Fear & Loathing In New Orleans - Wrecked & Worthless - FoCuS
Jan 5, 2021 20:47:27 GMT -5
ARP, Roger Wright, and 6 more like this
Post by Paul Montuori on Jan 5, 2021 20:47:27 GMT -5
EXT. MONTE CARLO MOTEL - NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA - DUSK
A LYFT pulls up to a rundown motel. Paul gets out of the rear passenger side as the trunk pops open. He pulls two bags out of the trunk as the driver gets out and picks up a TV from the trunk. They walk over to room 69.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Paul walks into the room. Two twin beds, a nightstand in between with a TV on a dresser opposite the beds. GOAT sits in a chair between the two beds, all four hooves bound to the chair. He has a gag in his mouth, his eyes closed. Paul sets the bags on the bed nearest the door and walks over to GOAT, staring him over. Paul takes the shitty TV off the dresser and sets it on the ground, motioning for the driver to set the TV on the dresser. Paul walks the driver over to the door, who hesitates leaving.
A LYFT pulls up to a rundown motel. Paul gets out of the rear passenger side as the trunk pops open. He pulls two bags out of the trunk as the driver gets out and picks up a TV from the trunk. They walk over to room 69.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Paul walks into the room. Two twin beds, a nightstand in between with a TV on a dresser opposite the beds. GOAT sits in a chair between the two beds, all four hooves bound to the chair. He has a gag in his mouth, his eyes closed. Paul sets the bags on the bed nearest the door and walks over to GOAT, staring him over. Paul takes the shitty TV off the dresser and sets it on the ground, motioning for the driver to set the TV on the dresser. Paul walks the driver over to the door, who hesitates leaving.
DRIVER
Is that a goat strapped to a chair?
PAUL MONTUORI
Wha? GOAT? Uh..
Paul reaches into his pocket and pulls out some bills. He slaps it in the driver’s hands.
PAUL MONTUORI
(winking)
You didn’t see nothing..
Driver looks at the cash in his hand, shrugs and leaves as Paul shuts the door. He then bolts out of the room, to return moments later with his OPW Tag Team belt. He closes the door again and tosses the belt onto bed as the door to the rear of the room opens and Brandon Moore walks out.
BRANDON MOORE
Jesus fuggin Christ Monty.. About fucking time. I got shit to do brah.
PAUL MONTUORI
I had to get some supplies.. Is he dead?
BRANDON MOORE
I hope not. I think he’s asleep.. Listen, I gotta go. Whatever you do, don’t untie him. Or ungag him. Just fucking chill. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Got it?
PAUL MONTUORI
Yeah yeah, I got it. Waddya think I’m incapable of keeping GOAT hostage?
BRANDON MOORE
Just.. Monty.. is that a fuggin TV??
PAUL MONTUORI
Yeah.. These shitty motel TV’s hurt my eyes.
BRANDON MOORE
Of fucking course they do. Just don’t untie him. Whatever you fuggin do bro, DO NOT UNTIE THIS BASTARD!
Brandon leaves the room. Paul walks over to the bags and pulls out a Zima, popping the cap off before tossing in a blue Jolly Rancher. He takes a big swig.
PAUL MONTUORI
Ahhh. That shit is delicious..
He plugs the TV into the wall and pulls a remote from the bag. He flips through the channels, occasionally glancing over at GOAT still sleeping. Paul gets up and starts pacing around the room, then walks over to the window and looks out the blinds. He turns back to GOAT, staring at him as he sleeps. Paul then coughs, then coughs louder and even louder a third time.
PAUL MONTUORI
(frustrated)
Man fuck this..
Paul walks over to GOAT and shakes him. Startled, GOAT comes to life, wiggling and fighting the restraints as Paul falls back, startled himself.
PAUL MONTUORI
Oh.. You’re awake.
GOAT looks over at Paul and down at his restraints, then relaxes.
