Not Today, Probably Not Tomorrow
Jan 4, 2021 23:19:51 GMT -5
ARP, Miss Michelle, and 2 more like this
Post by Roger Wright on Jan 4, 2021 23:19:51 GMT -5
Everyone has a routine, that thing they do everyday without fail. Susan ran, every morning, same route, same time. No matter how many times her mother told her she needed to be careful, needed to vary her schedule, Susan always did her morning run the same, a victim of ritual, a victim of routine. This morning Susan turned off the main road and onto the park trail at 5:30 in the morning, the sun just cresting the hill. On schedule the song changed, and now under these scars by Godsmack played through her air pods.
Do we make sense, I think we do
In spite of everything that we've been through
Everything was normal for her today, an easy stop at the coffee shop, Frank knew her order, always had it ready, she just dropped the $10 bill off and grabbed her cup on the way by. Today she was a stunning eight seconds behind, but she could push the pace for a few seconds and easily catch up, and so she did. Susan rounded the bend to head west, right on schedule, she had made up the eight seconds with no issues at all.
Wish you were here
Right beside me
So I could watch you sleep
Hold your body closer, breathe you deep
Susan dipped through an underpass, made a right and came to a stop. There on the ground lay a man. For a moment she thought he was dead, but as she slowly approached she realized he was alive. A soft weak breath escaped his lungs every few seconds, around him the ground was wet, but she could tell it wasn’t blood, and it was assuredly alcohol, both the smell and the empty bottles nearby gave it away. She looked around, found nobody nearby, there never was anyone this early in the morning, it’s why she liked to run at this time.
“Mister.” Susan said as she reached down and gave him a gentle shake. “Mister!” Her words now louder and the shake more forceful. For a moment he grumbled, and his right leg gave a shake. Once more she shook him, “MISTER!” Now she nearly yelled at him. The man grumbled, half rolled and pulled himself into the fetal positions, the left side of his face covered in mud and dirt.
Susan shook her head and stood up, she placed her right foot on the man and pushed him, the man sprawling onto his back and jerking awake. “Shouldn’t be out here mister, cops like to take homeless people to jail when they get drunk and sleep in the park.”
“Not homeless.” The man grumbled.
“Well you smell homeless and look homeless.” Susan said with a smile on her face. “You should take a shower maybe clean the mud off of you.”
“Where am I?” The man asked as he pulled himself to a seated position, wiping mud and dirt off of him.
“Frias Park in Las Vegas.” Susan said.
“How the fuck did I get to Las Vegas?” The man asked as he now stood up, stumbling to the left, then the right before he gained his footing on the ground. “Did you feel that?” He asked.
“Feel what?” Susan replied.
“The world shook for a moment.” The man shot back.
“That’s what happens when you are drunk mister.” Susan half laughed back at him.
“Stop calling me mister, name is Roger.” Roger extended his mud covered hand, Susan looked at it, then at him and shook her head.
“Susan.” I’m behind schedule. I really need to get going, she said to herself.
“Thank you, where can a drunk homeless man find a taxi?” Roger asked.
“Have to call one in Vegas, they don’t just drive around looking for someone to hail them.” She replied.
Roger dug into his pocket. “Would this be enough to convince you to give me a ride to the nearest hotel?” Roger held out a roll of $20 bills.
Susan was about to run and froze at the sight. “I...It’s Vegas...there are hotel’s everywhere.”
“I’m not from here, hell I don’t even know where the hell in Vegas I am, never been to Freeass park.” Roger replied.
“Frias…”
“Excuse me?” Roger asked.
“It’s Frias Park, not free ass park. Don’t get me wrong Vegas is known as sin city, but we haven’t reached that level yet.” Both of them chuckled and Roger stepped forward on wobbly legs, placing the money in her hand.
“I just need to take a shower and make a phone call, take me somewhere I can do that.” His voice was as gentle as a man’s voice could be 3 hours after ending a bender and waking up still drunk.
“I live about a block away, come with me.” Susan pointed back behind her and waved Roger on, the two of them walking along the path the way Susan had been running. “Do I dare ask what you are doing out here?” She asked as they walked.
“Wish I could tell ya, I haven't really been doing a great job of remembering things lately. Of course that’s probably because I have been cleaning out liquor stores for the last few weeks.” He half chuckled as his stomach turned.
