Post by lajohnnystylez on Jun 14, 2022 13:33:30 GMT -5
Taj Escobar: Ladies and gentlemen it is one of my greatest honors NAY PRIVLEAGES to be the one to remind each and every last one of you out there that considers themselves a fan of professional wrestling that this is the weekly wrestling program that represents the pinnacle of that industry. It is my privilege to once again welcome each and every last one of you to the weekly wrestling program that quite simply changed the game two years ago…Ladies and gentlemen my name is Taj Escobar and I am joined by the lovely and very loose Mason Moore…and this is MONDAY NIGHT SHOWCA$E!!! Mason…
Mason Moore: WHAT???
Taj Escobar: Are…Are you crying?
Mason Moore: Don’t ask me that DICKHOLE YOU KNOW I’M CRYING! I’ve been crying since we sat down practically!
Taj Escobar: Well I’ve already told you…It’s Miss Michelle we are talking about here the likelihood of them actually staying together forever is about as slim as your poop hole dear!
Mason Moore: No I’m NOT CRYING ABOUT THAT!...Anymore! I just can’t believe after everything WE’VE FINALLY FRICKEN MADE IT BACK! I never thought we’d be here again is all! I can’t believe it but I actually freakin missed you Taj!
Taj Escobar: Really?
Mason Moore; EW…NOT THAT MUCH YA CREEPER BACK UP I’ve GOT PEPPER SPRAY!!!
Taj Escobar: Why? Regular disinfectants don’t work no more?
Mason Moore: SHUT UP JERK HOLE! Don’t think you are hot shit because you got a few free lap dances at the Velvet Rabbit a few nights ago! It was just a professional courtesy from our former broadcast partner who now is one of the most powerful and influential people in this business and in this city, and incase you have forgotten ladies and gentlemen Monday Night SHOWCa$E is presented to you live from one of pro wrestling’s most infamous arenas…We are live in the Hammerstein Ballroom in DOWN TOWN NEW YORK CITY! And one thing I can personally attest to is the rumors are true this GOT DAMN CITY really doesn’t sleep!
Taj Escoibar: Which is good for them because we have a jam packed show for you here tonight as Outlaw Pro Wrestling officially makes its return after our boss now once again soul owner of OPW former seven time World Heavyweight Champion LA Johnny Stylez was recently released from prison a little over seven days ago and was granted access to all of his accounts and assets which is why we are once again brought to you live by the gracious and forgiving folks at the Home Box Office…Mason it really is great to be home isn’t it?
Mason Moore: You BET YOUR FUCKIN ASS IT IS TAJ! I FUCKIN LOVE THIS PLACE!
Taj Escobar: Good to see you keepin it classy as always Ms. Moore! SO now that we have mentioned that we can’t believe after everything that has happened that we are once again standing here in this arena in this city no less fixing to bring you as we always have THE ABSOLUTE BEST IN PRO WRESTLING aside from the simple fact that these three letters THE O to the P to the W have been synonymous with greatness in this sexy industry of ours for as long back as I can recall, but tonight be prepared for one of the most memorable and historic nights in OPW history as for the first time ever every single match on the card here tonight is a CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!
Mason Moore: HELLZ YEAH IT IS! Wanting to hit the ground running and not really waste a bunch of time drawing out the crowning of Champions Johnny Stylez has taken this collection of OPW stars all of which were on the roster when we shut our doors a little over a year ago and gave them the chance to start fresh and start this new era of Outlaw Pro Wrestling off as one of our best and brightest because as we have always said, those who wear the gold here in Outlaw Pro Wrestling represent the absolute best and brightest in our industry!
Taj Escobar: And you won’t be able to find two people on our roster that is more true about then the two people competing tonight in our Main Event for the OPW Southern Heavyweight Championship…It aint the first time we’ve seen em clash on this here program but I am willing to bet this time will be one for the ages as there is more on the line in the main event here tonight then there has ever been when these two have been inside that ring one on one!
Mason Moore: The first time the former OPW Immortal Champion was fortunate enough to be inside the same ring as the Montyest Python in the United States of America was of course in the most infamous match in Outlaw Pro Wrestling history…The Stairway2Heaven and since then these two have clashed more than a handful of times with PMONT coming out on top pretty much every single time, which let me just go ahead and tell ya…
Taj Escobar: Yeah maybe just don’t! We just got back on the air Mase, what do you say we try and keep our jobs for longer than the opening segment of our first show back! As much as I’m sure there is a good number of our audience that is dying to hear your sleezy whore quips I believe tonight it’s best if we stick to what’s relevant and I’m afraid the Monty Python is far from that! Which is precisely why and where this rivalry actually started when Apathy became the first OPW female performer to turn down a meet and greet with the aforementioned PYTHON!
Mason Moore: MADNESS…FUCKING MADNESS I TELL YOU! And now because of prudes like Apathy and THE WHORE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED WHOSE NAME RHYMES WITH TAAKA that ruined the fun for the rest of us and drove him into the arms and dirty snatch of that greedy hooker who used to be one of our bosses MIss “YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH I SUCK BECAUSE OF MY ACTUAL LAST NAME IS RIGGS, MICHELLE! It’s not fair she should still be watching Brandon Moore remove people’s toes in that glorified outhouse he referred to as his murder shed, but instead she gets to have all the fun playing TREMORS with EL GRAN LUCHADORE!
Taj Escobar; I’m sorry I realize my days of sexual pioneering ended a decade or two ago but I think I speak for every other living soul on this planet when I ask…even though I know for sure I’m going to regret it, but still…Playing what?
Mason Moore: TREMORS! He gets underneath the covers and…Well you don’t remember that movie from the 90’s with Kevin Bacon about the…
Taj Escobar STOP!!!! I am pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a lot a bit!
Mason Moore: Whatever..It’s like the best game ever!
Taj Escobar: ANYWAY! Speaking of Miss Michelle she will also be in action here this evening as she joins her significant other in attempting to continue the success both of them found after OPW closed it’s doors as she takes on former owner of OPW and former five time New Edge Wrestling heavyweight Champion of the World Roger Wright, who has literally not been seen or heard from since OPW closed it’s doors a little over a year ago!
Mason Moore: Right and I know for a fact there are droves of members of the Outlaw Nation who would love to know what he has been up to…Because last we saw Roger was having a very tough time getting his shit together…And from what my sources tell me since he and VooDoo were sharing more than the custody of his daughter Marie at the time if you are smelling what I’m stepping in, Roger knew what was going to happen to Johnny Stylez a few weeks in advance that gave Roger more than enough time to sell off his stake in OPW, which is why LA Johnny Stylez is once again the sole acting owner of OPW!
Taj Escobar: And when he sold those OPW’s stock couldn’t have been higher which means Roger is here tonight getting inside of that ring because that is what he wants to do because that is who and what he is and always has been! One of the most technically sound and recgonizable pro wrestlers this sport has ever known! And he once again has the opportunity to become a singles CHAMPION as he challenges Miss Michelle for the very title held by our owner LA Johnny Stylez the OPW Xtradition Championship! SO before it’s all said and done here tonight PMoNT and MIss Michelle could both leave here with two of OPW’s most prestigious championships!
Mason Moore: Which would be super dope if Michelle wasn’t such a greedy smelly opening band GROUPIE!
Taj Escobar: Mase I understand you are jealous but you might wanna cool it with all that, as incase you haven’t been watching over the last year Miss Michelle has more than gotten back into form she is better now than she ever has been!
Mason Moore: I KNOW THAT’S WHY IT AINT FAIR!
Taj Escobar: Look let’s just move on and talk about the fact that the next Championship match we are going to discuss is the OPW Immortal Tag Team Title match that features two of the most beloved names in OPW history who could very well leave here tonight making OPW history by seeing their names marked in the OPW history books for a third time should they be able to defeat former members of THe CuRe Jayson VIolence a former OPW Tag Team Champion himself and the mysterious man who was their newest member KoRRuPT.
Mason Moore: They call themselves KoRRUPTION & Violence for painfully obvious reasons, but other than that this team is shrouded in mystery and I have a feeling that was most likely on purpose! There is something oddly familiar about the man known as KoRRuPT, and he was once referred to as THe CuRe’s secret WEAPON…that never really got used as THe CuRe had a decent run back in FiGHT but eventually fizzled out for reasons pro wrestling fans are still debating over! But one thing is clear both former members of The CuRE are here tonight and thsoe two men pose a serious threat to what will be one of the biggest and most historic victories in the history of OPW because if they are able to defy the odds once again and have their names announced as the Outlaw Pro Wrestling Immortal Tag Team Champions for a third time, they will be the first CHAMPIONS in all of OPW to have ever done so!
Taj Escobar: Annnndddddd moving right along it’s time to talk about one of my and many other members of The OUTLAW NaTioN’$ favorite OPW Championships as tonight we will crown us a brand new X-KoRE CHAMPION in a triple threat match featuring three of OPW’s most violent superstars!
Mason Moore: Necra Octavian Kane who is my pick to take this one home by the way was so close to claiming the XKoRe CROWN for her own at OPW’s last pay per view International Incident before she was soundly defeated by the self proclaimed RULER and DEFINITION of what being XKoRE means in Outlaw Pro Wrestling, in OPW Founding Father Brandon Moore! Moore chose Necra as his challenger because he saw something in her that would help him put on the type of show that would be remembered because to hoist the XKoRe crown above your head or strap it around your waist means you have earned the respect and the right of being one of if no THE MOST Violent person in this business and she is just that!
Taj Escobar: Slow your roll there sister because also in this match shockingly enough is the very first man to ever hoist that title above his head…The man who holds the dubious honor and distinction of being forever known as the very first X-KoRE CHAMPION IN OPW HISTORY! Sure he didn’t hold onto it for very long but he won the got damn thing in one of the most brutal matches in OPW history, it truly blows that it is no longer in our library but I was sitting right here in this very chair the night Hunter Valentyne emerged from the first ever OPW WAR MATCH announced the world as the very first OPW X-KoRE champion, and if any of you chumps think for two seconds that he isn’t truly capable of accomplishing the exact same thing here tonight then the only person you are fooling if yourself!
Mason Moore: But don’t count out the third and final participant in the match Eoin O’Rourke because while he may be a bit of a long shot to win this one something tells me we would all do well to keep a sharp eye on Apathy’s devoted lover Eoin O’Rourke who was making serious strides to finding himself again in that squared circle the last time OPW was open. Eoin suffered a string of very tough losses earlier on in his career prior to Outlaw Pro Wrestling, but he signs with OPW meets and quite literally gets in to bed with Apathy they make a move to seize control of THe CuRE and we see this IRISH SCRAPPER SLOWLY BUT SURELY BEGIN TO TURN THINGS AROUND! Well he has a chance here tonight to force every single member of the Outlaw Nation as well as every member of the locker room to take notice and start taking him serious because if my sources are to be trusted and believe me they are…Eoin O’Rourke came here tonight to make a statement and could damn well leave THE HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM THE BRAND NEW OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING XKoRe CHAMPEEN!
Taj Escobar: Which brings us to the match we will be getting to in just a few moments…A year ago when Monday Night SHoWCa$e went live for the very first time the very first match in this company’s history was a triple threat ladder match for the OPW Youngblood Championship, just like that match and moment in OPW the Youngblood title is history and in it’s place now is our Prestige Championship! A title just like the OPW Youngblood TItle is defended practically every single week which makes it the most active and competitive divisions in all of Outlaw Pro Wrestling. Whether you are a fresh face looking to make an immediate impact or you are a seasoned vet looking to give your career a quick jump start the OPW Prestige Championship is a proven STAR MAKER!
Mason Moore: Some of the greatest title matches in OPW history have been for this very championship…And some may argue the the greatest champion in Outlaw Pro Wresting history is,one of our former Prestige Champions and is scheduled to compete in this opening contest to crown our first Prestige Champion in over a year…A man EVERY member of the Outlaw Nation knows by the name of THE ENFORCER! He held the title longer than any one before or sense he defended the title more than any champion in OPW history! It was one of if not the most impressive CHampionship reigns during our first run and right here tonight in just a few moments The Enforcer will look to start it up once again and see if he can recreate or surpass what he accomplished last time, because the man walked in a member of INsurgence, back up to Mike Maddox and walked out a true BONAFIDE STAR!
Taj Escobar: I doubt it because there aint no SyNDiCaTe here to help him now…ANd well the thing about no one has mentioned about this opening contest is that every single person in this match is themselves a former OPW Prestige Champion! ALL four of these men have tasted the gold before…THey know what it means to wear the OPW Prestige CHampion and they know what it is going to take to defeat the other one. Christian Rivers, Dark TIger, and Jason Ryan all have their work cut out for them, because once again it is up to them to grab the world’s attention right out of the gate and ensure that all eyes locked onto Monday Night SHoWCa$e stay right where they are! Just like the very first episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e…owner LA Johnny Stylez felt this was the appropriate way to kick off the 2nd run of Outlaw Pro Wrestling, and he selected four former Prestige Champions because he knew for certain he would get a contest where the competitors would damn near kill each other for the honor and privleage to kick off the second era in this company’s history on the right foot! SO I say we have done enough got damn talking…Let;s go ahead and do the damn thing huh?...Before..
