Post by lajohnnystylez on Jul 13, 2020 23:51:49 GMT -5
...So there I was locked in my hotel room after SHoWCa$e went off the air. Mad wasn't even the got damn word for my state of mind. It was well beyond FURY and RAGE as well. How did I let this happen? How did I not see this coming? How are those second rate inbred PHUCKS who call themselves INSURGENCE the offical owners of the OPW Immortal Tag Team Titles that I went through a great deal of trouble to take back from the Riggs Legacy? And let me just say this had I known HBO was going to ram their corporate dick up my tail pipe every chance I gave them then maybe I would't have signed on the dotted line or at the very least demanded more money. But ever since I sat back and allowed Roger Wright to remain co-owner of my PRO WRESTLING EMPIRE...Things haven't been terrible per say but every time I think I am ahead...Like REALLY AHEAD, some bullshit like this happens. But the more I sat in silenced and reflected on it, at the end of the day I guess I couldn't really be too angry because well Xavier's brilliant move to move their Queen onto our side of the board broke all laws of universal chess..in the uh UNIVERSE!!!!
But suffice to say the PACK was backed into a corner, the OPW roster was backed into a corner, because they knew the day where they were going to have to throw up a white flag and all bend their knees and bow before THe SyNDiCaTe's superior dominance was upon them. And when you take all the pride of those peasents and add it up you won't even be able to add the last four members of the federation up before you find that it is far too much pride to ever openly and willingly admit defeat. Admit they weren't strong enough to withstand and deny us what is rightfully ours. So if they are too proud to bend their knee all that says to me and the rest of the most dominant force in not just Outlaw Pro Wrestling, but all of professional wrestling, is that they need more motivation and perhaps some
!!!!A.S.S.I.S.T.A.N.C.E.!!!!
...WHICH AS ALWAYS I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO OBLIGE!!!!
But let's be clear about one thing before we go any further, this war will not end without me standing ontop of a pile of broken, bloody, bruised and beaten carcasses and I don't give a phuck if it comes down to the last man, nothing and no one will keep this victory from me. I don't care what rules or laws or people I have to
!!!!!!F'N BREAK!!!!!!!
...I've SIMPLY COME TOO FAR TO GIVE UP EVEN A HALF A STEP!
Even the thought of giving up anymore ground to these unworthy peasents was just making me angry all over again. I mean really...Miss Michelle? Of all the nickle and dime gutter sluts in the United States of America they go and pick the one woman on this planet who just might be a bigger cunt then Cera Janson? Bah it doesn't really matter, the identity of The PRODUCER doesn't really matter because at the end of the day they are going to find out just like Sam Laramie Sr found out what happens to people when they come and try to stand inbetween me and my vision of the future!
So after the thought passes through my mind a sense of comfort came over me. Maybe it was beause I had reached the realization that I didn't really have to spend time worrying these days because despite even what appears to be major setbacks like the ones we suffered during the second half of SHOWCASE this passed week I know myself well enough to know the ground will be made up ten fold, because I am still the most ruthless, violent, and dedicated person in the history of pro wrestling...And while I didn't have the answers just yet...They will come in time like they always do...And just like any and everyone who has ever gone up against me ever the actual cost of their small victories against us here this evening will be far too much for any of them to cover...Which for those of you that aint exactly ECON geniuses that would then place them firmly
!!!!!IN MY F'N DEBT!!!!!!
AND I'M NOT A LANNISTER BUT I TOO ALWAYS PAY MY SHIT!!!
...As soon as the sound of the bathroom door opened and I saw my wife standing there in a towel I began to entertain the possibility that my feelings about what happened eariler in the evening subsided because I knew this moment was coming and well...Look at her! I mean she is the type of hot I shoud charge you stupid dickheadz out there to jerk off to her. And the fact that most of the pro wrestling population is sitting there wondering how a guy like me wids up with someone like her. And while I normally would let you suffocate in your own frustration as you silently demanded the universe answer your question. I am going to do you and the universe a real quick favor and answer this question for ya. Iroically the answer I am fiing to give you is also the same answer for a lot of the questions you ask the universe...But as far as the subject of how an asshole like me goes to sleep with something that looks like her....and why I get to seemingly have everything while there are a million other Tiny Tims out there who have a heart of gold and probably deserve everything I have an more, but don't have even a fraction of what I do is because of one simple phuckig fact...And it's a lesson I learned at a very young age and when I accepted it it ahelped mold me into the man you know and love today. But I digress you want your answer...Well here it is
!!!!!LiFe AINT F'N FAIR!!!!!
WoMp WOMMMMMMMPPPPPPPP
Maybe some of you idealists and optomists get your head out of your asses and wake up and smell the thr....HOLY PHUCKING SHIT!
For those of you wondering what in the hell is going on...Well I cordially invite you to observe once again in my pressence just how the universe works. As I was getting to deliever another smart ass line to drive my point even deeper into the confines of your numb skulls by saying one of my favorite sayings..I recieved an image...NO A MEMORY....Of a long time ago....A real long ass time ago. I snuck onto the property of this phucking butt chump named Kristian Oss that used to own....Yeah let me say that one more time to put it into perspective...that used to
~$~ O.W.N. ~$~
VooDoo...NOT THE WAY I OWNED HER...THE WAY THAT WAS BRANDED ILLEGAL DURING THE US CIVIL WAR!
And I snuck onto this property because our final match was upon us and I wanted to send him a message he would never ever phucking forget. And I avoided the front and back foor of his very House on Haunted Hill looking shack he used to live in and I went straight to the back yard where he had grown this extravagant rose garden he used to cut his worthless phuckin promos in. But he didn't grow this garden for himself...No No No No....He grew it for the woman that he was foolish enough to think was actually his property. But if any of you know VooDoo...Then you know this...The woman is absolutley gaga over roses. And this garden was a symbol of his undying love for her. You could tell he took pride in every last pedal on every last flower, on every last stem, in every last bush! And it probably had taken him years to get it looking this perfect but it only took me about
!!!!!15 F'N MINUTES!!!!!!