PAUL MONTUORI
Sorry about the restraints GOAT, B thinks you’ll run off if you’re untied.. I brought a TV. Dood, wait until you see the ass on the chick playing Selena. Like, it must be a prerequisite for Selena to have a fatty. And I’m not hating. I just had no idea that Rosita from Walking Dead had ass. Good for her.. Speaking of ass, GOAT, crazy shit. I met this chick on Twitter. It’s this place you get to talk shit and make fun of people. Weirdly enough, it’s where Damon Riggs and Dane Cook are constantly harassing me. I must be their hero. It’s like they’re always tweeting me in a pathetic attempt to get my attention. But I bet Dane won’t be saying much after B and I put that hurting on him. Dub Dub Bay Bay! But anyway, this chick, faaaatttyyyy. Type of chick you have no problem sticking your tongue in all of her orifices. Ya know what I mean?
GOAT reluctantly nods.
PAUL MONTUORI
Fuck yeah you know what I mean. You look like you eat some mean ass. Your body spits in the face of E. Coli. You’re a fucking goat, literally.. But, the only problem is, she’s out in Cali at some resort or something. Stuck out there for a while, she said. Wasn’t too sure until when, but she said she’s coming up with a plan to get out. And she needs my help. Said if I help her she’d help me with my career. I need to get back into Hollywood GOAT, get back to being the star I am. Wrestling can only take you so far. And if this chick is willing to help me get back on the cover of Vogue, I’m all for it.. I gotta go back to Cali soon anyway, see if my house in the Hollywood Hills is still in one piece. I let someone house sit, not the most responsible person. But figured, while I’m there, I can swing by and help this chick. I mean, you’d understand if you saw her.. Hold on..
Paul pulls his phone out and scrolls through it. He stands up and puts the phone up to GOAT for him to see. GOAT tries to say something, but he’s muffled.
PAUL MONTUORI
What?
GOAT muffles something.
PAUL MONTUORI
Fuck. I think you said “Titty Gang” but I can’t.. We’re both civilized here, right? If I take the gag off, you hoofy promise you won’t scream?
GOAT nods. Paul puts his phone back in his pocket and unties the gag from GOAT’s mouth. GOAT licks his lips a few times.
GOAT
Baaahh..
PAUL MONTUORI
What’s that? You must be thirsty..
Paul picks up a Zima and holds it up for GOAT, who slurps some down before burping.
PAUL MONTUORI
Sorry again about the whole kidnapping thing. Brandon really wants that belt, and I thought this would give him a leg up. I’m sure TK misses you. He seems like a nice enough guy. I mean, Jolly Ranchers and Zima is fucking genius.
GOAT
Baahhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
I got some movies you might like. There’s “The Men Who Stare At Goats,” that sounds kinda weird. I always hate when people stare at me. I know I’m gorgeous, but damn take a picture cause it will obviously last longer.. “Chronicles of Narnia” has a young McAvoy, sure the ladies felt kinda weird wanted to fuck a half-man/half-goat hybrid.. “Pan’s Labyrinth,” suuuuper creepy. Goat puts his eyes in his hands, I had a nightmare after I saw it. Only way to get back to sleep was to watch the “Jungle Book” to ease my mind. And the animated one, not the live action. I stick to the classics.. Then there’s “Goat” with the dood from the Jonas Brothers. He can be dreamy, but not as dreamy as you GOAT.. Wait a minute, light bulb. What if we made a movie with you? You could be a huge star. You could be the next great action star. A real hero people could get behind. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see a lovable goat on the silver screen, melting the hearts of everyone. I could see the movie posters now..
GOAT
Baaahhh, baaahh bahh baaahhhhh baahhh bahhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
(wiping a tear away)
True true, that shit was deep as fuck.. You’ve got some emotional range. More than the Riggs Legacy. AARP is all about lifting and trying to look cute. Pretty much what pops does. Except Dame isn’t great to look at. I’d hardly call him cute, let’s be honest. I’d much rather watch Elizabeth bang the Irish guy in that stank ass shack in Louisiana again. Talk about steamy, literally. Isn’t the Irish dood banging Apathy? And she’s just going to let some stank ass ho bang fuck her man and nothing? Then he let Apathy fuck his brother front of her in some alley like a ho? I’m promiscuous, but you at least have to take me to a Holiday Inn. Monty Python needs to be washed after putting in that work. Skin needs to be exfoliated. Not just left to dry out.. Apathy probably had to smell his Irish dick afterwards, I didn’t see a shower in that shack. And that chick is French. You know damn well the French smell rotten. Worse than bologna and Funyuns.. Eh, still not that great of a joke.. Apathy’s a joke. AARP is a joke. Scotty Boombatty is a joke. Jason Riggs is a joke. They’re all jokes. Especially when even mentioning them in the same sentence as Paul Montuori. And I tell funny jokes. I’m a regular fucking comediain.. Wait, do you burn?
GOAT
Baaaaaahh..
PAUL MONTUORI
Dood, you’ve never smoked? Oh man, I’ve got something for you..
Paul reaches into the bag and pulls out a gas mask attached to a bong. He walks over to GOAT.
PAUL MONTUORI
Wait until you try this shit right here..
Paul pulls the mask over GOAT’s face.
PAUL MONTUORI
Just gimme the liiiiight..
Paul sparks up the bowl as GOAT inhales deeply, before starting to cough.
PAUL MONTUORI
Don’t you bitch out on me. Pick it, pack it. Fire it up, come along. And take a hit from the bong..
Paul sparks up the bowl again as GOAT takes another deep breath, this time not coughing.
PAUL MONTUORI
I'm in love with Mary Jane. She's my main thing. She makes me feel alright. She makes my heart sing..
Paul takes the mask from GOAT, pulling it over his face before hitting the bong a couple of times. He sits back on the bed.
PAUL MONTUORI
(muffled)
Dood, fucking mask smells. Did B brush your teeth this morning?
GOAT sits in a trance.
PAUL MONTUORI
(muffled)
You OK?
Paul gets up and goes over to GOAT. He starts to untie him.
PAUL MONTUORI
(muffled)
Don’t you die on me..
Paul finishes untying him as GOAT flops over on the ground. Paul kneels down, panicking, as he holds GOAT’s head in his lap. GOAT lays unresponsive.
PAUL MONTUORI
(muffled)
Please, GOAT, come back to me.. I never meant to hurt you. That was fucking Brandon. I wanted to hit up a fancy ass fucking hotel and party until the PPV. Brandon wanted you to stay in his shed. Not sure why he thought you might want to sleep there, but I vetoed it. St. Louis fucking sucks man. But don’t tell B that man, if you ever wake up.. Oh man, TK is going to have his heart broken. I can tell, he really loves you. And why wouldn’t he? You’re the bestest goatI’ve ever met. You have to wake up, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you..
GOAT suddenly lifts his head up.
GOAT
Baaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
PAUL MONTUORI
(muffled)
Aww, fuck you man..
Paul pushes GOAT over and stands up as GOAT rolls on the floor laughing. He takes the mask off, tossing it on the ground.
PAUL MONTUORI
Not fucking cool man, not cool.
GOAT gets up and hops on the bed, laying on his back. Paul sits down on the other bed and does the same thing.
PAUL MONTUORI
GOAT, waddya think Allison sees in Dane? The guy’s a total L 7 Weenie. Huge fucking cornball. I think it’s a case of the older dood swooping in and scooping up the young, impressionable girl. The girl has to be in her 20’s.. And Dane is old as dirt. Bruh, I think there’s some Woody Allen vibes creeping from that relationship. Right under Dame’s nose too. Fuck, that guy probably pimped his daughter out. He’d do anything to stroke that ego of his.. Allison, poor Allison. Stuck in a loveless marriage with a dope. There’s gotta be some robbing the cradle going on there. That Dane dood has to be as old as Riggs. If not older. And how is Allison so damn grown already? Weird how time stops for some people.. Her man was popping all that shit on Twitter, acting like a tough guy. Until he ran into Dub Dub, we put that beating him. Left him looking like the ho he is. Guarantee that clown will never pop off at Dub Dub ever again. That should be a message to the rest of OPW. Wrecked and Worthless Ain’t Nothing To Fuck With..
