planning and delegation and 27 has security detail and all Henchman birthday party responsibilities.
G: Yes, yes, I almost forgot about that laboratory mishap. We lost Henchmen 36 to 52 that day. They will be hard to replace and may they rest comfortably in peace. Well, several pieces actually but you understand my intent.
TK: FELLAS, HOLY CATS, WHITEBOARD MEETING IN THE PARKING LOT IN FIVE MENUDOS, THIS IS URGENT!
(When Pierre and GOAT make it out to the parking lot just outside of the reserved WANNABANGOHHHHHH area they find two school desks and a large whiteboard. On this whiteboard are several pictures and scenes featuring stick figures performing in a concert, having dinner, getting married, and other actions that are not so much obscene as they are just a bit strange. One includes what looks to be a bathtub and an army of rubber ducks.)
P: Thomas, what Is the emergency. You know whiteboard meetings are reserved for only Def-Con 3 and below level events. Being out of Zima, being out of “good” peanut butter, Global Thermal Nuclear catastrophe.
TK: P-Nut, this is wayyyyyyyy bigger than any of those things combined. With that TK flips the Whiteboard around to the other side and SAVING P-MONT-MEN!!!!!!! Is written in bold, red, block lettering.
P: Thomas, we have already discussed this. If Paul wants to spend time with that FOCUS group he does not need us meddling in those affairs.
TK: No man, that ain’t it. Now we know I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how I am going to rescue Pauly Mont Mont from himself. And I figure out what is wrong and exactly what we need to do.
We have to save him from his Girlfriend.
P: Thomas, you are being dramatic. Does he even have a girlfriend? And if he did, why would we need to interfere in their relationship.
TK: Glad ya asked Pinochle, you see I was thinking about it and I have seen Saving Silvermen enough times to know that if a dude gets with the wrong girl it can literally ruin everything. He doesn’t hang out with his friends, he gives up on his dreams, he ends up having sex with an apple pie…..wait, right dude, different movie. Oh, but he does quit his awesome Neil Diamond Cover Band.
P: Thomas, slow down, breathe, now first thing is first. Who is this mystery girl you speak of?
TK: Well damn P, are you not keeping track of anything of the comings and goings of OPW, Paul is explicitly romantically linked to one Miss Michelle.
P: The Miss Michelle, your opponent for the last OPW show ever?
TK: One and the same old chap.
P: Thomas, those two are not a couple, an item, a thing so to speak. Now granted they do participate in and almost annoying amount of “Will they, won’t they” type of behaviors, they are not “together”.
TK: Pierre, I forgive you on this one. I know you don’t know nearly as much about relationships as good ol’ TK. I was engaged a whole one time. I know when two people are walking that blissful road of couple’s bliss.
G: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
P: Thomas I implore you to listen when I tell you those two are not…….
TK: Right for each other, that is what I am saying. She is a monster. She is crazy, she is hot, she is evil, she is hot and she is a giant See you next Tuesday. And that’s why we got to save him.
So I illustrated the plan here on the whiteboard. (Flips the whiteboard back to the stick figures)
So firstly, I buy a decent suit and a fake mustache. Probably one of those Gomez Addams deals. Then I get a fake ID that says my name is something romantic like Remington Steelballs or Darnell Throbbingjunk. Something that really grabs your attention.
Then I go buy a puppy or grab one of the blind kids down from that special needs school down the block. Then I take the puppy or the blind kid or both to Michelle and tell her I found them for her. She will be so thankful that she has something to kick again when she gets mad, which is probably all the time, that she will ask me inside.
Then I will hit her with the good ol’ TK charm.
P: Is that scene there, the figures with that appear to be holding each other upside down with the heart around it supposed to be your “TK Charm”.
G: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TK: No, gross, that is me piledriving that crazy lady if she gets out of hand. I love piledriving folks.
But anyway, I charm her, we get engaged, get married, take a honeymoon on a deserted island and I put some Nyquil in her wine, and when she falls asleep, you and GOAT fly by in a plane and I hitch to it like Batman did the Chinese dude in the Dark Knight and BAM.
We get back stateside, forge a breakup note, give it to Paul.
Paul is saved.
P: Thomas, I know this makes sense to you. I know In your mind this late 90’s to early 2000 rom com scenario works perfectly. But it totally ignores the most important fact which is….
Paul….. and…. Michelle…. Are…. Not…. together. (…. Represents clapping people do when they really want you to listen)
BAH…BAH…..BAH…BAH
TK: Pierre, GOAT, you two listen to me, I am telling you, Michelle is his main squeeze and I am not going to let her ruin our Neil Diamond Cover band. Paul is going to marry the right girl, and Neil is gonna sing at their wedding, Brother Love’s travelling Salvation Show, Coming to America, even trash ass Holy Holly. We are gonna be the ones who save him. If not now, when Pierre, and if not us, then who.
And you have to admit, my plan is pretty solid for a backup plan.
P: What do you mean backup plan?
TK: Oh yeah, the deserted island, marriage, Batman plan was just plan B. I stored plan A in the old noggin where nobody could steal it and Michelle would be none the wiser.
P: What is Plan A Thomas?
TK: Oh P, you are gonna love it. So you know how I am scheduled to fight Michelle at the last OPW hurrah right?
P: Yes Thomas, I am aware.
TK: Well I am gonna drink a ton of booze, wait for my music to play, wait for a little pyrotechnic display to rain down, then I am going to walk down to that ring and I am going to punch that broad in the back of her face so hard that she forgets Paul’s name, what he looks like, and that they were ever a couple at all.
P: Well, you seem to have this all figured out. We will leave you to it and we will be there if you need us. But I do have to inquire, if you had such a sure initial plan, why the need for the back up?
TK: Well Pierre, I like to be prepared. And if I am being honest, just walking in and kicking people’s asses has been a fifty good and fifty bad endeavor for me lately so I just wanted to cover all of my bases. See this Michelle isn’t just some fly by night talent. I mean I know she kicks and slaps and thrashes around kind of like a kid tying to bite the back of his own neck. But I will be damned if I let that fool me this time around.
I took my eye off the ball with Kane Dawson the Overcompensation sensation and I paid for it, can’t afford to do that again, not with Paul’s future happiness at stake.
I mean I know Michelle is another in the endless line of Riggs, Wolf, blah, blah, blah dynasty line whatevers. But she has got two arms, two legs, two hands, and two feet and she is climbing in that ring with me to fight. And I will give her all the props in the world for that. She does it week in and week out and she does it better than most.
But all that legacy, bloodline jive ain’t enough for me. I am gonna need her to show me a whole lot better than she can tell me. She walked in her day one and ran off at the mouth and shut down everybody who even thought about making eye contact with her.
She decided to make friends with the bottom of the barrel of folks. She was in on kidnapping GOAT, she was in on making my life hell for months, and probably send Kief a nudie pic or two to help get him to drop me on my melon.
So if we add all that together with the fact that now she has the nerve to try and ruin my Neil Diamond Cover Band and we come up with a recipe for me kicking that lady’s ass all over an arena.
And P, that is exactly what I intend to do.
And if it doesn’t work, I have already ordered three different mustache’s from Amazon and one Abraham Lincoln Beard. I am more than ready to introduce Michelle to her next ex husband, the one and only….
(TK stops, turns around, and turns back around to reveal a pencil thin Gomez Addams mustache and looks off into the distance like a cut rate Telenovella star.)
Juilio Teabags the Third.