Post by Blair Buchannan-Stylez on Jul 25, 2020 4:30:11 GMT -5
. . .Queeeeen B . . .u don't want no smoke w/ me. . .
in
The Friend Zone
January 5th, 2020
The Beverly HiltonBeverly Hills, CA
It was only a few months ago but by now it seemed like worlds away. January not only marked the beginning of a new year, but also the beginning of ‘Awards Season’ in Los Angeles. The city was lit up with an intoxicating energy and the prospect of what was to come. Of course, this was right before the threat of COVID-19 was considered imminent. It was still just a sad news story about a small town in China that had been ravaged by the disease.
It was the night of the Golden Globes, a televised award ceremony dedicated to achievements in the film and television industry. The ceremony had concluded for the evening and the streets were crowded with town cars and limousines carrying the starved and drunken Hollywood elite to from the event to their next destination. As a matter of fact, the biggest problem of the evening was trying to figure out exactly which after party to attend. Of course, everybody who was anybody was headed to the big Netflix party at the Beverly Hilton. All of the stars would be there to celebrate their wins, drown their losses, and rub elbows with each other dressed in their best designer duds...and as far as Blair Buchannan was concerned, no star burned brighter that night than hers.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “oh it’s fine...I was feeling a little stifled by the E! Network anyway. I’m much more excited about getting able to do something different with this new show.”
Netflix Executive: “That’s just her diplomatic way of saying she’s ready to come sit with the cool kids!”
The group respond with laughter in unison, continuing to chat amongst each other when a woman approaches Blair from the side. It’s the tall, beautiful, and fierce Sahara also known in the acting world as Lauren McKay. Lauren had, up until recently, been a regular guest star on a popular Netflix show so it was only natural that she would be a regular fixture at parties and events for the company. As Sahara approaches the group mid conversation, she clears her throat politely before beginning to speak.
Sahara: “Excuse me for interrupting. Hi Blair, i’m…”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “A huge fan? Thanks, that's so sweet. Do me a favor and get me a fresh glass.”
She says, barely casting the blonde a glance as she hands Sahara her empty champagne flute. Sahara, purely out of awkward confusion takes the glass without thinking as Blair continues with her conversation for a moment. Out of the corner of her eye Blair sees that Sahara is still standing there so she turns to address her once more--her tone oozing with entitlement.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “You look confused, so i’ll repeat myself. I see it went over your head. Take this dirty glass….go get a clean one...fill it with champagne...and bring it back to me. M’kay?”
Sahara: “Oh, i’m not a waiter.” Sahara interjects, placing Blair’s glass on a nearby table. “My name is Lauren McKay...you might know me as Sahara? I come from the wrestling world too.”
Blair looks Sahara up and down with a raised brow.
Sahara: “I just wanted to introduce myself. Very sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. I can’t imagine what you must be going through...and to think, the authorities thought your husband had something to do with it?”
Something about Sahara’s comment visibly rubbed the executives Blair had been conversing with the wrong way as they gave Sahara a quick side eye before looking at Blair with uncomfortable expressions. Blair brushed it off with her trademark alligator grin before excusing herself. She then forcefully grabs Sahara by the elbow and ushers her away from the group of people she was talking to. Once they were in a secluded corner, out of earshot, Blair’s pleasant facade quickly dissolved into an unreadable expression. It was a mixture of irritation coupled with something else...possibly fear? Sahara couldn’t make it out, but clearly something she just said had struck a nerve.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”
Sahara: “Excuse me? I don’t know what you mean, I was just trying to…”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Just trying to what? Embarrass me in front of the most powerful people in Hollywood?”
Sahara: “What?! No, honestly I didn’t mean...I was just introducing-”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “I know exactly who you are!...Listen, bitch, just because your sad little role on that bullshit vampire show dried up doesn’t mean you need to come and rub your stank all over me and infect me with that flop ass energy too!”
Sahara: “Waaaaaait a minute, that’s kind of harsh. I was just coming to you, woman to woman, to give my condolences!”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “...and THAT! What the fuck was that all about? You bring up my MOTHER?! Do you not realize her death is an ongoing investigation?...and then conveniently reminding people that my husband is a suspect?! How vapid are you?”