Paul sits up.
PAUL MONTUORI
Riggs Legacy again at the big PPV. Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll. This PPV is basically for me. I define all those things. Look at me, I’m fucking handsome and amazing. Total Package for real.. That poor girl. She’s basically going to be in that ring alone. Her brother or uncle or cousin, or whoever the fuck he is.. Basura, that’s what he is. Trash. Nobody. Riding the coattails of someone who isn’t even all that. Buddy thinks he’s all that though, fucking delusional. Losing that nut did something to his brain.. All alone, by herself.. Wait I think it’s a triple threat match.. Does it matter? When anyone sees Paul Montuori in a match, they know what’s up. They know who’s going to win. They should know. Everyone thought your buddy TK was going to beat me. OPW’s Face of the Year. And we all saw how that turned out. Sorry GOAT, I didn’t mean to rub it in your face. I know you’re boys. And TK’s a pretty decent enough guy. But bidness is bidness, ya know? GOAT?
GOAT can be heard snoring. Paul stands up and shoves GOAT awake.
PAUL MONTUORI
Don’t you fall asleep on me. We need some excitement. I mean, we’re in New Orleans. This town is one big fucking party. And tonight, amigo.. We fucking party!!MONTAGE
EXT. CANAL STREET - NIGHT
Paul and GOAT are walking down the street. Paul points to a souvenir store as they both walk in. Moments later, they walk back out. GOAT is wearing a t-shirt with a beer helmet strapped to his head.
INT. HARRAH’S CASINO - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul stand at a craps table, surrounded by a crowd having fun. Paul picks up the dice and holds them under GOAT’s mouth. GOAT blows on the dice to the delight of the crowd. Paul rolls the dice and the crowd goes crazy.
EXT. CANAL STREET - NIGHT
Paul and GOAT are walking down the street. Paul points to a souvenir store as they both walk in. Moments later, they walk back out. GOAT is wearing a t-shirt with a beer helmet strapped to his head.
INT. HARRAH’S CASINO - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul stand at a craps table, surrounded by a crowd having fun. Paul picks up the dice and holds them under GOAT’s mouth. GOAT blows on the dice to the delight of the crowd. Paul rolls the dice and the crowd goes crazy.
INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul sit at the stage. GOAT has a dollar between his teeth as a stripper leans over, motorboating him.
INT. CAT’S MEOW - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul are standing on the stage signing as the crowd sings along.
GOAT and Paul sit at the stage. GOAT has a dollar between his teeth as a stripper leans over, motorboating him.
INT. CAT’S MEOW - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul are standing on the stage signing as the crowd sings along.
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
Baaaaahhh! Baaahhh!
I just ran, I couldn't get away
Baaaahhh! Baaahhh!
Crowd goes nuts as Paul drops the mic. They both jump into the crowd and crowd surf on their backs.
END OF MONTAGE
EXT. BOURBON STREET - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul are staggering down the street. GOAT stops and stands on his hind legs as Paul helps him lift his shirt up. Tons of beads are thrown at him. Paul puts the hundreds of beads over GOAT’s neck as they walk down the street. They walk up to a stand.
EXT. BOURBON STREET - NIGHT
GOAT and Paul are staggering down the street. GOAT stops and stands on his hind legs as Paul helps him lift his shirt up. Tons of beads are thrown at him. Paul puts the hundreds of beads over GOAT’s neck as they walk down the street. They walk up to a stand.
PAUL MONTUORI
Two beers for my friend here. And I’ll take two Hand Grenades.
Paul gives the vendor some money, who hands him two beers. Paul puts them onto the helmet of GOAT. He then takes his Hand Grenades, one in each hand. He quickly chugs one, tossing it in the trash.
PAUL MONTUORI
I’m fucking hammered. How the fuck are we supposed to get back to the motel?
GOAT
Baaa..
