Post by coolrifletk47 on Apr 13, 2020 21:21:01 GMT -5
My, my, my Pierre, I have got to tell you my oldest friend, when you are right, you are absolutely, positively, spot on the money.
You told me that Kain had that special something, that "IT" factor. You said with the correct amount of poking and prodding, with the correct situational awareness, and with the correct motivation....
Tommy Kain could become a perfect weapon. An asset, a functioning cog in a machine hell bent on the domination of every one and every thing.
And now, here we are. I must tell you, I was surprised quite honestly. The way he tore into that Valente gentleman. All of his ranting and raving about respect and the legacy of the wrestling ring. I mean Pierre, the fire in his eyes, the intensity, the fire in his eyes. It was quite inspiring actually. But even so I have to admit to you, I had no idea he would be willing to go as far as he did.
Now please don't misunderstand me, I have seen Kain lose control of his emotional faculties on more than one occasion. But those times were different, those past occurrences involved Kain in vicious battles with people whom he believed wronged him in some way. A personal attack on him or one of his so called friends. Some kind of, how do they say it, "Blood Feud".
But this, this was so different. If was if Kain had smelled blood in the water and he attacked like, like, not like a shark, but like an army of Piranha, it was...…..
ART
Yes my friend, ART.
I have to admit, when he first applied that hold on Mr. Valente's leg, I just thought that maybe Kain was having a moment, like he was trying to send a message to his contemporaries. I assumed he was trying to show people that he was capable of more than standing in a ring and throwing drunken punches and poorly placed kicks. And once again, I had to admit that I was reasonably impressed. I know you had paired Kain up with that martial arts trainer and the reports had come back very positive but I never dreamt that Kain had that sort of ability in him.
Then it happened, Kain proved to be quite the overachiever, he added pressure on that maneuver, and the screams, the absolute agony of Mr. Valente, it absolutely sucked every bit of oxygen out of that entire room. It was absolute poetry. Kain, the little drunken caterpillar had burst from his cocoon of alcohol and bad decisions and emerged as a beautiful butterfly full of pain and retribution. The look on his face as he walked away from a broken man, it must have been the same look Michelangelo had when he completed the Sistine Chapel.
Kain has definitely taken some steps my friend. He has definitely gone through some changes.
Pierre, please don't for one second think I don't recognize that tone. You knew from the beginning that we have always had a goal in mind and that Kain or someone else in his position would fill that role.
You should be proud, you have helped Kain become exactly what we have needed.
And you have helped him become even more than we ever imagined. You can not, YOU MUST NOT ALLOW SOME SUDDEN STROKE OF CONSCIENCE TO PUT MY PLANS....OUR PLANS IN JEOPARDY!!!!
KAIN WILL BE EXACTLY WHAT WE HAVE BUILT HIM TO BE AND YOU WILL FOLLOW THE PLAN EXACTLY THE WAY WE DEVISED IT!!!!
Pierre, we have worked so hard, we have come so far. You are not my henchman or my associate or my partner...……..
You are my friend. Please Pierre, I have spent so much time in this four legged, four hooved prison. I want out, I want the world, I want everything is owed to me, everything I deserve...…..
I want it all.
You will get it my friend, I made you a vow a long, long time ago. I owe you my life, my families lives. The plan will continue as follows. We will continue Kain's conditioning and when he is ready, we will unleash him upon this world.
In the meantime we have to get Kain prepared for this week. He has found himself competing on a Pay Per View stage. That means millions of viewers and with most of the world's citizens in developed countries quarantined into their houses we could reasonably estimate tens of millions. With this kind of audience it is tantamount that Kain performs to the best of his ability.... perhaps even better than the best of his ability.
Up to this point Kain has not required any of the performance enhancers our labs have devised for him. Somehow, and we have yet to discover how exactly, the alcohol that Kain is constantly ingesting is changing him at a cellular level. Almost as if it is making him.....
A better version of himself.
He is stronger, he is faster, better able to retain information, and it seems like borderline photographic reflexes.
It all just seems impossible, almost as if Kain is becoming some sort of Comic Book character or Super Hero.
The more inebriated he becomes the better his results. The drawback appears that the negative effects of alcohol seem to come and go on a whim.
One second he is Superman, the next he is a drunken sailor on shore leave.
But we can focus on those problems as they present themselves. We mustn't put our carts in front of our proverbial horses. This week Kain is facing that insufferable Tyler Knowles, and a newcomer who calls himself Parody. Now Knowles we are aware of, we know what he is capable of and if Kain maintains his focus he should definitely be able to avoid a repeat performance of his last failure.
Now as for this Parody character, he concerns me. He reminds me a great deal of Kain when we first met him. Jovial, confident, and if I am allowed to overstep my boundaries, he seems to be a great deal of fun. He enjoys what he does and he appears to be reasonably good at it. And at the risk of sounding cliche', Kain will need to keep his eyes on the prize.
Now I must attend to some lab work and check some of our most recent results. I had the audio visual people plug a feed in so you can see what Kain has to say about his opponents this week. If I can offer my expert opinion.....I think he is ready.
I have very high expectations.
4 Hours Later(Shout out to my SpongeBob folks)
For the last seven days everywhere I have gone, people have called out to me from six feet away, their mouths covered, their voices muffled, and each and every one of them has hit Good ol' TK with the same question.
"Cool Rifle, why did ya do it?"
"Tommy, why did you do that to Michael Valente?"
"TK that guy may never wrestle again."
"Tommy F'n Kain, Michael Valente may never, ever be able to do the Wobble or the Cha Cha Slide ever again."
And ya know what, I gave it some thought. I thought about what I did and why I did it. I thought about the effect that it might have on Michael Valente, the former number one contender for the Youngblood Championship, who never accomplished thing one to achieve that status. I thought about how his career might be over before it really started. How he will always have a permanent hitch in his giddy up. And one word kept coming to my mind over and over and over and over again. And that one word was....
GOOD!!!
Now The Cool Rifle gets totally understands how jacked up that sounds. That a guy getting put out to pasture would be something to be happy about. But facts are facts Kainiacs and the fact is Michael Valente getting taken out back and getting the "Old Yeller" treatment is the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
Cuz ya see, Valente wasn't a fighter, he wasn't a wrestler. He didn't have any heart and the thing that was where his heart was supposed to be was pumping ten gallons of Kool Aid. He was an actor playing wrestler and if I am keeping it one hundred and fifty percent honest, he was lucky he had me to show him the door. Because I had enough class to give him a soldier's death.
I came for his head and I took it and now it is on my mantle next to my Freddie Mercury costume sunglasses and my Bat out of Hell on Vinyl Meatloaf album. So he is in fantastic company.
But let's not get stuck in the past. Let's look towards the future. Not too far, we ain't gonna get into jet packs, hoverboards that don't work on water, and we are gonna stop just short of the day Biff Tannen buys his own casino. Instead I wanna talk a little bit about an aptly named Outlaw Professional Wrestling Pay Per View called InJustice.
Now surely, I could spend some time talking about how unjust it is to throw me in a triple threat contest for the Youngblood Championship when I am THE SINGLE, SOLITARY, NUMERO UNO CONTENDERO FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED TITLE OF THE YOUNGBLOODS!. But just like a diabetic kid dropping his ice cream cone......
Sometimes life ain't fair.
So instead, to get my second run as the OPW Champion of the Youngbloods I not only have to beat The Surf Nazi, I also have to beat a guy who calls himself Parody.
And before this whole bit goes too far off the rails I wanna spend a moment talking about the painted up newcomer if I can.
P-Diddy, can I call ya P-Diddy. I mean it was either that or Master P. I considered Mr. P but I didn't want to draw too many comparisons to that Painted up Stand up Comedian from the Comic Books. I am sure you get that all the time and if anything good ol' TK loves to go against the grain. But here I go digressing again.
Now P-Diddy I am gonna try to make this make as much sense as I can.
I got no issues with you. Matter of fact, truth be told, all cards on the table, I dig the bit. I like your style. The way you kind of B Rabbit in 8 mile your opponents and point out all of their faults by just doing their bit better than they can. It is a pretty solid gimmick brother and I gotta tell ya, I don't hate it.
But see, when you decide to try to be the mirror image of The T to the K to the 4 to the 7, I just don't love your chances. Because full disclosure, I am not even that great at being me. So what kind of chance do you really have. I mean do you really think you can walk down that aisle and pull off a full frontal assault on your liver with a bottle of Jameson's best then climb in the ring and decorate the sole of your boots with jabronie teeth? Well I will give ya clue on that little riddle Bro Jackson...…..
Ya can't, hell you might hurt yourself even giving it a try.
But this week more than any other because this week I got some other non painted, less talented, not nearly as amusing fish to fry. And I need you to do me and more importantly yourself a huge favor....
And stay out of my way.
Because this week, Injustice is about the rematch of the only main event that the Youngblood title has ever been defended in. It is about Tyler Knowles getting an ass whooping that is long, long overdue. I fought to get this shot. I put a man out to pasture to get this shot and I will be damned if I will let anybody take it from me.
You see Master P, I have Tyler Knowles in the ring one more time and it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me how I got here. I don't give three flying fucks and a suitcase of full of flight attendants if I had to beat up a whole damn Where's Waldo book full of nothing but Tyler Knowlesses. Because at the end of the day, he got one over on me. He managed to find a way to beat me but it doesn't change the fact that Tyler is a punk, jerkoff, sucker surfer bitch pretending to be a gay dude, pretending to be a straight dude, pretending to be a bi dude, pretending to be a wrestler, pretending to be a real Youngblood champion.
And after all that make believe and Fantasy Island bulljive the one real thing will be the Emergency Room bill when they have to call in a specialist to find a way to remove my foot from Tyler's STUPID FUCKING ASS!!!!
Now hopefully you got all that and it made some sense. Because if I am being honest, I am a few more beers in than normal and sometimes my words get away from me.
But only sometimes.
The fact is I am stronger, faster, and more dangerous than I have ever been. But more than that, Tyler is walking around with something that I want.
And no, it isn't just that Youngblood Championship. No it isn't that terrible haircut or that twelve dollar dye job.
It is being able to prove that I can beat him. That I am the better man. That even though some wet behind the ears, know nothing and done less Surfer Boy hack with a bunch of mini me's out globetrotting like a poorly acted and directed Marshall Mathers video, was able to get a three count on me one time on one night.....
It doesn't mean he can pull it off again.
I have gone through far too much for far too long to let that be the way this story ends Ty.
I am gonna soak my feet in your blood, mix me a Mai Tai with your sweat, and use your tears in an Essential Oils diffuser to calm myself after a stressful day.
Because Sunday I am going to show you that everything you are belongs to me. You can pray to the Tiki Gods to save your soul because the rest of you is going up on my Trophy Shelf.
You told me that Kain had that special something, that "IT" factor. You said with the correct amount of poking and prodding, with the correct situational awareness, and with the correct motivation....
Tommy Kain could become a perfect weapon. An asset, a functioning cog in a machine hell bent on the domination of every one and every thing.
And now, here we are. I must tell you, I was surprised quite honestly. The way he tore into that Valente gentleman. All of his ranting and raving about respect and the legacy of the wrestling ring. I mean Pierre, the fire in his eyes, the intensity, the fire in his eyes. It was quite inspiring actually. But even so I have to admit to you, I had no idea he would be willing to go as far as he did.
Now please don't misunderstand me, I have seen Kain lose control of his emotional faculties on more than one occasion. But those times were different, those past occurrences involved Kain in vicious battles with people whom he believed wronged him in some way. A personal attack on him or one of his so called friends. Some kind of, how do they say it, "Blood Feud".
But this, this was so different. If was if Kain had smelled blood in the water and he attacked like, like, not like a shark, but like an army of Piranha, it was...…..
ART
Yes my friend, ART.
I have to admit, when he first applied that hold on Mr. Valente's leg, I just thought that maybe Kain was having a moment, like he was trying to send a message to his contemporaries. I assumed he was trying to show people that he was capable of more than standing in a ring and throwing drunken punches and poorly placed kicks. And once again, I had to admit that I was reasonably impressed. I know you had paired Kain up with that martial arts trainer and the reports had come back very positive but I never dreamt that Kain had that sort of ability in him.
Then it happened, Kain proved to be quite the overachiever, he added pressure on that maneuver, and the screams, the absolute agony of Mr. Valente, it absolutely sucked every bit of oxygen out of that entire room. It was absolute poetry. Kain, the little drunken caterpillar had burst from his cocoon of alcohol and bad decisions and emerged as a beautiful butterfly full of pain and retribution. The look on his face as he walked away from a broken man, it must have been the same look Michelangelo had when he completed the Sistine Chapel.
Kain has definitely taken some steps my friend. He has definitely gone through some changes.
Pierre, please don't for one second think I don't recognize that tone. You knew from the beginning that we have always had a goal in mind and that Kain or someone else in his position would fill that role.
You should be proud, you have helped Kain become exactly what we have needed.
And you have helped him become even more than we ever imagined. You can not, YOU MUST NOT ALLOW SOME SUDDEN STROKE OF CONSCIENCE TO PUT MY PLANS....OUR PLANS IN JEOPARDY!!!!
KAIN WILL BE EXACTLY WHAT WE HAVE BUILT HIM TO BE AND YOU WILL FOLLOW THE PLAN EXACTLY THE WAY WE DEVISED IT!!!!
Pierre, we have worked so hard, we have come so far. You are not my henchman or my associate or my partner...……..
You are my friend. Please Pierre, I have spent so much time in this four legged, four hooved prison. I want out, I want the world, I want everything is owed to me, everything I deserve...…..
I want it all.
You will get it my friend, I made you a vow a long, long time ago. I owe you my life, my families lives. The plan will continue as follows. We will continue Kain's conditioning and when he is ready, we will unleash him upon this world.
In the meantime we have to get Kain prepared for this week. He has found himself competing on a Pay Per View stage. That means millions of viewers and with most of the world's citizens in developed countries quarantined into their houses we could reasonably estimate tens of millions. With this kind of audience it is tantamount that Kain performs to the best of his ability.... perhaps even better than the best of his ability.
Up to this point Kain has not required any of the performance enhancers our labs have devised for him. Somehow, and we have yet to discover how exactly, the alcohol that Kain is constantly ingesting is changing him at a cellular level. Almost as if it is making him.....
A better version of himself.
He is stronger, he is faster, better able to retain information, and it seems like borderline photographic reflexes.
It all just seems impossible, almost as if Kain is becoming some sort of Comic Book character or Super Hero.
The more inebriated he becomes the better his results. The drawback appears that the negative effects of alcohol seem to come and go on a whim.
One second he is Superman, the next he is a drunken sailor on shore leave.
But we can focus on those problems as they present themselves. We mustn't put our carts in front of our proverbial horses. This week Kain is facing that insufferable Tyler Knowles, and a newcomer who calls himself Parody. Now Knowles we are aware of, we know what he is capable of and if Kain maintains his focus he should definitely be able to avoid a repeat performance of his last failure.
Now as for this Parody character, he concerns me. He reminds me a great deal of Kain when we first met him. Jovial, confident, and if I am allowed to overstep my boundaries, he seems to be a great deal of fun. He enjoys what he does and he appears to be reasonably good at it. And at the risk of sounding cliche', Kain will need to keep his eyes on the prize.
Now I must attend to some lab work and check some of our most recent results. I had the audio visual people plug a feed in so you can see what Kain has to say about his opponents this week. If I can offer my expert opinion.....I think he is ready.
I have very high expectations.
4 Hours Later(Shout out to my SpongeBob folks)
For the last seven days everywhere I have gone, people have called out to me from six feet away, their mouths covered, their voices muffled, and each and every one of them has hit Good ol' TK with the same question.
"Cool Rifle, why did ya do it?"
"Tommy, why did you do that to Michael Valente?"
"TK that guy may never wrestle again."
"Tommy F'n Kain, Michael Valente may never, ever be able to do the Wobble or the Cha Cha Slide ever again."
And ya know what, I gave it some thought. I thought about what I did and why I did it. I thought about the effect that it might have on Michael Valente, the former number one contender for the Youngblood Championship, who never accomplished thing one to achieve that status. I thought about how his career might be over before it really started. How he will always have a permanent hitch in his giddy up. And one word kept coming to my mind over and over and over and over again. And that one word was....
GOOD!!!
Now The Cool Rifle gets totally understands how jacked up that sounds. That a guy getting put out to pasture would be something to be happy about. But facts are facts Kainiacs and the fact is Michael Valente getting taken out back and getting the "Old Yeller" treatment is the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
Cuz ya see, Valente wasn't a fighter, he wasn't a wrestler. He didn't have any heart and the thing that was where his heart was supposed to be was pumping ten gallons of Kool Aid. He was an actor playing wrestler and if I am keeping it one hundred and fifty percent honest, he was lucky he had me to show him the door. Because I had enough class to give him a soldier's death.
I came for his head and I took it and now it is on my mantle next to my Freddie Mercury costume sunglasses and my Bat out of Hell on Vinyl Meatloaf album. So he is in fantastic company.
But let's not get stuck in the past. Let's look towards the future. Not too far, we ain't gonna get into jet packs, hoverboards that don't work on water, and we are gonna stop just short of the day Biff Tannen buys his own casino. Instead I wanna talk a little bit about an aptly named Outlaw Professional Wrestling Pay Per View called InJustice.
Now surely, I could spend some time talking about how unjust it is to throw me in a triple threat contest for the Youngblood Championship when I am THE SINGLE, SOLITARY, NUMERO UNO CONTENDERO FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED TITLE OF THE YOUNGBLOODS!. But just like a diabetic kid dropping his ice cream cone......
Sometimes life ain't fair.
So instead, to get my second run as the OPW Champion of the Youngbloods I not only have to beat The Surf Nazi, I also have to beat a guy who calls himself Parody.
And before this whole bit goes too far off the rails I wanna spend a moment talking about the painted up newcomer if I can.
P-Diddy, can I call ya P-Diddy. I mean it was either that or Master P. I considered Mr. P but I didn't want to draw too many comparisons to that Painted up Stand up Comedian from the Comic Books. I am sure you get that all the time and if anything good ol' TK loves to go against the grain. But here I go digressing again.
Now P-Diddy I am gonna try to make this make as much sense as I can.
I got no issues with you. Matter of fact, truth be told, all cards on the table, I dig the bit. I like your style. The way you kind of B Rabbit in 8 mile your opponents and point out all of their faults by just doing their bit better than they can. It is a pretty solid gimmick brother and I gotta tell ya, I don't hate it.
But see, when you decide to try to be the mirror image of The T to the K to the 4 to the 7, I just don't love your chances. Because full disclosure, I am not even that great at being me. So what kind of chance do you really have. I mean do you really think you can walk down that aisle and pull off a full frontal assault on your liver with a bottle of Jameson's best then climb in the ring and decorate the sole of your boots with jabronie teeth? Well I will give ya clue on that little riddle Bro Jackson...…..
Ya can't, hell you might hurt yourself even giving it a try.
But this week more than any other because this week I got some other non painted, less talented, not nearly as amusing fish to fry. And I need you to do me and more importantly yourself a huge favor....
And stay out of my way.
Because this week, Injustice is about the rematch of the only main event that the Youngblood title has ever been defended in. It is about Tyler Knowles getting an ass whooping that is long, long overdue. I fought to get this shot. I put a man out to pasture to get this shot and I will be damned if I will let anybody take it from me.
You see Master P, I have Tyler Knowles in the ring one more time and it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me how I got here. I don't give three flying fucks and a suitcase of full of flight attendants if I had to beat up a whole damn Where's Waldo book full of nothing but Tyler Knowlesses. Because at the end of the day, he got one over on me. He managed to find a way to beat me but it doesn't change the fact that Tyler is a punk, jerkoff, sucker surfer bitch pretending to be a gay dude, pretending to be a straight dude, pretending to be a bi dude, pretending to be a wrestler, pretending to be a real Youngblood champion.
And after all that make believe and Fantasy Island bulljive the one real thing will be the Emergency Room bill when they have to call in a specialist to find a way to remove my foot from Tyler's STUPID FUCKING ASS!!!!
Now hopefully you got all that and it made some sense. Because if I am being honest, I am a few more beers in than normal and sometimes my words get away from me.
But only sometimes.
The fact is I am stronger, faster, and more dangerous than I have ever been. But more than that, Tyler is walking around with something that I want.
And no, it isn't just that Youngblood Championship. No it isn't that terrible haircut or that twelve dollar dye job.
It is being able to prove that I can beat him. That I am the better man. That even though some wet behind the ears, know nothing and done less Surfer Boy hack with a bunch of mini me's out globetrotting like a poorly acted and directed Marshall Mathers video, was able to get a three count on me one time on one night.....
It doesn't mean he can pull it off again.
I have gone through far too much for far too long to let that be the way this story ends Ty.
I am gonna soak my feet in your blood, mix me a Mai Tai with your sweat, and use your tears in an Essential Oils diffuser to calm myself after a stressful day.
Because Sunday I am going to show you that everything you are belongs to me. You can pray to the Tiki Gods to save your soul because the rest of you is going up on my Trophy Shelf.