Mason Moore: Well hold the fuck on a minute Taj! We can’tr sit here and run down the entire show and talk about the prestige, value, and meaning of all of our gold an not at least mention our top prize…You know the only piece of tangible proof that exists on planet Earth that allows it’s owner the rare privilege and RIGHT to proclaim themselves the single GOD’s HONEST SECOND to ABSOLUTLEY FUCKIN NONE BEST IN THE BIZ! THe OPW IMMORTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!
Taj Escobar: Yes I’m aware, how could you not be aware of what that title is and means? DO you remember Stairway? DO you remember the WAR MATCH between Stephen Stratford and Damon Riggs? Roger and Anicka? Apathy and Anicka? Several of the greatest moments in this company’s history have been for the sake and in the name of the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship which as far as we know was last held by Stephen Stratford…
Mason Moore: ANd for those of you who follow us on the TWITTAH know that OPW OWNER LA Johnny Stylez DEMANDED that Stratford be here tonight with the title in his possession so that he may return it once and for all…For what purpose is anyone’s guess, but I don’t think I am the only person who knows that Johnny’s demand of Stephen Stratford showing up here and personally returning the triple skull championship belt that Stratford himself spilled buckets of blood and practically drove himself mad over attaining back into the hands of Johnny is about much more than Stratford returning OPW’s property.
Taj Escobar: It was the only championship title that wasn’t returned and if you ask me that is all the proof one needs to see and realize what holding that title means to those worthy to compete for it. THe moment that title leaves your possession and there goes all that goes with it…THere goes people looking upon you as the pinnacle of this business. THe competitor who has risen above any and all hurdles their career has thrown in front of them. It’s a right as much as it is a reward, an honor as much as it is a privilege, a battle as much as it is a victory. And that ladies and gentlemen is why we believe the person who wears the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship is superior to any run of the mill World Champion of any ordinary or extraordinary wrestling promotion.
Mason Moore: Meaning if any of you out there doubt a single thing we just told you then you are more than welcome to bring that ass to Outlaw Pro Wrestling, get in line and wait till it’s your turn to PHUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT! But Taj we are putting the cart before the horse here…I wanna know why we are crowning all Champions except our top one? Aint the title vacant just like all the others? I mean I don’t imagine a world where Johnny Stylez would allow Xavier Wolf to throw him in jail and then leave the company still holding onto the piece of gold that was built by the blood sweat and tears of any and everyone who helped make OPW what it is, and was.
Taj Escobar: FUCK THAT…I’d settle for just knowing who the Immortal Champion was after Stephen Stratford and Xavier Wolf locked horns just as the last episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e was going off the air. As you all may or may not recall on the final episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e before Xavier Wolf remade the wrestling promotion in his image by moving it up North, calling it by a different name, and shaping it under a different image and likeness altogether both he and Stephen Stratford had agreed to finally settle the issues between the two of them once and for all but HBO pulled the plug just as the match was beginning and no one knows for certain what actually happened. Yeah the fans that were there were asked but finding two dip shits in the stands that night that have anything remotely close to similar stories is like finding someone who misses Jackson Monroe, or wants their daughter dating James Ceno meaning
Mason Moore: Yeah Taj we get it…SO then the questions have been asked and that is just a few of them…There are thousands upon thousands more…
Taj Escobar: NO!
Mason Moore: SO I guess that can really only mean one thing right Tajey?
Taj Escobar: NO…PLEASE NO! This is a brand new beginning for OPW…We should at least try starting out a different way!
Mason Moore: Taj, please there isnt even an alternate timeline in some alternate universe where LA Johnny Stylez doesn’t come out to start this particular episode of Monday Night SHoWCaSe…so sit there, pout, laugh, cry, cheer…I and the rest of the OUTLAW NATION COULD GIVE A RATS ASS…Because like it or not ladies and gentlemen without any further ado…IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ONCE AGAIN PRESENT TO YOU…THE MAN KNOWN AROUND THE WORLD AS THE DON oF DI$Re$PeCT…THE PaRaGONa oF AMeRiKaNA…THe FOUNDING FATHER OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING, ANd ONE OF THE GREATEST TO EVER PLAY THE GOT DAMN GAME….WE GIVE YOU…
LA JOHNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY SSSSSSTTTTTTYYYYYYYLLLLEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!!
Good GOT DAMN I MISSED THIS JOB!!!
Taj Escobar: Yeah like your other one is so terrible!
SUddenly the lights in the Hammerstein Ballroom go completely black and every single voice jammed inside this arena that sold out in literal minutes when it was announced that Outlaw Pro Wrestling would be making a grand return, began screaming at the top of their lungs as the anticipation was about to come to a sudden an abrupt end when suddenly “THe Resistance” by Skillet starts to play but mere seconds after the opening guitar riff echoes throughout the arena the sound of a record scratching is heard throughout the arena and the sound of someone changing the record is heard and then there is silence for a few brief seconds until a somewhat familiar rhythm begins to play in the arena and then the unmistakeable voice of the lead singer of the band SHINEDOWN Brent Smith begins to echo throughout the Hammerstein Ballroom as the he lyrics to the hit song
STATE OF MY HEAD by SHINEDOWN
Begin to slowly play
And then in grand Outlaw Pro Wrestling fashion there is a sudden and very loud
THen suddenly the lights come on and standing directly at the center of the entrance ramp is none other than THE F’N MAN HIMSELF…THe PaRaGONa oF AMeRiKaNa LA Johnny Stylez and the sold out rabid members of the OUTLAW NATION ARE ON THEIR FEET and for reasons beyond our explanation or understanding they are cheering him. Call it nostalgia, call it emotion, call it whatever you want, but Johnny Stylez stands in the middle of the entrance ramp with a black and white pin stripped fedora hat pulled down over his face as he is wearing a pair of black and white pin striped pants, a pair of fingerless gloves and a black ribbed wife beater that says
On the center of it. As the song echoes throughout the entire arena Johnny finally raises his head as the fans roar even louder just as the song gets to the chorus
Johnny walks from one side of the entrance ramp to the other, this is typically where we see him and his arrogant smirk plastered across his face…And while it starts out that way once his eyes lock eyes with the faceless sea of human bodies and he hears the sound the reality of the situation sets in and all of his egoism and bravado for the moment melts away and his arrogant smirk tonight…or at least just in this moment is just a F’N SMILE!!! As he walks to the left he points to the upper deck and of course the fans on the left side of the arena let out a ROAR…He is moving his lips saying something we are unable to make out as he then turns around and walks the other way and does the same and gets the exact same reaction he then walks back to the center of the entrance ramp and gets down on his knees removing his fedora hat he places it on the ground beside him as he bends all the way down and kisses the metal of the entrance ramp beneath his feet. IN one fluid quick motion he then hops up drops his head and then shoots back up extending both his hands and behind him once again another got damn
Johnny Stylez then bends over picks up his fedora and claps his hands and suddenly two of his Brazzer girls Brittany Amber and Jayden James walk out and join him on the entrance ramp in each of their left hands are two silver brief cases that are handcuffed to their wrists. THey are both wearing black and white pin stripped LEGS AVENUE GANGSTER HALLOWEEN costume with black and white pin striped dress pants that look so tight it appears they may have been painted onto their bodies. THey are both also wearing the black and white pin stripped tube top that doesn’t leave very much to the imagination.
The New York Hammerstein crowd roars in approval as Johnny stops and has them stop and turn around showing off their lovely slutty Halloween costumes here in June. THey both have matching black and white pin stripped fedoras pulled down over their faces but their white teeth smiling from ear to ear after personally experiencing the love from the OUTLAW NATION. As they make their way down to the ring Johnny as usual stops to light a joint and stops mid way down the entrance ramp and takes a sign from the fan holding it up for everyone at home to see that says
Johnny gives the sign back and TOO SWEETS the fan and the three make their way towards the ring. Johnny hops up on the ring apron first and stands on the ropes bending over pulling the middle rope up so the ladies are able to step through. As the ladies bend down to get inside the ring the Hammerstein Ballroom nearly shakes from all the cat calls and roars from the rowdy New York crowd. Johnny then quickly runs over and yanks the mic out of Royal Powerhouse’s hand and then runs to the center of the ring and drops down on his knees again and kisses the ring canvas. He then shoots back up to his feet and runs his hand across his throat calling for the music to be cut, which it immediately is.
Mason Moore: OHHHHH COME ON TAJ! YOU CAN’T SIT HERE AND TELL ME YOU DIDN’T FUCKING MISS THIS…
Taj Escobar: Ohhh YESSS I CAN! I missed everything about OPW cept for this!
Mason Moore: Taj let me just say real quick and I have no clue why this is just now dawning on me, but you have gotta be the dumbest SuMMa BITCH from Manhattan to The French Quater…”Yeah my name is Taj Escobar and I am going to openly bash the one guy I know personally who employs girls who are so good at FUCKING THEY DO IT FOR A LIVING!”...IDIOT!
Taj Escobar: Well I mean…when you put it like that yeah I guess I kinda did miss him…A little…
Mason Moore: Shut your YAP TinkerBeLL THE BOSS HAS SOMETHIN TO SAY…
LA Johnny Stylez takes the mic and takes a step in front of the two knockouts he is standing next to. Every fan in attendance in probably the biggest small arena pro wrestling takes place in in the entire world is rowdy as PHUCK and they are all screaming at the top of their lungs chanting…
OPW
OPW
OPW
Johnny holds his hands up and chuckles as he briefly lowers his head as only those watching closely enough are able to catch him wiping a small tear from his eye before looking back up at the crowd and reaching in his back pocket and pulling out a thick pair of black RAYBAN sunglasses and puts them on as the fans in attendance only pop louder as Johnny puts the mic to his lips and begins to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez: AWWWWW SHUX NEW YORK I’M HAPPY TO SEE YOU MOTHER PHUCKERZ TOO!!! But before we get started can I just say one got damn time
And I know there are some of you MoRoNZ sitting at home in your mother’s basement one hand down your britches praying to God the camera man focus a tad bit more on what is behind me for a few moments so you can gratify yourself for another long days work of sharing your IRRELEVANT AND EQUALLY WORTHLE$$ TWO CENTZ on subjects you think you know so much about because you spend eighteen out of twenty four hours obsessing over it, when actually
SO to you idiots who are sitting there thinking and wondering how can I sit here and say it’s good to be home or it’s good to be back when we are clearly in one of the most infamous buildings in all of pro wrestling located way above the Mason DiXoN LINE…About as phucking far from the got damn FRENCH QUATER as it could possibly get…Well gentlemen and everything else in between…Psst hey over here..EYES ON ME K…
While The DoN oF DI$Re$PeCT gives you a dose of the truth you people have been in desperate need of for over THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS!!! Because you see it don’t make a got damn difference if we are live from Bourbon Street, in the Hammerstein Ballroom…Phuck we could be doing this in some random BUNGALOW off the coast of PHUCKING NEVER NEVER LAND (Which is just above PARTZ UNKNOWN) because it don’t make a got damn difference! Anywhere we weigh anchor set this got damn ring up and put on a live pro wrestling show then as far as we or any of you are CONCERNED
…And woah woah woah just because you came up and got a whiff don’t mean it’s ok for you to duck your head back down and put your head back in your ass, because ladies and gentlemen I’m…no WE ARE JUST GETTING STARTED! GO ahead and take a deep breathe…GO AHEAD AND BREATHE SOME MORE IN…GO ON…It’s
Because you see I came out here tonight to not just kick off the new era of the greatest professional wrestling orginzation this world has or will ever KNOW…I didn’t just come out here to inform you all of some very big changes coming to sed wrestling orginization that are going to shock most of you…I also didn’t just come out here to tell yall about some of the meetings I had today with some of the TOP TALENT IN THE PHUCKING BUSINESS WHO HAVE SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE AND ARE JUST ACHING TO COME OUT HERE and WHOOP A LITTLE ASS UNDER THE OPW BANNER!!! NO, NO , NO…Well wait…Yeah I did come out here to do all that shit, but the main thing I came out here to do tonight ladies and gentlemen was to once and for all, but all the bickering, debating, whispering, wondering, and gossiping to BED hopefully once and for all…
Because one thing I will do before I walk back behind that curtain and allow these rabid members of the Outlaw Nation to once again get their fix and for the first time since International Incident get to kick back relax and watch comfortably as the members of OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING…Bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING DONE RIGHT!!!
?WHaT?
Ohhh wait hold on…I think I know what’s going on here. There are probably a good number of you out there over analyzing every single word that has or will fall from my lips out here tonight, which is, was, and always
When I come out here and say OPW brings the world PRO WRESTLING DONE RIGHT…That doesn’t mean I am saying that any one specifically does it wrong…Even though most of you out there do it WRONG, and believe me when I tell ya that is as nicely as I can or WILL PHUCKIN PUT IT! SO if that causes your butt to start hurting, go get a band-aid, pop a handful of advil, then go get yourself a phucking COKE and a SMILE, because IF I MEANT ANYONE SPECIFICALLY MOST OF YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW I WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY SAID SOMEONE SPECIFICALLY!