Before finishing his sentence, GOAT pukes on the side of the street as Paul laughs hysterically.
PAUL MONTUORI
Ya pussy.. Oh I know who to call.
Paul pulls out his cell phone and dials a number.
PAUL MONTUORI
Fucking voicemail.. Yoo Strat, what the fuck? I’m in your city and you’re nowhere to be found..
Paul hangs up and dials another number.
PAUL MONTUORI
Yooooooo, it’s Paul.. Montuori man. FoCuS. One half of OPW Immortal Tag Champs and one sexy ass motherfucker.. Yeah Joe’s brother.. I need a ride.. FoCuS remember?.. We’ll be on the corner of Canal & Bourbon.. Yeah we. Me and GOAT.. Yeah the goat.. He won’t shit in your car man I hoofy promise.. Hoofy promise, it’s this new thi.. Alright see you then..
Paul hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket.
PAUL MONTUORI
Aight, my homeboy will be here in like 20.. I’m starving, there’s a Krystals on the corner. You down?
GOAT
Baaaahhhh..
EXT. CORNER OF BOURBON & CANAL ST - NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA - LATE NIGHT
Paul and GOAT sit on the curb. GOAT inhales a Krystal burger.
Paul and GOAT sit on the curb. GOAT inhales a Krystal burger.
PAUL MONTUORI
Gross dood. Chicks don’t dig slobs. Only thing you should be eating like that is some pussy.. I mean vagina, hashtag me too.
A ballin’ ass car pulls up and honks the horn.
PAUL MONTUORI
That must be him, let’s go..
They both get up. Paul picks up his trash as GOAT walks towards the car.
PAUL MONTUORI
Hey, what the fuck GOAT? Littering is not cool. Captain Planet would put them hands on you if he saw you.
Paul picks up GOAT’s trash and throws it all away. He opens the back passenger door as GOAT hops in. Paul then hops in behind him.
INT. KILLA CAM’S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Paul closes the door behind him and puts on his seatbelt.
Paul closes the door behind him and puts on his seatbelt.
PAUL MONTUORI
Killa Cam! Wadap doe?!
CAMERON VINCENT
Wadap doe?
PAUL MONTUORI
Hey Cam, what is up.. I don’t know if you’ve met GOAT yet. Killa Cam, GOAT, GOAT, Killa Cam.
GOAT
Baaaaahhhhh..
CAMERON VINCENT
(confused)
Uh..
Killa Cam looks at GOAT in the backseat, still wearing the beer hat and a “FBI Full Body Inspector” t-shirt with a neck covered in beads. GOAT sways from side to side, eyes almost rolling in the back of his head.
CAMERON VINCENT
I’ve got so many questions, but I won’t ask. Where we going?
PAUL MONTUORI
Monte Carlo Motel off 10 and Chef Menteur. I sent you the pin.
CAMERON VINCENT
Alright.. You know you can sit up front right?
PAUL MONTUORI
Yeah, but GOAT doesn’t look too good. Might need to open the door fast. He can’t really grab things, on the account of not having any fingers..
CAMERON VINCENT
Good point..
Killa Cam starts to drive.
PAUL MONTUORI
Aww fuck GOAT. Let me help you with your seatbelt.
Paul reaches over and puts GOAT’s seatbelt on for him.
PAUL MONTUORI
Kanye actually taught me about wearing my seatbelt. “Thank God I ain't too cool for the safe belt.” Changed my whole outlook on life. If Yeezy wasn’t too cool to wear it, and it saved his life, then that’d be enough for me ya know? These kats at the PPV wish they had a seatbelt to save them from the two of us. Killa Cam and Paul Montuori, tag partners, defending the OPW Immortal Tag Team Championships. Have we ever teamed before? Don’t matter. When two of the illest are teaming up, nothing else matters. I don’t even have to make any sense, people already know the deal. I’m automatically a shoo-in to win. Win all this shit. We’re a shoo-in to win. Riggs Legacy? Pft.. Those two and their papi have a win over FoCuS, but that’s because that Uce Chase was in the match. Whatever happened to him?