Sahara: “....Oh...Listen, I didn’t know-..”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “EXACTLY! You don’t know SHIT and you certainly don’t know me well enough to try and speak to me like you’re on my level.”
Sahara: “...iiiiiii’m not entirely sure what that’s supposed to mean. Look, this is all a misunderstanding. I just figured since we both come from the same worlds that it would be nice to introduce myself. That’s ALL!”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “HA! Honey, we may have both spent some time in the ring but we do NOT come from the same world by ANY stretch of the imagination.”
Sahara inhales deeply, letting Blair’s words roll right off of her back. Determined to be the bigger person, she clenches her jaw for a second before continuing.
Sahara: “...be that as it may...I just think everyone could use a friend. Even you.”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Ohhhh no no no no no. YOU may need a friend...and maybe a new agent. Me? I’m doing just fine. Or at least I was before you attempted to sabotage MY night. So why don’t you take your bullshit condolences and let those shitty last season shoes you’re wearing carry you far, far away from me. I mean it. Stay out of my way, or I promise I will make you regret it.”
With that, Blair gave Sahara the once over and smirked before pivoting on her toes. As she spun around, she managed to of course execute a solid 10.0 hair flip right in Sahara’s face before sauntering back to the group of executives she was talking to before.
Present Day
Buchannan-Stylez Residence
New Orleans, Louisiana
The last two events had been rough on Blair. She’s been on quite the winning streak up until her match with Apathy. She didn’t know why, but that whole situation had caught her off guard. Part of her genuinely believed that Apathy had pure intentions of actually being her friend. After all, they had pretty much come up in the game together. Sure they had their rivalry, but that was all in the past or so she thought. Maybe somewhere deep down Blair was longing for a friend—or at least an acquaintance who could relate to her lifestyle. However, although Apathy was no slouch in the ring and was pretty well off...she and Blair had their differences. Still, Apathy was the closest thing to a female friend in this business that Blair had. Sure there was Le’Andra Fury and now Anicka in The Syndicate...but Blair definitely didn’t know Le’Andra well enough to trust her and she damn sure wasn’t about to sit down for brunch with Anicka anytime soon. It was a good wake up call for her though, and an important reminder. As the old adage goes: it's lonely at the top.
So she regained her composure and readjusted for the following week. Another devastating blow. No, not the outcome of the Mixed Tag Match against The Wolves, although she wasn’t thrilled about giving VooDoo her little moment to shine. No, something much more horrific happened at the last Showcase…all of her travel wardrobe had been destroyed by that psycho stalker Sahara. It’s no secret that Blair was not exactly maternal but she did care for her material possessions as if they were her babies. Sahara’s damages spanned more than she would probably make in a lifetime and some of those pieces were one of a kind...Blair would get her revenge sooner than later, but for now what she desperately needed more than anything was a distraction.
Luckily for her, Blair had a Vow Renewal to plan and if there’s anything planning a wedding was good for, it was a distraction.
The first and probably most important step in Blair’s eyes was finding the perfect wedding dress. Obviously Blair couldn’t just walk into any bridal showroom and pick something up off the rack...No, this was Blair Buchannan-Stylez we’re talking about! She needed to make a statement. Not to mention Blair would be appearing on the cover of Vogue magazine to promote the wedding vow renewal. This dress needed to be epic.
Naturally Blair used her connections within the fashion industry to commission dresses from all the top designers in the world. Currently Blair was engaged in fitting after fitting in her large closet which resembled something more like a high end boutique located in the sprawling New Orleans estate she shared with her husband LA Johnny Stylez. Zuma, her younger brother, was “helping” by taking pictures of Blair in each dress for her to review later...or at least that’s what he was SUPPOSED to be doing.
By the seventh dress, it seemed Zuma had lost interest and was busy playing on his phone. Blair was too busy to notice for the most part because any questions she asked were rhetorical and most of the time she was too enamored by her own reflection in the mirror.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “you know I kinda like this one! I know I didn’t want to do white, but this one is cute!”
