Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2020 18:30:06 GMT -5
IN THE COMFORT
..of my own home, my lovely wife Ashleigh and I are looking through our wedding photo album. What an amazing past year it’s been. I’m only 20 years old and already set for life. Great home life, amazing wife, and lots of close family and friends that I love to clown around with every chance I get. I’m the clown of the bunch. Fart jokes, off color sex jokes, and pranks galore. But what I’m known best for is..
ASHLEIGH
I’m sorry, it seems we’ve reached the end of the photo album, Ky.
KYLER
No, no. Flip that shit back open! It was just about to get good!
ASHLEIGH
I can’t believe that half way into our wedding you decided to excuse yourself to put on face paint. Although I was relieved to know that the fried green tomatoes the caterer served wasn’t the culprit of your dismissal.
KYLER
I had to do it big! We got some amazing photos too. The DJ loved it. Encouraged him to play some hard rock music. The priest got concerned. Possibly scarred him for life and had the poor fella wondering ‘what the hell did I just do by marrying these nuts?
ASHLEIGH
These nuts, as in plural? I don’t think so!
KYLER
Hah! You’re equally a nut for marrying me honestly. What do you have against these photos though?!
ASHLEIGH
As much as I love your goofy nature, there’s a time and a place for everything, babe. Like right here! You are throwing my garter with the face paint on!
KYLER
You excited for me? That I’ll be getting back on the road, and getting paid to troll more unlucky wrestling industry hopefuls?
ASHLEIGH
You may be making a big mistake by calling them hopefuls. Remember what happened last time?! You got dropped square on your head!
KYLER
Hey, hey, hey! I thought it was a cool move she used on me, and I was going to use it on her once I got up!
ASHLEIGH
…..But you never got up, babe.
KYLER
That's just the nature of the beast…
ASHLEIGH
Just be careful this time! You know we’re trying to have a baby one day!
KYLER
I got this, I promise!
ASHLEIGH
Alright, I’m going to go into the kitchen and whip something up for dinner. You have fun doing whatever and not helping me cook per usual.
KYLER
Will do!
INTRODUCINGGGGGGG.. THE PARODY
20 minutes later and there I am in full face paint. Impressive right? Don’t let Ash fool you. She wants to see Parody even more than I love being Parody. Mostly because it always becomes our primary source of income. But also because I’m just more entertaining this way!
WHO IS PARODY?!
Look in the mirror, my friend. Because Parody is you. Just, the better version of you. Don’t do that thing with your face. You KNOW darn well you could be better! Tell me. Have you ever wanted to take your abilities to the next level? Ever wondered ‘damn my mic skills are lacking. What do I do to make this legit?’ I’m here to tell and show you how. Only thing is. It’ll be at your expense.
WHAT, WHAT?!
I’m not Captain Save-A-Hoe here, guys. I’m no teacher. Hell I guess in some twisted way you could view me as a carny kid. One that can throw down with the best of ‘em in the ring and one up them every time they think they’ve gained the upper hand. I’LL STEAL YOUR FINISHER AND DO IT BETTER THAN YOU!
YOU THINK I’M BORING?!
That’s because you are.
YOU THINK I LACK TALENT?!
That’s because you do.
PARODY
..Is only as good as his opposition! And now that we are better acquainted, let’s discuss the first ‘hopeful’. The guinea pig that won’t understand the totality of what they’re facing until it’s starin’ them in the face. In my OPW debut match, I’ve got the Dollar Store version of "LA" Johnny Stylez himself - King Quari. And as soon as my printer decides to cooperate, I’ll be right with ya!
OKAY, GOT IT!
Soooooooo.. King Quari. Are you an actual king? Oh, nah. An alias of yours is ‘God’s gift’. That’s some self proclaimed BS if I’ve ever heard it. I'm shaking in my boots. Picking up on that sarcasm? Of course you aren't. You see a 'joke' in front of you. A man you think you can easily dominate because you're going to be too busy thinking I'm beneath you. You're going to view me as one of your peasants. But I've got news for you, broski. I don't care how many years of experience you have in the squared circle or how many nuggets of wisdom you've collected through your many years of smoking way too much weed and fucking trans women who were able to trick you as a result. Every King has his fall from grace, and I'm setting out to dethrone you before you even have the chance to make ANY major waves here in OPW! With that said, I WILL say, this move set of yours is lookin' mighty ambitious on paper. I might have to go to the gym after dinner and brush up on my submission work. Make sure I can go the extra mile once I’m quickly able to break any and all holds you’ve got to slap on me. Might lift a few weights too. Just to assure I can lift your fat ass up to powerbomb ya before making ya tap!
I KID!
..about the fat ass part. Fat asses are beautiful. OH GOD. Ashleigh could walk in any minute now and think I’m talkin’ flirty to someone else! A man at that!
ASHLEIGH
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe!
OH NO!
She heard me? Did she hear me?!
ASHLEIGH
Spaghetti’s done!!
PARODY
OOOOOOOOOH! That's my cue to wrap this shit up! Sorry to leave all abruptly but The Parody is one HANGRY man!!!
..of my own home, my lovely wife Ashleigh and I are looking through our wedding photo album. What an amazing past year it’s been. I’m only 20 years old and already set for life. Great home life, amazing wife, and lots of close family and friends that I love to clown around with every chance I get. I’m the clown of the bunch. Fart jokes, off color sex jokes, and pranks galore. But what I’m known best for is..