TO REDUCE EVERY SQUARE INCH OF IT TO F'N ASHES!!!!
And me taking one last look at the glorious flames that raged with fury equal to the way I'm sure it does in hell is still an image of a memory that I can still see like I was still right there in that moment...And that's all it took for it to come to me. The streak of brilliance that ran through me couldn't be contained. It was late...Im talking so got damn late it was almost early! But still I didn't care, because this had to be done now. SO I grabbed my cell phone off the night stand as Blair saw me and while she ran a towel through her hair she looks at me like I'm a mad man and asks me
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: Johnny it's almost 3:30 a.m. who in the fuck are you calling?
I held my finger up to her letting her know she had to wait a minute until I was finished with my phone call and then I would gladly answer any and all questions she might have. Now I did that because I know how much it infuriates her, and while I know she was having a shitty night just like me...One wrong turns deserves another because I hate it when she tries to get me to tell her the identity, my reasons, and their exact location while I am literally waiting for them to pick up. But I flashes a flirty little grin as she rolled her eyes turned around and dropped her towel as she began to lather herself up with lotion. I went to open the door but caught site of that before I walked out into the hall way...And then I got stuck...I couldn't think I couldn't....I forgot where I was even. All I could hear was this little sound of this annoying little voice going
VOice: Helllllooooo.....Helllo?....HELLLOOOOOO?
LA Johnny Stylez: Hello what? Jesus what the phuck?
Voice: You called us?
LA Johnny Stylez: US?
Voice: Yeah YOU'VE REACHED LE'ANDRA'S PHONE!
LA Johnny Stylez: HAHAHAHAAHAHAH
I should have known..But I was distrated by well you saw it...But just by the sound of the feminine voice Chan was being the good little secretary that he was and very vigiliante too I might add. But once I realized who it was I just started laughing...And obviously he failed to see the humor.
Chan: Oh my gawd?...Johnny? What are you donig calling this late don't you know what time it is?....And for CHrist sake what in the hell are you laughing at?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh TINK....You're so GAY! I love you...But HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH
Chan: Johnny Stylez...I absolutely FUCKING HATE YOU!
LA Johnny Stylez: May I speak to your MADAM?
Chan: I'm afraid not...
LA Johnny STylez: WHy is she asleep?
Chan: Well she is in her room, I don't know about being asleep though!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well that aint worth a phuck!
Chan: Well too bad, guess you'll just have to call back tomorrow...But why don't you wait until the rest of the world is awake before calling next time your chances of actually reaching her I swear would increase dramatically!
LA Johnny Stylez: No there is no need..I'll just leave a message...SO pause whatever episode of the Golden Girls you are watching and go get a pen and paper! And hurry up KNOB GOBBLER it's getting late!
Chan: OMG, I can't with you right now! FUCK YOU JONNNY STYLEZ!
LA Johnny Stylez: HA in your DREAMS!
Chan: AS IF!
LA Johnny Stylez; Will you please just shut up and go get a pen and paper?
And just incase any of you were wonering why he even bothered to get up and actually go do as I asked it was because once upon a time I asked Tink to write down a message for Le'Andra for me which he obviously pretended to do, and everytime after that I made him repeat back to be verbatim everything I told him. So to answer your question he did it so save some time and aggravation! I waited a few moments until I heard the phone rustling around as he picked it back up placed it against his cheek and said...
Chan: OK....Go ahead YOUR HIGNNESS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Thank your PEASENT how I do admire your dedication! Now if you could please request that Mr. and Mrs. Wolf-FUry wake up in the morning if they would be so kind as to check their emails at their earilest convinence there is a small matter I need their help with. In their box they will find a divided up list of everywhere in Detroit that sells flowers...Roses more specifically...They would then need to contact these places and together I want to make sure before SHOWCA$E goes live on the air I want to make sure we have purhased every single rose in Detroit !
Chan: Ummm what for?
LA Johnny Stylez: To do the exact same thing every phucking stiff who buys flowers for someone hopes to accomplish.
Chan: OH MY GOODNESS Johnny Stylez who are you trying to convince to sleep with you to where you need to buy every rose in Detroit? Especially when you have a lil hottie like Blair Buchannan-Stylez Ohh my gawd I just started watching her show on ne
LA Johnny STylez: What? NO CHAN....Not because I want to get laid...Well wait...I suppose that is true to a degree when I said why do people buy others flowers...But no ya perv get your mind out of the gutter for once! I want to make a GRAND GESTURE! That sir is why people purchase flowers for another...TO make a grand gesture...And while that gesture is just an elaborate way of saying that they would like to sleep with whomever they bought the flowers for, I can assure you that aint exactly the case...But I'll let you get back to Rose and Blanche's SHENANGINS!
Chan: I'm not watching the GOLDEN GIRLS YOU ASSHOLE!
LA Johnny Stylez: OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT! GOOD NIGHT TINK!
Chan: It's morning but whatever!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah that's what I said....\
*CLICK*
As Johnny hung the phone up in Chan's face, scene cuts away from the split screen it was a few moments ago when they were talking, and Chan is sitting in his bed with some teal silk PJ's Le'Andra bought him before HIGHWAY last week. He picks up his remote...HE then looks to his right and then slowly turns his head as he looks left. He then chuckles to himself and then shakes his head as he finally locates his remote for his TV..He presses play and unpauses Season 3 episode 8 of the Golden Girls...Which just started as the shows theme song began softly playing in the background Chan sat there for a few moments watching as he takes his remote jams his thumb against the power button cutting the television off as he rolls over slamming his head onto his pillow he sighs a deep sigh as his thoughts fall from his mind out of his mouth as he can't help but say aloud...
Chan: GOD I FUCKING HATE LA JOHNNY STYLEZ...Fuckin JERK!
