AnD tHe woRld YeLleD aShEr
Apr 18, 2021 21:03:20 GMT -5
☠ VooDoo ☠, FXR Dane Preston, and 2 more like this
Post by somethingwicked on Apr 18, 2021 21:03:20 GMT -5
I woke up in the morning and felt sick to me stomach. Having spent the night before learning what american cuisine is like, or the very sure lack there of, I found meself heaving and bending over what was called a ‘taco supreme’ from a dodgy shack that mostly sold petrol. I can remember feeling me back teeth start to sweat and thinking ‘well ‘bviously me body dun wan to ingest sludge, why would it?’
I got cracking and made me way to the loo, only to find this x-mas bitch still in there shavin her stems. Razors weren’t made for hair that thick, so I get the length of time. Like taking a butter knife to a wookie. I decided in was in my best interest to not care, and sat on the bowl anyway. She made a stink about me stink and ran out, threatening to kick me ass once it was safe to breav again. Empty threats from an empty head, I say.
Me bowel movement was the kind of epic that can’t be explained by normal means. It was like the scene in Independance day, where the ship opens up and fires the green lasers down on the buildin’s. Save the ship was me arse, the toilet was the buildin’, and the lasers weren’t green.
I wiped with this sandpaper we’ve as loo roll and thanked the fuck I don’t have to wipe a slit with every piss. No wonder the birds are always virago.
I jump in the shower and use the cold water to make my brown eye less red, and I can here the bitches yelling about one thing or another. I can’t be arsed to care as all I can think about is that if I’d eaten one more of them god damn tacos I’d prolly be rocking a pink sock.
When I come out, still walking like the low roller at an orgy of mates, JJ FirePlanet is waiting for me, like a god damn puppy this one. So cheerful. So sweet. I wanna draw ‘em ear to ear, but even I ain’t that fuckin nasty. I mean I am, but he’s got the support of the Veediots, so I leave ‘em.
-JJ Starfire-
You excited for tokyo?
-Asher-
Love, I never been less excited for anything. Fact is, I don’t do excited. I barely do buzzed, I ain’t never been psyched, and I can’t even tell ya what me being enthused even looks like. Let me take a stab at it, you are? Anime fan, is ya? Gonna get the sempi to notice ya, eh? Tell ya what, mate. When we get to the arena, we’ll do our little fresher opening number, and then you can go out on a tour of the town. I’ll even fund ya. Just because. Good? Good.
-JJ Starfire-
Did I do something to you?
-Asher-
You? No. Ya never done a thing, love. Save for the fact that you’re the veediots prized pupil. Standing O and all, right? Lookit, BB. Did his best. Best in show. Show stoppa rockenrolla type. Meanwhile. I’m getting me arse knocked about like a punchin’ bag for min wage, and the birds ain’t even gotta train, let ‘lone fight.
-JJ Starfire-
Veediots? You know, I don’t get appreciated often. In fact, a lot of the people in my life have taken advantage of me. Vin and Vhodka just want us to do well. They want us to try. And they care when we do. I don’t see why you need to make fun of them for that.
This half ass, half wit has half the required nuerons to stand here and tell me that these two are some sort of saints, when after they put me in a match with that barbarian with a pecker the size of a pickle, graham cracker. After Vincent made the loser beat me arse over and over for nothing but shits and giggs, This one gonna defend them. As if us getting wrecked by him and his wasn’t bad enough, now we get to do it on another continent, as if it wasn’t bad enough on the last one.
-Asher-
Oh, well let me ‘splain. You’re a tool, they’re a twat, and I’m buggered by you all. Write it down, lest you forget.
I go back to my room, and nail a sheet over the place where my door, and my door frame, used to be. I pull out my bag of treats, and pick out a few that’ll let me sleep peacefully. It’s a few minutes before I’m out and the last thing I can hear is one of the birds running their upper lips about me getting shit on their stockings. I get a good laugh at that, and I’m off to night in the ‘fternoon.
My dreams are always the same, even when I’m on the goodfellas. We’re standing in the airport, hand in hand, when there’s a bang. People start look ‘t us from all sides, whispering, yelling. They start to run towards us and we’re pulled apart. Last thing I see before I wake up is her face as it rounds a corner and goes away. Thing about this dream, it’s the only one I have. And if I sleep eight hours, it lasts eight hours. If I sleep for 15 minutes, it lasts 15 minutes. And it never goes any different. I wake up a few hours later, and the sound of breathing is the first thing I ‘ear. The next thing I hear is an explosion right above me head. Opening me eyes, He’s standing above me, and jesus is he bonkers.