Since we dun went ahead and got that shit out the way, let’s go ahead and discuss the elephant in the room, and no I’m not talking about the last female in the bar that Taj Escobar will be taking home this evening, or here we are almost ten years after the fact and Hunter Valentyne STILL
But I dumped you on your head almost ten years ago BRUH! Don’t you think it’s finally time you took yourself a trip to HOME DEPOT? Got yourself some tools and some wood…Built yourself a BRIDGE and in the name of all that is good, sacred, and holy done yourself and the rest of us a favor and
Get a therapist, get a role model, get a hug…I don’t give a phuck HUNTER, but it’s way passed time you joined these dumb ass fans and pulled your head out of your ass looked down at your got damn pay check and realize it’s signed BY ME!!! SO spare us your historical fictitious accounts that we have all heard and laughed at behind your back every…and I do mean EVERY PHUCKING TIME YOU DO IT, and use the opportunity I have given you to do what I gave it to you FOR! TO go out there and build your name and brand and move passed the shit between us! You are a good wrestler when ya wanna be Hunter…WHy else do you think I let you stand next to me for so long? Why else do you think I brought you back after the crap you pulled last time? Or ya know phuck the questionsI’ll even do ya a solid bro…If you just dead set on hearing it out loud on more time…
Now I think we are done here! Good luck tonight
K good, making progress people! Now I guess it’s time to discuss the other ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, because I swear to Christ I have not been out in public for any period of time longer than eight minutes without some nerdy unpopped pimple coming up to me trying to get me to cut a promo on the people that put me in jail and the base of operations they burnt OPW to the ground over and rebuilt over it’s ashes…Yes boys and girls it is the moment you have all been waiting for so call your friends, or fellow guild members or whatever and tell em it’s that time. LA Johnny Stylez after a year of straight silence is finally going to talk about the pro wrestling powerhouse known as FiGHT NYC! You guys ever heard of it?
THe home town crowd roars in approval of the former pro wrestling orginization that took the world by storm for the time frame of one year and quite literally changed the phucking game all from the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. THe fans begin to chant
Johnny flashes his smirk at the fans as he lets them have their fun before putting the mic back to his lips and calling for the crowd to allow him to continue…
LA Johnny Stylez: K cool, so yall have heard of em good that makes all of this A LOT PHUCKING EASIER!!! Now before we get started I think it’s only fair that I admit to every single one of you that while I spent the last year of my life a resident at Riker’s Island State Pennetentary right up the road kinda I actually lost count of how many times I have written and rewritten, rehearsed and prepared to give this same exact speech. It changed so many times over the days, weeks, and months that drug by so slow I swear on my life I felt almost every single moment of it tick by and vanish into thin air. But the longer I was there the more time I had to think things over. And the more I thought about it the more I was forced to be honest with myself and the more I was honest with myself no matter how pissed I got, or how angry I was I would always…always…always arrive back at the same got damn point. So to Xavier Wolf and everyone else who was responsible for setting me up so you could build your pro wrestling empire ontop of mine at the end of the day there is really one thing and one thing only I really have to say to any of you before I say anything else…And that mother phuckers is
I can tell by the looks on your faces down here in the front row, and even though a lot of us are separated by hundreds of miles and some great bodies of water and a big glass screen but I can feel your faces drooping your vicious hyena smiles vanishing as you anxiously awaited for me to shoot off at the mouth and bury them like I used to do to Action Wrestling and that other portable toilet of a wrestling promotion AGW and F2B…And hopefully enough time has passed to where those of you that were still bracing for impact have finally reached the conclusion everyone else has at this point and that is…No I’m really not going to sit out here and cuss a single one of them out…I’m not going to bag on FiGHT at all, as a matter of fact if you want my opinion the people who put FiGHT together and ran it created something truly spectacular…They created what I had always prayed, hoped, and dreamt Outlaw Pro Wrestling would turn into someday. They were a megaforce that swept over the sport and this country like boy bands, rap music, or hating Donald Trump. They took the time honored tradition that was started in OPW and they carried it on in their own way and they made sure that if anyone in this business wanted to refer to themselves as great and have anyone pay them even the slightest bit of attention then they needed to go to FiGHT to prove it! Now did they have their faults? Yeah I’m sure they did, but who phucking doesn’t? If you mother phuckers want the truth the only reason the first versions of this speech were the four letter word filled bitch fest so many of you have heard me deliever more times than I care to count or remember is because of the simple fact that deep down
Because if they found success then that means they were able to take what I had started and break past the limitations that I myself had placed on it with my own short sighting and short coming and then perhaps I would have to also entertain the fact that perhaps they were right to do what they did because perhaps they were better than I am at this, and that wasn’t a truth I was ready or willing to face and would have resisted it at every turn. Some of you may or may not have heard the interview I gave with the OPW Internet guy Gushers Greer earlier in the week and you heard me say that I never actually watched a single episode of VENOM and that boys and girls as much as I am ashamed to admit is very much so the truth…But it is in that very fact that I know I stand before you here and now and speak the truth, because the truth is kiddos
They talked about it the way they used to talk about OPW…Only I wasn’t there and they did it without me forcing me to wonder if there was even a place for me in this business, and so I became even more bitter than I was the day Xavier Wolf yanked the metaphorical rug out from under me and came closer to delivering me to the United STates Justice system than any living soul that has ever tried to do and believe me when I tell ya shitbirds that is one long ass phucking list! SO to those of you responsible for putting fourth the effort into building FiGHT into the force that it was…I hope what I am out here right here and right now doing isn’t phucking lost on you…Because this is
I have a phucking hard time admitting I am wrong even when I am wrong, case and point even though I know in my gut this is the right thing to do it is still making my stomach turn and twist in knots, but at the end of the day I have always been and always will be a SLAVE to the TRUTH and that has always been one of if not the main things that separates me from being Hunter Valentyne! There are things I could say to slander and discredit the shit they accomplished but at the end of the day it would be bullshit, because while I was locked away from the rest of the world they hit the ground running and dominated this sport and helped build it into what it is today and even though it stings to admit…Over time I began to kinda take pride in it, because since we are on the subject of the truth…The truth is that at the end of the day the relationship between FiGHT and OPW is a symbiotic and undeniable one. Because facts are facts and the one gigantic fact that neither Myself or They can run from is the fact that They wouldn’t have existed without US and WE wouldn’t have existed without them! And so it is in that regard that I would now like to take a moment and announce the first big change for our brand new OPW…Ms. James if you would be so kind…
Jayden James takes a step forward as the crowd gives her a huge pop she looks out at them and flashes a smile as she holds the briefcase for Johnny who is digging in his pockets trying to find the key. He is fumbling around and can’t seem to find it anywhere…?
LA Johnny Stylez: Now what did I do with that mother phuckin key? I had to put it somewhere SHIT!!!
Jayden then whistles at Johnny to get his attention which she immediately gets as his eyes immediately shoot over in enough time to see where he “put the damn key” which of course was right where it should be close to her amazing beautiful boobs…Ya know for safe keeping and shit..
LA Johnny Stylez: RIGHT! THERE IT IS! See I knew I put it some place safe! Now Ms. James would you like to do the honor?
The crowd grows quiet with anticipation and confusion as they aren’t really sure what the hell is going on until the lid of the briefcase flies open and the fans let out a HUUUGGGEEEE pop as they can see the glimmering brand new plate of a brand new championship title belt that has the word LEGACY written across the center of the plate. Johnny Stylez reaches down and uses both hands to remove the brand new custom made championship belt that looks utterly F’n FLAWLESS.
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He takes a lap around the ring holding the title above his head with both hands as the fans cheer. Johnny then brings the title belt down and slings it over his shoulder as he once again presses the mic to his face and begins to tell us what the hell is going on exactly.
LA Johnny Stylez: Now ladies and gentlemen the moment my mind arrived at and accepted the truth of the unbreakable link between this wrestling promotion and FiGHT something else became very phucking clear to me…You see we as the people who run the day to day operations tend to get wrapped up in it we forget one very important fact about this entire game that I aim to correct once and for all right here and right now, because you see when I said OPW wouldn’t exist without FiGHT I didn’t say they wouldn’t exist without ME…THEY WOULDN’T EXIST WITHOUT
THAT GAVE OPW it’s meaning…It’s the sacrifices…the stunts, the determination, the will, the rage, the honor and respect of every single person who comes out to this ring and puts it all on the line making sure that when the show reaches it’s dramatic conclusion at the end of the night the fans in the arena just as the fans at home sit back take it all in and walk away from it knowing they saw something special…knowing they themselves witnessed true greatness right in front of their phucking faces. OPW and FIGHT wouldn’t have been shit without the soldiers on the ground fighting the battles and making sure the name and banner they fight for means everything we tell them it does. And so to make sure none of us ever forget where we came from…ANd just how important their roles are I have decided to make a tremendous change in OPW as of this very moment out geographic championship known as the OPW Southern HEavyweight Championship is no more…and in it’s place is the
It will carry the same lineage as the Southern title because it will mean the same thing the Southern title did only a bit more. Holding this particular Championship title means you have put it all together and could at any moment accept the calling to be truly great and ascend to the top of this business as the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship. This title will serve as tribute and as a reminder of the greatness both FiGHT NYC and OPW established over the last two years. To wear the OPW LEGACY CHAMPIONSHIP MEANS YOU HAVE FOUGHT HARD AND WELL ENOUGH TO BECOME APART OF THE TRADITION OF GREATNESS that we have spilled our blood sacraficed our bodies, spent our dollars and travled all those miles to ensure not just existed but thrived…And here tonight the winner of our main event between Apathy and Paul Montouri will be the first person to proudly wear this around their waist and become the living embodiment of what this title means and what it takes to hold it…ANd that PMONT is why you two are fighting in a got damn DOG KOLLAR MATCH because the only way to win a DOG KOLLAR MATCH IN OPW IS BY TKO…I wanted to make sure whoever the first OPW Legacy Champion is…
Now before me and these lovely ladies make our way to the back and let you fans get on with the show there is one more piece of business I would like to address very phucking quickly! SO may I please have your attention Mr.
Yes I’m even aware why he is in a COMA…No I didn’t phucking shoot him or arrange to have him shot! I didn’t shoot him because when it transpired I was still a resident of Riker’s…and I didn’t arrange for it to happen because I tried that once upon a time, and as I have been out here trying to tell you dickbagz for the millionth time is that I may be a pro at phucking shit up…But one thing The PaRaGoN oF AMeRiKaNa EVER DOES is make the same phucking mistake twice! If I had arranged for Xavier to be shot I can tell you in this moment I would be in a much more sour mood because I will have given someone else an honor that CLEARLY BELONGS TO NO ONE ELSE BUT ME! Now I am speaking to you X even though you are in a coma, not because I’m afraid of you because that never has been nor will it ever be the phucking case…But because I don’t have a choice…I have waited over a year to say this to you and I am going to go ahead and say it because after tonight I have a FUTURE to get to…But just because I saw the error of my ways, and while a part of me is grateful for you for teaching me that lesson. Don’t you get it phucking twisted
I don’t know when and I don’t know where…But one day if and when you wake up…You had better hope someone that actually cares for you informs you that was the moment the clock started ticking…And so it will until time and fate have run their course and the only thing left for you and I to do is to settle our differences the OLD PHUCKING FASHIONED WAY! I guess what I’m trying to say Xavier Wolf is…I truly understand why you despise discussing things like EMOTIONS and FEELINGS…But on the day when I come to collect for ther debt you owe…KNOW GOOD AND GOT DAMN WELL I’m GUNNA WHOOP YOUR PHUCKIN ASS SO GOT DAMN BAD it will EVEN HURT YOUR GOT DAMN FEELINGZ! You haven’t known torment or pain and suffering the way you will the day I come to settle up for the last year of my life! ANd its crazy, because I respect you as much as I despise you…BUt it appears there is no other path for you and I to walk down and this was always going to happen! ANd on that day I really hope there is a God you believe in enough to pray to because on that day the only way you are going to get anything that remotely resembles mercy mother phucker is if you
And I know I aint telling you shit you don’t already know. You knew this the day you decided to take the idea to do what you did out of your head and change it from an idea to a plan…ANd the moment you executed said plan there had to be a rotten feeling in your gut…Very similar to the way it felt when you dropped the ball and the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Title to Stephen Stratford at OUR OWN GOT DAMN PAY PER VIEW…Only I promise you the pain you felt in that moment will be a far distant moment you no longer are able to recall because the only pain you will know from that moment forward will be the phucking pain that comes from what happens when LA Johnny Stylez gets you inside this mother phucking ring and forces you to
And while poor phucking Humpty may have stood a chance, I can’t promise there will be enough left of you to put back together again! And LA Johnny Stylez is a MAN OF HIS WORD! SO enjoy your rest X, because the real nightmare is waiting for you the moment you open your phuckin eyes! And with that ladies and gentlemen I think it is time for the talk to end and for the violence to begin..Yall cool with that New York CITY?
The fans roar with approval as they once again break out into a
OPW
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh and before I phucking forget, I know I said I would address the OPW Immortal Title situation and as I just said I am a man of my word…and I will address it…But the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship is a representation for the BEST…and when it comes to putting on a pro wrestling show you always save the best for LAST! SO STEPHEN STRATFORD…I haven’t seen ya since you pinned Anicka Swan at International Incident, but I know you are somewhere close…Don’t start this off on the wrong foot…I appreciate the fact that you are the only one of those alleged “BIG NAMES” that came back, you’ve always been a smart dood…SO do the smart thing here and do exactly what the phuck I told ya to do on TWITTER!
