Who we were, who we are, who we will be.
Jun 14, 2020 17:45:21 GMT -5
Blair Buchannan-Stylez likes this
Post by coolrifletk47 on Jun 14, 2020 17:45:21 GMT -5
Is this really how they all see me? Is this new or is this how it has always been?
All this time could be that they were always just laughing AT me and not WITH me? Like they just kept me around for fuckin funsies. Like “hey, this scene needs some livening up, let’s call good ol’ TK and he can be our reliable court jester. We can watch him Jackass his way through life and make the rest of us feel better about our day to day failures.”
Am I really just Otis the town drunk in everybody’s little Andy Griffith fuckin Mayberry?
I mean all this blood, all this sweat, all those damn tears and it really could have all been for nothing, for some cheap gag, some real life Adam Sandler movie where I am just the lovable idiot with a heart of gold that everybody just tolerates because they don’t have the heart to break it to me straight.
Fuck, I need another drink. Probably a few anothers.
I mean it is one thing when no talent hack, Quitter Macgoo like Tyler Knowles badmouths you or some delusional dick drip like King Quari says you ain’t worth a damn.
Those things are expected, that’s this business week in and week out.
But when it comes from Blair, it just hits different. And I know it shouldn’t because that bitch has a one hundred degree black belt in passive aggression and Mind Game Kung Fury. But she also isn’t stupid. She knows how to pay attention and she knows that the best way to hurt somebody right down to their core, like on a molecular level, is to tell them something that might be the fucking truth.
Expose them to that little flicker of doubt and fan that fucker until it is a got damned inferno.
And here I am, sitting on the back of one of the sweetest rides I have ever known, hanging out with two of the best friends any motherfucker could dream of, and I am sitting here fucking doubting myself because I let her convince me that I might not have ever been cool enough or good enough because the Cool Kids don’t fucking accept me.
Now that, that is a new level of pathetic, even for me.
Because honestly, if I am keeping it one hundred percent real with myself, I know I don’t and have never really ever given a fuck about what other people think of me. I don’t stay drunk to hide from the world. I don’t fuck off or refuse to take things seriously because I don’t want to accept that I am not the greatest wrestler that has ever lived.
I refuse to take life seriously because why in the fuck would I want to add anymore misery to an already miserable world? Look around, there is more than enough misery to go around. No good reason to add to the pile. So instead I will keep being the guy who refuses to take it all too seriously. If that makes me the town Tard then so fucking be it. I will wear my helmet and lick every window like my life depends on it because at the end of the day……It probably does.
But when it gets down to it, when I really sit and look at it I got to wonder why Blair played the threat card. I mean of course she was going to come out and claim superiority. That is what hot girl wrestlers do now in 2020. Doesn’t matter how good they are, doesn’t matter if the entire industry has accepted the fact that Blair Buchanan is one of the most elite athletes in the wrestling business.
Not Elite FEMALE athletes mind you, but ELITE ATHLETES period, with no fucking question marks.
Blair is as good as they come. And Blair does not mind telling anybody that will listen that she knows full well how good she is.
So why in the fuckin world did she pull the threat move. That just feels cheap, desperate, and definitely not the move of somebody with as much confidence as an athlete like Blair should have. I mean I haven’t really been tearin up the scene and King Quari, tremendous potential aside, isn’t the kind of guy that should even show up on Blair’s viable threat radar.
So why in the fuck is she threatening Quari’s kid?
Why is she bringing up Pierre and GOAT.
Unless…..son of a bitch, I never would have dreamt it in a million years.
That bitch is fuckin scared. She has shown some dents in that fuckin superbitch armor of hers. All that time hangin out with Johnny and the rest of his minions, building her a monument on Mt. Cuntmore and she is still just another human just like the rest of us,
even though she will never admit it.
And I don’t think it is just about the Southern Strap. I mean I don’t think Blair gives two Louis Vitton bags full of a high dollar toilet tissue about the legacy and lineage of that Southern Title. I think to Blair it is more of a “I have it so you can’t have it” mindset.
And I think losing it scares her, but not because she wants so bad to be the Southern Champion but because in Blair’s head, if she isn’t the best,
She is nothing.