She said to herself, checking out the sheer white dress that was stoned all over with tiny crystals. It was simple, but see through enough to the point where you could pretty much make out Blair’s nude body underneath. She twirled in the mirror for a moment before turning back to face Zuma for his response. His face was buried in his phone and he was laughing at something.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “HELLOOOO are you helping or not?”
Zuma Rockwell: “Sorry, my bad! It’s just Marie and I are sending each other the funniest TikTok videos...there’s this one filter that warps your face it’s pretty hilarious.”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Ew, why?”
Zuma Rockwell: “Ummmm because she’s my niece and like the only blood relative I have aside from you?”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “How do you even know her?”
Zuma Rockwell: “We met at the Showcase a while back at The Wright Farm...I asked Roger if he was okay with me keeping in touch and he was fine with it.”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Ugh, of course he was. He’s probably just doing that to bug me.”
Zuma Rockwell: “No...I don’t really think so...you know, this may come as a surprise to you but not everything is about you Blair.”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Mhmm…”
Zuma Rockwell: “I’m going to send her another funny message...do you want to say hi or something?”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Hard pass!”
Zuma Rockwell: “Oookay…” Zuma rolls his eyes.
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “Anyway I’ve got much more important things to worry about. I have another title defense this week against Jayson Violence and I need to be on the top of my game. I’ve lost two matches in a row and I do not intend on this becoming a trend….actually...why don’t you do me a favor and go live on Instagram. I look way too good in this dress to let it go to waste and I can kill two birds with one stone and address the match. I’ve been neglecting my fans lately and I’m sure they’re missing me. Especially after that lackluster press conference I gave last week in Detroit!”
Zuma Rockwell: “I mean, if I must…”
Blair Buchannan-Stylez: “you literally don’t have a choice. Okay, how’s my makeup?”
Zuma Rockwell: “you look like a fucking clown hooker. Ready in 3...2….1!”
Before Blair had a chance to object, Zuma had the rear facing camera of his phone pointed at Blair. She looked like she wanted to say something but instead plastered on a big fake smile and began to speak into the camera.
" Ohhhh em gee!!! now I normally don’t fan out over anyone, especially anyone in OPW because--let’s face it--there isn’t really anyone in this company worth fanning out over. BUT there is an exception to every rule, this week I get to face off against the exception himself, Jayson Violence."
A.K.A
The Drake of OPW
The Drake of OPW
" Okay so let me back it on up for a hot second to give everyone some context. I really had never heard of Jayson Violence BUT I did sort of know his friend Ophelia Pain. By now everyone knows the story of how Miss Ophelia Pain was supposed to come in get revenge on people who had wronged her in the past...I’m not exactly sure what anybody did to her but I think it has something to do with her not liking the way she portrayed herself back in the day and so she just wanted to blame everybody else for it. "
" ANYWAYS, enter Jayson Violence: he’s like this calm balancing force in her life...helps Ophelia with raising her sisters kid or something...and he’s totes in love with her, right? But Ophelia is the worst...she’s totally self absorbed and not in a cute way like me, but instead she basically treats everyone around her who is on her side like shit but then has the nerve to play the victim. Total gas lighter !"
" But anyways Jayson sticks around and acts as a support system for Ophelia, holding her up when she doesn’t feel worthy of getting back into wrestling until eventually Jayson is able to give her all the confidence she needs to go forth and fuck shit up! Mind you, this entire time Jayson is battling demons of his own but the dude is still trying to be there for his friend who, again, he’s totally in love with...but Ophelia, being the fucking worst, has friend-zoned him HARD."
" THAT IS until this match happens between Jayson Violence and Jose Sanchez where Ophelia’s freedom is on the line! BITCH when I tell you shit started getting juicyyyyy...it was too good. Like must see television! So the match happens and honestly, it’s beautiful. There’s action, drama, and this heartbreaking moment where Jayson Violence does the equivalent of taking a bullet for Ophelia but even with all that he still ends up losing the match and poor Ophelia ends up becoming the property of Jose Sanchez and his creepy sister...I’m not too clear on exactly what they did to her but suffice it to say it wasn’t great."