Scene then switches back to Johnny who walked back into his hotel room and just as Blair slid on a black lace thong Johnny appears and smacks her right on the ass cheek as she turns around and slams her fist into his arm as the scene then further fades out to
LA Johnny Stylez: Vincent Wolf....Roger Wright....and of course the ORIGINAL...THE FEMME FATALE HERSELF VOODOO...What to ya say we go ahead and cut the crap here boys and girls and get right down to
Eeney....meeney....miiinnney....MO....Who should we talk about first? Ya know as I silently make my selection I find it ironic and humorous actually that I have been literally talking shit to or about the three of you pretty much my entire pro wrestling career...And I think if there is one thing we all know about those shit talking sessions if they have college professors who's lectures aren't that long, drawn out, and detailed...And you'd think that at this point I would have said it all...But even before I begin I am here to phucking tell ya...I could literally start and probably
Meh take your pick in all likelyhood it is probably a mixture of all three, the fact is here we are once again on the eve on yet another historic and epic encounter that wrestling fans will in all likelyhood remember for the rest of their lives. Years later when most of us can't even recall the fact that we used to do this for a livng some dumb shit fan is going to be asking one of us to go into this night in detail on his little stupid podcast or whatever the phuck! And ya know you will see here in just a few moments that for once I actually have a theme to go along with my verbal murder in the
And that is that if there is one thing I think the three of you have in common other than the fact that you are a pack of mangey, flea bitten, whipped wolves...and aside from the fact that all three of you are inhuanly short sighted and narrow minded...There is still something else that relates the three of you above those others...Not by much but still by enough to where I think we should openly discuss it. So what is it huh, ya know in the sake of cutting the proverbial crap so to speak. And well to just come out and say it and be blunt, as you all very well know one of the main contributing factors to my staying power in this business has been my quick and clever wit. I say some off the wall shit some of it sticks some of it doesn't, but every now and again I say these sayings that I just find uses for over and over and over. And as I was preparing this little scpheel last night I kept coming back to the same point, because if there is one thing you yuppie assholes have in common is the fact that for years the three of you have been in desperate need of even just the slightest whiff of
And I honestly believe it's time that all three of you take this perscription I am perscribing you and directly after you get that first taste of glorious fresh air...You then look each other in the eye and despite how much you don't want to or think you can't do it. Still do the best you can to put your personal feelings aside and do the only thing you have to do at this juncture and wake up and smell the
Reality is a tough pill to swallow for people who have no attained enough power, money, influence, or other means of wealth to be able to control their circumstances better than others, but one grim fact we must all face at one point or another is that life aint fair and ontop of that it's also very very difficult at times...Even impossible to a degree. But still the three of you spent so much time at the top you have allowed it to make you delusional. Ya know like Tom Cruise when he goes on Oprah and starts jumping around on the couch...Or like some major world crisis occurs and there is some dumb shit celebrity who isn't even really famous...She was she best friend of someone's sister who was on a reality show but was always at the house so they were on the show "technically" comes forward to give teir testimony and weigh in on the world problem at hand like anyone gives a phucking rainbow colores piece of
And incase we aren't clear by now WOlfPaCKERz...You three dip shits are the hardly famous celebrity I am referring to in this particular scenario. Vinent Black...Or Wolf...OR WHATEVEr...WHO CARES? Man I really...I mean serious honest my hand to GOD...Hope I am there on the day that you realize that you weren't even a fraction of the man you thought you were. When you look back on all of this thinking to yourself this entire time that there will be monuments built to commemorate and immortalize your contributions and likeess into the anals of not just pro wrestling but perhaps even HUMAN HISTORY...Uhhh
Because it's your brother that they speak of as the visonary...As the one who is in the right...And he slammed my shovel into your head...WHILE YOUR BACK WAS PHUCKING TURNED! But enough time has been put between that event and the battles we fight today and well some details surrounding some events get lost and peope make up their own and I'm almost willing to bet you every dollar I make for the rest of my life that in six months people will be saying he ripped the shovel out of your hands and basically struck you with it before you could do it to him. Sure those moron wrestling fans may boo us out of every got damn arena from the East Coast all the way to the phuckin West Coast...But I really hope I a in your vicinity on the day when all of that changes and you are forced to not only accept but live in a world where we are seen as th good guys. That despite everythig and anything we have done that has been against any and ever set of moral codes and standards we will still be seen as the heros, the pioners, and the legends of this story...And it's because Vincent all these years have come and gone and for some odd reason
You know the more I sit and think about it the more I sit and laugh to myself. Ya know I think you and I should probably schedule another one on one match at some point, becaue just like I had to beat my respect out of you...This go round yo are probably going to need to try and beat some out of me. Because the longer this goes the lower and lower my level of respect for you drastically drops...And at this rate it won't belong before there is NONE AT ALL! Because I know now you overlooked me and underestimated me back then not because you thought or felt some kind of way about me. You did it because you are just an ignorant mother phucker who didn't even bother to take the time and look! Which again it's hard as phuck to see straight when your head is perantely lodged in your ass. And everyone around you is starting to see that's the case and that is precisley why week by week it seems your pack is growing
And I'm here to tell ya it will be no one's fault but your own...Ohh and I'd also like to share with you the simple fact that tomorrow night live on HBO...Me My Wife and YOUR BROTHER are going to kick the unholy shit out of the three of you...SO for once in your life just sit there and be smart enough to allow the sense to be beaten into you...Because from what we know of you and what we have seen so far that's the only phuckin way it's getting in there to begin with! So...That's more than enough about you...Let's move onto quite possibly the easiest target in the histry of this business. My business partner, long time rival, and raging gaping TWAT