And people like that are dangerous. Because they have everything to lose every minute of every day.
Damn, what a depressing existence that has to be.
It is fucking loony tunes to me that I am sitting here wondering if beating Blair Buchanan and taking that title is worth it? If destroying that women’s entire sense of self is the right thing to do.
Is knocking that woman off of her perch in front of the entire world and showing the world that yes, a goddess can bleed, worth it? Taking from her everything giving her nothing and taking from her, everything like a drunken Leonidas Spartan warrior motherfucker, minus the washboard abs.
I mean, sure, wiping that smug look off of her stupid, hot face, would be next level, types of fun. And winning another title, would be an awesome way to take a giant, frothy piss in the proverbial, collective, Cheerios of the “Oh TK is just an overhyped, drunk, jobber to the stars” crowd.
But is it worth torching this woman’s whole life for?
I mean she has destroyed countless lives, sometimes just to get ahead in a wrestling match or to get another Netflix special, and sometimes just because she feels like it. So shoving a great big Karma Dildo right up her Hershey Highway would probably be a nice slice of Cosmic Justice. But then what?
What would she become? Would it destroy her? Would it give Blair a chance to become something better or something worse? And how is any of that my fucking problem?
I guess there is only one way to find out. So it would seem that this big committee meeting I have just had in my melon has come to a final conclusion.
We are most definitely gonna take the ol’ Tuna Tank to Pound Town and we are gonna shove that Southern Heavyweight title so far up Blair’s Chooch that she will get a golden chill every time she puts a switch in those perfect hips of hers.
Now I need to get back to this far more pressing matter of teaching Pierre about music.
Pierre, Allah on avocado toast, I am tellin you that I am not saying that Stryper invented hair metal……
They just perfected it.
But look, I need you to get GOAT up to the front of the WANNABANGOHHHHHH!!!, we are gonna fire this camera up and do a little promoting for this pay per view this weekend. Good ol’ TK has some venom stored up and I am tellin ya Master P, I am coming for somebody’s head pure and simple.
Uhhhh, Tom, I am going to need you to come back here, as soon as humanly possible.
Good lord and three quarters man what…..is…..OH WOW!
What in the Seven Silences of the Lambs…..Well, I suppose this is……Somethin?
The entire back section, of the WANNABANGOHHHHH, AKA GOAT’s quarters was covered floor, ceiling, wall to wall with photos of one Southern Heavyweight Champion…Blair Buchanan-Stylez. Action photos, candid photos, photos that were clearly acquired through questionable means, and photos with medium rate photoshop work that featured GOAT and the Southern Champion in more than one compromising position.
GOAT, P, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FRENCH FRIED FUCK IS THIS?
Well Tom, this is what I was trying to tell you about before you started on your less than abbreviated history of American Hair Metal volume A to wherever we stopped.
We stopped at Stryper Pierre, soon to move on to Nelson, Grim Reaper, and the oft forgotten Limozeen.
But let’s focus on this Buffalo Bob looking sitch that you and GOAT seem to have going here.
Well Tom it would appear that our four legged friend here has developed an affinity for Mrs. Buchanan-Stylez.
Is that what you would call this P? An affinity?
Because I would call it a Blair skin lampshade away from some next level, Creepy Pasta, WannaBangohh Chainsaw Massacre type shizzle.
Well Tom, I don’t think we need to overreact……
Overreact? Overreact?
Well I don’t think we need to Underreact Pierre.
Our GOAT has apparently developed an obsession with the OPW Southern Heavyweight champion and no coincidentally one of my opponents for this week. Not to mention the fact that our furry friend has figured out how to use scissors without having fucking thumbs. So I would say that we definitely need to be having some kind of big fucking reaction.
Look GOATster, I get it, she’s not too tough to look at. I mean she has one of those faces you kind of wanna see doing the runny mascara gimmick and eyes rolling back in her head and a body like Anthony Michael Hall made her with a fuckin computer next to a Kelly LeBrock poster.
But she is evil GOAT.
Like over the top, Sauron’s eye evil, like Football Coach John Goodman in Revenge of the Nerds bad news.
You need to leave that one alone little buddy.
So wait Thomas, am I to believe that your concern is more the object of GOAT’s affection and not the level of obsession he is showing?
No Pierre, we have already established how creepy GOAT’s little Blair altar is. But we can put a frame around that shit bro. But Blair, there ain’t no lipstick that will make that pig look like less of an Evil time temptress bent on world domination man.
She is bad business with a capital BAD.
We need to get GOAT a nice girl, or at least one that I am sure doesn’t mix baby blood in her Proactiv to poop right and keep a youthful glow.
But we have to focus on one thing at a time. So GOAT’s SEVEN den is gonna have to get put on the back burner because I got a PPV match to win. So fire that camera up and let me tell the world what they are gonna see……
AT OPW’s next PAY PER VIEW EXTRAVAGANZA HIGHWAY 2 HELLLLLLLLL
You see it is real simple man and anybody smarter than Al Envy……So everybody should be able to understand what’s at stake in a triple threat match featuring the Southern Heavyweight Champion, Blair Buchanan-Stylez, King Quari, and The Cool Rifle himself, locked and loaded TK-47, Tommy Kain.
You see I think everybody has overlooked a few things in this match. I mean 1, it will be a barnburner and may in fact steal the entire show.
B.This is a match that does not favor the champion at all because she doesn’t even need to be involved to lose.
Annnnd finally, just because her main squeeze runs the joint doesn’t mean she will get preferential treatment.
Now throw all that in a pan and put it on 450 degrees and you got yourself a Tommy Kain championship Quiche that anybody can sink their teeth into.
But I do wanna say something else before we go. I wanna say that I don’t think it is fair that everybody is acting like King Quari doesn’t have any right in this match.
I mean sure he isn’t a number one contender. And sure he didn’t earn his way into this match. And yes the only legitimate claim at all he would have to be in this match is a fluke win against me that was caused by the Southern Champion herself.
But damn it, Quari is a fine competitor who has may have a silly name but also a ton of talent. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t show you something special before he heads back down the aisle to losertown live on Pay Per View
See you all Sunday, check your local listings and don’t be a bitch and pirate this PPV.
All this time could be that they were always just laughing AT me and not WITH me? Like they just kept me around for fuckin funsies. Like “hey, this scene needs some livening up, let’s call good ol’ TK and he can be our reliable court jester. We can watch him Jackass his way through life and make the rest of us feel better about our day to day failures.”
Am I really just Otis the town drunk in everybody’s little Andy Griffith fuckin Mayberry?
I mean all this blood, all this sweat, all those damn tears and it really could have all been for nothing, for some cheap gag, some real life Adam Sandler movie where I am just the lovable idiot with a heart of gold that everybody just tolerates because they don’t have the heart to break it to me straight.
Fuck, I need another drink. Probably a few anothers.
I mean it is one thing when no talent hack, Quitter Macgoo like Tyler Knowles badmouths you or some delusional dick drip like King Quari says you ain’t worth a damn.
Those things are expected, that’s this business week in and week out.
But when it comes from Blair, it just hits different. And I know it shouldn’t because that bitch has a one hundred degree black belt in passive aggression and Mind Game Kung Fury. But she also isn’t stupid. She knows how to pay attention and she knows that the best way to hurt somebody right down to their core, like on a molecular level, is to tell them something that might be the fucking truth.
Expose them to that little flicker of doubt and fan that fucker until it is a got damned inferno.
And here I am, sitting on the back of one of the sweetest rides I have ever known, hanging out with two of the best friends any motherfucker could dream of, and I am sitting here fucking doubting myself because I let her convince me that I might not have ever been cool enough or good enough because the Cool Kids don’t fucking accept me.
Now that, that is a new level of pathetic, even for me.
Because honestly, if I am keeping it one hundred percent real with myself, I know I don’t and have never really ever given a fuck about what other people think of me. I don’t stay drunk to hide from the world. I don’t fuck off or refuse to take things seriously because I don’t want to accept that I am not the greatest wrestler that has ever lived.
I refuse to take life seriously because why in the fuck would I want to add anymore misery to an already miserable world? Look around, there is more than enough misery to go around. No good reason to add to the pile. So instead I will keep being the guy who refuses to take it all too seriously. If that makes me the town Tard then so fucking be it. I will wear my helmet and lick every window like my life depends on it because at the end of the day……It probably does.
But when it gets down to it, when I really sit and look at it I got to wonder why Blair played the threat card. I mean of course she was going to come out and claim superiority. That is what hot girl wrestlers do now in 2020. Doesn’t matter how good they are, doesn’t matter if the entire industry has accepted the fact that Blair Buchanan is one of the most elite athletes in the wrestling business.
Not Elite FEMALE athletes mind you, but ELITE ATHLETES period, with no fucking question marks.
Blair is as good as they come. And Blair does not mind telling anybody that will listen that she knows full well how good she is.
So why in the fuckin world did she pull the threat move. That just feels cheap, desperate, and definitely not the move of somebody with as much confidence as an athlete like Blair should have. I mean I haven’t really been tearin up the scene and King Quari, tremendous potential aside, isn’t the kind of guy that should even show up on Blair’s viable threat radar.
So why in the fuck is she threatening Quari’s kid?
Why is she bringing up Pierre and GOAT.
Unless…..son of a bitch, I never would have dreamt it in a million years.
That bitch is fuckin scared. She has shown some dents in that fuckin superbitch armor of hers. All that time hangin out with Johnny and the rest of his minions, building her a monument on Mt. Cuntmore and she is still just another human just like the rest of us,
even though she will never admit it.
And I don’t think it is just about the Southern Strap. I mean I don’t think Blair gives two Louis Vitton bags full of a high dollar toilet tissue about the legacy and lineage of that Southern Title. I think to Blair it is more of a “I have it so you can’t have it” mindset.
And I think losing it scares her, but not because she wants so bad to be the Southern Champion but because in Blair’s head, if she isn’t the best,
She is nothing.
And people like that are dangerous. Because they have everything to lose every minute of every day.
Damn, what a depressing existence that has to be.
It is fucking loony tunes to me that I am sitting here wondering if beating Blair Buchanan and taking that title is worth it? If destroying that women’s entire sense of self is the right thing to do.
Is knocking that woman off of her perch in front of the entire world and showing the world that yes, a goddess can bleed, worth it? Taking from her everything giving her nothing and taking from her, everything like a drunken Leonidas Spartan warrior motherfucker, minus the washboard abs.
I mean, sure, wiping that smug look off of her stupid, hot face, would be next level, types of fun. And winning another title, would be an awesome way to take a giant, frothy piss in the proverbial, collective, Cheerios of the “Oh TK is just an overhyped, drunk, jobber to the stars” crowd.
But is it worth torching this woman’s whole life for?
I mean she has destroyed countless lives, sometimes just to get ahead in a wrestling match or to get another Netflix special, and sometimes just because she feels like it. So shoving a great big Karma Dildo right up her Hershey Highway would probably be a nice slice of Cosmic Justice. But then what?
What would she become? Would it destroy her? Would it give Blair a chance to become something better or something worse? And how is any of that my fucking problem?
I guess there is only one way to find out. So it would seem that this big committee meeting I have just had in my melon has come to a final conclusion.
We are most definitely gonna take the ol’ Tuna Tank to Pound Town and we are gonna shove that Southern Heavyweight title so far up Blair’s Chooch that she will get a golden chill every time she puts a switch in those perfect hips of hers.
Now I need to get back to this far more pressing matter of teaching Pierre about music.
Pierre, Allah on avocado toast, I am tellin you that I am not saying that Stryper invented hair metal……
They just perfected it.
But look, I need you to get GOAT up to the front of the WANNABANGOHHHHHH!!!, we are gonna fire this camera up and do a little promoting for this pay per view this weekend. Good ol’ TK has some venom stored up and I am tellin ya Master P, I am coming for somebody’s head pure and simple.
Uhhhh, Tom, I am going to need you to come back here, as soon as humanly possible.
Good lord and three quarters man what…..is…..OH WOW!
What in the Seven Silences of the Lambs…..Well, I suppose this is……Somethin?
The entire back section, of the WANNABANGOHHHHH, AKA GOAT’s quarters was covered floor, ceiling, wall to wall with photos of one Southern Heavyweight Champion…Blair Buchanan-Stylez. Action photos, candid photos, photos that were clearly acquired through questionable means, and photos with medium rate photoshop work that featured GOAT and the Southern Champion in more than one compromising position.
GOAT, P, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FRENCH FRIED FUCK IS THIS?
Well Tom, this is what I was trying to tell you about before you started on your less than abbreviated history of American Hair Metal volume A to wherever we stopped.
We stopped at Stryper Pierre, soon to move on to Nelson, Grim Reaper, and the oft forgotten Limozeen.
But let’s focus on this Buffalo Bob looking sitch that you and GOAT seem to have going here.
Well Tom it would appear that our four legged friend here has developed an affinity for Mrs. Buchanan-Stylez.
Is that what you would call this P? An affinity?
Because I would call it a Blair skin lampshade away from some next level, Creepy Pasta, WannaBangohh Chainsaw Massacre type shizzle.
Well Tom, I don’t think we need to overreact……
Overreact? Overreact?
Well I don’t think we need to Underreact Pierre.
Our GOAT has apparently developed an obsession with the OPW Southern Heavyweight champion and no coincidentally one of my opponents for this week. Not to mention the fact that our furry friend has figured out how to use scissors without having fucking thumbs. So I would say that we definitely need to be having some kind of big fucking reaction.
Look GOATster, I get it, she’s not too tough to look at. I mean she has one of those faces you kind of wanna see doing the runny mascara gimmick and eyes rolling back in her head and a body like Anthony Michael Hall made her with a fuckin computer next to a Kelly LeBrock poster.
But she is evil GOAT.
Like over the top, Sauron’s eye evil, like Football Coach John Goodman in Revenge of the Nerds bad news.
You need to leave that one alone little buddy.
So wait Thomas, am I to believe that your concern is more the object of GOAT’s affection and not the level of obsession he is showing?
No Pierre, we have already established how creepy GOAT’s little Blair altar is. But we can put a frame around that shit bro. But Blair, there ain’t no lipstick that will make that pig look like less of an Evil time temptress bent on world domination man.
She is bad business with a capital BAD.
We need to get GOAT a nice girl, or at least one that I am sure doesn’t mix baby blood in her Proactiv to poop right and keep a youthful glow.
But we have to focus on one thing at a time. So GOAT’s SEVEN den is gonna have to get put on the back burner because I got a PPV match to win. So fire that camera up and let me tell the world what they are gonna see……
AT OPW’s next PAY PER VIEW EXTRAVAGANZA HIGHWAY 2 HELLLLLLLLL
You see it is real simple man and anybody smarter than Al Envy……So everybody should be able to understand what’s at stake in a triple threat match featuring the Southern Heavyweight Champion, Blair Buchanan-Stylez, King Quari, and The Cool Rifle himself, locked and loaded TK-47, Tommy Kain.
You see I think everybody has overlooked a few things in this match. I mean 1, it will be a barnburner and may in fact steal the entire show.
B.This is a match that does not favor the champion at all because she doesn’t even need to be involved to lose.
Annnnd finally, just because her main squeeze runs the joint doesn’t mean she will get preferential treatment.
Now throw all that in a pan and put it on 450 degrees and you got yourself a Tommy Kain championship Quiche that anybody can sink their teeth into.
But I do wanna say something else before we go. I wanna say that I don’t think it is fair that everybody is acting like King Quari doesn’t have any right in this match.
I mean sure he isn’t a number one contender. And sure he didn’t earn his way into this match. And yes the only legitimate claim at all he would have to be in this match is a fluke win against me that was caused by the Southern Champion herself.
But damn it, Quari is a fine competitor who has may have a silly name but also a ton of talent. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t show you something special before he heads back down the aisle to losertown live on Pay Per View
See you all Sunday, check your local listings and don’t be a bitch and pirate this PPV.