ASHLEIGH
I’m sorry, it seems we’ve reached the end of the photo album, Ky.
SHE GIGGLES AND CLOSES THE ALBUM.
KYLER
No, no. Flip that shit back open! It was just about to get good!
ASHLEIGH
I can’t believe that half way into our wedding you decided to excuse yourself to put on face paint. Although I was relieved to know that the fried green tomatoes the caterer served wasn’t the culprit of your dismissal.
KYLER
I had to do it big! We got some amazing photos too. The DJ loved it. Encouraged him to play some hard rock music. The priest got concerned. Possibly scarred him for life and had the poor fella wondering ‘what the hell did I just do by marrying these nuts?
ASHLEIGH
These nuts, as in plural? I don’t think so!
KYLER
Hah! You’re equally a nut for marrying me honestly. What do you have against these photos though?!
ASHLEIGH
As much as I love your goofy nature, there’s a time and a place for everything, babe. Like right here! You are throwing my garter with the face paint on!
SHE GIGGLES AGAIN. SHE’S PARODY’S NUMBER ONE FAN, DEEP DOWN. SO DON'T LET 'ER FOOL YA!
KYLER
You excited for me? That I’ll be getting back on the road, and getting paid to troll more unlucky wrestling industry hopefuls?
ASHLEIGH
You may be making a big mistake by calling them hopefuls. Remember what happened last time?! You got dropped square on your head!
KYLER
Hey, hey, hey! I thought it was a cool move she used on me, and I was going to use it on her once I got up!
ASHLEIGH
…..But you never got up, babe.
KYLER
That's just the nature of the beast…
SHE SMIRKS AT ME LIKE I’M CRAZY, ONLY TO GIVE IN AND LEAN IN FOR A KISS.
ASHLEIGH
Just be careful this time! You know we’re trying to have a baby one day!
KYLER
I got this, I promise!
ASHLEIGH
Alright, I’m going to go into the kitchen and whip something up for dinner. You have fun doing whatever and not helping me cook per usual.
KYLER
Will do!
INTRODUCINGGGGGGG.. THE PARODY
20 minutes later and there I am in full face paint. Impressive right? Don’t let Ash fool you. She wants to see Parody even more than I love being Parody. Mostly because it always becomes our primary source of income. But also because I’m just more entertaining this way!
WHO IS PARODY?!
Look in the mirror, my friend. Because Parody is you. Just, the better version of you. Don’t do that thing with your face. You KNOW darn well you could be better! Tell me. Have you ever wanted to take your abilities to the next level? Ever wondered ‘damn my mic skills are lacking. What do I do to make this legit?’ I’m here to tell and show you how. Only thing is. It’ll be at your expense.
WHAT, WHAT?!
I’m not Captain Save-A-Hoe here, guys. I’m no teacher. Hell I guess in some twisted way you could view me as a carny kid. One that can throw down with the best of ‘em in the ring and one up them every time they think they’ve gained the upper hand. I’LL STEAL YOUR FINISHER AND DO IT BETTER THAN YOU!
YOU THINK I’M BORING?!
That’s because you are.
YOU THINK I LACK TALENT?!
That’s because you do.
PARODY
..Is only as good as his opposition! And now that we are better acquainted, let’s discuss the first ‘hopeful’. The guinea pig that won’t understand the totality of what they’re facing until it’s starin’ them in the face. In my OPW debut match, I’ve got the Dollar Store version of "LA" Johnny Stylez himself - King Quari. And as soon as my printer decides to cooperate, I’ll be right with ya!
JUST A MOMENT. THE WI-FI SORTA SUCKS HERE.
OKAY, GOT IT!
Soooooooo.. King Quari. Are you an actual king? Oh, nah. An alias of yours is ‘God’s gift’. That’s some self proclaimed BS if I’ve ever heard it. I'm shaking in my boots. Picking up on that sarcasm? Of course you aren't. You see a 'joke' in front of you. A man you think you can easily dominate because you're going to be too busy thinking I'm beneath you. You're going to view me as one of your peasants. But I've got news for you, broski. I don't care how many years of experience you have in the squared circle or how many nuggets of wisdom you've collected through your many years of smoking way too much weed and fucking trans women who were able to trick you as a result. Every King has his fall from grace, and I'm setting out to dethrone you before you even have the chance to make ANY major waves here in OPW! With that said, I WILL say, this move set of yours is lookin' mighty ambitious on paper. I might have to go to the gym after dinner and brush up on my submission work. Make sure I can go the extra mile once I’m quickly able to break any and all holds you’ve got to slap on me. Might lift a few weights too. Just to assure I can lift your fat ass up to powerbomb ya before making ya tap!
I KID!
..about the fat ass part. Fat asses are beautiful. OH GOD. Ashleigh could walk in any minute now and think I’m talkin’ flirty to someone else! A man at that!
ASHLEIGH
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe!
OH NO!
She heard me? Did she hear me?!
ASHLEIGH
Spaghetti’s done!!
PARODY
OOOOOOOOOH! That's my cue to wrap this shit up! Sorry to leave all abruptly but The Parody is one HANGRY man!!!
AND UNTIL NEXT TIME! REMEMBER:
ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER.