Post by scottyadams on Sept 18, 2020 23:58:17 GMT -5
Date: 4/9/2020
Location: Talladega, Alabama
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(Isolated. Detached from the world is where I find myself currently, within the confines of the apartment that earlier this year had been my and Bianca's temporary residence after then-rival and now partner - at least in the sense of factions, Jayson Violence had committed the deed of ramming his car through the front of our apartment in Auburn.
Yet this time, my purpose here is entirely voluntary; I am alone. Just as it has to be if I am to do this act right. If I am to ensure that I find what I had lost within myself. If I am to realise what it is, that has caused the fractures within the machine.
The wear and tear that has caused the cogs to jam up as the pressure mounted. As the heat truly begin to be applied within. The tension that has caused everything to collapse within itself.
You get what I mean.
Yet there is nobody else to blame for this but myself. No, as I have stated ad infinitum before, I am *not* in the business to trying to deflect. I'm not the sort of person who passes the blame off upon others. Whether that be people or circumstances.
I'm a firm believer that if one is to *truly* stand for their cause. If they are to truly fulfil the beliefs they claim, then they must be the one to hold themselves to account. Always have done so; always will do so. Which is why you'll *never* hear me blame circumstances or situations for failures, no matter how much of a contribution said factors might make.
Case in point: I don't blame Johnny for his actions during my bout with Anika. One where he used his executive powers to protect his investment. To ensure that the forces he had constructed were the ones that held the power the Immortal championship brings about within their grasp.
No.
I blame myself for even allowing that outcome to arise. For even enabling the situation to reach that point in the first place. Yet that does not mean that I tolerate being robbed. Being denied what for all intents and purposes should have been mine. I made that crystal clear prior to my match against Apathy.
I don't.
I just do not blame Johnny for the route he took. Those are 2 independent concepts that can - and are - be both truthful. Yet that is not why I am here right now. That is not the reason I have elected to take this passage. This route.
No.
The reason for my self-imposed isolation and detachment from society, including Bianca and Lucina, is more internal. It has more to do with *me*; more specifically, remembering what it is that made the machine initially tick. What it is, that made me into the man. The mastermind that I had been in the ring. That I am supposed to still be.
What some people would call their 'edge', and no, not in the same sense that a teenager claims to have 'edge'. I mean solely in a competitive sense.
Sighing, I look around the plain cream plaster walls, sitting atop a navy blue bean bag that had been left behind when we had packed up our belongings; moved back to Auburn.
Pondering the route I have taken. The passages I have traversed ever since I began my own descent into the mire. When I began to feel myself falling into the quicksand that was my very own fate. That was my own words of others demise coming back to haunt me. The inevitability of it all.)
"Ironic, isn't it?"
(Stating this to myself, I hear the words echo around the room, bouncing off the walls as my face remains stoic. Deadpan. It's true - there is an element of irony that it is *me* that is wandering down the path that I claim those who stand before me. That it is I who has been facing the hand of fate - an aspect that could very well make my own statements 'projection'. Or would, if I had ever denied that I was walking down the same road that I claim others had been. I never did. In fact, it is my knowlege of that situation. Of the feeling of being in said position that enables me to speak about it. That allows me to truly understand the circumstances that led to this moment.)
"Sometimes, it is falling down in flames, that enables us to truly comprehend where we stand. It is failing to reach the pinnacle. To hold what was supposed to be ours, that enables us to become the phoenix. To eventually take what should have been our crown."
(Signing, I feel myself starting to relax. Starting to process the words spoken. The doubts that have been cascading within. The reminders that recently - I have failed. Regardless of what the end game might have been.)
"I cannot deny that this is a 2nd chance. Yet I intend to make the most of it. I intend on ensuring that the odds. The supposed entities that stand before me, fall before me."
(Lowering my voice into a whisper, I take a deep breath.)
"Just as it should have been all along. Just as I had designed."
(I glance around, allowing myself to truly let the isolation. The preparation sink in.)