-Vincent Black-
Listen. I understand you. Better than you think. But I’ve had enough. This isn’t a FUCKING GAME. You wanted in. Now you prove you belong. Or I will dump you in the middle of some eastern european country where you will never find your way back from. The games are fucking DONE. JJ has been busting his ass, and damn near made it to the finals of this god damn tournament. AND AS A REWARD, he gets to team with you. Listen carefully. You are not going to let that kid down. You let me down, you let yourself down, you’re so good at that, but if you let him down I swear to god I will break your fucking NECK DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I don’t dare say a word, I can see that anything I mutter is probably gonna lead to me end. He goes to leave and see’s the sheet hanging up, almost for the first time. And that’s when I see him turn and look at me trunk. It’s an old trunk, had it since I was wee. It was gifted to me by the orphanage that I stole it from, since they didn’t call the cops or nothing. And he lunges for it. I beat him to it and he hits me. It is the hardest that I have ever been hit, if not the hardest anyone has ever been hit in the history of violence. He leans down and grabs my face, his eyes wide with an anger that I’d be willing to wager not many ‘ve survived. And he whispers…
-Vincent Black-
..you think you’re a survivor. But you’re not. You’re dead. You’ve been beaten. You just haven’t laid down yet. I was wrong about you. I see that now. Leave. Don’t come back. Don’t ever come back. Or I’ll show you how to lay down.
I lay there motionless as he leaves. I can feel the trunk beneath me giveaway to me weight, but also to the force he put behind his hit. Massive arms he has, might as well be power drills. Or somefin of the like. I can hear the birds laughin, and I can hear JJ tell them to keep it down. Stupid puppy. Can’t even be hated right. I get me strength up and I get dressed. I hobble my barely unbroken back down the stairs and into me car. It’s minutes until I’m at me destination. I ring the bell, and out he comes. Dressed in shorts and a polo like the bender he is. He looks at me, almost amazed, like a kid looks a crayon. He asks what I want, and I tell him.
-Asher-
I wanna train. Let’s go, love. Earn ya pay.
He takes me to the nearby park like a true Mo’ would, and we go for a run. Running. What git woke up one day and said ‘oi i’ve had it. Brilliant. Lets pretend a chase, eh? Good idea, innit?’ No, it’s not. It’s bloody horrible, and no one loved you save for your mom and she didn’t know better on account of letting ya lame head daddy finish the dance in her without a coat. After we run for far too long which is legally any amount at all, he makes me do 20 pushups. I do 6. 3 of which hurt like hell. He tells me to do ten push ups. I do 4, and almost throw up. He tells me to do sit ups, and on my 3rd one, I fart and throw up. Hard to say which I did first if either. He has this look on his face, confused. Like a kid who didn’t want the free candy.
-Asher-
What, bug?
-Coach E-
You’re really trying today. This is effort. What changed?
I don’t feed him a line, nor a story. I don’t make up a song and dance, because me legs hurt too much to bop let alone sway. I don’t tell him about how I secretly fantasize about a floating head of a git, looking down on all of creation and asking ‘who is the best fighter’ and the world screamed asher, they did. I don’t even tell him about me sister or what its gonna take to get closer to her. That is what this is, but not so much right now. Right now, I’m training for a different reason. A real good one. One that’s gonna take the piss out of the rest of me life. I tell him my truth.
-Asher-
Because I wanna beat the fuck outta Vincent Black.
I got cracking and made me way to the loo, only to find this x-mas bitch still in there shavin her stems. Razors weren’t made for hair that thick, so I get the length of time. Like taking a butter knife to a wookie. I decided in was in my best interest to not care, and sat on the bowl anyway. She made a stink about me stink and ran out, threatening to kick me ass once it was safe to breav again. Empty threats from an empty head, I say.
Me bowel movement was the kind of epic that can’t be explained by normal means. It was like the scene in Independance day, where the ship opens up and fires the green lasers down on the buildin’s. Save the ship was me arse, the toilet was the buildin’, and the lasers weren’t green.
I wiped with this sandpaper we’ve as loo roll and thanked the fuck I don’t have to wipe a slit with every piss. No wonder the birds are always virago.
I jump in the shower and use the cold water to make my brown eye less red, and I can here the bitches yelling about one thing or another. I can’t be arsed to care as all I can think about is that if I’d eaten one more of them god damn tacos I’d prolly be rocking a pink sock.
When I come out, still walking like the low roller at an orgy of mates, JJ FirePlanet is waiting for me, like a god damn puppy this one. So cheerful. So sweet. I wanna draw ‘em ear to ear, but even I ain’t that fuckin nasty. I mean I am, but he’s got the support of the Veediots, so I leave ‘em.
-JJ Starfire-
You excited for tokyo?
-Asher-
Love, I never been less excited for anything. Fact is, I don’t do excited. I barely do buzzed, I ain’t never been psyched, and I can’t even tell ya what me being enthused even looks like. Let me take a stab at it, you are? Anime fan, is ya? Gonna get the sempi to notice ya, eh? Tell ya what, mate. When we get to the arena, we’ll do our little fresher opening number, and then you can go out on a tour of the town. I’ll even fund ya. Just because. Good? Good.
-JJ Starfire-
Did I do something to you?
-Asher-
You? No. Ya never done a thing, love. Save for the fact that you’re the veediots prized pupil. Standing O and all, right? Lookit, BB. Did his best. Best in show. Show stoppa rockenrolla type. Meanwhile. I’m getting me arse knocked about like a punchin’ bag for min wage, and the birds ain’t even gotta train, let ‘lone fight.
-JJ Starfire-
Veediots? You know, I don’t get appreciated often. In fact, a lot of the people in my life have taken advantage of me. Vin and Vhodka just want us to do well. They want us to try. And they care when we do. I don’t see why you need to make fun of them for that.
This half ass, half wit has half the required nuerons to stand here and tell me that these two are some sort of saints, when after they put me in a match with that barbarian with a pecker the size of a pickle, graham cracker. After Vincent made the loser beat me arse over and over for nothing but shits and giggs, This one gonna defend them. As if us getting wrecked by him and his wasn’t bad enough, now we get to do it on another continent, as if it wasn’t bad enough on the last one.
-Asher-
Oh, well let me ‘splain. You’re a tool, they’re a twat, and I’m buggered by you all. Write it down, lest you forget.
I go back to my room, and nail a sheet over the place where my door, and my door frame, used to be. I pull out my bag of treats, and pick out a few that’ll let me sleep peacefully. It’s a few minutes before I’m out and the last thing I can hear is one of the birds running their upper lips about me getting shit on their stockings. I get a good laugh at that, and I’m off to night in the ‘fternoon.
My dreams are always the same, even when I’m on the goodfellas. We’re standing in the airport, hand in hand, when there’s a bang. People start look ‘t us from all sides, whispering, yelling. They start to run towards us and we’re pulled apart. Last thing I see before I wake up is her face as it rounds a corner and goes away. Thing about this dream, it’s the only one I have. And if I sleep eight hours, it lasts eight hours. If I sleep for 15 minutes, it lasts 15 minutes. And it never goes any different. I wake up a few hours later, and the sound of breathing is the first thing I ‘ear. The next thing I hear is an explosion right above me head. Opening me eyes, He’s standing above me, and jesus is he bonkers.
-Vincent Black-
Listen. I understand you. Better than you think. But I’ve had enough. This isn’t a FUCKING GAME. You wanted in. Now you prove you belong. Or I will dump you in the middle of some eastern european country where you will never find your way back from. The games are fucking DONE. JJ has been busting his ass, and damn near made it to the finals of this god damn tournament. AND AS A REWARD, he gets to team with you. Listen carefully. You are not going to let that kid down. You let me down, you let yourself down, you’re so good at that, but if you let him down I swear to god I will break your fucking NECK DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I don’t dare say a word, I can see that anything I mutter is probably gonna lead to me end. He goes to leave and see’s the sheet hanging up, almost for the first time. And that’s when I see him turn and look at me trunk. It’s an old trunk, had it since I was wee. It was gifted to me by the orphanage that I stole it from, since they didn’t call the cops or nothing. And he lunges for it. I beat him to it and he hits me. It is the hardest that I have ever been hit, if not the hardest anyone has ever been hit in the history of violence. He leans down and grabs my face, his eyes wide with an anger that I’d be willing to wager not many ‘ve survived. And he whispers…
-Vincent Black-
..you think you’re a survivor. But you’re not. You’re dead. You’ve been beaten. You just haven’t laid down yet. I was wrong about you. I see that now. Leave. Don’t come back. Don’t ever come back. Or I’ll show you how to lay down.
I lay there motionless as he leaves. I can feel the trunk beneath me giveaway to me weight, but also to the force he put behind his hit. Massive arms he has, might as well be power drills. Or somefin of the like. I can hear the birds laughin, and I can hear JJ tell them to keep it down. Stupid puppy. Can’t even be hated right. I get me strength up and I get dressed. I hobble my barely unbroken back down the stairs and into me car. It’s minutes until I’m at me destination. I ring the bell, and out he comes. Dressed in shorts and a polo like the bender he is. He looks at me, almost amazed, like a kid looks a crayon. He asks what I want, and I tell him.
-Asher-
I wanna train. Let’s go, love. Earn ya pay.
He takes me to the nearby park like a true Mo’ would, and we go for a run. Running. What git woke up one day and said ‘oi i’ve had it. Brilliant. Lets pretend a chase, eh? Good idea, innit?’ No, it’s not. It’s bloody horrible, and no one loved you save for your mom and she didn’t know better on account of letting ya lame head daddy finish the dance in her without a coat. After we run for far too long which is legally any amount at all, he makes me do 20 pushups. I do 6. 3 of which hurt like hell. He tells me to do ten push ups. I do 4, and almost throw up. He tells me to do sit ups, and on my 3rd one, I fart and throw up. Hard to say which I did first if either. He has this look on his face, confused. Like a kid who didn’t want the free candy.
-Asher-
What, bug?
-Coach E-
You’re really trying today. This is effort. What changed?
I don’t feed him a line, nor a story. I don’t make up a song and dance, because me legs hurt too much to bop let alone sway. I don’t tell him about how I secretly fantasize about a floating head of a git, looking down on all of creation and asking ‘who is the best fighter’ and the world screamed asher, they did. I don’t even tell him about me sister or what its gonna take to get closer to her. That is what this is, but not so much right now. Right now, I’m training for a different reason. A real good one. One that’s gonna take the piss out of the rest of me life. I tell him my truth.
-Asher-
Because I wanna beat the fuck outta Vincent Black.