Remember that Roger? That was a long ass phuckin time ago huh? Man if Hunter wasn't such an idiot and cost us the WAR GAMES match there is a real possibility you'd be standing on my side of this conlict..Perhaps even still with Anicka, not looking like the putz I have made you out to be from the first episode of SHoWCa$e until this very evening. Roger I am beginning to believe that no matter what happens, where we go, what we do...Which of us wins this one or that one. Because at the end of the way unfortunately like Batman and the Joker we are destined to do this forever! Because let's be real. Your genuine and natural charisma forces simple minded folk like the entire population of
But what these people don't ever realize until it's a half hour passed too late..Is that sooner or later you lead them down a dead phuckin end on the worst street in the entire phucking neighboorhood. And what do they get for their faith and loyalty to a numbskull like you? Robbed, humiliated, and if they aren't careful...DEAD! Your relationship with the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Champion is a shining example of that Roger Sure in the beginning everyone is all excited because for once in this world you feel inspired because you found a good clean "American GooD Ole Boy" to hitch your wagon to. But at the end of the day the reason he always breaks down on that dead end is because he isn't prepared for the road...Beause life on the road, according to anyone who has ever spent a significant portion of their life on it will tell you t's anything but easy. SHit it's almost like a phucking jungle with its own laws, codes, ethics, standards, and expectations...And idealists are for CNN and phuckin
And I always sit back and end up laughing myself to sleep. Because I know it feels good to have some frineds that are constantly watching your back Roger, but they can't save you from me...and the inevitiable...And what's the inevitiable you ask? Well the inevitiable day when I finally reach my breaking point with you, and I snap your phucking neck, and then I stand there and do the same to anyone who even looks like they are getting close enough to watch you choke on what are hopefully your final breathes. Because Roger you like t come out here and put your little spins on your interpretation of our rivlarly, but you know just as well as I do that your interpretation is nothing more than a very elaborate
Like the rest of your little pack the only reason you exist in this business anymore is because of my good graces. And just know that at any point in time and I actually feel like it I can get to where push comes to phucking shove and I'll either literally and personally send you to hell myself...or convince you that the life you lead here on this planet in this reality is hell because there is no way some mythological place of eternal tormet could possibly be any phuckin worse than the daily short storm your life will be once I grow weary of sharing my pro wrestling empire with you! And when that day comes if you want to believe you actually stand a chance...Go ahead...CLing to it as if your very life depends on it, because I'ma tell ya right now asshat
And that Mr. Eagle Scout...ARE THE FACTS OF PHUCKING LIFE...WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PHUCKIN THORNZ PUSSY BOY!...And that brings us to The Femme FATALE...THE ORIGINAL VooDoo...Now listen here missy...As much as I would like to stand here and just get it all off my chest like I just did your two asshole partners this week. I'm afraid since this is such a monumental occasion I would do something a little different for you! Such a grand moment as you coming out of retirement to let Xavier, Blair, and Myself take turns smacking you around while you recall why you went into retirement in the first place, in my opinion deserves a GRAND GESTURE OF IT'S OWN! SO FOLLOW ME!
Johnny then steps out of his limo and we head into the Olympius Arena where Monday Night SHOWCa$e will take place live tomorrow night. Johnny passes security, fist bumps a few of the agents, builders, techs, and interns running around doing anything and everything they can to make their jobs easier tomorrow when time won't be on their side. Johnny takes a right and then a left and brings us to a door that has the WOLFPACK logo on it and it says in bold black text WOLFPACK LOCKER ROOM. Johnny goes to open the door but stops himself and turns around resting his back against the door as he goes to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez: They say a picture is worth a THOUSAND WORDS! ANd what awaits you on the other side of this door is that saying to a TEE...Only you have to take that saying and convert it to Johnny's speech so let's say what awaits you on the otherside of this door is worth I dunnno let's call it a MILLION JOHNNY WORDS...And even though what is behind this door says anything and everything I said to your partners...But it also says the one thing I have said to anyone and everyone I have found myself facing across the ring from me at one point or another. And even though it most definitley says it...I'm gunna go ahead and just say it right now to make sure this is the one thing you don't miss...Because VooDoo I have said this to you coutless times before I have today....But today I want you to know I mean it more than I ever have...And also I want you to know I mean it much more rudely than I ever have as well...SO prepare yourself woman because I went through a lot of trouble putting this together...Because I know the effor4t that most of the interns went through to set this up to match my vision probably won't match the effort it takes me, X, and Blair to put you pussies the phuck down on your backs...And force you to..Ya know
...And with that Johnny opens the door and turns on the light...And sattered across the entire locker room is every...And we do mean every single rose that was for sale anywhere in DETROIT MICHIGHAN scattered across the floor. Only thing about it is its not as beautiful as you think it would be...Because there isn't a single pedal to be found anywhere. It is nothing but the thorny stems scattered all around the room...And we mean it...THAT SHIT IS F'N EVERYWHERE...But where are the pedals you may ask?....Scene then switches to later that night in th PENTHOUSE suite in the hotel they are staying at before SHoWCa$e Johnny is holding a bag in his hand spreading rose pedals all over the bed...And then we see Blair emerge from the shadows wearing nothing but her towel like she was eariler in the promo. The camera then switches to Johnny who looks into the camera through the 4th wall into your soul....He winks and flashes that arrogant smirk of his as he then turns his attention back to his wife, as he picks her up by her thighs and plants her on the bed. He then looks at the camera one more time blows everyone a kiss and then goes down completley out of sight leaving you with the notion as he has since the very beginning that this time jut like all the other times...
...Has Been YoUR PLea$uRe
But suffice to say the PACK was backed into a corner, the OPW roster was backed into a corner, because they knew the day where they were going to have to throw up a white flag and all bend their knees and bow before THe SyNDiCaTe's superior dominance was upon them. And when you take all the pride of those peasents and add it up you won't even be able to add the last four members of the federation up before you find that it is far too much pride to ever openly and willingly admit defeat. Admit they weren't strong enough to withstand and deny us what is rightfully ours. So if they are too proud to bend their knee all that says to me and the rest of the most dominant force in not just Outlaw Pro Wrestling, but all of professional wrestling, is that they need more motivation and perhaps some
!!!!A.S.S.I.S.T.A.N.C.E.!!!!
...WHICH AS ALWAYS I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO OBLIGE!!!!