"It's time. Time to take the stairway to heaven."
(End).
Location: Talladega, Alabama
---
(Isolated. Detached from the world is where I find myself currently, within the confines of the apartment that earlier this year had been my and Bianca's temporary residence after then-rival and now partner - at least in the sense of factions, Jayson Violence had committed the deed of ramming his car through the front of our apartment in Auburn.
Yet this time, my purpose here is entirely voluntary; I am alone. Just as it has to be if I am to do this act right. If I am to ensure that I find what I had lost within myself. If I am to realise what it is, that has caused the fractures within the machine.
The wear and tear that has caused the cogs to jam up as the pressure mounted. As the heat truly begin to be applied within. The tension that has caused everything to collapse within itself.
You get what I mean.
Yet there is nobody else to blame for this but myself. No, as I have stated ad infinitum before, I am *not* in the business to trying to deflect. I'm not the sort of person who passes the blame off upon others. Whether that be people or circumstances.
I'm a firm believer that if one is to *truly* stand for their cause. If they are to truly fulfil the beliefs they claim, then they must be the one to hold themselves to account. Always have done so; always will do so. Which is why you'll *never* hear me blame circumstances or situations for failures, no matter how much of a contribution said factors might make.
Case in point: I don't blame Johnny for his actions during my bout with Anika. One where he used his executive powers to protect his investment. To ensure that the forces he had constructed were the ones that held the power the Immortal championship brings about within their grasp.
No.
I blame myself for even allowing that outcome to arise. For even enabling the situation to reach that point in the first place. Yet that does not mean that I tolerate being robbed. Being denied what for all intents and purposes should have been mine. I made that crystal clear prior to my match against Apathy.
I don't.
I just do not blame Johnny for the route he took. Those are 2 independent concepts that can - and are - be both truthful. Yet that is not why I am here right now. That is not the reason I have elected to take this passage. This route.
No.
The reason for my self-imposed isolation and detachment from society, including Bianca and Lucina, is more internal. It has more to do with *me*; more specifically, remembering what it is that made the machine initially tick. What it is, that made me into the man. The mastermind that I had been in the ring. That I am supposed to still be.
What some people would call their 'edge', and no, not in the same sense that a teenager claims to have 'edge'. I mean solely in a competitive sense.
Sighing, I look around the plain cream plaster walls, sitting atop a navy blue bean bag that had been left behind when we had packed up our belongings; moved back to Auburn.
Pondering the route I have taken. The passages I have traversed ever since I began my own descent into the mire. When I began to feel myself falling into the quicksand that was my very own fate. That was my own words of others demise coming back to haunt me. The inevitability of it all.)
"Ironic, isn't it?"
(Stating this to myself, I hear the words echo around the room, bouncing off the walls as my face remains stoic. Deadpan. It's true - there is an element of irony that it is *me* that is wandering down the path that I claim those who stand before me. That it is I who has been facing the hand of fate - an aspect that could very well make my own statements 'projection'. Or would, if I had ever denied that I was walking down the same road that I claim others had been. I never did. In fact, it is my knowlege of that situation. Of the feeling of being in said position that enables me to speak about it. That allows me to truly understand the circumstances that led to this moment.)
"Sometimes, it is falling down in flames, that enables us to truly comprehend where we stand. It is failing to reach the pinnacle. To hold what was supposed to be ours, that enables us to become the phoenix. To eventually take what should have been our crown."
(Signing, I feel myself starting to relax. Starting to process the words spoken. The doubts that have been cascading within. The reminders that recently - I have failed. Regardless of what the end game might have been.)
"I cannot deny that this is a 2nd chance. Yet I intend to make the most of it. I intend on ensuring that the odds. The supposed entities that stand before me, fall before me."
(Lowering my voice into a whisper, I take a deep breath.)
"Just as it should have been all along. Just as I had designed."
(I glance around, allowing myself to truly let the isolation. The preparation sink in.)
"It's time. Time to take the stairway to heaven."
(End).