" So all the while Jayson is beating himself up about losing the match and Ophelia’s fate...but he does the stand up thing and makes sure to care for Ophelia’s….niece, I think, in the meantime. Pretty stand up guy! So then eventually Ophelia gets her freedom back and she’s like a changed woman...now she means business and she’s like ready to kick ass and take names but low key she kind of always ends up needing Jayson’s help, which he gives her because he loves her, and then she ends up acting like a total bitch to him afterward. That is until she finally wins the X-Core title from Scotty Adams, with the help of Jayson Violence of course, in an elimination casket match which was honestly one of my favorite matches I’ve ever watched here in OPW! It was glorious! SO after she wins, she goes on to defeat Parody to become the first ever PureBlood Champion!"
" So by now I’m sure you can guess Miss Pain is feeling herself. Now that she has what she wants, she’s finally down to take Jayson out of the friend zone because I guess she figured she at least owed him that...I dunno, he ends up fingerbanging her in a closet or something I’m not totally sure if they ever had actual sex but this whole thing was like watching that show Friends and just waiting for the episode when Ross & Rachel finally kiss!"
Biiiiiitch
guess what happens next!
"Apparently ole’ Pheely wasn’t exactly thrilled about the fact that she had to defend her title like every week and she straight DIPPED!!! The hoe just vanished! Not only did she blue ball poor Jayson but she blue balled all of us who were watching this shit unfold! Baby let me tell you I was MAAAAAD! I felt like my favorite show had just been cancelled mid season, right when shit was getting good! The worst part is she just left poor Jayson high and dry and all alone in OPW literally with his dick in his hand. Poor guy!"
" So I guess you could say that I found myself getting emotionally invested in Jayson’s story...like the same way one might get invested in one of their favorite characters on a reality show or something. It was interesting learning about his past with the military and how that affected him...I would even go as far as drawing some parallels between the two of us."
"You know, Beauty Pageants and the Military have a lot in common. Most people don’t know this, or would even think about it like that, but it’s true. They both require a great deal of discipline. They both require unfathomable sacrifice...of course, they both look way easier than they are but nobody could ever understand what it takes until they experience it. Until they’ve lived it."
"The uniforms may be different but the sentiment is all the same. I know that Jayson Violence has spent practically his entire life in the military...and everybody knows I am a former Beauty Queen...and while the two of us on the outside couldn’t be more different, we actually have a couple things in common. I was willing to do anything it took to win this crown. Stab my so-called friends in the back, poison other contestants, flirt with a judge, and quite literally claw my way to victory. Jayson I’m sure did the military equivalent of all that too...Sure we have our differences too. I don’t really care what it takes to get to where I want to be while Jayson, I do believe, has a pure heart underneath that tortured and overly hairy veneer. However, the one crucial difference between the two of us is I make my own rules while Jayson was trained to follow orders."
" Do you know what people say about those who join the military? People who join the military are too STUPID to cut it in the real world. Back in high school the teachers used to say “get good grades or else you’ll end up being a garbage man” until we all grew up and realized that people in waste management earn more money than schoolteachers. Now they say “get good grades or you’ll have to end up joining the military.”
"Because everyone knows you don’t have to have any special skills or be intelligent to join the military. Why? Because they teach you everything. Scratch that...they mold you into the type of person they need to get the job done. That’s you. You’re malleable. You don’t have any real opinion or perspective because you don’t even know who you are. That’s why you’re running around in face paint and a new persona every other week."
"That’s why you feel so lost and haven’t been able to truly make an impact here in OPW despite being in this company just as long as I have. THAT’s why you were so easily able to lose what little identity you had in that faux relationship with Ophelia Pain...and that’s why she didn’t stick around. I don’t blame her. If my man was as spineless as you then I wouldn’t stay with him either. You’re a man in the biological sense, but mentally you’re a child looking for someone to tell him what to and where to go. Ophelia already had a child to look after and I’m guessing she wasn’t trying to raise another one. Well, guess what?"
I ain’t ya mama either
but i'll still whoop that ass!
but i'll still whoop that ass!
