Post by coolrifletk47 on Apr 26, 2020 20:59:00 GMT -5
A few hours after the OPW Injustice 4 All Pay Per View extravaganza...….
Tommy, I am glad we caught up to you. Look, GOAT and I are sorry we couldn't be of more assistance to you this evening. Apparently we were to be given identification badges when we all arrived to the venue. Some new precautions that Roger Wright has initiated. GOAT and I spent the entire Pay Per View Event being treated like a cross between international terrorists and basement dwelling wrestling fans hunting for autographs or spare locks of hair.
Tommy Kain stood and allowed Pierre to catch his breath. He reached down and scratched GOAT behind his ear and looked up at Pierre. Then Kain took a long swig off of a half empty bottle of Jameson Whiskey and flashed a smile at the man known the world over as The War King of Dubai.
Ahhhh, P-Diddly doo, don't worry your precious little head about it man.
It would seem that Mr. Roger Wright and at least some of the OPW suits have decided that they have it in for us man. They have gotten together and decided that the best way to deal with good ol' TK is to stack the deck as high as they can. I mean just look at the facts. First I get thrown in a triple threat match after earning a one on one encounter.
Then they just throw some painted up newbie a title shot just to muddy the waters. Now don't get me wrong, ol Parody put on one hell of a show, but should he have been there to begin with, I gotta lean towards the HELL NO, side of that train ride.
But if that wasn't enough, then they decide at the very got damned beginning of the broadcast that we will be graced with a special guest referee. None other than the Overhyped Hypocrite himself, Roger Dodger. And again, I accepted that and moved on. But lo and behold at bell time ol' Rog can't even be bothered to show the fuck up. So now we have a nonsensical free for all. And wow, it goes precisely as you expect a clusterfuck like that would go. And to put a biiiiiiig Fuck TK cherry on the top of this Cherry, Banana, let's screw Good ol' TK long, slow, and hard with no lube, Sundae Roger decides to show up at end, with his own music no less, and stuff Tyler No No and hands Parody the title with a pretty ribbon, bow, kiss on the cheek, congratulatory pat on his painted ass.
So yeah, I was all kinds of pissed once I shook off those cobby webs. I walked back to the locker room and cussed out every motherfucker with a name.
I wanted to slap Roger and kick the fuck out of ten dudes that even looked remotely like that Puffed up Fuckknot.
But then I remembered all wasn't lost, I still had an unopened bottle of Jameson and the idea that defeat is just one more step to victory or some other Vince Lomabardi sounding shit. I mean it was mostly the whiskey but still. So I decided I was gonna Social Distance my way to the parking lot and finish this bottle of mine. You know, being all socially responsible and all. I sanitized my hands and sure enough a little more than six feet away stood this shady looking character.
I mean not like Donnie McVay shady, not unknown character on Saved by the Bell trying to get me to take Marijuana pills shady, but like steal your identity shady, like order you a six pack and leave before paying the tab shady, you know real seedy underbelly type shit.
Well we got to talking and it turned out that ol' Chop Shop Charlie wasn't that bad a guy after all.
So Chop Shop Charlie wasn't a bad guy?
Well hell Pierre, I ain't one to judge man, I didn't ask Chuckster his whole life story. But He did tell me that he was a big fan. Like it he was so excited he couldn't remember my name, or my favorite match of his, or honestly even that I wrestled but he definitely assured me that he was a huge fan of not just mine but all of OURS.
But anyways, let me get back on track. So Chuckles and I are choppin it up and he let's me know that since he is such a big fan of mine that he would offer me one hell of a deal.
And few minutes and however much money you and GOAT kept in that cookie jar lookin gimmick later, we are now the proud owners of this beauty.
Kain excited pointed behind him with the most excited pair of double finger guns the world has ever seen and Pierre and GOAT's attention was drawn to a large, Lime Green, Winnabago with red flames on the side, chrome mag wheels and tinted windows anywhere you believe a Winnabago should have glass.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I know GOAT, can you believe Chop Shop would part with such a sweet ride?
So Tommy, I need you to listen very carefully to me. Look at me, look at me and listen to the words my mouth is making.
That cookie jar, as you called it, that jar contained no less than one hundred thousand dollars in it as well as some stock and bond options and a coupon for a buy one get one Beef and Cheddar at Arby's. So are you telling me that you gave that entire container to some low level, street thug that you just met in a parking lot at a professional wrestling event?
I know, I mean I couldn't believe he was willing to take it either, especially with no title, no proof of insurance or even asking to see my Driver's license, this is definitely my lucky day. I would go buy a lottery ticket if I wouldn't have given all my money to Charlie.
Tommy, that wasn't YOUR money, that was all of OUR money. The money we use to pay for our day to day expenses, the money we used to pay our monthly rent.....
Oh sweet,
I am sorry Tommy, what exactly is sweet?
Just that Monthly rent is handled, we don't have to worry about that anymore.
Oh thank the God's, you actually paid the apartment rent up for the rest of the year like I asked you to?
No, I killed that lease man, we now have an apartment on wheels Bro Jackson. This bad boy has plenty of room.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Allah be preserved, I think I am having an anxiety attack. Tommy, what do you expect us to do about finances?
Oh is that all you are worried about? I figure all that out too. I mean I will probably make all that money back wrasslin', I mean I think, I mean how much do I make anyway?
Well it doesn't matter because we will get all that money back anyways.
How might we do that Tommy?
How Pierre, how, well duh man, income taxes.....YESSIR INCOME TAXES! GOAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY KIDS, NEITHER DO YOU, NEITHER DO I, WE WILL GET OUR FULL REFUNDS AND THAT SHOULD COVER MOST OF IT! NOT TO MENTION, WE ALL STILL GOT CORONA MONEY COMING FROM THE ORANGE EMPEROR UP THERE IN THE OL' WHITE HOUSE!
We are gonna take this hoss all over the country, I am gonna beat people up, you can do your Pierre thing and GOAT can GOAT it up all over the country.
But ya know the best part?
Tommy, I am too preoccupied planning your immediate demise to play a guessing game.....
The best part is I already named this best.
Tommy takes his empty whiskey bottle and breaks it across the Winnebago.
I christen thee......
THE WANNA-BANG-OHHHHHHHHH!
Fellas....ADVENTURE AWAITS...….TO THE WANNA BANG OHHHHHHH
Pierre and GOAT stand seemingly paralyzed with shock while watching Kain hop into the Winnabago like a child on ChristmahanaKanzika afternoon.
Thomas, I realize that this feels like an afterthought but you do know that at the next showcase event you are being given an opportunity to put yourself in the running for the OPW Southern Heavyweight title, don't you?
Oh COOLIO, who do I gotta beat up?
You are going to have to beat up TWO people Tommy. Maddox and Rivers, two members of INSURGENCE. Former associates of Donald McVay. Do they sound familiar?
Gotta tell ya Pierre, normally I can't remember much about people cuz I drink a ton and I am just not a detail guy?
But these two, Madrox, Riviera, I will tell you, I absolutely, positively HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT EITHER OF THEM!
But let's be honest. These two used to run with Dimestore Drago, Donnie McVee so I am leaning towards the idea that these two couldn't bust a grape in a foodfight with a fucking flaming sledgehammer.
Well Tommy, they may require your full attention, one is known as a Floridian Psychopath and the other is rumored to be a contract killer of some sort. We have not been able to confirm any actual murders to his credit or any Psychiatric records to confirm the mental state of his cohort, but it is always better safe than sorry.
Oh Pee Pee, doing this wrasslin gig I have met a ton of douche Canoes who have claimed to be a little "touched". Ya know some that have bragged that they were a bit painted with the Nut Brush. But one thing has always been true, each and every time.
If a guy calls himself a Psycho, he ain't fuckin crazy. He just wants you to think he is. It is like micropenised dudes driving big, jacked up trucks, or ugly guys refusing to go outside during daylight hours. That motherfucker is overcompensating for something. My guess is that he is as soft as wet white bread and about as dangerous as a quadriplegic with no head.
And as for his partner, Madagascar, Mary Tyler Madrox, or whatever the fuck he likes to be called. I don't think he could kill the last swallow on a fifth of gin if I gave him a fucking straw.
So the fact of the matter is this. We are gonna hop into the WANNA BANG OHHHHH, we are gonna party like it is two thousand and ninety-nine.
Then we are gonna get to the venue, throw sanitize our hands, throw on some gloves, and beat these two fuckcicles like they weren't practicing social distancing, didn't wash their hands, and believe that the sick feeling in their stomach is from a 5G tower and not due to the fact that they got the bubble guts from knowing that The Cool Rifle is gonna beat them up one side of the ring and down the other.
So GOAT, Master P
TO THE WANNA BANG OHHHHHHHHHHH
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
Tommy, I am glad we caught up to you. Look, GOAT and I are sorry we couldn't be of more assistance to you this evening. Apparently we were to be given identification badges when we all arrived to the venue. Some new precautions that Roger Wright has initiated. GOAT and I spent the entire Pay Per View Event being treated like a cross between international terrorists and basement dwelling wrestling fans hunting for autographs or spare locks of hair.
Tommy Kain stood and allowed Pierre to catch his breath. He reached down and scratched GOAT behind his ear and looked up at Pierre. Then Kain took a long swig off of a half empty bottle of Jameson Whiskey and flashed a smile at the man known the world over as The War King of Dubai.
Ahhhh, P-Diddly doo, don't worry your precious little head about it man.
It would seem that Mr. Roger Wright and at least some of the OPW suits have decided that they have it in for us man. They have gotten together and decided that the best way to deal with good ol' TK is to stack the deck as high as they can. I mean just look at the facts. First I get thrown in a triple threat match after earning a one on one encounter.
Then they just throw some painted up newbie a title shot just to muddy the waters. Now don't get me wrong, ol Parody put on one hell of a show, but should he have been there to begin with, I gotta lean towards the HELL NO, side of that train ride.
But if that wasn't enough, then they decide at the very got damned beginning of the broadcast that we will be graced with a special guest referee. None other than the Overhyped Hypocrite himself, Roger Dodger. And again, I accepted that and moved on. But lo and behold at bell time ol' Rog can't even be bothered to show the fuck up. So now we have a nonsensical free for all. And wow, it goes precisely as you expect a clusterfuck like that would go. And to put a biiiiiiig Fuck TK cherry on the top of this Cherry, Banana, let's screw Good ol' TK long, slow, and hard with no lube, Sundae Roger decides to show up at end, with his own music no less, and stuff Tyler No No and hands Parody the title with a pretty ribbon, bow, kiss on the cheek, congratulatory pat on his painted ass.
So yeah, I was all kinds of pissed once I shook off those cobby webs. I walked back to the locker room and cussed out every motherfucker with a name.
I wanted to slap Roger and kick the fuck out of ten dudes that even looked remotely like that Puffed up Fuckknot.
But then I remembered all wasn't lost, I still had an unopened bottle of Jameson and the idea that defeat is just one more step to victory or some other Vince Lomabardi sounding shit. I mean it was mostly the whiskey but still. So I decided I was gonna Social Distance my way to the parking lot and finish this bottle of mine. You know, being all socially responsible and all. I sanitized my hands and sure enough a little more than six feet away stood this shady looking character.
I mean not like Donnie McVay shady, not unknown character on Saved by the Bell trying to get me to take Marijuana pills shady, but like steal your identity shady, like order you a six pack and leave before paying the tab shady, you know real seedy underbelly type shit.
Well we got to talking and it turned out that ol' Chop Shop Charlie wasn't that bad a guy after all.
So Chop Shop Charlie wasn't a bad guy?
Well hell Pierre, I ain't one to judge man, I didn't ask Chuckster his whole life story. But He did tell me that he was a big fan. Like it he was so excited he couldn't remember my name, or my favorite match of his, or honestly even that I wrestled but he definitely assured me that he was a huge fan of not just mine but all of OURS.
But anyways, let me get back on track. So Chuckles and I are choppin it up and he let's me know that since he is such a big fan of mine that he would offer me one hell of a deal.
And few minutes and however much money you and GOAT kept in that cookie jar lookin gimmick later, we are now the proud owners of this beauty.
Kain excited pointed behind him with the most excited pair of double finger guns the world has ever seen and Pierre and GOAT's attention was drawn to a large, Lime Green, Winnabago with red flames on the side, chrome mag wheels and tinted windows anywhere you believe a Winnabago should have glass.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I know GOAT, can you believe Chop Shop would part with such a sweet ride?
So Tommy, I need you to listen very carefully to me. Look at me, look at me and listen to the words my mouth is making.
That cookie jar, as you called it, that jar contained no less than one hundred thousand dollars in it as well as some stock and bond options and a coupon for a buy one get one Beef and Cheddar at Arby's. So are you telling me that you gave that entire container to some low level, street thug that you just met in a parking lot at a professional wrestling event?