“Do I even dare ask why?”
“A woman.” Roger half shrugged as he said it, and Susan just nodded in reply. Both of them walked for a few minutes in silence.
“Mind if I ask what you do for a living?” She asked.
“Professional wrestler and a businessman.” Roger replied after a long moment of thought on how to say it.
“Famous wrestler?” She asked.
“Not as much as I thought, you didn’t notice me.” They both let out a laugh.
“In fairness you are covered in mud.” Susan replied.
“Fair point. How about you?” Roger asked.
“College student.” She said as she stepped off the trail to a rear entrance to an apartment complex. She leaned in, pressed some buttons and opened the gate, both of them walking through. Neither one talked as they made their way to her apartment. She reached the door and paused. “You aren’t going to kill or rape me are you?”
“No, if I did that it would mean that you had to date and or marry Johnny Stylez, and you strike me as way to nice to do that too.” Roger quipped.
“What?”
“Sorry, inside joke, minds still a bit foggy.” Roger said with a smile. “I am not going to hurt you, besides I’m so drunk you could probably take me quicker than I can even react to what you are doing.”
“Ok, you can use my shower, and phone when you are done.” Susan pushed the door open and they stepped into the modest apartment. “Showers down there, you want some coffee?”
“Black, no sugar or cream, thank you.” He said with a nod of his head and set off down the hall to the restroom.
Susan sat on the couch with her coffee for over 30 minutes, her mind racing with what she had just done, her mother would kill her, hell her friends would kill her. What was she thinking? Something about him seemed so sweet though, she could almost see the pain in his eyes, She just kept telling herself she was helping some poor soul get their life right, just like Jesus would do.
The door of the bathroom swung open and Roger stepped out wearing just a towel. “I washed my clothes in the shower as well, do you have a dryer I could use?” He asked, holding the wet clothing up with his right hand, and the towel around his waist with his left.
Silence came to his question as Susan just sat there staring at the half naked man that looked completely different than the man who had come into her apartment just 30 minutes ago. “Um yeah.” She stood up and took the wet clothes, brushing past Roger to the laundry cabinet. She tossed them in and returned to find Roger sitting on her couch drinking his cup of coffee.
“I really do appreciate this, you have no idea, and I am quite sorry if I am imposing in any way.” Roger sipped the coffee and sat it down.
“Oh phone, yeah that’s right.” She grabbed the cordless phone off of it’s handset and handed it to him.
For a moment he paused and thought, “Been a long ass time since I actually dialed a number and didn’t just hit a name in my cell phone.” He said. Finally Roger nodded and began to dial, then held the phone to his ear.
“Shane it’s Roger...Yeah...Really don’t need a lecture...Las Vegas...Just come and fucking get me...what the hell do you mean no?..GOD DAMMIT!” Roger clicked the line dead and closed his eyes.
Susan began to speak but held back, instead leaning back on her couch and staring at the man sitting across from her. “You strike me as a rather intelligent well to do man. What could possibly drive someone like you to throw much of that away into a bottle of alcohol?” Susan held her breath as she finished the question, awaiting some kind of reprisal from the man on the couch.
“A woman, told ya earlier.” Roger said, his head tilted back, eyes still closed.
“So she’s winning then.” Susan shot back.
“Excuse me?” Roger asked, his head pivoting forward and eyes locking on her.
“Yeah she’s winning.” Susan half smiled at him.
“How do you figure?” Roger asked full of confusion.
“I am guessing that she is out there living her life, having a grand ole time. You know doing all the things she wants, being the woman that she wants to be, meanwhile here you are, what I can only assume is a rather quality level man just drinking his life away. Spending his time pining for a woman that doesn’t want him, and missing out on the life that is in front of him. Sounds about right?” Susan leaned in, elbows on her knees.
“What are you some kind of psychologist?” Roger asked.
“It is my major, but I think the real question is, are you some kind of loser that allows a woman to ruin his life?” Susan pushes further forward, elbows digging into her knees.
“You don’t know me.” Roger shot back in defiance.
“Let me guess, well to do, probably have a big business, spend your whole life building it. I’d say parents died while you were rather young, so you have spent your life always trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations of you, done it so long that you actually let them control you in a way, let them set your life agenda.” Susan laned back, arms spread out on the back of the couch. “Sounds about right?”