You had your time with the OPW Immortal Championship but that time has come and gone and it’s time for you to return MY PROPERTY and get out of the way so the new era of Outlaw EXCELLENCE CAN BEGIN! SO call a cab…take an UBER…SPread your wings and FLY to the ring for all I phucking care, but come the end of the show tonight you had better come out here to bring me MY GOT DAMN BELT and let me remind you…I AINT PHUCKIN ASKING! ENJOY THE SHOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, as OPW roster reminds you why we are the only SECOND 2 NONE THIS BUSINESS HAS EVER NEEDED…while I remind the entire OPW roster that yes we are indeed back…Which means all of your asses once again BELONG TO ME!
SO STAY THE PHUCK IN LINE OR YOU WILL BE PuT IN IT I will not have my authority challenged and if you have or would like to file an official complaint…FIrst you will have to find someone who gives a PHUCK! Good to be home ladies and gents GooD to be home! See yall around the way NEW YORK CITY!!!....Ohhh and for phucks sake will someone call HBO and tell them they can stop blowing up my got damn phone…All they have to do is look at their screen to see Ive got my hands full here tonight! Now someone back there HIT MY GOT DAMN MUSIK!!!
“NO LOVE” by Lil Wayne and Eminem begins to blare over the PA SYSTEM when suddenly out of no where the screen of the OUTLAWtron switches to a shot of LA Johnny Stylez cell phone. The music stops playing and all of a sudden we hear one of the most annoying sounding ringtones any of us have ever heard in our entire lives. Johnny and the ladies stop and look around in confusion as they can’t help but look up at the OUTLAWtron and see who is calling as the name appears clearly on the center of Johnny’s phone perfectly displayed on the OUTLAWtron. It says HBO in big black bold letters with a white background. Johnny looks around at the now extremely annoyed crowd as they are yelling at him to “ANSWER YOUR GOT DAMN PHONE.” Johnny reaches for it, but the ringing stops and it immediately goes to voicemail. We are aware of this because the sound of LA Johnny Stylez voicemail picking up is being played throughout the entire arena…
LA Johnny Stylez: You’ve reached ME, you can leave a message if you want, but I’m probably not gunna listen to it or call you back, but what the hell knock yourself out…PHUCK YOURSELF K BYE…
Voice: Johnny HI this is HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones we have been trying to reach you since you were released from prison. We received your signed contract to once again air Monday Night SHoWCA$e live on our network every Monday, however as my assistant made perfectly clear to you when you signed the documents there were a few concessions that would need to be made which we have tried to contact you to disclose what those were, but since you have decided to air Monday Night Showcase without speaking to us then we are left with no choice but to assume you agree to those concessions. I am just calling now to inform you of a few of them as you will be forced to deal with live here this evening.
First and foremost we aren’t sure if you are aware but your former business partner Roger Wright sold his stock in the company two days before you were arrested so he is no longer your business partner and is to have no say on any of the day to day decisions that affect Outlaw Pro Wrestling. However you may find it interesting that he sold those shares to a firm that is owned by The Home Box Office giving us a 50% stake in the company. I mean no disrespect by this at all Mr. Stylez but cleared of all charges or not you just spent the last year in prison costing the Home Box Office a small fortune on all the sponsorship dollars and lost revenues we had to pay as a result of your sudden incarceration, and while the State of New York has also agreed to compensate us for our losses as they are you…You still don’t think we would just turn OPW over to you to run as you see fit do you? Certainly not even you can be that dimwitted!
Camera cuts to LA Johnny Stylez who’s mouth is moving and for those of you that can read lips are able to gather that he is has some very choice words for HBO’s very BLUNT Executive Vice President!
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: No in order to ensure Monday Night Showcase continues on the path to success that it was when it was last on our Network we have found that things run best when you have someone there to keep tabs on your goings on and to ensure you don’t make the same unprofessional mistakes you have made in the past. For instance as acting fifty percent owners of Outlaw Pro Wrestling the board has voted that for a period of one hundred and seventy five days there will be no FACTIONS, GROUPS, GANGS, or as they are commonly referred to in pro wrestling circles STABLES. Tag Teams of no more than three will be allowed, but no factions shall be offically recgonized or marketed, by Outlaw Pro Wrestling, failure to comply or a breach of this ruling will result in a five hundred thousand dollar fine, and the circumstance will be reviewed by our board to determine if any further disciplinary action will be taken. We do this not just for OPW’s general welfare we do this to prevent you from falling into any “old behavorial patterns” shall we say that ultimately resulted in collapse or failure as we at the Home Box Office simply cannot afford for the same mistakes to be made that were when the faction war that consumed Outlaw Pro Wrestling during it’s last tenure.
The camera switches back to Johnny Stylez who is in the ring damn near throwing a got damn temper tantrum as the fans are loving every minute of it…
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: As I stated earlier Mr. Stylez there are a few other conditions and terms that you will be made aware of and are expected to become familiar with over the course of the evening. And since I am busy with various other dealings and responsibilities that come with being the Executive Vice President of the Home Box Office, the new board of directors felt it wise to appoint a liaison from our office to yours to stand and act as our advocate and if need be our voice and enforcer if the situation calls for it. We did hope to gain some input on who you thought would be qualified to fill such a role but once again your refusal to simply answer your phone left us no other choice but to make that selection ourself. Not to worry Mr. Stylez I believe the board knocked this one out of the park. They wanted someone as familiar with the organization as well as with you as possible, because as I have hopefully been able to properly convey we are very much aware of your problems with authority Mr. Stylez so know that we made our selection of liaison was made with that in mind. As we at HBO hope for nothing more than a prosperous relationship moving forward. SO the boar decided to select not only someone familiar with you and OPW they decided to select a former member of your roster!
The crowd let’s out a HUUUGGGEEEEE pop at the mention of that as Johnny’s head sinks down and he starts to playfully bang his head against a turnbuckle pad.
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: The person we selected we felt was a not only a corner stone member of the Outlaw Pro Wrestling roster, but someone who embodied the spirit of what OPW was and should be. He was adored by his peers and fans alike. SO much so that in every single arena OPW has ever performed in the fans have chosen to show their love and respect for this man by claiming a small portion of their seating area as his own personal space. Therefore it is with great pride and pleasure that I present to you, your new business partner and acting CO-PRESIDENT OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING former OPW Youngblood, PurBLooD, X-Kore, and Southern Champion…The ONE AND ONLY THOMAS KANE!!!!
You thought the fans popped for Johnny? Let us be perfectly clear about this…The Hammerstein Ballroom JUST CAME
Johnny Stylez is in the ring damn near crying as the fans pop even louder and stand and all turn their attention towards the entrance ramp as camera begin to flash as Tommy Kain’s TRUSTY WANNABANG-OHHH slowly starts driving down the entrance ramp. Fans are cheering and dancing to the familiar tune as the vehicle comes to a sudden stop as the fans are screaming their heads off as they see none other than Pierre at the wheel of the WannaBang-OHH. He waves at Johnny and then extends his middle finger as suddenly the main door to the WANNABANG-OHH suddenly swings open and out walk almost every single blonde female that is currently on BRAZZERS ROSTER Olivia Austin, Bridgette B, Devon Lee, Rachel Cavalli, Rachel Roxx, come out of The WannaBang OHHH to the delight of this rowdy New York City Crowd. But then a pop so loud it almost cracks a camera lens or two as THE MAN HIMSELF makes his way out of his HOME/VEHICLE wearing a brand new TUXEDO T-SHIRT and a classy pair of black jean shorts with combat boots. In one hand a ZIMA thar he holds in the air and Olivia Austin gladly cracks open for him. He then holds his hand out in front of Devon Lee’s mouth and she holds out her tongue giving Tommy Lee her Jolly Rancher that Tommy Kain holds up in the air and then theatrically drops into his ZIMA Bottle puts his thumb in the top of the bottle and turns it upside down. The bubbles begin to fizz as Tommy turns towards his new business partner and holds up his index finger telling Johnny to
Johnny rolls his eyes as the fans eat up every bit of this. Once the zima jolly rancher fusion is complete he turns it back upright and takes a gigantic swig as the crowd cheers him on. He then reaches in his back pocket for the remote and is unable to find it. He looks around at the blonde collection of porn stars asking them if they have seen it. They all then point to the door of the WANNABANG OHHHH as the clear and decisive pop of the night goes to everyone’s favorite four legged member of the OPW ROSTER GOAT comes staggering out of the WANNABANG-OHHHH in a black tuxedo tshirt of his own and the mic firmly clinched in his jaws. Tommy payfully fusses at GOAT as GOAT makes his way over to Tommy. Tommy takes the mic out of GOAT’s hands but it is clearly not in working condition. Tommy then looks at Johnny and shrugs his shoulders as he then demands that the music be turned up louder as he begins to dance with the blonde collection of BRAZZER GIRLS as he looks at Johnny and gives him a tremendous THUMBS UP and is seen mouthing the words
Tommy then calls out to the crowd and gets a huge OPW chant started as every single man, woman, and child in the Hammerstein Ballroom all begin to chant in unison so loud they can hear them all the way on Bourbon Street
OPW
So loud we are barley able to hear the voices of the commentators as they try and seg way us into what’s next.
Taj Escobar: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM AT A LOSS! I CAN’T FRICKEN BELIEVE IT! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!!!
Mason Moore: ALLOW ME SIR! There is no more OPW Southern Heavyweight Championship..It has been upgraded to the OPW Legacy Championship and the first title match is our Main Event here tonight…LA Johnny Stylez has demanded Stephen Stratford personally return the OPW Immortal Championship…and incase you are living under a ROCK…TOMMY F’N KANE IS THE NEW ACTING CO-PRESIDENT OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING!!! WHAT A FREAKIN WAY TO KICK OFF THIS NEW ERA OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING…I SAID IT ONCE AND ILL SAY IT A MILLION MORE TIMES I PROMISE…GOT DAMN I FUCKIN LOVE THIS JOB!
Taj Escobar: We haven’t seen a single match yet, but thanx to this wonderful decision by OPW’s new board of directors I can’t say OPW’s has the smartest two men at it’s helm…But with Tommy Kain now running things alongside LA Johnny Stylez IF NOTHING ELSE I THINK WE ARE ALL IN FOR A GOOD EFFIN TIME!!! WE GOTTA STEP AWAY FOR A MOMENT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE HELL WE ARE GOING TO GET THAT GOT DAMN MOBILE HOME OUT OF THE ENTRY WAY! BUT WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FIRST OPW PRESTIGE TITLE MATCH IN OVER A YEAR STAY WITH US BECAUSE WE PROMISE YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS A SINGLE MOMENT OF MONDAY…NIGHT…SHOWCASE!!!!
Mason Moore: WHAT???
Taj Escobar: Are…Are you crying?
Mason Moore: Don’t ask me that DICKHOLE YOU KNOW I’M CRYING! I’ve been crying since we sat down practically!
Taj Escobar: Well I’ve already told you…It’s Miss Michelle we are talking about here the likelihood of them actually staying together forever is about as slim as your poop hole dear!
Mason Moore: No I’m NOT CRYING ABOUT THAT!...Anymore! I just can’t believe after everything WE’VE FINALLY FRICKEN MADE IT BACK! I never thought we’d be here again is all! I can’t believe it but I actually freakin missed you Taj!
Taj Escobar: Really?
Mason Moore; EW…NOT THAT MUCH YA CREEPER BACK UP I’ve GOT PEPPER SPRAY!!!
Taj Escobar: Why? Regular disinfectants don’t work no more?
Mason Moore: SHUT UP JERK HOLE! Don’t think you are hot shit because you got a few free lap dances at the Velvet Rabbit a few nights ago! It was just a professional courtesy from our former broadcast partner who now is one of the most powerful and influential people in this business and in this city, and incase you have forgotten ladies and gentlemen Monday Night SHOWCa$E is presented to you live from one of pro wrestling’s most infamous arenas…We are live in the Hammerstein Ballroom in DOWN TOWN NEW YORK CITY! And one thing I can personally attest to is the rumors are true this GOT DAMN CITY really doesn’t sleep!
Taj Escoibar: Which is good for them because we have a jam packed show for you here tonight as Outlaw Pro Wrestling officially makes its return after our boss now once again soul owner of OPW former seven time World Heavyweight Champion LA Johnny Stylez was recently released from prison a little over seven days ago and was granted access to all of his accounts and assets which is why we are once again brought to you live by the gracious and forgiving folks at the Home Box Office…Mason it really is great to be home isn’t it?
Mason Moore: You BET YOUR FUCKIN ASS IT IS TAJ! I FUCKIN LOVE THIS PLACE!
Taj Escobar: Good to see you keepin it classy as always Ms. Moore! SO now that we have mentioned that we can’t believe after everything that has happened that we are once again standing here in this arena in this city no less fixing to bring you as we always have THE ABSOLUTE BEST IN PRO WRESTLING aside from the simple fact that these three letters THE O to the P to the W have been synonymous with greatness in this sexy industry of ours for as long back as I can recall, but tonight be prepared for one of the most memorable and historic nights in OPW history as for the first time ever every single match on the card here tonight is a CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!