But let's be clear about one thing before we go any further, this war will not end without me standing ontop of a pile of broken, bloody, bruised and beaten carcasses and I don't give a phuck if it comes down to the last man, nothing and no one will keep this victory from me. I don't care what rules or laws or people I have to
!!!!!!F'N BREAK!!!!!!!
...I've SIMPLY COME TOO FAR TO GIVE UP EVEN A HALF A STEP!
Even the thought of giving up anymore ground to these unworthy peasents was just making me angry all over again. I mean really...Miss Michelle? Of all the nickle and dime gutter sluts in the United States of America they go and pick the one woman on this planet who just might be a bigger cunt then Cera Janson? Bah it doesn't really matter, the identity of The PRODUCER doesn't really matter because at the end of the day they are going to find out just like Sam Laramie Sr found out what happens to people when they come and try to stand inbetween me and my vision of the future!
So after the thought passes through my mind a sense of comfort came over me. Maybe it was beause I had reached the realization that I didn't really have to spend time worrying these days because despite even what appears to be major setbacks like the ones we suffered during the second half of SHOWCASE this passed week I know myself well enough to know the ground will be made up ten fold, because I am still the most ruthless, violent, and dedicated person in the history of pro wrestling...And while I didn't have the answers just yet...They will come in time like they always do...And just like any and everyone who has ever gone up against me ever the actual cost of their small victories against us here this evening will be far too much for any of them to cover...Which for those of you that aint exactly ECON geniuses that would then place them firmly
!!!!!IN MY F'N DEBT!!!!!!
AND I'M NOT A LANNISTER BUT I TOO ALWAYS PAY MY SHIT!!!
...As soon as the sound of the bathroom door opened and I saw my wife standing there in a towel I began to entertain the possibility that my feelings about what happened eariler in the evening subsided because I knew this moment was coming and well...Look at her! I mean she is the type of hot I shoud charge you stupid dickheadz out there to jerk off to her. And the fact that most of the pro wrestling population is sitting there wondering how a guy like me wids up with someone like her. And while I normally would let you suffocate in your own frustration as you silently demanded the universe answer your question. I am going to do you and the universe a real quick favor and answer this question for ya. Iroically the answer I am fiing to give you is also the same answer for a lot of the questions you ask the universe...But as far as the subject of how an asshole like me goes to sleep with something that looks like her....and why I get to seemingly have everything while there are a million other Tiny Tims out there who have a heart of gold and probably deserve everything I have an more, but don't have even a fraction of what I do is because of one simple phuckig fact...And it's a lesson I learned at a very young age and when I accepted it it ahelped mold me into the man you know and love today. But I digress you want your answer...Well here it is
!!!!!LiFe AINT F'N FAIR!!!!!
WoMp WOMMMMMMMPPPPPPPP
Maybe some of you idealists and optomists get your head out of your asses and wake up and smell the thr....HOLY PHUCKING SHIT!
For those of you wondering what in the hell is going on...Well I cordially invite you to observe once again in my pressence just how the universe works. As I was getting to deliever another smart ass line to drive my point even deeper into the confines of your numb skulls by saying one of my favorite sayings..I recieved an image...NO A MEMORY....Of a long time ago....A real long ass time ago. I snuck onto the property of this phucking butt chump named Kristian Oss that used to own....Yeah let me say that one more time to put it into perspective...that used to
~$~ O.W.N. ~$~
VooDoo...NOT THE WAY I OWNED HER...THE WAY THAT WAS BRANDED ILLEGAL DURING THE US CIVIL WAR!
And I snuck onto this property because our final match was upon us and I wanted to send him a message he would never ever phucking forget. And I avoided the front and back foor of his very House on Haunted Hill looking shack he used to live in and I went straight to the back yard where he had grown this extravagant rose garden he used to cut his worthless phuckin promos in. But he didn't grow this garden for himself...No No No No....He grew it for the woman that he was foolish enough to think was actually his property. But if any of you know VooDoo...Then you know this...The woman is absolutley gaga over roses. And this garden was a symbol of his undying love for her. You could tell he took pride in every last pedal on every last flower, on every last stem, in every last bush! And it probably had taken him years to get it looking this perfect but it only took me about
!!!!!15 F'N MINUTES!!!!!!
TO REDUCE EVERY SQUARE INCH OF IT TO F'N ASHES!!!!
And me taking one last look at the glorious flames that raged with fury equal to the way I'm sure it does in hell is still an image of a memory that I can still see like I was still right there in that moment...And that's all it took for it to come to me. The streak of brilliance that ran through me couldn't be contained. It was late...Im talking so got damn late it was almost early! But still I didn't care, because this had to be done now. SO I grabbed my cell phone off the night stand as Blair saw me and while she ran a towel through her hair she looks at me like I'm a mad man and asks me
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: Johnny it's almost 3:30 a.m. who in the fuck are you calling?
I held my finger up to her letting her know she had to wait a minute until I was finished with my phone call and then I would gladly answer any and all questions she might have. Now I did that because I know how much it infuriates her, and while I know she was having a shitty night just like me...One wrong turns deserves another because I hate it when she tries to get me to tell her the identity, my reasons, and their exact location while I am literally waiting for them to pick up. But I flashes a flirty little grin as she rolled her eyes turned around and dropped her towel as she began to lather herself up with lotion. I went to open the door but caught site of that before I walked out into the hall way...And then I got stuck...I couldn't think I couldn't....I forgot where I was even. All I could hear was this little sound of this annoying little voice going
VOice: Helllllooooo.....Helllo?....HELLLOOOOOO?
LA Johnny Stylez: Hello what? Jesus what the phuck?
Voice: You called us?
LA Johnny Stylez: US?
Voice: Yeah YOU'VE REACHED LE'ANDRA'S PHONE!
LA Johnny Stylez: HAHAHAHAAHAHAH
I should have known..But I was distrated by well you saw it...But just by the sound of the feminine voice Chan was being the good little secretary that he was and very vigiliante too I might add. But once I realized who it was I just started laughing...And obviously he failed to see the humor.