I know, I mean I couldn't believe he was willing to take it either, especially with no title, no proof of insurance or even asking to see my Driver's license, this is definitely my lucky day. I would go buy a lottery ticket if I wouldn't have given all my money to Charlie.
Tommy, that wasn't YOUR money, that was all of OUR money. The money we use to pay for our day to day expenses, the money we used to pay our monthly rent.....
Oh sweet,
I am sorry Tommy, what exactly is sweet?
Just that Monthly rent is handled, we don't have to worry about that anymore.
Oh thank the God's, you actually paid the apartment rent up for the rest of the year like I asked you to?
No, I killed that lease man, we now have an apartment on wheels Bro Jackson. This bad boy has plenty of room.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Allah be preserved, I think I am having an anxiety attack. Tommy, what do you expect us to do about finances?
Oh is that all you are worried about? I figure all that out too. I mean I will probably make all that money back wrasslin', I mean I think, I mean how much do I make anyway?
Well it doesn't matter because we will get all that money back anyways.
How might we do that Tommy?
How Pierre, how, well duh man, income taxes.....YESSIR INCOME TAXES! GOAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY KIDS, NEITHER DO YOU, NEITHER DO I, WE WILL GET OUR FULL REFUNDS AND THAT SHOULD COVER MOST OF IT! NOT TO MENTION, WE ALL STILL GOT CORONA MONEY COMING FROM THE ORANGE EMPEROR UP THERE IN THE OL' WHITE HOUSE!
We are gonna take this hoss all over the country, I am gonna beat people up, you can do your Pierre thing and GOAT can GOAT it up all over the country.
But ya know the best part?
Tommy, I am too preoccupied planning your immediate demise to play a guessing game.....
The best part is I already named this best.
Tommy takes his empty whiskey bottle and breaks it across the Winnebago.
I christen thee......
THE WANNA-BANG-OHHHHHHHHH!
Fellas....ADVENTURE AWAITS...….TO THE WANNA BANG OHHHHHHH
Pierre and GOAT stand seemingly paralyzed with shock while watching Kain hop into the Winnabago like a child on ChristmahanaKanzika afternoon.
Thomas, I realize that this feels like an afterthought but you do know that at the next showcase event you are being given an opportunity to put yourself in the running for the OPW Southern Heavyweight title, don't you?
Oh COOLIO, who do I gotta beat up?
You are going to have to beat up TWO people Tommy. Maddox and Rivers, two members of INSURGENCE. Former associates of Donald McVay. Do they sound familiar?
Gotta tell ya Pierre, normally I can't remember much about people cuz I drink a ton and I am just not a detail guy?
But these two, Madrox, Riviera, I will tell you, I absolutely, positively HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT EITHER OF THEM!
But let's be honest. These two used to run with Dimestore Drago, Donnie McVee so I am leaning towards the idea that these two couldn't bust a grape in a foodfight with a fucking flaming sledgehammer.
Well Tommy, they may require your full attention, one is known as a Floridian Psychopath and the other is rumored to be a contract killer of some sort. We have not been able to confirm any actual murders to his credit or any Psychiatric records to confirm the mental state of his cohort, but it is always better safe than sorry.
Oh Pee Pee, doing this wrasslin gig I have met a ton of douche Canoes who have claimed to be a little "touched". Ya know some that have bragged that they were a bit painted with the Nut Brush. But one thing has always been true, each and every time.
If a guy calls himself a Psycho, he ain't fuckin crazy. He just wants you to think he is. It is like micropenised dudes driving big, jacked up trucks, or ugly guys refusing to go outside during daylight hours. That motherfucker is overcompensating for something. My guess is that he is as soft as wet white bread and about as dangerous as a quadriplegic with no head.
And as for his partner, Madagascar, Mary Tyler Madrox, or whatever the fuck he likes to be called. I don't think he could kill the last swallow on a fifth of gin if I gave him a fucking straw.
So the fact of the matter is this. We are gonna hop into the WANNA BANG OHHHHH, we are gonna party like it is two thousand and ninety-nine.
Then we are gonna get to the venue, throw sanitize our hands, throw on some gloves, and beat these two fuckcicles like they weren't practicing social distancing, didn't wash their hands, and believe that the sick feeling in their stomach is from a 5G tower and not due to the fact that they got the bubble guts from knowing that The Cool Rifle is gonna beat them up one side of the ring and down the other.
So GOAT, Master P
TO THE WANNA BANG OHHHHHHHHHHH
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS