Post by coolrifletk47 on Apr 5, 2020 22:13:46 GMT -5
Pierre, you are my oldest associate. A compatriot who has been eternally loyal, reliable, and efficient in ways that most would not even believe. I trust you implicitly in all manners . Now a few weeks ago you implored me to give Thomas Kain another opportunity. You explained to me, quite convincingly I might add, that Kain was just experiencing a hiccup, a bad run, so to speak. You all but assured me that this, this Tag Team partnership was the perfect opportunity for Kain to find success. You offered me charts and graphs and an expertly assembled Power Point presentation and slideshow showing all of Kain's success as a partner, as a teammate, as a member of a cohesive unit The victories won, the championship titles acquired.
Then the moment of truth came and despite your promises, predictions, and dare I say it...….assurance.
Kain was unable to deliver. Losing in the very first round. Now since you are my most trusted associate, since we have gone through so much together, the henchmen, the bitter rivals, the numerous underground lairs, the countless Oceanic hideouts, and even that retreat we built in the side of a mountain in Southern Antarctica. I just need you to tell me what happened, what we are going to do about it, and if Kain's head hasn't already been hand delivered to my trophy case, why is he still drawing breath.
Dear GOAT, my friend, my four legged confidant, Kain still lives and breathes for two reasons.
Reason one is that he still has use. He can still be molded into precisely the weapon we will need for our plans.
And Reason two, perhaps the most important reason, is because he is unique, one of a kind, and different from any other man, woman, or child walking this planet. Of all of the subjects we have tested, of all of the lab rats we have used and none of them have had what Kain has had. The loyalty, the desire, the pure grit and determination. Literally none of them. With everything he has gone through in his life, with everything we have put him through to test him, and he just keeps dragging himself up off the ground and lurching forward.
Surely you must see that. Surely you must see the value in who Kain is and what he has proven to be willing to do.
And quite honestly my friend, Kain has grown on me somewhat. I don't hate his company as much as I used to. Even with all his alcohol fuel rantings and ravings, his electronic gaming habits, and his somewhat lax social skills and personal boundary recognition, I have met people I despise much, much more than Mr. Kain.
Now if that is an adequate explanation as to why Kain is still among the land of the living I would like to give you the report of my last conversation with Kain. The conversation I had the morning after the Tag Team event.
Kain appeared to be somewhat distraught after his loss. He was displaying a great deal of feelings concerning inadequacy and the possibility that this professional wrestling business had in his words "Passed him by". As he sat on the couch drinking a copious amount of hopped filled beers and eating a plate of Supreme Pizza Rolls he was able to find a television show that featured some of his wrestling contests from his younger years. At first he seemed despondent, as if he was pining for the years gone by. And to be quite honest, his athleticism and physical prowess was fairly impressive. His aerial tactics and techniques were unlike anything we had ever witnessed from him.
Then it happened, Kain was fighting an opponent and his aerial attack missed its target and Kain lay on the floor motionless.
I questioned him about that night with a concerned look and Kain, as per usual was not at a loss for words.
That night he had broken his neck and had been told there as a distinct possibility he would never walk again. A second, third, and fourth opinion had found that Kain could possibly regain at least partial movement of his lower extremities with extensive physical therapy and a great deal of luck but professional fighting was definitely off the table.
After over a year of therapy and a new extensive alcohol habit Kain exceeded all expectations. And to this day against all physician orders Kain has remained an active competitor in the wrestling ring. So his hatred for the younger competitors has a clear root. Perhaps a touch of jealousy concerning what they can do physically. But Kain expounded upon his feelings. As it turns out his main issue is that the younger generation of fighters don't seem to face the same hardships or have the same amount of difficulties finding their way into the wrestling world.
And that is something Kain appears to have taken great issue with.
And I believe these feelings can be manipulated and taken advantage of to help us get exactly what we want out of Kain.
We just have to be patient and bide our time.
And the timing now is perfect, the entire world appears to be on hiatus due to the Covid-19 mania. Humans having zero idea how to deal with even a minor pandemic. Chaos and anarchy reigning supreme, which is more than convenient for us. We can focus all of our attention on Kain and help him get back to his winning ways and even regain that Youngblood title which I believe is vital to our future plans.
Well Pierre, I trust you implicitly, so we will follow your path. But please know that if Kain so much as takes a step outside our prescribed circle of intentions, he will cease to be.
I will personally inject him with Covid-38 and watch as his insides slowly become outsides and vice versa.
But it sounds like Kain is getting ready in the studio to speak some words about his opponent for this week. Let's see where his mind is.
Now it would be easy for Good ol' TK to come out here and discuss, Epidemics, EpiPens, Pandemics, Pan Pizzas and Peter Got Damned Pan.
But see The Cool Rifle ain't no damned Ron Burgundy so instead he is gonna just stay in his lane and talk what he knows.
Booze, Barfights, and well, more booze, and in between all that a little bit of action that happens inside that there squared circle. Squared circle still don't make a damn bit of sense to me but let me try to stay on point. The Outlaw Professional Wrestling organization has seemed to have gone through a little bit of that professional upheaval. Apparently some of those suits were jumping out of windows and trying to open up veins like backdoor betty used to try to open up her insides down on forty third and Broadway.
But once again, that ain't none of TK's business. As long as my checks clear and that front office gives TK somebody's teeth to kick down somebody's throat they will catch no smoke from me.
Now this week it appears to be my lucky week. This week I get a match against the bonafide, number one contender to the Youngblood championship. The incomparable, the inconceivable, destroyer of worlds himself, Michael P.S. Valente. Now I could come out here and tell you that I have no idea who this dude is, what he's done, and who he has apparently done it to. I mean I could come clean and tell you that I have not even taken the time to check out a youtube highlight clip of Mr. Valente. But these things could be seen as disrespectful and overwhelmingly douchetastic and I have given up acting like Tyler Knowles up for Lent.
Which is weird considering I am in no way Catholic but still. Instead of telling you all the things that haven't happened and the things that probably won't happen, let me tell you what will more than likely happen.
Sunday night I am going to stand face to face, nose to nose, eye to crossed beady little eyes with a young man who has zero ideas about how much bad is getting ready to rain down on him. And Mikey, it is going to be a heavy, heavy rain, a rain full of fists, elbows, knees, and heels. They are going to hit you early and they are going to hit you often. Kicks that will make you beg for punches, punches that will make you beg for kicks, and a knee or two that will make you wish you were resting six feet deep with your toes pointed to the sky.
Sunday we aren't going to practice any social distancing, there ain't gonna be any masks that can help you, no amount of hand washing that is going to keep you safe.
Sunday night I am going to bust you up real bad. Like Tromaville horror movie bad. Like blood and limbs everywhere bad. And when it's over, we you get done counting every light in the building and dividing it by how many teeth are missing from your skull you are gonna be my herald. You are gonna be my messenger boy.
Because Tyler Knowles is gonna be able to look at you and know exactly what is waiting for him around every damn corner.
Sunday is gonna be a rough one Mike, but at least you ain't Tyler Knowles.
Then the moment of truth came and despite your promises, predictions, and dare I say it...….assurance.
Kain was unable to deliver. Losing in the very first round. Now since you are my most trusted associate, since we have gone through so much together, the henchmen, the bitter rivals, the numerous underground lairs, the countless Oceanic hideouts, and even that retreat we built in the side of a mountain in Southern Antarctica. I just need you to tell me what happened, what we are going to do about it, and if Kain's head hasn't already been hand delivered to my trophy case, why is he still drawing breath.
Dear GOAT, my friend, my four legged confidant, Kain still lives and breathes for two reasons.
Reason one is that he still has use. He can still be molded into precisely the weapon we will need for our plans.
And Reason two, perhaps the most important reason, is because he is unique, one of a kind, and different from any other man, woman, or child walking this planet. Of all of the subjects we have tested, of all of the lab rats we have used and none of them have had what Kain has had. The loyalty, the desire, the pure grit and determination. Literally none of them. With everything he has gone through in his life, with everything we have put him through to test him, and he just keeps dragging himself up off the ground and lurching forward.
Surely you must see that. Surely you must see the value in who Kain is and what he has proven to be willing to do.
And quite honestly my friend, Kain has grown on me somewhat. I don't hate his company as much as I used to. Even with all his alcohol fuel rantings and ravings, his electronic gaming habits, and his somewhat lax social skills and personal boundary recognition, I have met people I despise much, much more than Mr. Kain.
Now if that is an adequate explanation as to why Kain is still among the land of the living I would like to give you the report of my last conversation with Kain. The conversation I had the morning after the Tag Team event.
Kain appeared to be somewhat distraught after his loss. He was displaying a great deal of feelings concerning inadequacy and the possibility that this professional wrestling business had in his words "Passed him by". As he sat on the couch drinking a copious amount of hopped filled beers and eating a plate of Supreme Pizza Rolls he was able to find a television show that featured some of his wrestling contests from his younger years. At first he seemed despondent, as if he was pining for the years gone by. And to be quite honest, his athleticism and physical prowess was fairly impressive. His aerial tactics and techniques were unlike anything we had ever witnessed from him.
Then it happened, Kain was fighting an opponent and his aerial attack missed its target and Kain lay on the floor motionless.
I questioned him about that night with a concerned look and Kain, as per usual was not at a loss for words.
That night he had broken his neck and had been told there as a distinct possibility he would never walk again. A second, third, and fourth opinion had found that Kain could possibly regain at least partial movement of his lower extremities with extensive physical therapy and a great deal of luck but professional fighting was definitely off the table.
After over a year of therapy and a new extensive alcohol habit Kain exceeded all expectations. And to this day against all physician orders Kain has remained an active competitor in the wrestling ring. So his hatred for the younger competitors has a clear root. Perhaps a touch of jealousy concerning what they can do physically. But Kain expounded upon his feelings. As it turns out his main issue is that the younger generation of fighters don't seem to face the same hardships or have the same amount of difficulties finding their way into the wrestling world.
And that is something Kain appears to have taken great issue with.
And I believe these feelings can be manipulated and taken advantage of to help us get exactly what we want out of Kain.
We just have to be patient and bide our time.
And the timing now is perfect, the entire world appears to be on hiatus due to the Covid-19 mania. Humans having zero idea how to deal with even a minor pandemic. Chaos and anarchy reigning supreme, which is more than convenient for us. We can focus all of our attention on Kain and help him get back to his winning ways and even regain that Youngblood title which I believe is vital to our future plans.
Well Pierre, I trust you implicitly, so we will follow your path. But please know that if Kain so much as takes a step outside our prescribed circle of intentions, he will cease to be.
I will personally inject him with Covid-38 and watch as his insides slowly become outsides and vice versa.
But it sounds like Kain is getting ready in the studio to speak some words about his opponent for this week. Let's see where his mind is.
Now it would be easy for Good ol' TK to come out here and discuss, Epidemics, EpiPens, Pandemics, Pan Pizzas and Peter Got Damned Pan.
But see The Cool Rifle ain't no damned Ron Burgundy so instead he is gonna just stay in his lane and talk what he knows.
Booze, Barfights, and well, more booze, and in between all that a little bit of action that happens inside that there squared circle. Squared circle still don't make a damn bit of sense to me but let me try to stay on point. The Outlaw Professional Wrestling organization has seemed to have gone through a little bit of that professional upheaval. Apparently some of those suits were jumping out of windows and trying to open up veins like backdoor betty used to try to open up her insides down on forty third and Broadway.
But once again, that ain't none of TK's business. As long as my checks clear and that front office gives TK somebody's teeth to kick down somebody's throat they will catch no smoke from me.
Now this week it appears to be my lucky week. This week I get a match against the bonafide, number one contender to the Youngblood championship. The incomparable, the inconceivable, destroyer of worlds himself, Michael P.S. Valente. Now I could come out here and tell you that I have no idea who this dude is, what he's done, and who he has apparently done it to. I mean I could come clean and tell you that I have not even taken the time to check out a youtube highlight clip of Mr. Valente. But these things could be seen as disrespectful and overwhelmingly douchetastic and I have given up acting like Tyler Knowles up for Lent.
Which is weird considering I am in no way Catholic but still. Instead of telling you all the things that haven't happened and the things that probably won't happen, let me tell you what will more than likely happen.
Sunday night I am going to stand face to face, nose to nose, eye to crossed beady little eyes with a young man who has zero ideas about how much bad is getting ready to rain down on him. And Mikey, it is going to be a heavy, heavy rain, a rain full of fists, elbows, knees, and heels. They are going to hit you early and they are going to hit you often. Kicks that will make you beg for punches, punches that will make you beg for kicks, and a knee or two that will make you wish you were resting six feet deep with your toes pointed to the sky.
Sunday we aren't going to practice any social distancing, there ain't gonna be any masks that can help you, no amount of hand washing that is going to keep you safe.
Sunday night I am going to bust you up real bad. Like Tromaville horror movie bad. Like blood and limbs everywhere bad. And when it's over, we you get done counting every light in the building and dividing it by how many teeth are missing from your skull you are gonna be my herald. You are gonna be my messenger boy.
Because Tyler Knowles is gonna be able to look at you and know exactly what is waiting for him around every damn corner.
Sunday is gonna be a rough one Mike, but at least you ain't Tyler Knowles.