Post by Paul Montuori on Jul 5, 2020 18:55:39 GMT -5
Residential Neighborhood - Outside Los Angeles, California – Daytime
We open inside the living room of a big house. The room is setup with lights and a camera, with several crew members standing around. A naked woman sits on the couch, scrolling through her phone.
The director, a Danny DeVito look alike, walks into the room.
Everyone stands around, a few moments pass.
Everyone stands around, a few more moments pass.
El Gran Luchador steps into the room, wearing only a colorful lucha mask, a cowboy hat and snake skinned cowboy boots with gold spurs. He has a drink in his hand as he staggers over to the couch.
El Gran Luchador chugs the rest of the drink and tosses it to the side, the glass shattering on the floor.
The woman gets off the couch and kneels in front of El Grand Luchador. She takes in a mouthful.
Another crewmember comes in with a handheld camera for a close-up.
El Gran Luchador coughs. Then throws up on the head of the woman. She stops and looks up at him, as he throws up in her face.
The woman stands up and slaps El Gran Luchador across the face, before storming off. He looks stunned for a second, before doubling over and puking again.
El Gran Luchador turns and stumbles, tripping into the arms of a crewmember.
He shoves El Gran Luchador who staggers into the other room. El Gran Luchador walks over to the makeshift bar and makes himself a drink. He sits down, slurping it up before looking up to see a camera pointed at him.
He raises his drink and downs it.
………………
Some of the crew members are outside the house in the driveway, smoking. El Gran Luchador comes out of the house, adding jeans and a leather vest to his ensemble. He has a bag in his hand as he tips his cowboy hat to the crew members, who snicker at him. He tosses his bag into the back of a hot pink El Camino, decked out in zebra striped, shag interior and a pair of dice hanging from the window. He jumps into the driver’s seat and looks over at the Cameraman and Producer.
The Cameraman gets into the passenger seat as the Producer gets into the backseat.
The El Camino pulls out of the driveway, revealing the license plate reading “Muy Grande.”
………………
US/Mexico Border - Dusk
El Gran Luchador sits in the ridiculous El Camino, tapping on the steering wheel with one hand while drinking a beer in the other. The cameraman still sits, recording him as they sit in traffic.
“La Cucaracha” begins to play as El Gran Luchador pulls out his cell phone.
El Gran Luchador answers the call, placing it on speakerphone.
El Gran Luchador tosses the phone back to the Producer.
They drive across the border as El Gran Luchador raises his glass to the Mexicans guarding the border.
………………
El Gran Luchador’s “Compound” – Tijuana, Mexico - Night
El Gran Luchador sits on the couch, just having watched clips of Eoin O’Rourke. He turns off the TV, leaning back as he looks over at the Producer who sits across from him.
El Gran Luchador walks over to the Cameraman, staring directly into the lenses.
Fade to black..
We open inside the living room of a big house. The room is setup with lights and a camera, with several crew members standing around. A naked woman sits on the couch, scrolling through her phone.
Director
(O.S.)
All right, places everyone.
(O.S.)
All right, places everyone.
The director, a Danny DeVito look alike, walks into the room.
Director
Alright, ready. Action.
Alright, ready. Action.
Everyone stands around, a few moments pass.
Director
God dammit I said action!
God dammit I said action!
Everyone stands around, a few more moments pass.
Director
Gran, where the fuck are you?! That’s your goddamn cue!
Gran, where the fuck are you?! That’s your goddamn cue!
El Gran Luchador
(O.S.)
Oh si, right..
(O.S.)
Oh si, right..
El Gran Luchador steps into the room, wearing only a colorful lucha mask, a cowboy hat and snake skinned cowboy boots with gold spurs. He has a drink in his hand as he staggers over to the couch.
Director
Get rid of the fucking drink!
El Gran Luchador
Sorry senor.
Get rid of the fucking drink!
El Gran Luchador
Sorry senor.
El Gran Luchador chugs the rest of the drink and tosses it to the side, the glass shattering on the floor.
Director
Jesus Christ.. Action, action..
El Gran Luchador
Hola, amor. Have no fear, El Gran Luchador is here.
Woman
Oh my. And look at that big.. Chimichanga..
El Gran Luchador
Oh si amor, es mucho grande. How about you have a taste?
Jesus Christ.. Action, action..
El Gran Luchador
Hola, amor. Have no fear, El Gran Luchador is here.
Woman
Oh my. And look at that big.. Chimichanga..
El Gran Luchador
Oh si amor, es mucho grande. How about you have a taste?
The woman gets off the couch and kneels in front of El Grand Luchador. She takes in a mouthful.
Director
Alright Johnny, get in there.