"That is after all what you respond to, right? A standard issue vet who was used and tossed out once you became worthless and now we’re left to deal with your sorry ass. Discipline is exactly what you need. How DARE you even think to challenge me for MY title...and for what? To send some kind of message? To get us who actually matter to stop whatever we have going on and hear what you have to say? Boy, ain’t nobody checking for you. You’re damaged goods. only here for one reason and one reason alone—to fill the seats. That’s it. Did you really think you were worth any more than the price of admission after the way you’ve performed since joining OPW? You vandalized an employees home after having a little squabble with your not even actual girlfriend and getting too drunk to function. You’re weak, and everybody knows it. Oh and please don’t keep running that same tired game about you being damaged from combat. What’s the matter?"
Jaysey Waysey
couldn’t handle
seeing the poor
widdle
Muslim
babies
getting
blown
to
bits
wit
da
I.E.D’s
?
"What a joke. You couldn’t even do the job you were trained to do without shitting yourself and coming back to our country as just another sad sorry waste of space. You aren’t an American Hero...you’re a disgrace. A disgrace to your country and an embarrassment to OPW. You’re nothing and you are a sorry excuse for a man."
Ophelia knew it.
I know it.
Everyone who has ever met you knows it.
I know it.
Everyone who has ever met you knows it.
" You damn sure ain’t worthy of being the Southern Heavyweight Champion so it’s pretty laughable that you’d issue that challenge in the first place. Do you know what it takes to be the champion? I do. I’ve won this baby not once but twice and I beat all of the biggest and most formidable names during my journey to winning it and during my reign."
Jesse Styles
Al Envy
Christian Rivers
Tommy Kain
" Are you telling me that you think you’re better than all of them? Okay well maybe Christian Rivers but I mean everyone else. I get what you’re trying to do...you want to bring a change...you want to put together a little group of misfits who really can’t do shit on their own and figure you’re stronger together, right? You want to bring a cure to OPW...that’s what you said last week, right? Yet you couldn’t manage to cure Ophelia Pain’s wanderlust or even the case of blue balls she left you with which obviously has spread to your head if you think your name even belongs to be spoken in the same sentence as me."
" What? You think I wasn’t paying attention. I’m more dialed in than you might think, honey. I listened to what you had to say to Redrum last week...I saw what Ryan Elias and Scotty Adams did to Brandon Moore at the last Showcase...it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. I know what you’re trying to do and if you think you’re going to make an example out of me then you’ve got another thing coming."
" You were brought into OPW to fight, not to think. If we were paying you to think, you’d be even more broke than you are now. So why don’t you be a good little soldier and learn to follow orders like you’re trained to do? You and the rest of your Motley Crew need to stay the fuck out of grown folks business and focus on things more suitable to your pay grade—I.e warming up the crowd for the important people."
" I know you’ve struggled with finding your place after Ophelia Pain’s untimely, though predictable, departure. You’re yearning for a path to follow because that’s what you do...you’re a follower. This little pet project you have going on with trying to Cure the OPW of it’s war within itself is not the way to go, sweetie. For one thing...it’s completely transparent. If you were really at all bothered with the way things are being done in OPW then you’d simply leave. That’s what kills me about you and everyone else just like you."
" It’s obvious that you just want to be a part of the conversation but even with all the flaming tables and X-Core matches you still have failed to earn a seat at my table. Nobody is talking about you, because you don’t give anyone a reason to. You’re a non mothafuckin factor. Just be happy that you have a job at all...I know you’re making better money than the military was giving you so just chill and be content with that. Try to be entertaining here or there, but most of all just do your job like the little dancing monkey you are and keep your nose down. Stay in your lane. The last thing you want to be is on me or my husband’s radar because I promise it won’t end well for you if that happens."
and yes I’m aware that you could come out and call me a hoe but I don’t even care about that anymore.
Yeah I was a hoe, I did that shit and you know what? I love it!
My pussy takes me places!
...maybe you should try stepping your dick game up...
...maybe you should try stepping your dick game up...
You might as well take a page out of my book because I know you’ve been paying attention...your actions last week proved as much...so I’m sure you know I will do anything to keep this Southern title in my possession. Just ask King Quari whenever he has visiting hours in the clink! I’ve done some pretty shady shit just because I can, and to be honest I won’t hesitate to do the same thing if not worse to you and then go home and sleep like a baby as if nothing ever happened. It’s nothing!
...So I don’t know what GPS told you to come for me but baby…
You better reroute!
XOXO