Chan: Oh my gawd?...Johnny? What are you donig calling this late don't you know what time it is?....And for CHrist sake what in the hell are you laughing at?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh TINK....You're so GAY! I love you...But HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH
Chan: Johnny Stylez...I absolutely FUCKING HATE YOU!
LA Johnny Stylez: May I speak to your MADAM?
Chan: I'm afraid not...
LA Johnny STylez: WHy is she asleep?
Chan: Well she is in her room, I don't know about being asleep though!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well that aint worth a phuck!
Chan: Well too bad, guess you'll just have to call back tomorrow...But why don't you wait until the rest of the world is awake before calling next time your chances of actually reaching her I swear would increase dramatically!
LA Johnny Stylez: No there is no need..I'll just leave a message...SO pause whatever episode of the Golden Girls you are watching and go get a pen and paper! And hurry up KNOB GOBBLER it's getting late!
Chan: OMG, I can't with you right now! FUCK YOU JONNNY STYLEZ!
LA Johnny Stylez: HA in your DREAMS!
Chan: AS IF!
LA Johnny Stylez; Will you please just shut up and go get a pen and paper?
And just incase any of you were wonering why he even bothered to get up and actually go do as I asked it was because once upon a time I asked Tink to write down a message for Le'Andra for me which he obviously pretended to do, and everytime after that I made him repeat back to be verbatim everything I told him. So to answer your question he did it so save some time and aggravation! I waited a few moments until I heard the phone rustling around as he picked it back up placed it against his cheek and said...
Chan: OK....Go ahead YOUR HIGNNESS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Thank your PEASENT how I do admire your dedication! Now if you could please request that Mr. and Mrs. Wolf-FUry wake up in the morning if they would be so kind as to check their emails at their earilest convinence there is a small matter I need their help with. In their box they will find a divided up list of everywhere in Detroit that sells flowers...Roses more specifically...They would then need to contact these places and together I want to make sure before SHOWCA$E goes live on the air I want to make sure we have purhased every single rose in Detroit !
Chan: Ummm what for?
LA Johnny Stylez: To do the exact same thing every phucking stiff who buys flowers for someone hopes to accomplish.
Chan: OH MY GOODNESS Johnny Stylez who are you trying to convince to sleep with you to where you need to buy every rose in Detroit? Especially when you have a lil hottie like Blair Buchannan-Stylez Ohh my gawd I just started watching her show on ne
LA Johnny STylez: What? NO CHAN....Not because I want to get laid...Well wait...I suppose that is true to a degree when I said why do people buy others flowers...But no ya perv get your mind out of the gutter for once! I want to make a GRAND GESTURE! That sir is why people purchase flowers for another...TO make a grand gesture...And while that gesture is just an elaborate way of saying that they would like to sleep with whomever they bought the flowers for, I can assure you that aint exactly the case...But I'll let you get back to Rose and Blanche's SHENANGINS!
Chan: I'm not watching the GOLDEN GIRLS YOU ASSHOLE!
LA Johnny Stylez: OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT! GOOD NIGHT TINK!
Chan: It's morning but whatever!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah that's what I said....\
*CLICK*
As Johnny hung the phone up in Chan's face, scene cuts away from the split screen it was a few moments ago when they were talking, and Chan is sitting in his bed with some teal silk PJ's Le'Andra bought him before HIGHWAY last week. He picks up his remote...HE then looks to his right and then slowly turns his head as he looks left. He then chuckles to himself and then shakes his head as he finally locates his remote for his TV..He presses play and unpauses Season 3 episode 8 of the Golden Girls...Which just started as the shows theme song began softly playing in the background Chan sat there for a few moments watching as he takes his remote jams his thumb against the power button cutting the television off as he rolls over slamming his head onto his pillow he sighs a deep sigh as his thoughts fall from his mind out of his mouth as he can't help but say aloud...
Chan: GOD I FUCKING HATE LA JOHNNY STYLEZ...Fuckin JERK!
Scene then switches back to Johnny who walked back into his hotel room and just as Blair slid on a black lace thong Johnny appears and smacks her right on the ass cheek as she turns around and slams her fist into his arm as the scene then further fades out to
6 DAYS LATER
LA Johnny Stylez: Vincent Wolf....Roger Wright....and of course the ORIGINAL...THE FEMME FATALE HERSELF VOODOO...What to ya say we go ahead and cut the crap here boys and girls and get right down to
!!!!F'N BuSiNe$$!!!!
YA KNOW BEFORE WE CLIMB IN THE RING AND WE GIVE YA JUST THAT?!?
Eeney....meeney....miiinnney....MO....Who should we talk about first? Ya know as I silently make my selection I find it ironic and humorous actually that I have been literally talking shit to or about the three of you pretty much my entire pro wrestling career...And I think if there is one thing we all know about those shit talking sessions if they have college professors who's lectures aren't that long, drawn out, and detailed...And you'd think that at this point I would have said it all...But even before I begin I am here to phucking tell ya...I could literally start and probably
!!!!!NeVeR F'N S.T.O.P.!!!!!
NoW IS IT BECAUSE I'M THAT TALENTED...OR THE THREE OF YOU AREN'T?
Meh take your pick in all likelyhood it is probably a mixture of all three, the fact is here we are once again on the eve on yet another historic and epic encounter that wrestling fans will in all likelyhood remember for the rest of their lives. Years later when most of us can't even recall the fact that we used to do this for a livng some dumb shit fan is going to be asking one of us to go into this night in detail on his little stupid podcast or whatever the phuck! And ya know you will see here in just a few moments that for once I actually have a theme to go along with my verbal murder in the
~!$!~ 1st F'N DeGRee ~!$!~
(WHICH MEANS IT WAS PREMEDITATED...GOOGLE IT)
And that is that if there is one thing I think the three of you have in common other than the fact that you are a pack of mangey, flea bitten, whipped wolves...and aside from the fact that all three of you are inhuanly short sighted and narrow minded...There is still something else that relates the three of you above those others...Not by much but still by enough to where I think we should openly discuss it. So what is it huh, ya know in the sake of cutting the proverbial crap so to speak. And well to just come out and say it and be blunt, as you all very well know one of the main contributing factors to my staying power in this business has been my quick and clever wit. I say some off the wall shit some of it sticks some of it doesn't, but every now and again I say these sayings that I just find uses for over and over and over. And as I was preparing this little scpheel last night I kept coming back to the same point, because if there is one thing you yuppie assholes have in common is the fact that for years the three of you have been in desperate need of even just the slightest whiff of
!!!!FRESH AIR!!!!!!