Alright Johnny, get in there.
Another crewmember comes in with a handheld camera for a close-up.
El Gran Luchador
Oh, si. No stop. Oh..
Oh, si. No stop. Oh..
El Gran Luchador coughs. Then throws up on the head of the woman. She stops and looks up at him, as he throws up in her face.
Woman
Oh my God! Motherfucker! You threw up in my face!
Oh my God! Motherfucker! You threw up in my face!
The woman stands up and slaps El Gran Luchador across the face, before storming off. He looks stunned for a second, before doubling over and puking again.
Director
Cut! You’ve got to be kidding me! How many fucking times have I told you about drinking before a shoot?! How many fucking times?! I’m done! I’m so fucking done with you! Get your shit and get out of here!
El Gran Luchador
I’m fine.. I just need a drink.
Director
Out!
Cut! You’ve got to be kidding me! How many fucking times have I told you about drinking before a shoot?! How many fucking times?! I’m done! I’m so fucking done with you! Get your shit and get out of here!
El Gran Luchador
I’m fine.. I just need a drink.
Director
Out!
El Gran Luchador turns and stumbles, tripping into the arms of a crewmember.
Crewmember
Gross! Your dick is on me! Get off me!
Gross! Your dick is on me! Get off me!
He shoves El Gran Luchador who staggers into the other room. El Gran Luchador walks over to the makeshift bar and makes himself a drink. He sits down, slurping it up before looking up to see a camera pointed at him.
El Gran Luchador
What the fuck? Didn’t you hear cut?
Producer
(O.S.)
Sorry sir, but uh.. We’re filming a documentary on you. Uh.. Remember you agreed to let us follow you around?
El Gran Luchador
I agreed to that?
Producer
(O.S.)
Yessir.
El Gran Luchador
Well, fuck.. Salud..
What the fuck? Didn’t you hear cut?
Producer
(O.S.)
Sorry sir, but uh.. We’re filming a documentary on you. Uh.. Remember you agreed to let us follow you around?
El Gran Luchador
I agreed to that?
Producer
(O.S.)
Yessir.
El Gran Luchador
Well, fuck.. Salud..
He raises his drink and downs it.
………………
Some of the crew members are outside the house in the driveway, smoking. El Gran Luchador comes out of the house, adding jeans and a leather vest to his ensemble. He has a bag in his hand as he tips his cowboy hat to the crew members, who snicker at him. He tosses his bag into the back of a hot pink El Camino, decked out in zebra striped, shag interior and a pair of dice hanging from the window. He jumps into the driver’s seat and looks over at the Cameraman and Producer.
El Gran Luchador
You coming or what?
You coming or what?
The Cameraman gets into the passenger seat as the Producer gets into the backseat.
Producer
(O.S.)
Where are we going?
El Gran Luchador
I gotta get back to Tijuana. I have a match tonight. I hope you muchachos brought your passport..
(O.S.)
Where are we going?
El Gran Luchador
I gotta get back to Tijuana. I have a match tonight. I hope you muchachos brought your passport..
The El Camino pulls out of the driveway, revealing the license plate reading “Muy Grande.”
………………
US/Mexico Border - Dusk
El Gran Luchador sits in the ridiculous El Camino, tapping on the steering wheel with one hand while drinking a beer in the other. The cameraman still sits, recording him as they sit in traffic.
El Gran Luchador
Que, you just gonna film me all the time?
Cameraman
(V.O.)
That’s the idea.
Que, you just gonna film me all the time?
Cameraman
(V.O.)
That’s the idea.
“La Cucaracha” begins to play as El Gran Luchador pulls out his cell phone.
El Gran Luchador
Ahh, it’s my agent.
Ahh, it’s my agent.
El Gran Luchador answers the call, placing it on speakerphone.
El Gran Luchador
Max Finkelstein you old Jew! Buenos tardes.
Max Finkelstein
(V.O.)
How many times do I have to fucking tell you? Didn’t you learn anything from..
El Gran Luchador
(nervously)
Hey, take it easy. You’re on speakerphone. Cuidado with what you say.
Max Finkelstein
(V.O.)
I got you booked at an event in the States. OPW. I sent over the details to you.
El Gran Luchador
Gracias amigo.
Max Finkelstein you old Jew! Buenos tardes.
Max Finkelstein
(V.O.)
How many times do I have to fucking tell you? Didn’t you learn anything from..
El Gran Luchador
(nervously)
Hey, take it easy. You’re on speakerphone. Cuidado with what you say.
Max Finkelstein
(V.O.)
I got you booked at an event in the States. OPW. I sent over the details to you.
El Gran Luchador
Gracias amigo.
Max Finkelstein
(V.O.)
