Post by Blair Buchannan-Stylez on Apr 2, 2020 7:17:41 GMT -5
It's day number...who knows anymore of lock down. The house is spotless. The kids are asleep. You can't sleep because sleeping and eating are basically all you've been doing for the past couple of weeks. So you check instagram again...scroll through for memes. So many memes. But then it starts to become repetitive again. You need a break from the onslaught of corona-mania you've been inundated with lately and so you switch on Netflix...but you've binged watched all of your favorite shows at least twice by now. None of the movies look good...and then you see something pop up on the 'New & Trending' section...Breakin' All The Rulez with Blair?...That stuck up model chick has her own show? Well, it'll be some mindless entertainment to take your mind off of everything for a while. At the very least you can put the show on mute and fap fap fap away until you fall asleep.
...So you click play...
...badumm...
...Netflix Presents...
BREAKIN' ALL THE RULEZ
w/ BLAIR
a sensory roleplay.
[press play to listen to the show and get the full experience.]
Hi everyone, i’m the hooker with the heart of mold, Blair Buchannan-Stylez and welcome to the very first episode of Breakin All The Rulez
...the show where I say and do whatever I want...
because it’s my show!
because it’s my show!
and not yours.
So before I kick things off, I just want to break things down a little bit so you know what my new show is all about!
But FIRST let me tell you what you’re not gonna see. If you were a fan of my ridiculously successful reality show Brushing Up with The Buchannans, which ran for ten seasons, then you’re probably used to seeing me being shown in a certain way...or I guess a better way to phrase it would be you’re used to being shown a highly controlled production that was completely manufactured and curated down to every subtle product placement in the background. That ain’t this.
THIS show literally breaks all the rules of conventional methods for programming. Each episode is going to have a different format, a fresh concept, and most of all is going to be completely and fully myself. The real me. The one not suitable for that whack ass E Network and their viewers made up of the worlds most basic bitches. Sometimes it might be scripted, sometimes it won’t...but it will always be entertaining! Got it? Great! Let’s get started.
So this week I wanted to start things off by discussing a topic that’s been on my mind a lot lately: B.D.E.
...Otherwise known as…
BIG DICK ENERGY
BIG DICK ENERGY
Now most of you have probably heard this phrase before but I feel like there’s a lot of misconceptions out there floating around as to what exactly constitutes big dick energy, so in this episode i’m going to clarify what it truly means to have B.D.E.
...So first things first…
What is big dick energy?
What is big dick energy?
Someone who has Big Dick Energy is like a true boss. They can walk into a room and immediately command it without saying a word. It’s got nothing to do with looks, and everything to do with how someone carries themselves. It’s confidence without having to be boisterous. Like you know you’re the shit, and you don’t even have to try and convince anybody else because they already know.
Big Dick Energy is not
I REPEAT, NOT
ABOUT EGO.
If you’ve followed my career in any capacity, then i’m sure you’ve gathered by now that i’m a, quote, professional wrestler...and yes, I use that term loosely because we all know most of the time when I win a match it ain’t got shit to do with wrestling. But anyway, being that I am in and a part of the wrestling industry, I'm sure you can imagine that I encounter quite a lot of men, and a few women in for that matter, who have these hyper mascluine personalities and over the top egos.
When I say over the top.
I'm talking maaaaajor.
I'm talking maaaaajor.
Like literally everywhere I turn I hear someone mouthing off about how they’re the greatest ever, they fuck bitches and pop bottles all day every day, and how they are the end all and be all of professional wrestling. Regardless if you’re a so called good guy or a bad guy, the sentiment is pretty much the same: Everyone thinks they’re the greatest of all time which, in an industry that has been largely male dominated and controlled for a very very VERY long time, somehow translates into meaning you’re like...the most macho person ever. Now, in that context, one might deduce that the general consensus is that being the best professional wrestler means you’re the most manly of all the men. This concept has always baffled me because, like...
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING
IS JUST SOFT CORE GAY PORN
FOR STRAIGHT MEN IN DENIAL
IS JUST SOFT CORE GAY PORN
FOR STRAIGHT MEN IN DENIAL
I mean think about it! Nobody said you had to wrestle another man in your underwear and they damn sure ain’t doing that shit for us ladies because the very tradition of professional wrestling dates back fucking eeeeeeons and the truth is it has been generally all about hyper masculine men in a pissing contest with each other trying to prove who has the biggest dick of them all, and in my opinion there is nobody on this planet who embodies this stereotype more than Alan fucking Envy.
When I first came into this industry, Al Envy was really at his peak. Here you had this bad ass legend who just happened to be a good old boy from Texas. Texas, of all places. I mean we’ve all heard the old adage, right? that everything is bigger in Texas? He was cool, confident, a real man’s man. The epitome of Big Dick Energy...or so I thought. Well, eventually I was making a name for myself too and after some time it was only inevitable that the two of us were pit against each other in a match for the Trans-Atlantic Title, which unfortunately I lost.
It was one of the most upsetting losses of my career, but it was also the most important and pivotal moments of my life. Up until that point I had been trying to play a game that I didn’t realize I would never be able to win. I entered the wrestling world as a novelty, and everybody was fine with that. It was amusing for people higher up at the time to see me try and claw my way up, tooth and nail, just to get a seat at the table, but despite my best efforts I could only go so far. Working as hard as I could to climb my way to the top, only to have been smacked down by the very man who represented the epitome of that ‘boys club’ that ruled over N.E.W back then was the rude awakening I needed. It made me open my eyes and only then did I finally understand that I was never going to succeed in their lane. So I decided to create one for myself.
I put in the work and it began paying off. At the same time my star is rising, Envy’s begins to fall because the times were changing. Envy, once the poster boy for what a professional wrestler should be, also unfortunately fell under the umbrella of being another privileged white male and people just weren’t having any of that anymore. He represented an outdated image that people no longer thought was relatable and thus began his decline into obscurity. Now, here’s where the story gets interesting…
Alan Envy can now see that his stock is plummeting, right? So what does he do? He stages a fall from grace, becomes an alcoholic or something, grows a little stubble so it looks like he’s just really going through hard times. He became such an embarrassing mess that, at one point, we had to kick him out of D.E.F.I.A.N.C.E back in N.E.W’s last run because he was such a fucking liability that he couldn’t be trusted to pull his weight.
So he throws himself the biggest pity party ever and then waits a little while...before trying to stage a comeback, but that’s where he fucked up. He wasn’t banking on N.E.W shutting it’s doors so quickly so the world forgot about his ass. Luckily for him O.P.W opened up not too long after that and he was back in the game. Only by this time he was so irrelevant that the timeline for his comeback was all screwed up.
Nevertheless, Al continued onto the next phase of his plan which was to suddenly become so introspective...now he’s trying to be the guy that everybody wants him to be while at the same time trying to tell everybody he’s done with being a fame whore when really, fame was done with his ass a long time ago. Still, middle America needs somebody to root for and Alan Envy is there to fill that void because we all know the only thing people love more than a hero is a hero who has fallen from grace and is now on the path to redemption. It’s a tale as old as time, the operative term here being OLD. Zero bodies are checking for his ass anymore because the world has moved on. That same underdog shit is so tired and recycled and predictable but it’s the only routine he knows because that is the cycle of how professional wrestling USED TO BE.
When I first came into this industry, Al Envy was really at his peak. Here you had this bad ass legend who just happened to be a good old boy from Texas. Texas, of all places. I mean we’ve all heard the old adage, right? that everything is bigger in Texas? He was cool, confident, a real man’s man. The epitome of Big Dick Energy...or so I thought. Well, eventually I was making a name for myself too and after some time it was only inevitable that the two of us were pit against each other in a match for the Trans-Atlantic Title, which unfortunately I lost.
It was one of the most upsetting losses of my career, but it was also the most important and pivotal moments of my life. Up until that point I had been trying to play a game that I didn’t realize I would never be able to win. I entered the wrestling world as a novelty, and everybody was fine with that. It was amusing for people higher up at the time to see me try and claw my way up, tooth and nail, just to get a seat at the table, but despite my best efforts I could only go so far. Working as hard as I could to climb my way to the top, only to have been smacked down by the very man who represented the epitome of that ‘boys club’ that ruled over N.E.W back then was the rude awakening I needed. It made me open my eyes and only then did I finally understand that I was never going to succeed in their lane. So I decided to create one for myself.
I put in the work and it began paying off. At the same time my star is rising, Envy’s begins to fall because the times were changing. Envy, once the poster boy for what a professional wrestler should be, also unfortunately fell under the umbrella of being another privileged white male and people just weren’t having any of that anymore. He represented an outdated image that people no longer thought was relatable and thus began his decline into obscurity. Now, here’s where the story gets interesting…
Alan Envy can now see that his stock is plummeting, right? So what does he do? He stages a fall from grace, becomes an alcoholic or something, grows a little stubble so it looks like he’s just really going through hard times. He became such an embarrassing mess that, at one point, we had to kick him out of D.E.F.I.A.N.C.E back in N.E.W’s last run because he was such a fucking liability that he couldn’t be trusted to pull his weight.
So he throws himself the biggest pity party ever and then waits a little while...before trying to stage a comeback, but that’s where he fucked up. He wasn’t banking on N.E.W shutting it’s doors so quickly so the world forgot about his ass. Luckily for him O.P.W opened up not too long after that and he was back in the game. Only by this time he was so irrelevant that the timeline for his comeback was all screwed up.
Nevertheless, Al continued onto the next phase of his plan which was to suddenly become so introspective...now he’s trying to be the guy that everybody wants him to be while at the same time trying to tell everybody he’s done with being a fame whore when really, fame was done with his ass a long time ago. Still, middle America needs somebody to root for and Alan Envy is there to fill that void because we all know the only thing people love more than a hero is a hero who has fallen from grace and is now on the path to redemption. It’s a tale as old as time, the operative term here being OLD. Zero bodies are checking for his ass anymore because the world has moved on. That same underdog shit is so tired and recycled and predictable but it’s the only routine he knows because that is the cycle of how professional wrestling USED TO BE.
...but like...
What happened
to all that big dick energy?!
What happened
to all that big dick energy?!
...Well, the answer to that is it was never there to begin with. Because people with real B.D.E don’t have to contrive sob stories to garner sympathy from the public to get them on their side. Now please don’t misunderstand me when I say this, because there is no shame in hitting rock bottom and clawing your way back to the top. The issue with men like Alan Envy is that his redemption story is purely a tactic that’s been used over and over again and people nowadays have seen it so many times that they aren’t being fooled by it anymore. They can tell it's disingenuous and schmaltzy, and nobody is buying it. Trust me, I built my career off of selling a story to people and if there’s one thing i’ve learned it’s that nobody likes to feel like someone is trying to pull something over on them, and that’s exactly what happened with Envy.
Now I suppose his match against me for the Southern Championship is supposed to be his big comeback but i’m not having it and neither is anybody else except for the few fans he has who have now found themselves marginalized as the world has evolved. Where men like Alan Envy were once the majority, they’re now the minority. Then you throw me into the mix, and for him it’s a recipe for disaster. You’ve got me, a woman, who also happens to be a woman of color living her best life as the reigning champion and to top it off my little brother is gay! The truth is I could be a full on raging cunt as much as I want to be and at the end of the day, the odds are still tipped in my favor. Is it fucked up that I’m using all of this to my advantage? Probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that the world right now would rather see someone like me with this belt than someone like Alan Envy.
...and listen, It’s not like Envy is the only person who has tried to do what he’s doing. Many many people have done it before, and more than once, and it worked for them. It’s just that now the conversation has shifted. The industry as a whole has shifted. Professional Wrestling is no longer a male dominated world. It can’t be, not if it wants to survive. Right now, largely because of me, there are more female wrestling fans than ever. They want their champions to reflect who they are. Outlaw Pro Wrestling is proof of that shift, because look who the people who hold the two top titles in this company are. Myself, and Anicka Swan. Two very different women who were controversial in the beginning but now represent a large portion of our current viewing audience, and before you even fix your lips to tell me that none of this matters because when everything is said and done…
iT'z aLL aBoUt tHe wReStLiNG!!!!
I’m gonna go ahead and dispel that ideology right now. Here you have a desperate man like Al Envy who needs this win so badly because his entire reputation rests on it. He’s already going into this match with a bruised ego. How many times have we watched a match where the underdog is taking a beating and seemingly has been through the ringer, on his last leg, about to give up all hope when suddenly...the crowd begins to chant…
ENVY!!!
ENVY!!!
ENVY!!!
And then suddenly, just like in the old peter pan movie where you had to say you believe that tinkerbell could get the courage to fly again or some shit, our beloved protagonist somehow musters the strength to pull himself up by the bootstraps and power through the match and pick up his much needed win to the delight of a packed house of fans cheering for him.
Not This Time!
Because I’m sorry Al, but I refuse to be a stepping stone on your path back to greatness. You’ll have to pry the Southern Championship out of my cold dead hands before I let that happen...and sure, you could say that you’re just going to go in and do your job because you’re the better wrestler than me but I’m pretty sure i’ve proven time and time again that being the best athlete doesn’t always guarantee you a win. The fact is, I can and will do whatever the fuck I want to defend MY title including bending the rules in my favor, simply because I can!
Wake Up Sweetie!
This is my moment.
& My time to shine.
This is my moment.
& My time to shine.