CaUse WITH YoUR HEAD ALWAYS UP YOUR OWN ASS OF COURSE YOU BELIEVE YOUR OWN SHIT!!!
And I honestly believe it's time that all three of you take this perscription I am perscribing you and directly after you get that first taste of glorious fresh air...You then look each other in the eye and despite how much you don't want to or think you can't do it. Still do the best you can to put your personal feelings aside and do the only thing you have to do at this juncture and wake up and smell the
!!!!F'N T.H.O.R.N.Z.!!!!!
CaUse BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YA...IF YOU THOUGHT YOUR LIVES WERE PRICKLY BeFoRE!!!!
Reality is a tough pill to swallow for people who have no attained enough power, money, influence, or other means of wealth to be able to control their circumstances better than others, but one grim fact we must all face at one point or another is that life aint fair and ontop of that it's also very very difficult at times...Even impossible to a degree. But still the three of you spent so much time at the top you have allowed it to make you delusional. Ya know like Tom Cruise when he goes on Oprah and starts jumping around on the couch...Or like some major world crisis occurs and there is some dumb shit celebrity who isn't even really famous...She was she best friend of someone's sister who was on a reality show but was always at the house so they were on the show "technically" comes forward to give teir testimony and weigh in on the world problem at hand like anyone gives a phucking rainbow colores piece of
!!!!BaBOON SHIT!!!!!
ABOUT A SINGLE THING THAT COMES TRICKLING OUT OF THEIR COCKSUCKER!!!
And incase we aren't clear by now WOlfPaCKERz...You three dip shits are the hardly famous celebrity I am referring to in this particular scenario. Vinent Black...Or Wolf...OR WHATEVEr...WHO CARES? Man I really...I mean serious honest my hand to GOD...Hope I am there on the day that you realize that you weren't even a fraction of the man you thought you were. When you look back on all of this thinking to yourself this entire time that there will be monuments built to commemorate and immortalize your contributions and likeess into the anals of not just pro wrestling but perhaps even HUMAN HISTORY...Uhhh
???HoW ABoUT NO SCOTT!!!!
AT THIS POINT ON A GOOD DAY YOU ARE THE WOLF THAT ONLY KINDA MATTERS!!!
Because it's your brother that they speak of as the visonary...As the one who is in the right...And he slammed my shovel into your head...WHILE YOUR BACK WAS PHUCKING TURNED! But enough time has been put between that event and the battles we fight today and well some details surrounding some events get lost and peope make up their own and I'm almost willing to bet you every dollar I make for the rest of my life that in six months people will be saying he ripped the shovel out of your hands and basically struck you with it before you could do it to him. Sure those moron wrestling fans may boo us out of every got damn arena from the East Coast all the way to the phuckin West Coast...But I really hope I a in your vicinity on the day when all of that changes and you are forced to not only accept but live in a world where we are seen as th good guys. That despite everythig and anything we have done that has been against any and ever set of moral codes and standards we will still be seen as the heros, the pioners, and the legends of this story...And it's because Vincent all these years have come and gone and for some odd reason
!!!YOU F'N ReFuSe TO CHANGE!!!!
AND THEREZ A F'N DUDE WHO HAS BEEN WEARIN THE SAME SKIVEYS FOR 4 YEARS STRAIGHT THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE LESS THAN YOU DO YA JERK OFF!!!
You know the more I sit and think about it the more I sit and laugh to myself. Ya know I think you and I should probably schedule another one on one match at some point, becaue just like I had to beat my respect out of you...This go round yo are probably going to need to try and beat some out of me. Because the longer this goes the lower and lower my level of respect for you drastically drops...And at this rate it won't belong before there is NONE AT ALL! Because I know now you overlooked me and underestimated me back then not because you thought or felt some kind of way about me. You did it because you are just an ignorant mother phucker who didn't even bother to take the time and look! Which again it's hard as phuck to see straight when your head is perantely lodged in your ass. And everyone around you is starting to see that's the case and that is precisley why week by week it seems your pack is growing
!!!!!SMaLLeR n F'N SMaLLeR!!!!!
UNTIL IT'S YOU AND MRS.JUSTASSTUCKUPASYOU ALONE!!!
And I'm here to tell ya it will be no one's fault but your own...Ohh and I'd also like to share with you the simple fact that tomorrow night live on HBO...Me My Wife and YOUR BROTHER are going to kick the unholy shit out of the three of you...SO for once in your life just sit there and be smart enough to allow the sense to be beaten into you...Because from what we know of you and what we have seen so far that's the only phuckin way it's getting in there to begin with! So...That's more than enough about you...Let's move onto quite possibly the easiest target in the histry of this business. My business partner, long time rival, and raging gaping TWAT
!!!!RoGeR WRiGHT!!!!!
Who Honestly Hasn't Done Anything "RIGHT" Since HE LOW BLOWED MATT SLATER AnD TRIED TO LEARN FROM THE BEST!
Remember that Roger? That was a long ass phuckin time ago huh? Man if Hunter wasn't such an idiot and cost us the WAR GAMES match there is a real possibility you'd be standing on my side of this conlict..Perhaps even still with Anicka, not looking like the putz I have made you out to be from the first episode of SHoWCa$e until this very evening. Roger I am beginning to believe that no matter what happens, where we go, what we do...Which of us wins this one or that one. Because at the end of the way unfortunately like Batman and the Joker we are destined to do this forever! Because let's be real. Your genuine and natural charisma forces simple minded folk like the entire population of
~$~ WeBBeRViLLe TeXaS ~$~
AKA THE DICKHOLE OF TEXAS!!!!!
But what these people don't ever realize until it's a half hour passed too late..Is that sooner or later you lead them down a dead phuckin end on the worst street in the entire phucking neighboorhood. And what do they get for their faith and loyalty to a numbskull like you? Robbed, humiliated, and if they aren't careful...DEAD! Your relationship with the OPW Immortal World Heavyweight Champion is a shining example of that Roger Sure in the beginning everyone is all excited because for once in this world you feel inspired because you found a good clean "American GooD Ole Boy" to hitch your wagon to. But at the end of the day the reason he always breaks down on that dead end is because he isn't prepared for the road...Beause life on the road, according to anyone who has ever spent a significant portion of their life on it will tell you t's anything but easy. SHit it's almost like a phucking jungle with its own laws, codes, ethics, standards, and expectations...And idealists are for CNN and phuckin
!!!!SoCIaL STuDIES BOOX!!!!
...AND SINCE THIS AINT EITHER OF THOSE THATS WHY YOUR SHIT OuTTa LUCK!!!!
And I always sit back and end up laughing myself to sleep. Because I know it feels good to have some frineds that are constantly watching your back Roger, but they can't save you from me...and the inevitiable...And what's the inevitiable you ask? Well the inevitiable day when I finally reach my breaking point with you, and I snap your phucking neck, and then I stand there and do the same to anyone who even looks like they are getting close enough to watch you choke on what are hopefully your final breathes. Because Roger you like t come out here and put your little spins on your interpretation of our rivlarly, but you know just as well as I do that your interpretation is nothing more than a very elaborate
!!!!I.L.L.U.S.I.O.N.!!!!!
THAT STEVE WONDER AND RAY CHARLES COULD SEE RIGHT THRU AT THIS POINT BITCH!!!
Like the rest of your little pack the only reason you exist in this business anymore is because of my good graces. And just know that at any point in time and I actually feel like it I can get to where push comes to phucking shove and I'll either literally and personally send you to hell myself...or convince you that the life you lead here on this planet in this reality is hell because there is no way some mythological place of eternal tormet could possibly be any phuckin worse than the daily short storm your life will be once I grow weary of sharing my pro wrestling empire with you! And when that day comes if you want to believe you actually stand a chance...Go ahead...CLing to it as if your very life depends on it, because I'ma tell ya right now asshat
!!!!IT WILL!!!!!
BUT JUST LIKE YOUVE DONE EVERYONE ELSE YOU'RE JUST GUNNA LET YOURSELF DOWN!!!
And that Mr. Eagle Scout...ARE THE FACTS OF PHUCKING LIFE...WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PHUCKIN THORNZ PUSSY BOY!...And that brings us to The Femme FATALE...THE ORIGINAL VooDoo...Now listen here missy...As much as I would like to stand here and just get it all off my chest like I just did your two asshole partners this week. I'm afraid since this is such a monumental occasion I would do something a little different for you! Such a grand moment as you coming out of retirement to let Xavier, Blair, and Myself take turns smacking you around while you recall why you went into retirement in the first place, in my opinion deserves a GRAND GESTURE OF IT'S OWN! SO FOLLOW ME!
Johnny then steps out of his limo and we head into the Olympius Arena where Monday Night SHOWCa$e will take place live tomorrow night. Johnny passes security, fist bumps a few of the agents, builders, techs, and interns running around doing anything and everything they can to make their jobs easier tomorrow when time won't be on their side. Johnny takes a right and then a left and brings us to a door that has the WOLFPACK logo on it and it says in bold black text WOLFPACK LOCKER ROOM. Johnny goes to open the door but stops himself and turns around resting his back against the door as he goes to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez: They say a picture is worth a THOUSAND WORDS! ANd what awaits you on the other side of this door is that saying to a TEE...Only you have to take that saying and convert it to Johnny's speech so let's say what awaits you on the otherside of this door is worth I dunnno let's call it a MILLION JOHNNY WORDS...And even though what is behind this door says anything and everything I said to your partners...But it also says the one thing I have said to anyone and everyone I have found myself facing across the ring from me at one point or another. And even though it most definitley says it...I'm gunna go ahead and just say it right now to make sure this is the one thing you don't miss...Because VooDoo I have said this to you coutless times before I have today....But today I want you to know I mean it more than I ever have...And also I want you to know I mean it much more rudely than I ever have as well...SO prepare yourself woman because I went through a lot of trouble putting this together...Because I know the effor4t that most of the interns went through to set this up to match my vision probably won't match the effort it takes me, X, and Blair to put you pussies the phuck down on your backs...And force you to..Ya know
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!UP!!!!!
...And with that Johnny opens the door and turns on the light...And sattered across the entire locker room is every...And we do mean every single rose that was for sale anywhere in DETROIT MICHIGHAN scattered across the floor. Only thing about it is its not as beautiful as you think it would be...Because there isn't a single pedal to be found anywhere. It is nothing but the thorny stems scattered all around the room...And we mean it...THAT SHIT IS F'N EVERYWHERE...But where are the pedals you may ask?....Scene then switches to later that night in th PENTHOUSE suite in the hotel they are staying at before SHoWCa$e Johnny is holding a bag in his hand spreading rose pedals all over the bed...And then we see Blair emerge from the shadows wearing nothing but her towel like she was eariler in the promo. The camera then switches to Johnny who looks into the camera through the 4th wall into your soul....He winks and flashes that arrogant smirk of his as he then turns his attention back to his wife, as he picks her up by her thighs and plants her on the bed. He then looks at the camera one more time blows everyone a kiss and then goes down completley out of sight leaving you with the notion as he has since the very beginning that this time jut like all the other times...
...Has Been YoUR PLea$uRe
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??