Just get your fucking shit together already. It’s been long enough.
El Gran Luchador
Te amo you too.
(V.O.)
Just get your fucking shit together already. It’s been long enough.
El Gran Luchador
Te amo you too.
El Gran Luchador tosses the phone back to the Producer.
El Gran Luchador
El senor Finkelstein said he sent me info.
Producer
Ok, yeah. There’s a file here. Looks like you’re in a match to name the #1 Contender for the Pureblood Championship.
El Gran Luchador
El Sangre Pudo Campeonatatate.. You see, the world has heard of El Gran Luchador and his exploits down in Mexico. For I am a living legend. A great warrior envied by men and lusted over by women. This promotion, this OPD..
Cameraman
(O.S.)
I think he said OPW.
El senor Finkelstein said he sent me info.
Producer
Ok, yeah. There’s a file here. Looks like you’re in a match to name the #1 Contender for the Pureblood Championship.
El Gran Luchador
El Sangre Pudo Campeonatatate.. You see, the world has heard of El Gran Luchador and his exploits down in Mexico. For I am a living legend. A great warrior envied by men and lusted over by women. This promotion, this OPD..
Cameraman
(O.S.)
I think he said OPW.
El Gran Luchador
OPW. Tomato, potato.. This promotion, OPW, has already seen the greatness in El Gran Luchador and has already put him at the top of the card.
Producer
You’re actually in one of the first matches..
El Gran Luchador
Uno of the first matches?! Aye, caramba.. Such an insult to El Gran Luchador. But no matter, you see the opening matches are muy importante. For they set the tone for the rest of the noche. A spot to be given to a luchador muy capable. One they can trust to start the show with a bango. Baboombo. And still no worry, for the OPW are already seeing him as a great legend and chasing a grand championship. The prestige, the history, the heritage, the orgullo of the Sange Pudo Championshipo is all that matters.
Producer
I mean..
OPW. Tomato, potato.. This promotion, OPW, has already seen the greatness in El Gran Luchador and has already put him at the top of the card.
Producer
You’re actually in one of the first matches..
El Gran Luchador
Uno of the first matches?! Aye, caramba.. Such an insult to El Gran Luchador. But no matter, you see the opening matches are muy importante. For they set the tone for the rest of the noche. A spot to be given to a luchador muy capable. One they can trust to start the show with a bango. Baboombo. And still no worry, for the OPW are already seeing him as a great legend and chasing a grand championship. The prestige, the history, the heritage, the orgullo of the Sange Pudo Championshipo is all that matters.
Producer
I mean..
El Gran Luchador
No senor, no. Cayate, no more interrupting El Gran Luchador with your hating. Such negative vibes is not what makes El Gran Luchador, Gran.
Cameraman
(O.S.)
I though it was your penis.
El Gran Luchador
(chuckles)
Oh si, of course. Pero with negative vibes, El Gran Luchador would not be able to rise to the occasion.
Producer
We’re getting to the border. Shouldn’t you hide that.
No senor, no. Cayate, no more interrupting El Gran Luchador with your hating. Such negative vibes is not what makes El Gran Luchador, Gran.
Cameraman
(O.S.)
I though it was your penis.
El Gran Luchador
(chuckles)
Oh si, of course. Pero with negative vibes, El Gran Luchador would not be able to rise to the occasion.
Producer
We’re getting to the border. Shouldn’t you hide that.
El Gran Luchador
Amigo, where we’re going.. Ha, there are no rules..
Amigo, where we’re going.. Ha, there are no rules..
They drive across the border as El Gran Luchador raises his glass to the Mexicans guarding the border.
………………
El Gran Luchador’s “Compound” – Tijuana, Mexico - Night
El Gran Luchador sits on the couch, just having watched clips of Eoin O’Rourke. He turns off the TV, leaning back as he looks over at the Producer who sits across from him.
El Gran Luchador
Unimpressive. Unremarkable. Forgettable. This.. Ethan O’Rook. Un Irish muchacho from Boston. Another one. El Great White Hope. Boring.. Yo lo visto a lot in my time. Same ol’ tough hombre from a tough neighborhood. Here to beat everyone and climb up this magical ladder. Attempt to lift themselves from obscurity. Isn’t that what he said? He’s doing this for the money. El dinero. El cash money. Y I’m supposed to be worried about someone who just does stuff for money? No heart. No Corazon. Nothing invested but a paycheck. The check is the same si win or lose. At least for tough hombres like him who are here one day and gone the next.
Producer
That’s harsh.
El Gran Luchador
That’s harsh? Muchacho, this is life or death. This is legacy. Todo that you worked hard for is on the line every time you step in the ring. Every time. No tiempo for mistakes, no time to lose. Reputation is todo. Legacy is todo muchacho. And yo no puedo let some chinga Irishman beat me in mi primero match in the States in a long time. Not some chinga Irishman who finishes people off with an Irish Car Bomb. What kinda chinga maricon faggot stuff is that..
Unimpressive. Unremarkable. Forgettable. This.. Ethan O’Rook. Un Irish muchacho from Boston. Another one. El Great White Hope. Boring.. Yo lo visto a lot in my time. Same ol’ tough hombre from a tough neighborhood. Here to beat everyone and climb up this magical ladder. Attempt to lift themselves from obscurity. Isn’t that what he said? He’s doing this for the money. El dinero. El cash money. Y I’m supposed to be worried about someone who just does stuff for money? No heart. No Corazon. Nothing invested but a paycheck. The check is the same si win or lose. At least for tough hombres like him who are here one day and gone the next.
Producer
That’s harsh.
El Gran Luchador
That’s harsh? Muchacho, this is life or death. This is legacy. Todo that you worked hard for is on the line every time you step in the ring. Every time. No tiempo for mistakes, no time to lose. Reputation is todo. Legacy is todo muchacho. And yo no puedo let some chinga Irishman beat me in mi primero match in the States in a long time. Not some chinga Irishman who finishes people off with an Irish Car Bomb. What kinda chinga maricon faggot stuff is that..
Producer
You can’t say that..
El Gran Luchador
Maricon? These gringos don’t know what that means. And anyway, yo speak the truth. Irish Car Bomb is supposed to be scary? White cream mixed with Whiskey. White cream. The only cream un hombre should be involved with includes a hot senorita. Not two hombres in the ring. That does not sound right to El Gran Luchador. For the love of Dios, please do not come with me your white cream for El Gran Luchador only likes the ladies.
Producer
Resorting to gay jokes? Is this 2000?
El Gran Luchador
You were sucking on your madres teeta in 2000 papi. I was out destroying promotions. Don’t sit there with your smug chinga puta look and judge me. The world has gotten soft. Too soft. So El Gran Luchador must change his ways, conform to what society deems acceptable. Claro que no! Never. El Gran Luchador is a legend, a living legend. Everyone should bow to greatness, bow to El Gran Luchador!
You can’t say that..
El Gran Luchador
Maricon? These gringos don’t know what that means. And anyway, yo speak the truth. Irish Car Bomb is supposed to be scary? White cream mixed with Whiskey. White cream. The only cream un hombre should be involved with includes a hot senorita. Not two hombres in the ring. That does not sound right to El Gran Luchador. For the love of Dios, please do not come with me your white cream for El Gran Luchador only likes the ladies.
Producer
Resorting to gay jokes? Is this 2000?
El Gran Luchador
You were sucking on your madres teeta in 2000 papi. I was out destroying promotions. Don’t sit there with your smug chinga puta look and judge me. The world has gotten soft. Too soft. So El Gran Luchador must change his ways, conform to what society deems acceptable. Claro que no! Never. El Gran Luchador is a legend, a living legend. Everyone should bow to greatness, bow to El Gran Luchador!
Producer
OK..
OK..
El Gran Luchador walks over to the Cameraman, staring directly into the lenses.
El Gran Luchador
You’re out to prove something Elliot, prove something to yourself.. To the world.. You’re dying to get out of that losing rut you’re in. Get that first big win. Be able to climb the ladder out of obscurity and claim the spot you think is rightfully yours. But not against me papi. Not at 99 Problems. I won’t be your stepping stone. Not this time kid. Not ever. But hang in there. I’m sure one day you’ll come across something who lacks the greatness of El Gran Luchador and you’ll get that big win you wanted. You needed. And maybe the crowd will cheer. Maybe they’ll see right through you. A never has been looking for acceptance. At 99 Problems muchacho, El Gran Luachdor will put on a clinic..
AND I HOPE YOU PAY ATTENTION..
You’re out to prove something Elliot, prove something to yourself.. To the world.. You’re dying to get out of that losing rut you’re in. Get that first big win. Be able to climb the ladder out of obscurity and claim the spot you think is rightfully yours. But not against me papi. Not at 99 Problems. I won’t be your stepping stone. Not this time kid. Not ever. But hang in there. I’m sure one day you’ll come across something who lacks the greatness of El Gran Luchador and you’ll get that big win you wanted. You needed. And maybe the crowd will cheer. Maybe they’ll see right through you. A never has been looking for acceptance. At 99 Problems muchacho, El Gran Luachdor will put on a clinic..
AND I HOPE YOU PAY ATTENTION..
Fade to black..