Mason Moore: HELLZ YEAH IT IS! Wanting to hit the ground running and not really waste a bunch of time drawing out the crowning of Champions Johnny Stylez has taken this collection of OPW stars all of which were on the roster when we shut our doors a little over a year ago and gave them the chance to start fresh and start this new era of Outlaw Pro Wrestling off as one of our best and brightest because as we have always said, those who wear the gold here in Outlaw Pro Wrestling represent the absolute best and brightest in our industry!
Taj Escobar: And you won’t be able to find two people on our roster that is more true about then the two people competing tonight in our Main Event for the OPW Southern Heavyweight Championship…It aint the first time we’ve seen em clash on this here program but I am willing to bet this time will be one for the ages as there is more on the line in the main event here tonight then there has ever been when these two have been inside that ring one on one!
Mason Moore: The first time the former OPW Immortal Champion was fortunate enough to be inside the same ring as the Montyest Python in the United States of America was of course in the most infamous match in Outlaw Pro Wrestling history…The Stairway2Heaven and since then these two have clashed more than a handful of times with PMONT coming out on top pretty much every single time, which let me just go ahead and tell ya…
Taj Escobar: Yeah maybe just don’t! We just got back on the air Mase, what do you say we try and keep our jobs for longer than the opening segment of our first show back! As much as I’m sure there is a good number of our audience that is dying to hear your sleezy whore quips I believe tonight it’s best if we stick to what’s relevant and I’m afraid the Monty Python is far from that! Which is precisely why and where this rivalry actually started when Apathy became the first OPW female performer to turn down a meet and greet with the aforementioned PYTHON!
Mason Moore: MADNESS…FUCKING MADNESS I TELL YOU! And now because of prudes like Apathy and THE WHORE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED WHOSE NAME RHYMES WITH TAAKA that ruined the fun for the rest of us and drove him into the arms and dirty snatch of that greedy hooker who used to be one of our bosses MIss “YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH I SUCK BECAUSE OF MY ACTUAL LAST NAME IS RIGGS, MICHELLE! It’s not fair she should still be watching Brandon Moore remove people’s toes in that glorified outhouse he referred to as his murder shed, but instead she gets to have all the fun playing TREMORS with EL GRAN LUCHADORE!
Taj Escobar; I’m sorry I realize my days of sexual pioneering ended a decade or two ago but I think I speak for every other living soul on this planet when I ask…even though I know for sure I’m going to regret it, but still…Playing what?
Mason Moore: TREMORS! He gets underneath the covers and…Well you don’t remember that movie from the 90’s with Kevin Bacon about the…
Taj Escobar STOP!!!! I am pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a lot a bit!
Mason Moore: Whatever..It’s like the best game ever!
Taj Escobar: ANYWAY! Speaking of Miss Michelle she will also be in action here this evening as she joins her significant other in attempting to continue the success both of them found after OPW closed it’s doors as she takes on former owner of OPW and former five time New Edge Wrestling heavyweight Champion of the World Roger Wright, who has literally not been seen or heard from since OPW closed it’s doors a little over a year ago!
Mason Moore: Right and I know for a fact there are droves of members of the Outlaw Nation who would love to know what he has been up to…Because last we saw Roger was having a very tough time getting his shit together…And from what my sources tell me since he and VooDoo were sharing more than the custody of his daughter Marie at the time if you are smelling what I’m stepping in, Roger knew what was going to happen to Johnny Stylez a few weeks in advance that gave Roger more than enough time to sell off his stake in OPW, which is why LA Johnny Stylez is once again the sole acting owner of OPW!
Taj Escobar: And when he sold those OPW’s stock couldn’t have been higher which means Roger is here tonight getting inside of that ring because that is what he wants to do because that is who and what he is and always has been! One of the most technically sound and recgonizable pro wrestlers this sport has ever known! And he once again has the opportunity to become a singles CHAMPION as he challenges Miss Michelle for the very title held by our owner LA Johnny Stylez the OPW Xtradition Championship! SO before it’s all said and done here tonight PMoNT and MIss Michelle could both leave here with two of OPW’s most prestigious championships!
Mason Moore: Which would be super dope if Michelle wasn’t such a greedy smelly opening band GROUPIE!
Taj Escobar: Mase I understand you are jealous but you might wanna cool it with all that, as incase you haven’t been watching over the last year Miss Michelle has more than gotten back into form she is better now than she ever has been!
Mason Moore: I KNOW THAT’S WHY IT AINT FAIR!
Taj Escobar: Look let’s just move on and talk about the fact that the next Championship match we are going to discuss is the OPW Immortal Tag Team Title match that features two of the most beloved names in OPW history who could very well leave here tonight making OPW history by seeing their names marked in the OPW history books for a third time should they be able to defeat former members of THe CuRe Jayson VIolence a former OPW Tag Team Champion himself and the mysterious man who was their newest member KoRRuPT.
Mason Moore: They call themselves KoRRUPTION & Violence for painfully obvious reasons, but other than that this team is shrouded in mystery and I have a feeling that was most likely on purpose! There is something oddly familiar about the man known as KoRRuPT, and he was once referred to as THe CuRe’s secret WEAPON…that never really got used as THe CuRe had a decent run back in FiGHT but eventually fizzled out for reasons pro wrestling fans are still debating over! But one thing is clear both former members of The CuRE are here tonight and thsoe two men pose a serious threat to what will be one of the biggest and most historic victories in the history of OPW because if they are able to defy the odds once again and have their names announced as the Outlaw Pro Wrestling Immortal Tag Team Champions for a third time, they will be the first CHAMPIONS in all of OPW to have ever done so!
Taj Escobar: Annnndddddd moving right along it’s time to talk about one of my and many other members of The OUTLAW NaTioN’$ favorite OPW Championships as tonight we will crown us a brand new X-KoRE CHAMPION in a triple threat match featuring three of OPW’s most violent superstars!
Mason Moore: Necra Octavian Kane who is my pick to take this one home by the way was so close to claiming the XKoRe CROWN for her own at OPW’s last pay per view International Incident before she was soundly defeated by the self proclaimed RULER and DEFINITION of what being XKoRE means in Outlaw Pro Wrestling, in OPW Founding Father Brandon Moore! Moore chose Necra as his challenger because he saw something in her that would help him put on the type of show that would be remembered because to hoist the XKoRe crown above your head or strap it around your waist means you have earned the respect and the right of being one of if no THE MOST Violent person in this business and she is just that!
Taj Escobar: Slow your roll there sister because also in this match shockingly enough is the very first man to ever hoist that title above his head…The man who holds the dubious honor and distinction of being forever known as the very first X-KoRE CHAMPION IN OPW HISTORY! Sure he didn’t hold onto it for very long but he won the got damn thing in one of the most brutal matches in OPW history, it truly blows that it is no longer in our library but I was sitting right here in this very chair the night Hunter Valentyne emerged from the first ever OPW WAR MATCH announced the world as the very first OPW X-KoRE champion, and if any of you chumps think for two seconds that he isn’t truly capable of accomplishing the exact same thing here tonight then the only person you are fooling if yourself!
Mason Moore: But don’t count out the third and final participant in the match Eoin O’Rourke because while he may be a bit of a long shot to win this one something tells me we would all do well to keep a sharp eye on Apathy’s devoted lover Eoin O’Rourke who was making serious strides to finding himself again in that squared circle the last time OPW was open. Eoin suffered a string of very tough losses earlier on in his career prior to Outlaw Pro Wrestling, but he signs with OPW meets and quite literally gets in to bed with Apathy they make a move to seize control of THe CuRE and we see this IRISH SCRAPPER SLOWLY BUT SURELY BEGIN TO TURN THINGS AROUND! Well he has a chance here tonight to force every single member of the Outlaw Nation as well as every member of the locker room to take notice and start taking him serious because if my sources are to be trusted and believe me they are…Eoin O’Rourke came here tonight to make a statement and could damn well leave THE HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM THE BRAND NEW OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING XKoRe CHAMPEEN!
Taj Escobar: Which brings us to the match we will be getting to in just a few moments…A year ago when Monday Night SHoWCa$e went live for the very first time the very first match in this company’s history was a triple threat ladder match for the OPW Youngblood Championship, just like that match and moment in OPW the Youngblood title is history and in it’s place now is our Prestige Championship! A title just like the OPW Youngblood TItle is defended practically every single week which makes it the most active and competitive divisions in all of Outlaw Pro Wrestling. Whether you are a fresh face looking to make an immediate impact or you are a seasoned vet looking to give your career a quick jump start the OPW Prestige Championship is a proven STAR MAKER!
Mason Moore: Some of the greatest title matches in OPW history have been for this very championship…And some may argue the the greatest champion in Outlaw Pro Wresting history is,one of our former Prestige Champions and is scheduled to compete in this opening contest to crown our first Prestige Champion in over a year…A man EVERY member of the Outlaw Nation knows by the name of THE ENFORCER! He held the title longer than any one before or sense he defended the title more than any champion in OPW history! It was one of if not the most impressive CHampionship reigns during our first run and right here tonight in just a few moments The Enforcer will look to start it up once again and see if he can recreate or surpass what he accomplished last time, because the man walked in a member of INsurgence, back up to Mike Maddox and walked out a true BONAFIDE STAR!
Taj Escobar: I doubt it because there aint no SyNDiCaTe here to help him now…ANd well the thing about no one has mentioned about this opening contest is that every single person in this match is themselves a former OPW Prestige Champion! ALL four of these men have tasted the gold before…THey know what it means to wear the OPW Prestige CHampion and they know what it is going to take to defeat the other one. Christian Rivers, Dark TIger, and Jason Ryan all have their work cut out for them, because once again it is up to them to grab the world’s attention right out of the gate and ensure that all eyes locked onto Monday Night SHoWCa$e stay right where they are! Just like the very first episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e…owner LA Johnny Stylez felt this was the appropriate way to kick off the 2nd run of Outlaw Pro Wrestling, and he selected four former Prestige Champions because he knew for certain he would get a contest where the competitors would damn near kill each other for the honor and privleage to kick off the second era in this company’s history on the right foot! SO I say we have done enough got damn talking…Let;s go ahead and do the damn thing huh?...Before..
Mason Moore: Well hold the fuck on a minute Taj! We can’tr sit here and run down the entire show and talk about the prestige, value, and meaning of all of our gold an not at least mention our top prize…You know the only piece of tangible proof that exists on planet Earth that allows it’s owner the rare privilege and RIGHT to proclaim themselves the single GOD’s HONEST SECOND to ABSOLUTLEY FUCKIN NONE BEST IN THE BIZ! THe OPW IMMORTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!
Taj Escobar: Yes I’m aware, how could you not be aware of what that title is and means? DO you remember Stairway? DO you remember the WAR MATCH between Stephen Stratford and Damon Riggs? Roger and Anicka? Apathy and Anicka? Several of the greatest moments in this company’s history have been for the sake and in the name of the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship which as far as we know was last held by Stephen Stratford…
Mason Moore: ANd for those of you who follow us on the TWITTAH know that OPW OWNER LA Johnny Stylez DEMANDED that Stratford be here tonight with the title in his possession so that he may return it once and for all…For what purpose is anyone’s guess, but I don’t think I am the only person who knows that Johnny’s demand of Stephen Stratford showing up here and personally returning the triple skull championship belt that Stratford himself spilled buckets of blood and practically drove himself mad over attaining back into the hands of Johnny is about much more than Stratford returning OPW’s property.
Taj Escobar: It was the only championship title that wasn’t returned and if you ask me that is all the proof one needs to see and realize what holding that title means to those worthy to compete for it. THe moment that title leaves your possession and there goes all that goes with it…THere goes people looking upon you as the pinnacle of this business. THe competitor who has risen above any and all hurdles their career has thrown in front of them. It’s a right as much as it is a reward, an honor as much as it is a privilege, a battle as much as it is a victory. And that ladies and gentlemen is why we believe the person who wears the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship is superior to any run of the mill World Champion of any ordinary or extraordinary wrestling promotion.
Mason Moore: Meaning if any of you out there doubt a single thing we just told you then you are more than welcome to bring that ass to Outlaw Pro Wrestling, get in line and wait till it’s your turn to PHUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT! But Taj we are putting the cart before the horse here…I wanna know why we are crowning all Champions except our top one? Aint the title vacant just like all the others? I mean I don’t imagine a world where Johnny Stylez would allow Xavier Wolf to throw him in jail and then leave the company still holding onto the piece of gold that was built by the blood sweat and tears of any and everyone who helped make OPW what it is, and was.
Taj Escobar: FUCK THAT…I’d settle for just knowing who the Immortal Champion was after Stephen Stratford and Xavier Wolf locked horns just as the last episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e was going off the air. As you all may or may not recall on the final episode of Monday Night SHoWCa$e before Xavier Wolf remade the wrestling promotion in his image by moving it up North, calling it by a different name, and shaping it under a different image and likeness altogether both he and Stephen Stratford had agreed to finally settle the issues between the two of them once and for all but HBO pulled the plug just as the match was beginning and no one knows for certain what actually happened. Yeah the fans that were there were asked but finding two dip shits in the stands that night that have anything remotely close to similar stories is like finding someone who misses Jackson Monroe, or wants their daughter dating James Ceno meaning
Mason Moore: Yeah Taj we get it…SO then the questions have been asked and that is just a few of them…There are thousands upon thousands more…
Taj Escobar: NO!
Mason Moore: SO I guess that can really only mean one thing right Tajey?
Taj Escobar: NO…PLEASE NO! This is a brand new beginning for OPW…We should at least try starting out a different way!
Mason Moore: Taj, please there isnt even an alternate timeline in some alternate universe where LA Johnny Stylez doesn’t come out to start this particular episode of Monday Night SHoWCaSe…so sit there, pout, laugh, cry, cheer…I and the rest of the OUTLAW NATION COULD GIVE A RATS ASS…Because like it or not ladies and gentlemen without any further ado…IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ONCE AGAIN PRESENT TO YOU…THE MAN KNOWN AROUND THE WORLD AS THE DON oF DI$Re$PeCT…THE PaRaGONa oF AMeRiKaNA…THe FOUNDING FATHER OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING, ANd ONE OF THE GREATEST TO EVER PLAY THE GOT DAMN GAME….WE GIVE YOU…
LA JOHNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY SSSSSSTTTTTTYYYYYYYLLLLEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!!
Good GOT DAMN I MISSED THIS JOB!!!
Taj Escobar: Yeah like your other one is so terrible!
SUddenly the lights in the Hammerstein Ballroom go completely black and every single voice jammed inside this arena that sold out in literal minutes when it was announced that Outlaw Pro Wrestling would be making a grand return, began screaming at the top of their lungs as the anticipation was about to come to a sudden an abrupt end when suddenly “THe Resistance” by Skillet starts to play but mere seconds after the opening guitar riff echoes throughout the arena the sound of a record scratching is heard throughout the arena and the sound of someone changing the record is heard and then there is silence for a few brief seconds until a somewhat familiar rhythm begins to play in the arena and then the unmistakeable voice of the lead singer of the band SHINEDOWN Brent Smith begins to echo throughout the Hammerstein Ballroom as the he lyrics to the hit song
STATE OF MY HEAD by SHINEDOWN
Begin to slowly play
THaT’S The STaTe oF MY, STaTe oF MY, STaTe oF MY
HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
!!!!!!E.X.P.L.O.S.I.O.N.!!!!!!!
(BBBBBBBBBooooooooooooMMMMMMMMMMM)
THen suddenly the lights come on and standing directly at the center of the entrance ramp is none other than THE F’N MAN HIMSELF…THe PaRaGONa oF AMeRiKaNa LA Johnny Stylez and the sold out rabid members of the OUTLAW NATION ARE ON THEIR FEET and for reasons beyond our explanation or understanding they are cheering him. Call it nostalgia, call it emotion, call it whatever you want, but Johnny Stylez stands in the middle of the entrance ramp with a black and white pin stripped fedora hat pulled down over his face as he is wearing a pair of black and white pin striped pants, a pair of fingerless gloves and a black ribbed wife beater that says
!!!NOT F’N GUILTY!!!
OHHHHHHHH
!$!OuR FLAG IS TATTERED & OuR BONEZ ARE SHaTTeRED!$!
~!~BUT IT Do$NT MaTTeR~!~
CAUSE I’M MOVVVVINNNNN FOOOOWWWAAARRRDDDDDD
RoUnD Em UP RoUnD Em Up RoUnD Em UP (LeTZ GOOOO)
ROUnD EM UP LET’S GOOOOOOO
ROUnD Em Up ROUnD Em Up RoUnD Em UP (LeTZ GOOOO)
ROUND EM UP LET’Z GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ALLL MY EYEZ ARE SEEIN REDDDDDDD
DOUBLE Vi$iON FROM THE BLooD We’VE SHEDDDD
…THE ONLY F’N WAY WE’RE F’N LEAVIN IS DEADDDD
THAT’S THE STaTe oF MY STaTe oF MY STaTe oF MY HEADDDDDDDD
Johnny walks from one side of the entrance ramp to the other, this is typically where we see him and his arrogant smirk plastered across his face…And while it starts out that way once his eyes lock eyes with the faceless sea of human bodies and he hears the sound the reality of the situation sets in and all of his egoism and bravado for the moment melts away and his arrogant smirk tonight…or at least just in this moment is just a F’N SMILE!!! As he walks to the left he points to the upper deck and of course the fans on the left side of the arena let out a ROAR…He is moving his lips saying something we are unable to make out as he then turns around and walks the other way and does the same and gets the exact same reaction he then walks back to the center of the entrance ramp and gets down on his knees removing his fedora hat he places it on the ground beside him as he bends all the way down and kisses the metal of the entrance ramp beneath his feet. IN one fluid quick motion he then hops up drops his head and then shoots back up extending both his hands and behind him once again another got damn
!!!!!!!XTRA XPLOSIONNNN!!!!!!!
(AND THAT MUDDAH PHUCKER GoEZ)
!!!!!BooM, BOOM, BooM, BOOM, BooM, BOOM, BooM!!!!
Johnny Stylez then bends over picks up his fedora and claps his hands and suddenly two of his Brazzer girls Brittany Amber and Jayden James walk out and join him on the entrance ramp in each of their left hands are two silver brief cases that are handcuffed to their wrists. THey are both wearing black and white pin stripped LEGS AVENUE GANGSTER HALLOWEEN costume with black and white pin striped dress pants that look so tight it appears they may have been painted onto their bodies. THey are both also wearing the black and white pin stripped tube top that doesn’t leave very much to the imagination.
The New York Hammerstein crowd roars in approval as Johnny stops and has them stop and turn around showing off their lovely slutty Halloween costumes here in June. THey both have matching black and white pin stripped fedoras pulled down over their faces but their white teeth smiling from ear to ear after personally experiencing the love from the OUTLAW NATION. As they make their way down to the ring Johnny as usual stops to light a joint and stops mid way down the entrance ramp and takes a sign from the fan holding it up for everyone at home to see that says
LA Johnny Stylez > UNITED STATES JUSTICE SYSTEM
!!!!!OUTLAWZ 4 EVER!!!!!
Johnny gives the sign back and TOO SWEETS the fan and the three make their way towards the ring. Johnny hops up on the ring apron first and stands on the ropes bending over pulling the middle rope up so the ladies are able to step through. As the ladies bend down to get inside the ring the Hammerstein Ballroom nearly shakes from all the cat calls and roars from the rowdy New York crowd. Johnny then quickly runs over and yanks the mic out of Royal Powerhouse’s hand and then runs to the center of the ring and drops down on his knees again and kisses the ring canvas. He then shoots back up to his feet and runs his hand across his throat calling for the music to be cut, which it immediately is.
Mason Moore: OHHHHH COME ON TAJ! YOU CAN’T SIT HERE AND TELL ME YOU DIDN’T FUCKING MISS THIS…
Taj Escobar: Ohhh YESSS I CAN! I missed everything about OPW cept for this!
Mason Moore: Taj let me just say real quick and I have no clue why this is just now dawning on me, but you have gotta be the dumbest SuMMa BITCH from Manhattan to The French Quater…”Yeah my name is Taj Escobar and I am going to openly bash the one guy I know personally who employs girls who are so good at FUCKING THEY DO IT FOR A LIVING!”...IDIOT!
Taj Escobar: Well I mean…when you put it like that yeah I guess I kinda did miss him…A little…
Mason Moore: Shut your YAP TinkerBeLL THE BOSS HAS SOMETHIN TO SAY…
LA Johnny Stylez takes the mic and takes a step in front of the two knockouts he is standing next to. Every fan in attendance in probably the biggest small arena pro wrestling takes place in in the entire world is rowdy as PHUCK and they are all screaming at the top of their lungs chanting…
OPW
WELCOME BACK
WELCOME BACK
WELCOME BACK
LA Johnny Stylez: AWWWWW SHUX NEW YORK I’M HAPPY TO SEE YOU MOTHER PHUCKERZ TOO!!! But before we get started can I just say one got damn time
!!!!!GoT F’N DAMNIT!!!!!
IT FEELZ GREAT TO BE HOME!!!!!
And I know there are some of you MoRoNZ sitting at home in your mother’s basement one hand down your britches praying to God the camera man focus a tad bit more on what is behind me for a few moments so you can gratify yourself for another long days work of sharing your IRRELEVANT AND EQUALLY WORTHLE$$ TWO CENTZ on subjects you think you know so much about because you spend eighteen out of twenty four hours obsessing over it, when actually
!!!!!11 TiMeZ OuT oF F’N 10!!!!!!
YOU MISS THE POINT OR PURPOSE OF BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS JAMMED FIRMLY IN YOUR ASS CRACK!!!
SO to you idiots who are sitting there thinking and wondering how can I sit here and say it’s good to be home or it’s good to be back when we are clearly in one of the most infamous buildings in all of pro wrestling located way above the Mason DiXoN LINE…About as phucking far from the got damn FRENCH QUATER as it could possibly get…Well gentlemen and everything else in between…Psst hey over here..EYES ON ME K…
!!!!!THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT!!!!
AND GET A WHIFF OF FRESH AIR!!!
While The DoN oF DI$Re$PeCT gives you a dose of the truth you people have been in desperate need of for over THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS!!! Because you see it don’t make a got damn difference if we are live from Bourbon Street, in the Hammerstein Ballroom…Phuck we could be doing this in some random BUNGALOW off the coast of PHUCKING NEVER NEVER LAND (Which is just above PARTZ UNKNOWN) because it don’t make a got damn difference! Anywhere we weigh anchor set this got damn ring up and put on a live pro wrestling show then as far as we or any of you are CONCERNED
!!!!!WE ARE HOME!!!!
YA SLACK JAWED JERGENZ SOAKED PHUCK MOOX!!!!
…And woah woah woah just because you came up and got a whiff don’t mean it’s ok for you to duck your head back down and put your head back in your ass, because ladies and gentlemen I’m…no WE ARE JUST GETTING STARTED! GO ahead and take a deep breathe…GO AHEAD AND BREATHE SOME MORE IN…GO ON…It’s
!!!!F’N GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
…PRoBaBLy!!!
Because you see I came out here tonight to not just kick off the new era of the greatest professional wrestling orginzation this world has or will ever KNOW…I didn’t just come out here to inform you all of some very big changes coming to sed wrestling orginization that are going to shock most of you…I also didn’t just come out here to tell yall about some of the meetings I had today with some of the TOP TALENT IN THE PHUCKING BUSINESS WHO HAVE SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE AND ARE JUST ACHING TO COME OUT HERE and WHOOP A LITTLE ASS UNDER THE OPW BANNER!!! NO, NO , NO…Well wait…Yeah I did come out here to do all that shit, but the main thing I came out here to do tonight ladies and gentlemen was to once and for all, but all the bickering, debating, whispering, wondering, and gossiping to BED hopefully once and for all…
!!!!!!YEAH F’N RIGHT!!!!!!
…WHAT JUST BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE DON’T MEAN I WON’T AT LEAST TRY!!!
Because one thing I will do before I walk back behind that curtain and allow these rabid members of the Outlaw Nation to once again get their fix and for the first time since International Incident get to kick back relax and watch comfortably as the members of OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING…Bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING DONE RIGHT!!!
?WHaT?Why DID everyone SUDDENLY get ALL quiet??? DID SOMEBODY FART???
Ohhh wait hold on…I think I know what’s going on here. There are probably a good number of you out there over analyzing every single word that has or will fall from my lips out here tonight, which is, was, and always
!!!!F’N WILL BE!!!!
FiNe w/ ME CaUse JOHNNY STYLEZ F’N
~!~ SAYZ WHAT THE PHUCK HE MEANZ AND MEANZ EVERY F’N WORD HE SAYZ ~!~
…But That Don’t Give You Taco Bell Dogs The RIGHT To Put F’N WORDZ IN MY MOUTH!!!!
When I come out here and say OPW brings the world PRO WRESTLING DONE RIGHT…That doesn’t mean I am saying that any one specifically does it wrong…Even though most of you out there do it WRONG, and believe me when I tell ya that is as nicely as I can or WILL PHUCKIN PUT IT! SO if that causes your butt to start hurting, go get a band-aid, pop a handful of advil, then go get yourself a phucking COKE and a SMILE, because IF I MEANT ANYONE SPECIFICALLY MOST OF YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW I WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY SAID SOMEONE SPECIFICALLY!
?!?!?GOT IT!?!?!?
…GOOD LET’S MOVE ON SHALL WE???
Since we dun went ahead and got that shit out the way, let’s go ahead and discuss the elephant in the room, and no I’m not talking about the last female in the bar that Taj Escobar will be taking home this evening, or here we are almost ten years after the fact and Hunter Valentyne STILL
!!!!!ReFuSeS TO GeT NeW MaTeRiaL!!!!!
BeLieVe Me DooD I’D BE PiSSeD iF I WAS YOU TOO!!!
But I dumped you on your head almost ten years ago BRUH! Don’t you think it’s finally time you took yourself a trip to HOME DEPOT? Got yourself some tools and some wood…Built yourself a BRIDGE and in the name of all that is good, sacred, and holy done yourself and the rest of us a favor and
!!!!!GoTTeN THE PHUCK OVER IT ALREADY?
…Or DO I ReaLLy Have TO STOP WHaT I’M DOING JuST TO BEAT YOUR MONKEY ASS ALL OVER AGAIN???
Get a therapist, get a role model, get a hug…I don’t give a phuck HUNTER, but it’s way passed time you joined these dumb ass fans and pulled your head out of your ass looked down at your got damn pay check and realize it’s signed BY ME!!! SO spare us your historical fictitious accounts that we have all heard and laughed at behind your back every…and I do mean EVERY PHUCKING TIME YOU DO IT, and use the opportunity I have given you to do what I gave it to you FOR! TO go out there and build your name and brand and move passed the shit between us! You are a good wrestler when ya wanna be Hunter…WHy else do you think I let you stand next to me for so long? Why else do you think I brought you back after the crap you pulled last time? Or ya know phuck the questionsI’ll even do ya a solid bro…If you just dead set on hearing it out loud on more time…
!!!!HeRe IT GoEZ!!!!
NOW PAY ATTENTION ASSHAT CAUSE THIS REALLY IS THE LAST TIME
I AINT AFRAID OF YOU NEVER HAVE BEEN!
THe Only Thing You Are Better At THan Me, IS BEING AN IDIOT And MAKING YOURSELF LOOK STOOPIDER!!!!
If You Were Better THan Me THen You Would Have Beaten Me IN THis Or ANY PHUCKING WRESTLING RING..AT LEAST ONCE
If You IGNORE ALL THIS AND COME FOR ME AGAIN…HISTORY WILL REPEAT ITSELF
CAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN STUPID DICKHEADZ DON’T or WON’T LEARN FROM IT…
Now I think we are done here! Good luck tonight
!!!!!PHUCK MOOK!!!!!
…AND PLEASE KNOW I MEAN THAT FROM THE TIPPY TOP TO THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!
K good, making progress people! Now I guess it’s time to discuss the other ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, because I swear to Christ I have not been out in public for any period of time longer than eight minutes without some nerdy unpopped pimple coming up to me trying to get me to cut a promo on the people that put me in jail and the base of operations they burnt OPW to the ground over and rebuilt over it’s ashes…Yes boys and girls it is the moment you have all been waiting for so call your friends, or fellow guild members or whatever and tell em it’s that time. LA Johnny Stylez after a year of straight silence is finally going to talk about the pro wrestling powerhouse known as FiGHT NYC! You guys ever heard of it?
THe home town crowd roars in approval of the former pro wrestling orginization that took the world by storm for the time frame of one year and quite literally changed the phucking game all from the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. THe fans begin to chant
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Johnny flashes his smirk at the fans as he lets them have their fun before putting the mic back to his lips and calling for the crowd to allow him to continue…
LA Johnny Stylez: K cool, so yall have heard of em good that makes all of this A LOT PHUCKING EASIER!!! Now before we get started I think it’s only fair that I admit to every single one of you that while I spent the last year of my life a resident at Riker’s Island State Pennetentary right up the road kinda I actually lost count of how many times I have written and rewritten, rehearsed and prepared to give this same exact speech. It changed so many times over the days, weeks, and months that drug by so slow I swear on my life I felt almost every single moment of it tick by and vanish into thin air. But the longer I was there the more time I had to think things over. And the more I thought about it the more I was forced to be honest with myself and the more I was honest with myself no matter how pissed I got, or how angry I was I would always…always…always arrive back at the same got damn point. So to Xavier Wolf and everyone else who was responsible for setting me up so you could build your pro wrestling empire ontop of mine at the end of the day there is really one thing and one thing only I really have to say to any of you before I say anything else…And that mother phuckers is
!!!!!THaNK YOU!!!!!
…NO THIS ISN’T A JOKE, I’M ACTUALLY BEING SERIOUS…THANK YOU!
I can tell by the looks on your faces down here in the front row, and even though a lot of us are separated by hundreds of miles and some great bodies of water and a big glass screen but I can feel your faces drooping your vicious hyena smiles vanishing as you anxiously awaited for me to shoot off at the mouth and bury them like I used to do to Action Wrestling and that other portable toilet of a wrestling promotion AGW and F2B…And hopefully enough time has passed to where those of you that were still bracing for impact have finally reached the conclusion everyone else has at this point and that is…No I’m really not going to sit out here and cuss a single one of them out…I’m not going to bag on FiGHT at all, as a matter of fact if you want my opinion the people who put FiGHT together and ran it created something truly spectacular…They created what I had always prayed, hoped, and dreamt Outlaw Pro Wrestling would turn into someday. They were a megaforce that swept over the sport and this country like boy bands, rap music, or hating Donald Trump. They took the time honored tradition that was started in OPW and they carried it on in their own way and they made sure that if anyone in this business wanted to refer to themselves as great and have anyone pay them even the slightest bit of attention then they needed to go to FiGHT to prove it! Now did they have their faults? Yeah I’m sure they did, but who phucking doesn’t? If you mother phuckers want the truth the only reason the first versions of this speech were the four letter word filled bitch fest so many of you have heard me deliever more times than I care to count or remember is because of the simple fact that deep down
!!!!I WAS F’N JEALOUS!!!!
AND AFRAID…THAT THEY WOULD FIND SUCCESS!!!
Because if they found success then that means they were able to take what I had started and break past the limitations that I myself had placed on it with my own short sighting and short coming and then perhaps I would have to also entertain the fact that perhaps they were right to do what they did because perhaps they were better than I am at this, and that wasn’t a truth I was ready or willing to face and would have resisted it at every turn. Some of you may or may not have heard the interview I gave with the OPW Internet guy Gushers Greer earlier in the week and you heard me say that I never actually watched a single episode of VENOM and that boys and girls as much as I am ashamed to admit is very much so the truth…But it is in that very fact that I know I stand before you here and now and speak the truth, because the truth is kiddos
!!!!I NEVER HAD TO WATCH VENOM!!!!
BC I STILL HEARD “THEM” TALK ABOUT IT!!!
They talked about it the way they used to talk about OPW…Only I wasn’t there and they did it without me forcing me to wonder if there was even a place for me in this business, and so I became even more bitter than I was the day Xavier Wolf yanked the metaphorical rug out from under me and came closer to delivering me to the United STates Justice system than any living soul that has ever tried to do and believe me when I tell ya shitbirds that is one long ass phucking list! SO to those of you responsible for putting fourth the effort into building FiGHT into the force that it was…I hope what I am out here right here and right now doing isn’t phucking lost on you…Because this is
!!!!!ME!!!!!
…THE DON OF DI$Re$PeCT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE!!!
I have a phucking hard time admitting I am wrong even when I am wrong, case and point even though I know in my gut this is the right thing to do it is still making my stomach turn and twist in knots, but at the end of the day I have always been and always will be a SLAVE to the TRUTH and that has always been one of if not the main things that separates me from being Hunter Valentyne! There are things I could say to slander and discredit the shit they accomplished but at the end of the day it would be bullshit, because while I was locked away from the rest of the world they hit the ground running and dominated this sport and helped build it into what it is today and even though it stings to admit…Over time I began to kinda take pride in it, because since we are on the subject of the truth…The truth is that at the end of the day the relationship between FiGHT and OPW is a symbiotic and undeniable one. Because facts are facts and the one gigantic fact that neither Myself or They can run from is the fact that They wouldn’t have existed without US and WE wouldn’t have existed without them! And so it is in that regard that I would now like to take a moment and announce the first big change for our brand new OPW…Ms. James if you would be so kind…
Jayden James takes a step forward as the crowd gives her a huge pop she looks out at them and flashes a smile as she holds the briefcase for Johnny who is digging in his pockets trying to find the key. He is fumbling around and can’t seem to find it anywhere…?
LA Johnny Stylez: Now what did I do with that mother phuckin key? I had to put it somewhere SHIT!!!
Jayden then whistles at Johnny to get his attention which she immediately gets as his eyes immediately shoot over in enough time to see where he “put the damn key” which of course was right where it should be close to her amazing beautiful boobs…Ya know for safe keeping and shit..
LA Johnny Stylez: RIGHT! THERE IT IS! See I knew I put it some place safe! Now Ms. James would you like to do the honor?
The crowd grows quiet with anticipation and confusion as they aren’t really sure what the hell is going on until the lid of the briefcase flies open and the fans let out a HUUUGGGEEEE pop as they can see the glimmering brand new plate of a brand new championship title belt that has the word LEGACY written across the center of the plate. Johnny Stylez reaches down and uses both hands to remove the brand new custom made championship belt that looks utterly F’n FLAWLESS.
He takes a lap around the ring holding the title above his head with both hands as the fans cheer. Johnny then brings the title belt down and slings it over his shoulder as he once again presses the mic to his face and begins to tell us what the hell is going on exactly.
LA Johnny Stylez: Now ladies and gentlemen the moment my mind arrived at and accepted the truth of the unbreakable link between this wrestling promotion and FiGHT something else became very phucking clear to me…You see we as the people who run the day to day operations tend to get wrapped up in it we forget one very important fact about this entire game that I aim to correct once and for all right here and right now, because you see when I said OPW wouldn’t exist without FiGHT I didn’t say they wouldn’t exist without ME…THEY WOULDN’T EXIST WITHOUT
!!!!!US!!!!!
CaUsE ITS THE MEN AND WOMEN SPILLING THE BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS
THAT GAVE OPW it’s meaning…It’s the sacrifices…the stunts, the determination, the will, the rage, the honor and respect of every single person who comes out to this ring and puts it all on the line making sure that when the show reaches it’s dramatic conclusion at the end of the night the fans in the arena just as the fans at home sit back take it all in and walk away from it knowing they saw something special…knowing they themselves witnessed true greatness right in front of their phucking faces. OPW and FIGHT wouldn’t have been shit without the soldiers on the ground fighting the battles and making sure the name and banner they fight for means everything we tell them it does. And so to make sure none of us ever forget where we came from…ANd just how important their roles are I have decided to make a tremendous change in OPW as of this very moment out geographic championship known as the OPW Southern HEavyweight Championship is no more…and in it’s place is the
~$~ OuTLaW PRO WRe$TLiNG ~$~
~+~ LEGACY CHAMPIONSHIP ~+~
It will carry the same lineage as the Southern title because it will mean the same thing the Southern title did only a bit more. Holding this particular Championship title means you have put it all together and could at any moment accept the calling to be truly great and ascend to the top of this business as the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship. This title will serve as tribute and as a reminder of the greatness both FiGHT NYC and OPW established over the last two years. To wear the OPW LEGACY CHAMPIONSHIP MEANS YOU HAVE FOUGHT HARD AND WELL ENOUGH TO BECOME APART OF THE TRADITION OF GREATNESS that we have spilled our blood sacraficed our bodies, spent our dollars and travled all those miles to ensure not just existed but thrived…And here tonight the winner of our main event between Apathy and Paul Montouri will be the first person to proudly wear this around their waist and become the living embodiment of what this title means and what it takes to hold it…ANd that PMONT is why you two are fighting in a got damn DOG KOLLAR MATCH because the only way to win a DOG KOLLAR MATCH IN OPW IS BY TKO…I wanted to make sure whoever the first OPW Legacy Champion is…
!!!!!F’N EARNZ IT!!!!!
BECAUSE THAT IS THE LEGACY oF FIGHT AND OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING!!!
Now before me and these lovely ladies make our way to the back and let you fans get on with the show there is one more piece of business I would like to address very phucking quickly! SO may I please have your attention Mr.
!!!!XAVIER F’N WOLF!!!!
YES I’M AWARE HE IS IN A COMA!!!
Yes I’m even aware why he is in a COMA…No I didn’t phucking shoot him or arrange to have him shot! I didn’t shoot him because when it transpired I was still a resident of Riker’s…and I didn’t arrange for it to happen because I tried that once upon a time, and as I have been out here trying to tell you dickbagz for the millionth time is that I may be a pro at phucking shit up…But one thing The PaRaGoN oF AMeRiKaNa EVER DOES is make the same phucking mistake twice! If I had arranged for Xavier to be shot I can tell you in this moment I would be in a much more sour mood because I will have given someone else an honor that CLEARLY BELONGS TO NO ONE ELSE BUT ME! Now I am speaking to you X even though you are in a coma, not because I’m afraid of you because that never has been nor will it ever be the phucking case…But because I don’t have a choice…I have waited over a year to say this to you and I am going to go ahead and say it because after tonight I have a FUTURE to get to…But just because I saw the error of my ways, and while a part of me is grateful for you for teaching me that lesson. Don’t you get it phucking twisted
!!!!!A.S.S.H.O.L.E.!!!!!
YOU STILL TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME
YOU STILL STOLE WHAT WAS MINE
YOU STILL HAD ME ARRESTED
YOU STILL COST ME A YEAR OF MY LIFE
AND YOU WILL PHUCKIN PAY FOR EVERY GOT DAMN BIT OF IT!