“Figure all that from looking at me?” Roger asked.
“The phone call was quite telling, let your best friend I am assuming tell you what he was going to do for you, affirming your status as the Beta in the friendship. You may have the money, have the company, but you are simply the face of things, he is clearly the Alpha. Bet it was the same way with your girl, she probably was the take charge kind, ya know the Alpha, leaving you to fill your desired role of the Beta, or the role you have assigned yourself in your quest to please everyone else.” Susan smiled as she watched the eyebrows of Roger furl.
“You don’t know shit.” Roger waved her off.
“I know that you don’t want to actually be the Beta, that you long to be the Alpha, but you are afraid of it, afraid of what it would mean. Probably scared that all the people that adore you would simply walk away, maybe they might hate you. It’s a valid worry, but you should consider this, people only hate the biggest monster in the room. In fact all heroes are monsters when you really think about it. Hercules slayed the golden lion, but was the golden lion really a monster, or was it Hercules? The Lion only knew how to be itself, it was man who wanted to change the ways of the world.” Susan watched on as Roger processed the information.
“But…”
“No buts Mr. Wright, the reality is that you have worried so much about being the monster that you have turned yourself into something much much worse, the whipping boy. I can undoubtedly say that you at one time stood at the pinnacle of what you do, probably had all the adoration of everyone, except for a few, and it is those few, and your quest to please those few, that lead you to where you are right now. Hell your girl is probably banging the man you hate the most, I’d venture to say the prior ex did the same.” Susan smiled at the look of shock on Roger’s face.
“I…”
“Need to stop trying to be what everyone wants you to be, and start being who you want to be. Do you want to be the sad man that always comes in second, or do you want to be the Alpha male? Answer that question and you will find the happiness that you keep searching for at the bottom of all those bottles.” She smiled as Roger sat back and sipped his coffee.
“So…” He paused for a minute to process his thoughts. “I get it, easier said than done, but I get it. Who could have ever imagined that getting shit faced in California would lead to waking up in Las Vegas only to have your mind completely turned inside out by a Psychology major.” Roger took a sip of the coffee.
“So what are you going to do?” Susan asked out of genuine curiosity.
“Well I’m gonna grab my clothes out of the dryer, catch a ride to the airport, have a few drinks and go get my daughter after I show Anicka that I have moved on.” Roger smiled and nodded his head.
“Want to show her that you moved on? Stop drinking, stop being the sad sack that you are. Right now she is enjoying that you are hurting, while she is off having a good time. Show her that you don’t care anymore, that you have put her in the past, it is the only way that you are going to get to her. Seeing you happy, seeing you living your life is the only thing that is going to really get under her skin.” Susan replied.
“Yeah, makes sense.” Roger stood up and strode to the laundry room, pulled his jeans and shirt out, slipped them on in the hallway and tossed the towel onto the back of the couch. “Susan you are an amazing human being and I will take your advice to heart, but I just have a few things that I need to do before I can truly move on.” He gave her a nod and strode out of her apartment door and out of her life.
Roger stepped out onto the sidewalk and began walking towards downtown Las Vegas. “Stupid fucking smart ass, think she knows everything just because she’s going to get a degree in some stupid shit. Well you don’t know shit about me. I don’t want to be a fucking Beta, fuck that. Sure I want to make people happy, who wouldn’t, but I don’t do it to my own detriment.” Roger stopped and stepped into a 7-11.
“Help you sir?” The cashier asked.
“Need a prepaid phone.” Roger said, then watched as the man pulled one out from behind the counter and handed it over. Roger paid for it, exited the store and ripped open the contents. A few moments later he had it open and was dialing a phone number.
“Shane it’s Roger...Stop for one god damn second, do you think I am a Beta, always trying to make everyone else happy?..REALLY?..” Roger lowered the phone and flipped it shut. He kept walking before getting a great idea and pulling the phone back up and dialing another number.
“Hey Ani it’s Roger...I…” He slapped the phone shut and tossed it into a nearby trash can. “I...what the fuck happened to me?” He asked himself out loud as he kept walking. “I need a drink.” He said as he stumbled into the closest gas station, moments later stumbling out with two brown bags shaped like liquor bottles. He would get sober one day, Roger knew he would, but that day was not today, and probably not tomorrow. Right now the only goal he had in his mind was to make her go away.