GOAT
Bahhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
Yeah, I think he went back to Samoa.. Their little pappy won’t be around. Not this time. And without him, who are the Riggs Legacy? Slutty daughter who’s banging some old dood and some other Riggs no one cares about. Who is Jason Riggs? I’m still confused by that entire family tree. How many of them are there? And why do they keep reproducing? One is more than enough. Lucky for the world Dame lost his balls so he can’t pop anymore kids out.. And the fucking Cure. Again. Geez, how many times do I have to deal with those low lifes?
GOAT
Bahhhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
Listen, I’ve already explained the loss to Apathy. It’s all Vhodka’s fault, that hussy turned her back on me. She cost me the match. Maybe it was one of those hashtag me too movements. All they had to do was tell me. Paul Montuori loves the ladies. I’m all about girl power. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends.. I get it. The three of us could’ve had some fun before the match. I’m willing to throw any match, for the right price. Or the right favor. I’m a slut, what can I say?
GOAT
Bahhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
You’re right. A reformed slut. I have a date with destiny, and she’s gotta fatty. I’m a new man, changed forever.. And no way she’s going to take me on as a client if I don’t go handle that bidness. Time to finally put the nail in the coffin of the Cure. After this, no more. No mas. Debts settled. Riggs Legacy, same for them.
CAMERON VINCENT
You understand what that thing is saying?
PAUL MONTUORI
GOAT? I mean.. Do we really understand what anyone is saying? Truly?
CAMERON VINCENT
Uh..
PAUL MONTUORI
I’m just fucking with you. Of course I can’t understand what the fuck he’s saying, he’s a goat. The fuck I look like? Dr. Doolittle? But the Eddie Murphy first movie one, the Tony Stark one was kinda weird.. But come on Killa Cam, wouldn’t it be less funny if I didn’t? Roll with it..
GOAT
Baaaahhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
You might want to pull over. I think GOAT drank too much..
CAMERON VINCENT
If that fucking goat throws up on my leather..
Car pulls over as Paul opens the rear driver door. GOAT sticks his head out and starts to throw up.
PAUL MONTUORI
That’s what The Cure must’ve done the first time they smelled Apathy’s pussy. She just looks like she reeks. Like bologna and Funyuns.. Nah that’s wack, I’m better than tearing women down. It’s 2021 bay bay, we need to move forward as a society and start building up women. No bullying women on Twitter to the point where they shoot themselves so they don’t have to be in a match. No more dividing sisters by getting one to want to bang you and the other to hate you.
Paul turns to the camera.
PAUL MONTUORI
Bitch I heard you made out with some fucking wolf in a biker gang but you were too good for me? Shiiiiiiiiit.. Honey, jokes on you..
CAMERON VINCENT
Excuse me? I’ll leave you AND that damn goat here...
PAUL MONTUORI
Ah not you Killa Cam, I was talking to.. Ya know what, forget it. She knows what’s up. She knows her time is almost up, if she doesn’t lose the title at the PPV.. Just like The Cure’s time to be relevant is almost up. How many more losses can those bitches rack up before they become a joke? To be the Cure of OPW, you gotta cure some shit. Outside of getting help to beat me, what has Apathy or Scotty Riggs done? How did they even get in a match with the tag champs? Who have they beaten? Who has Riggs Legacy beaten? This place just hands out title shots willy nilly. At least the Caffeine Sluts earned a title shot. It’s a fucking wrap at the PPV. Riggs Legacy will have to stand on their own two feet. The daughter and the cousin/brother/uncle, whoever the fuck he is. And the Cure, Scotty Pippen and Apathy. This time all gloves are off, this time Paul Montuori is going to put in that work.. You done GOAT?
GOAT sits back in the car.
GOAT
baAhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
I’ll take that as a yes. Vamonos Killa Cam before he shits in here..
EXT. MONTE CARLO MOTEL - CONTINUOUS
Killa Cam’s car pulls up as the door swings open before the car stops. Paul falls out, hitting the ground as GOAT comes tumbling over them. They both laugh as they lay on the ground.