I don’t give a shit what the fans want to happen. I can see beyond what they want, and what they need, and decide for myself what’s really best for them...and right now, the people need a champion who is fresh, exciting, charismatic...they need somebody who is able to evolve with the times and honey that just ain’t you. Your career was not built for longevity. Not in the long run. The glory days as far as you’re concerned are gone.
People may hate me for playing dirty but at least they expect that coming from me. They know what they’re getting with Blair Buchannan-Stylez, which is the drama and the unexpected! Love me or hate me, the people know that they will always be entertained when I’m involved. I’m a skilled chameleon, the Queen of Re-Invention, while you are a relic trapped in an era frozen in time. You’re an anecdote that drunk middle aged men discuss at parties about the days when Al Envy really used to be great.
The really sad part is, for you, this is a no win situation. Let’s say you do beat me...you still only just beat a girl. One who can’t win a clean fight, right? Because...Best case scenario you extend you already expired shelf life for a few more weeks but you’re already running on borrowed time and you know it. Where’s the honor in that? No matter what happens, I will have the upper hand.
If I were you, I wouldn’t even show up to the match. I would quit, and bow out gracefully. Make up some story about how you’ve gone and done everything there is to do and you’ve realized there’s more to life than chasing gold and winning matches. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing to me. I honestly don’t give a shit either way, but at least you leaving on your own terms , quote end quote, will allow you to walk away thinking you still have a shred of dignity even though everyone will finally realize what i’ve known for years which is that Alan Envy is nothing but a big ole’
PUSSY
A FRAUD
and a
A FUCKING LOSER
A FRAUD
and a
A FUCKING LOSER
The truth is, we were all rooting for you Al, but you like so many men out there are so frustratingly inconsistent, that we just don’t believe the hype anymore. So you see, everybody, big dick energy isn’t about all that false bravado and shenanigans that come along with having a big ego. It’s certainly not about acting like you’re the best. That’s where all these people are getting it wrong. Whether you’re Al Envy, Gabriel Tuck, Abdul Bin Hussain, Scotty Adams, any interchangeable member of the Wolf Pack (or whatever they're called)...the list goes on and on and extends far beyond OPW’s reach...it’s all the same sentiment just wrapped in different packaging.
Moving in silence and taking care of business like a fucking boss is the greatest flex ever. At the end of the day, Al Envy isn’t some mythical beast or some underdog worthy of admiration. Sure at one point he might have been the epitome of what it meant to be a top dog, but nobody is checking for that shit anymore. He and every motherfucker like him are outdated and obsolete in today’s day and age. He’s just a man, plain and simple, and a shell of what he used to be at that. But he loves to play the pity card because at the end of the day he just don’t have the fortitude he wanted everyone to thinnnnk he did which is why his career is flailing now. Like I said, he’s only a man and if there’s anything I want you to take from todays lesson it’s that..
MEN AINT SHIT
Not those types of men anyway
it’s truuue, and I can say that because like I said before I’ve been around this business long enough to be able to speak from experience. I mean, the amount of people running around this industry acting like they’ve got the golden dong swinging between their legs is just unrealistic. Everybody out here don’t really have the big dicks they want you to think they have. Trust me, i’ve done the leg work. *wink wink*
One thing I did learn from losing that match to Alan Envy all those years ago, is that I would never be nor did I want to be on the same level as him or any of the men like him who were celebrated at that time. The moment that bell rang and he was declared the winner, it opened my eyes and made me take a hard look at the people who I was surrounded by. I realized that it was only a matter of time before I surpassed them and that time has clearly come now.
...and don’t get it twisted. This whole Big Dick Energy tangent im going on isn’t about some feminist bullshit rhetoric about me wanting women to be equal. If i’m being honest, I don’t give a shit if women are treated equally in this business, or any other. I’ve done some pretty grimey shit in my day to other women as well. Truth is, to me, this has NEVER been about equality. It’s been a constant battle to prove that not only are people like Al Envy
not on my level
never can be
and never will be !
never can be
and never will be !
...but they aren’t even a part of the same universe as I am. Face it: If it weren’t for me, most of mainstream America wouldn’t even know who most of these bozos are. I took this industry to heights it’s never seen. The same way MY credibility and the reputation I’ve built and my proven track record for successful business ventures will take OPW to places the rest of you have never even dreamt of. Like it or not, you’ll have ME to thank for making irrelevant pieces of shit like Alan Envy and pretty much the rest of you a part of a global conversation. The script has officially been flipped, and now it’s time everybody who ever dismissed or underestimated me to beg for a seat at the table I have built because I’m Blair Buchannan Muthafuckin Stylez and when it comes to me...
THERE IS NO EQUAL
XOXO
bitches!