I don’t know when and I don’t know where…But one day if and when you wake up…You had better hope someone that actually cares for you informs you that was the moment the clock started ticking…And so it will until time and fate have run their course and the only thing left for you and I to do is to settle our differences the OLD PHUCKING FASHIONED WAY! I guess what I’m trying to say Xavier Wolf is…I truly understand why you despise discussing things like EMOTIONS and FEELINGS…But on the day when I come to collect for ther debt you owe…KNOW GOOD AND GOT DAMN WELL I’m GUNNA WHOOP YOUR PHUCKIN ASS SO GOT DAMN BAD it will EVEN HURT YOUR GOT DAMN FEELINGZ! You haven’t known torment or pain and suffering the way you will the day I come to settle up for the last year of my life! ANd its crazy, because I respect you as much as I despise you…BUt it appears there is no other path for you and I to walk down and this was always going to happen! ANd on that day I really hope there is a God you believe in enough to pray to because on that day the only way you are going to get anything that remotely resembles mercy mother phucker is if you
!!!!!F’N BEG SOME DIETY FOR IT!!!!!
AND HoPE LiKE HeLL THEY HAVE NO F’N CLUE WHY YOU ARE GETTING BEATEN SO BADLY!
And I know I aint telling you shit you don’t already know. You knew this the day you decided to take the idea to do what you did out of your head and change it from an idea to a plan…ANd the moment you executed said plan there had to be a rotten feeling in your gut…Very similar to the way it felt when you dropped the ball and the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Title to Stephen Stratford at OUR OWN GOT DAMN PAY PER VIEW…Only I promise you the pain you felt in that moment will be a far distant moment you no longer are able to recall because the only pain you will know from that moment forward will be the phucking pain that comes from what happens when LA Johnny Stylez gets you inside this mother phucking ring and forces you to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
IN FRONT OF GOD, JESUS, ZEUS, BUDDAH, AND ALL THE KINGS HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN!
And while poor phucking Humpty may have stood a chance, I can’t promise there will be enough left of you to put back together again! And LA Johnny Stylez is a MAN OF HIS WORD! SO enjoy your rest X, because the real nightmare is waiting for you the moment you open your phuckin eyes! And with that ladies and gentlemen I think it is time for the talk to end and for the violence to begin..Yall cool with that New York CITY?
The fans roar with approval as they once again break out into a
OPW
OPW
OPW
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh and before I phucking forget, I know I said I would address the OPW Immortal Title situation and as I just said I am a man of my word…and I will address it…But the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Championship is a representation for the BEST…and when it comes to putting on a pro wrestling show you always save the best for LAST! SO STEPHEN STRATFORD…I haven’t seen ya since you pinned Anicka Swan at International Incident, but I know you are somewhere close…Don’t start this off on the wrong foot…I appreciate the fact that you are the only one of those alleged “BIG NAMES” that came back, you’ve always been a smart dood…SO do the smart thing here and do exactly what the phuck I told ya to do on TWITTER!
You had your time with the OPW Immortal Championship but that time has come and gone and it’s time for you to return MY PROPERTY and get out of the way so the new era of Outlaw EXCELLENCE CAN BEGIN! SO call a cab…take an UBER…SPread your wings and FLY to the ring for all I phucking care, but come the end of the show tonight you had better come out here to bring me MY GOT DAMN BELT and let me remind you…I AINT PHUCKIN ASKING! ENJOY THE SHOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, as OPW roster reminds you why we are the only SECOND 2 NONE THIS BUSINESS HAS EVER NEEDED…while I remind the entire OPW roster that yes we are indeed back…Which means all of your asses once again BELONG TO ME!
SO STAY THE PHUCK IN LINE OR YOU WILL BE PuT IN IT I will not have my authority challenged and if you have or would like to file an official complaint…FIrst you will have to find someone who gives a PHUCK! Good to be home ladies and gents GooD to be home! See yall around the way NEW YORK CITY!!!....Ohhh and for phucks sake will someone call HBO and tell them they can stop blowing up my got damn phone…All they have to do is look at their screen to see Ive got my hands full here tonight! Now someone back there HIT MY GOT DAMN MUSIK!!!
“NO LOVE” by Lil Wayne and Eminem begins to blare over the PA SYSTEM when suddenly out of no where the screen of the OUTLAWtron switches to a shot of LA Johnny Stylez cell phone. The music stops playing and all of a sudden we hear one of the most annoying sounding ringtones any of us have ever heard in our entire lives. Johnny and the ladies stop and look around in confusion as they can’t help but look up at the OUTLAWtron and see who is calling as the name appears clearly on the center of Johnny’s phone perfectly displayed on the OUTLAWtron. It says HBO in big black bold letters with a white background. Johnny looks around at the now extremely annoyed crowd as they are yelling at him to “ANSWER YOUR GOT DAMN PHONE.” Johnny reaches for it, but the ringing stops and it immediately goes to voicemail. We are aware of this because the sound of LA Johnny Stylez voicemail picking up is being played throughout the entire arena…
LA Johnny Stylez: You’ve reached ME, you can leave a message if you want, but I’m probably not gunna listen to it or call you back, but what the hell knock yourself out…PHUCK YOURSELF K BYE…
:::::::::BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP::::::::
First and foremost we aren’t sure if you are aware but your former business partner Roger Wright sold his stock in the company two days before you were arrested so he is no longer your business partner and is to have no say on any of the day to day decisions that affect Outlaw Pro Wrestling. However you may find it interesting that he sold those shares to a firm that is owned by The Home Box Office giving us a 50% stake in the company. I mean no disrespect by this at all Mr. Stylez but cleared of all charges or not you just spent the last year in prison costing the Home Box Office a small fortune on all the sponsorship dollars and lost revenues we had to pay as a result of your sudden incarceration, and while the State of New York has also agreed to compensate us for our losses as they are you…You still don’t think we would just turn OPW over to you to run as you see fit do you? Certainly not even you can be that dimwitted!
Camera cuts to LA Johnny Stylez who’s mouth is moving and for those of you that can read lips are able to gather that he is has some very choice words for HBO’s very BLUNT Executive Vice President!
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: No in order to ensure Monday Night Showcase continues on the path to success that it was when it was last on our Network we have found that things run best when you have someone there to keep tabs on your goings on and to ensure you don’t make the same unprofessional mistakes you have made in the past. For instance as acting fifty percent owners of Outlaw Pro Wrestling the board has voted that for a period of one hundred and seventy five days there will be no FACTIONS, GROUPS, GANGS, or as they are commonly referred to in pro wrestling circles STABLES. Tag Teams of no more than three will be allowed, but no factions shall be offically recgonized or marketed, by Outlaw Pro Wrestling, failure to comply or a breach of this ruling will result in a five hundred thousand dollar fine, and the circumstance will be reviewed by our board to determine if any further disciplinary action will be taken. We do this not just for OPW’s general welfare we do this to prevent you from falling into any “old behavorial patterns” shall we say that ultimately resulted in collapse or failure as we at the Home Box Office simply cannot afford for the same mistakes to be made that were when the faction war that consumed Outlaw Pro Wrestling during it’s last tenure.
The camera switches back to Johnny Stylez who is in the ring damn near throwing a got damn temper tantrum as the fans are loving every minute of it…
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: As I stated earlier Mr. Stylez there are a few other conditions and terms that you will be made aware of and are expected to become familiar with over the course of the evening. And since I am busy with various other dealings and responsibilities that come with being the Executive Vice President of the Home Box Office, the new board of directors felt it wise to appoint a liaison from our office to yours to stand and act as our advocate and if need be our voice and enforcer if the situation calls for it. We did hope to gain some input on who you thought would be qualified to fill such a role but once again your refusal to simply answer your phone left us no other choice but to make that selection ourself. Not to worry Mr. Stylez I believe the board knocked this one out of the park. They wanted someone as familiar with the organization as well as with you as possible, because as I have hopefully been able to properly convey we are very much aware of your problems with authority Mr. Stylez so know that we made our selection of liaison was made with that in mind. As we at HBO hope for nothing more than a prosperous relationship moving forward. SO the boar decided to select not only someone familiar with you and OPW they decided to select a former member of your roster!
The crowd let’s out a HUUUGGGEEEEE pop at the mention of that as Johnny’s head sinks down and he starts to playfully bang his head against a turnbuckle pad.
HBO Executive Vice President Karen Jones: The person we selected we felt was a not only a corner stone member of the Outlaw Pro Wrestling roster, but someone who embodied the spirit of what OPW was and should be. He was adored by his peers and fans alike. SO much so that in every single arena OPW has ever performed in the fans have chosen to show their love and respect for this man by claiming a small portion of their seating area as his own personal space. Therefore it is with great pride and pleasure that I present to you, your new business partner and acting CO-PRESIDENT OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING former OPW Youngblood, PurBLooD, X-Kore, and Southern Champion…The ONE AND ONLY THOMAS KANE!!!!
You thought the fans popped for Johnny? Let us be perfectly clear about this…The Hammerstein Ballroom JUST CAME
!!!!!!!FUCKING UNGLUED!!!!!
AS SLOW RIDE by FOGHAT BLARES OVER THE PA SYSTEM!!!
Johnny Stylez is in the ring damn near crying as the fans pop even louder and stand and all turn their attention towards the entrance ramp as camera begin to flash as Tommy Kain’s TRUSTY WANNABANG-OHHH slowly starts driving down the entrance ramp. Fans are cheering and dancing to the familiar tune as the vehicle comes to a sudden stop as the fans are screaming their heads off as they see none other than Pierre at the wheel of the WannaBang-OHH. He waves at Johnny and then extends his middle finger as suddenly the main door to the WANNABANG-OHH suddenly swings open and out walk almost every single blonde female that is currently on BRAZZERS ROSTER Olivia Austin, Bridgette B, Devon Lee, Rachel Cavalli, Rachel Roxx, come out of The WannaBang OHHH to the delight of this rowdy New York City Crowd. But then a pop so loud it almost cracks a camera lens or two as THE MAN HIMSELF makes his way out of his HOME/VEHICLE wearing a brand new TUXEDO T-SHIRT and a classy pair of black jean shorts with combat boots. In one hand a ZIMA thar he holds in the air and Olivia Austin gladly cracks open for him. He then holds his hand out in front of Devon Lee’s mouth and she holds out her tongue giving Tommy Lee her Jolly Rancher that Tommy Kain holds up in the air and then theatrically drops into his ZIMA Bottle puts his thumb in the top of the bottle and turns it upside down. The bubbles begin to fizz as Tommy turns towards his new business partner and holds up his index finger telling Johnny to
((HOLD UP A SEC DOOD!!!))
Johnny rolls his eyes as the fans eat up every bit of this. Once the zima jolly rancher fusion is complete he turns it back upright and takes a gigantic swig as the crowd cheers him on. He then reaches in his back pocket for the remote and is unable to find it. He looks around at the blonde collection of porn stars asking them if they have seen it. They all then point to the door of the WANNABANG OHHHH as the clear and decisive pop of the night goes to everyone’s favorite four legged member of the OPW ROSTER GOAT comes staggering out of the WANNABANG-OHHHH in a black tuxedo tshirt of his own and the mic firmly clinched in his jaws. Tommy payfully fusses at GOAT as GOAT makes his way over to Tommy. Tommy takes the mic out of GOAT’s hands but it is clearly not in working condition. Tommy then looks at Johnny and shrugs his shoulders as he then demands that the music be turned up louder as he begins to dance with the blonde collection of BRAZZER GIRLS as he looks at Johnny and gives him a tremendous THUMBS UP and is seen mouthing the words
!$!THIS IS GUNNA BE AWESOME!$!
((TRuE SToRy...BuT FoR NOW))
WE RAWK
OUTLAW PRO RASSLIN IS BACK BITCHEZ
((TRuE SToRy...BuT FoR NOW))
WE RAWK
OUTLAW PRO RASSLIN IS BACK BITCHEZ
OPW
OPW
OPW
So loud we are barley able to hear the voices of the commentators as they try and seg way us into what’s next.
Taj Escobar: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM AT A LOSS! I CAN’T FRICKEN BELIEVE IT! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!!!
Mason Moore: ALLOW ME SIR! There is no more OPW Southern Heavyweight Championship..It has been upgraded to the OPW Legacy Championship and the first title match is our Main Event here tonight…LA Johnny Stylez has demanded Stephen Stratford personally return the OPW Immortal Championship…and incase you are living under a ROCK…TOMMY F’N KANE IS THE NEW ACTING CO-PRESIDENT OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING!!! WHAT A FREAKIN WAY TO KICK OFF THIS NEW ERA OF OUTLAW PRO WRESTLING…I SAID IT ONCE AND ILL SAY IT A MILLION MORE TIMES I PROMISE…GOT DAMN I FUCKIN LOVE THIS JOB!
Taj Escobar: We haven’t seen a single match yet, but thanx to this wonderful decision by OPW’s new board of directors I can’t say OPW’s has the smartest two men at it’s helm…But with Tommy Kain now running things alongside LA Johnny Stylez IF NOTHING ELSE I THINK WE ARE ALL IN FOR A GOOD EFFIN TIME!!! WE GOTTA STEP AWAY FOR A MOMENT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE HELL WE ARE GOING TO GET THAT GOT DAMN MOBILE HOME OUT OF THE ENTRY WAY! BUT WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FIRST OPW PRESTIGE TITLE MATCH IN OVER A YEAR STAY WITH US BECAUSE WE PROMISE YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS A SINGLE MOMENT OF MONDAY…NIGHT…SHOWCASE!!!!