Killa Cam’s car pulls up as the door swings open before the car stops. Paul falls out, hitting the ground as GOAT comes tumbling over them. They both laugh as they lay on the ground.
PAUL MONTUORI
Alright GOAT, get off me. You reek like Apathy’s pussy after being ran train on by the whole Cure.
Killa Cam steps out of the drivers side and looks over at the two, shaking his head.
CAMERON VINCENT
Y’all gonna be alright?
PAUL MONTUORI
Yeah, we’ll be alright. Thanks for the ride.
CAMERON VINCENT
Uh, sure...
Killa Cam shakes his head again and gets back in the car. Door closes and he drives off. Paul stands up dusting himself off as he staggers over to the room.
PAUL MONTUORI
Fuck GOAT, I think I lost the room key.
GOAT
Baahh..
Paul steps aside as GOAT takes a running start and headbutts the door. The door breaks open as Paul starts to clap.
PAUL MONTUORI
My mans..
They both walk into the room.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Paul shoves the door closed. He sits down on the bed as GOAT staggers over to the other bed.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Paul shoves the door closed. He sits down on the bed as GOAT staggers over to the other bed.
PAUL MONTUORI
Great night GOAT. I can’t believe you got your hoof into that stripper. Yowzers, shit was wild. And pretty gross. I’m pretty sure that counts as beastiality. But who am I to judge? I was once offered to dick down Apathy. One could say that would’ve been an instance of beastiality.. No, not cool. 2021 is the year Paul Montuori grows up. Er.. Matures slightly. First action of business is to treat women as the beautiful creatures they are. That means no bullying like Vhodka Marie. I will rise up and be a better man. As such, Apathy and Allison will be taken seriously as opponents at the big ol’ PPV. Which means them bitches gonna get these hands.. Fuck, I meant them nice bitches gonna get these hands.. At least they’ll put up a bigger fight than you could GOAT. You and your soft ass.
GOAT
Baaahhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
You ain’t shit and you know it. Apathy would literally eat you for breakfast. She’d pick you up like a baby lamb. Lamb Chop’s Play-Along, where kids come to play-along..
GOAT
Baaahhhhhhh..
PAUL MONTUORI
You want some GOAT? Don’t be about it, see about it.. Wait, that’s not right..
GOAT charges at Paul who catches him in his arms. He falls to the side as they start wrestling throughout the room, knocking over everything in their path. Paul ends up on his back with one of GOAT’s hooves on Paul’s neck.
PAUL MONTUORI
(laughing)
Alright GOAT you got me.. Now get those filthy hooves off me. I saw where you put them in that stripper.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - MORNING
The room is pitch black. The room door opens, flooding light as a figure walks in and closes the door. The light turns on and Brandon Moore is standing, looking around the trashed motel. He walks over to one of the beds and pulls the covers off. Lying on the bed is GOAT and Paul Montuori, spooning, with GOAT being the big spoon.
The room is pitch black. The room door opens, flooding light as a figure walks in and closes the door. The light turns on and Brandon Moore is standing, looking around the trashed motel. He walks over to one of the beds and pulls the covers off. Lying on the bed is GOAT and Paul Montuori, spooning, with GOAT being the big spoon.
BRANDON MOORE
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS MONTY!?
Paul lifts his head up, squinting from the light.
PAUL MONTUORI
Things got a little cray cray.. But as expected..
He sits up in bed, pushing GOAT over in the bed, who lays snoring. He pulls his phone out of his pocket.
PAUL MONTUORI
What time is it? .. Oh shit.. It’s go time!
Paul instantly perks up and picks up GOAT.
PAUL MONTUORI
Meet me in LA tomorrow afternoon. I’ll text you the address.
BRANDON MOORE
Meet you? What the fuck are you talking about?
Paul opens the door and turns back to Brandon.
PAUL MONTUORI
And bring Michelle..
He walks out, slamming the door shut.
BRANDON MOORE
Fucking P. Mont..